Shatter Me Whole (Shattered Lives Book 3)

by Barb Shuler

  It felt like I was losing my mind some days. I’d never felt this way about anyone, let alone someone I had only just met. Okay, so I hadn’t just met her, but you know what I mean, this was all still so new to both of us. On the rare occasion that I managed to catch a glimpse of her smile my heart would race with happiness. She deserved so many smiles. The only thing she had on her face now though, was a scowl. I’d been sitting here, playing with Thor and just being here with her when she asked about my family. Of course that was a touchy subject. I was still trying to figure out what to say when she met my gaze again.

  “You don’t have to answer… I was just curious…” she said, biting down on that full bottom lip. Distraction. Oh yes, that was a definite distraction. I shook my head and took her good hand with mine. This wearing a frigging sling all the time was a pain in the ass. Though it beat the pain I had if I moved.. Fifty of this, a half dozen of the other I guess. I gave her a small smile before I spoke. I had to get my shit together first.

  “It’s complicated,” I said first. I looked out of the yard as the replay of what happened a couple of years ago played in my head. My anger started to bubble up at the memory. It wasn’t until I felt her squeeze my hand that I remember where I was. I really hated my father. He’d ruined a part of us all. “My family, well, we’re not together anymore. A couple years ago… life as we all knew it changed.”

  “What happened?” her voice was soft as she scooted a little closer to me and I swallowed hard. I hadn’t told anyone this before. Hell, most of the town didn’t even know what had happened. Some thought Dad was killed while out of town and Ma and Katie just couldn’t take being here in a place that reminded them of him. Yeah, whatever. Bastard decided to be evil, he needed to die.

  “My life was good. We all had it good until a few years ago,” I paused as I ran my thumb along her knuckles. “My sperm donor, the man I called my father, turned out to not be the man I thought he was. Long story short… he was an evil bastard. He did evil things and a lot of innocent people got hurt in the process.” I heard her take a deep breath and I looked over to her then back out to the yard.

  “I’m sorry…” her words were so soft.

  “He let his spawn hurt people. He had us all fooled. We worshipped the ground that sick bastard walked on… only to find out he was enabling a killer. He did things that put us all in danger. Things that almost got Dani Lynn killed. Almost got Drew hurt in the end. And, Derek was hurt. I only wish I could have been the one to put the bullet between his eyes. I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hate him,” I said, the anger I had been working so hard to control coming off of me in waves. Thor moved over to me, his nose on our intertwined hands made me smile. And, in all honesty, I did relax a little.

  “People in general can be mean…” she said, softly. “I’ve lived with it my whole life. I don’t trust the many because of the few.” I glanced at her and saw her watching me. I raised our hands and brought her fingers to my lips, placing a soft kiss to her knuckles.

  “You can trust me. I swear on my life I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I really do care about you, Kristol. Maybe more than I should with as little time as we have known each other, but I do. I’m not afraid to admit that,” I said, making sure she was grasping just what I was telling her.

  “I know people have done things to you. They’ve hurt you, left you for dead… I promise to do all that I possibly can to keep you safe and never let anyone hurt you again. Never. Even if it’s the last thing I do.”

  “Jackson! Please, you can’t say things like that. You can’t put your life on the line for me. I won’t allow it!” she said, tears already showing in her wide eyes. I tugged her closer to me and leaned in, my lips almost touching hers.

  “I can say it. I did say it. And I mean it. I will not let anyone hurt you again,” I leaned in on the last word and pressed a soft kiss to her lips before I pulled back. I wasn’t trying to overwhelm her, but I needed her to see that she was no longer in danger of being hurt. I would take care of her.

  * * *

  Kristol

  * * *

  The moment he started to tell me about his father, I knew I could trust him with my story, well, part of it anyway. I would leave... no, I had to leave some things out. He was a cop after all, and until I knew I could get my babies away from Travis’s family I wasn’t taking unnecessary chances. I moved closer yet to him and laid my head against his shoulder. When his arm wrapped around me, cocooning me into his hard, yet warm body I sighed softly.

