Lawful Overdose

by Justine Elvira

  My first instinct is to run