  “My life, my childhood, rather, was ruined. My mom’s husband is a real piece of work. He was never nice to me. His beliefs on how women should be treated are different than most people's,” I ran a finger over his knee as I took a minute to figure out just how I wanted to say this.

  “He's kind of old school. Women belong in the home, cooking, cleaning… having babies…” I swallowed hard. “He's not my blood, neither are the three assholes he calls sons. One of them took liberties, there was a… um… family friend that did the same,” I looked up at him and cupped his cheek. “Remember what I told you in the hospital… that night?

  “Yes,” she said, stiffening slightly.

  “I wasn't sad about the news. I should have been, it was an innocent child, but I wasn't, I'm sorry, but I'm still not. Maybe that makes me a bad person but….”

  “Baby, hey, look at me,” he said as he lifted my chin so I would meet his gaze. “You have nothing, not one damn thing to be sorry for. None of this was or is your fault. You hear me. None of it.” His eyes looked as misty as mine. I leaned up and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth before I curled into him, hiding my face against his chest.

  “I hated it there. I still… I have family there that means a lot to me but the rest… I hope they all just die.”

  “Kris, I'm really sorry you had to endure anything negative,” he pressed a kiss to my head as I sniffled.

  “That's not all. They… the marks the Doctor asked about… they did that to me too…” I said softly. His body jerked and before I could grasp what was happening he was before me.

  His eyes level with mine as he spoke. He wasn't fooling me with the calm voice. I could see the fury in his eyes. “Who did that to you? Were they the ones that hurt you that night?” All I could do was nod, I couldn't tell him anything more. Not until I could get Taylor and Ryan out of there. “Kristol, you have to tell me,” he pleaded.

  “No! I- Jackson I can't. I want nothing to do with them ever again. I'm sorry,” I whispered as I looked away from him. “I won't tell you…. not until the time is right.”

  “Baby, you can always tell me anything. You know that, right?”

  “Yes, but please, I can't tell you more about this. Not right now,” I said, taking the hand he laid on my knee and squeezing it with mine. I moved to stand up and whistled for Thor who had run over to play in the small flower bush in the corner of the yard. I didn’t know what it was about that damn bush but he kept trying to climb it. To say it was entertaining and a needed distraction was putting it lightly.

  I felt an arm come around me and I closed my eyes as I relaxed back into Jackson’s chest. He made me feel so safe. I knew if I told him about Taylor and Ryan, and boy, did I want to… he would go charging in that place guns raised. I couldn't do that. What if something happened to him? I’d never forgive myself. As his hand ran along my abdomen I took in a ragged breath. The new marks I’d put there were sore… God, I did not want him or anyone to find out about them. I turned and went up on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. “Thank you,” I said as his arm went back around me.

  “For what?” he said as his gaze landed on mine, then went to my lips. I darted my tongue out across my bottom lip. I couldn’t hide my grin when he groaned and leaned in to capture my lips again. His hard, strong body pressed against mine and this time I groaned.

  I was in no way ready for more in this relationship, if that’s what it was, but I couldn’t den
y, kissing this man… set my body on fire. There was no denying, he was making it very hard to resist him. Not that I was sure I’d ever had been able to do that. Jackson Landry was a force to be reckoned with. It also seemed, he was all mine.

  11

  Trouble from the Ashes

  Kristol

  During the next three weeks the new changes in my life started to come full circle. It was refreshing, but frustrating all the same. I had been dragged down and had to fight my my way back up. I had adapted and now I had to accept it all. I had to make it be okay. That was the hardest part. I was having trouble with that.

  My babies… God, I needed to get my babies out of that place. I still had a flipping cast on my arm - where it was going to stay for at least another two weeks. Doc said it all depended on the way it healed. I’d had the last of the stitches removed a few days ago and the permanent cast put on. Taylor would love it. It was camo colored. No sense in walking around with a bright white cast. I drew enough attention as it was.

  There were other worries as well when it came to my healing. If I wasn’t careful the soreness in my side from where my broken ribs were still healing pained me. Enough so that it could take my breath away. It was almost as bad as it was the other day when I’d had a panic attack and accidentally slammed my casted arm against the wall as I ran for my room. Yeah, let’s just say that one had me doubled over and puking. That was not one of my brightest moments. Though, it did stop my panic attack. So.. it was kind of a good distraction.

  It made me realize something. Pain, done the right way, could be just what I needed to ease the growing ache and panic inside me. My stomach had become my go to place. Small cuts here and there when I needed them. I never went too deep. I never made it obvious.

  All of my other injuries - the bruises, cuts, even the burns across my back - had healed up or were so close to being non existent I didn’t let it bother me. Well, okay, so that’s not totally true. The gash that fucking pig put in my thigh was being an ass at healing. After a week they had to remove the stitches, add a drain and re-stitch it back up because a minor infection set in. It was looking and feeling better. But ever since I had that little setback both Dani Lynn and Stella had been keeping a closer eye on me. I wasn’t sure if they had been told of my new cuts or if they were just concerned I’d get sick again with an infection. Either way I had to be careful just in case.

  It was nice staying at the center. I had people around all the time. Thor and I had a backyard to sit in and didn’t have to worry about anyone sneaking up on us. No one could or would hurt us here. I sat in the shade, my back against the small tree in the corner of the yard so I could watch Thor run around in the grass. I couldn’t help but smile. He was so much happier now. We were both getting good amounts of food so that made us both feel better too. I hated feeling like a mooch through. That did bother me. I had made an arrangement with Dani Lynn that I would help keep the kitchen clean and help out with the center’s laundry. She was not agreeable at first, but the moment I threatened to leave, she caved.

  So, here I was, taking a break, soaking up a little sun as I planned out in my head how to get my kids back. I’d always said they were my brother and sister, to keep suspicion off the men in the compound. That was what we were taught to do… Taylor understood he couldn’t call me mommy unless we were in our cabin, which was a small tool shed that was converted once I had Ryan. Her crying all night had bothered some of the other women. That was better for us all. I mean, come on, I hated them all except the old woman. Lady Cross. God my life really did suck.

  I rested my head on my raised knees and took a deep breath. Soon my eyes closed in sleep.

  * * *

  My heart raced as I scrambled back on my hands, my feet propelling me away as he stalked towards me. “Kristol, I said come back here!” the spittle flew from his lips as he snarled out his words.

  He was like a rabid dog being shown a bowl of water. I’d already begged for him to leave me be. The closer I got to my nineteenth birthday the more crazed they all got. Willie especially. He was pissed that Clinton had managed to knock me up but he hadn't. Really? This is what my life came down to. It's like a fucking game (pun intended) to see who can knock me up. I'm sorry, but no, this had to stop. The kids and I were getting out of here and they could all go fuck themselves.

  “No. Leave me alone Willie!”

  I bit out the words. I winced when the back of my thighs - which were still sore from the spanking he said I deserved for sleeping with Clinton - hit the front of the big dryer. I was still being punished by one raper, for another taking something that was not his to take. How fucked up were these lousy bastards?

  The washer and dryer were up against the south wall. Thankfully, they were an older model that I could easily jump up on. I started to plot and plan. If I could distract him long enough to climb on top of them I could climb out the window. It was opened earlier to let some cool air in here while I folded the three foot high by five foot wide stack of clothes. No joke there, this pile was huge. I slowly slid myself up the dryer, trying to not let my movements become noticeable. I just needed to shimmy my ass up onto the top of it. He snarled at me again and I glared at him. He was slinking slowly towards me again.

  “You forget your place, bitch,” he said with a sharp bite to his voice.

  Before I could move he lunged forward. I crashed back down to the floor, barely missing the dryer. If I'd have hit my head I’d have been out. He'd have a full access pass to do whatever he wanted to me. I pushed at his shoulders as I wiggled. I got enough room between us to get my feet under his body and I pushed with all of my might. My legs burned from the exertion which only made me kick out harder. He slammed into the wall across from me. Granted it wasn't that far to the wall, but still, he was off me.

  I scrambled up to my feet and made quick work of getting up on the dryer and to the window. I grunted as I pulled myself up and wiggled until I was laying in the grass outside of the house.

  Once I made sure no one had seen me I took off running. I had bags hidden out in the woods, a good bit away from here. I just needed to get Taylor and Ryan and haul ass. It wasn’t but a few miles to the road leading to town. Once I got to town I could find help. I’d be able to keep my babies safe. I knocked quickly on Old Lady Cross’s door with a special number of raps and sequence. When she opened the door she simply handed me a wad of money, which I shoved in my pocket and I took my daughter, a blanket over her head and then Taylor’s hand.

  “Thank you,” I said to her. Her brow wrinkled as she nodded to the back door.

  “Go, my girl. Be safe. Do not come back...” she said before shutting her door.

  I had to get out, we had to get to a safe place. I opened the door and moved out across the back yard. There was no one around this time of day, usually. I shuddered as I scooped Taylor up into my arms and started moving faster through the trees.

  Taylor stayed quiet the entire time I ran through the trees. I was careful to not jostle either of the babes in my arms. I came to a stop where the bags I had hidden. I opened it up and handed him a dark green shirt. I kept my voice low.

  “Put this on for me, buddy,” I said and pulled out a darker colored blanket and laid it on the one I’d just pulled off of Ryan. She was still half asleep, which was good. If she started to fuss or cry we would be in so much trouble.

  Twenty minutes later we were all dressed in darker clothes that would help camouflage us in the woods. Taylor walked by my side as I made it to the upcoming fence line. Slow going or not, we had to keep trudging on. It was then I heard the noise of a vehicle. We were at the gate before I realized this was no ordinary gate. Somehow I missed the guard when I found it the last time.

  Abraham - Travis’s brother - spotted us before I could duck back. I turned to run but Taylor tripped, by the time I had him back on his feet Abraham and another man - Toby -were on us. Taylor shrieked when he was snatched up by his shirt. I froze. I wouldn’t let them hurt my
babies.

  “Goin’ somewhere, bitch?” Abraham sneered at me as he pointed his gun at me. I stiffened slightly.

  “Just- just out for a walk,” I said, my eyes never wavering from his.

  My heart was hammering in my chest as the now silent tears trailed down Taylor’s face. Mine was a mirror of his. Terror in the heaviest form. When Abraham sat Taylor back down he held out a hand for Ryan and the tears started to roll down my cheeks more.

  “Give me the brat. If you don’t I’ll put them in a cage with you,” he said his eyes wild as they met mine. A cage? Shit. Panic sat in - I’d seen what happened to the women that day when I came up on the cages. I did not want that. I swallowed hard and kissed Ryan’s head before whispering. “Mommy loves you. I will be back for you. I promise.” I slowly moved to him and handed her over. I knelt down to hug Taylor and told him too that I would be back for him too.

  “I love you, buddy,” I said, my voice breaking.

  “My loves you, mommy,” he hugged my neck and I was jerked away from them. My heart sank as Toby’s fingers dug into my arm. I stumbled as he jerked me closer.

  “Move, bitch,” I bit down on my bottom lip so hard I tasted blood. It hurt so bad to walk away from my babies, but I knew if I didn’t Abraham would kill them without a second thought. He’d already said as much. Unlike Travis, Abraham was certifiably crazy. Jack Nicholson in the Shining kind of crazy. As Toby drug me into the woods I cried, my body jerking with each sob.

  After walking for what felt like hours Toby pulled me to a stop and glared down at me. Before I could speak he pulled open a cage door. I was not going in that thing. I jerked back from him and kicked him in the side of his knee. I heard a snap and he cried out. I kicked him in the face before he could pull his gun and ran. I hit the woods and leapt over downed trees. I heard a shot ring out and with a scream I ran faster and harder to my freedom. I was the only chance my kids had. I had to make it.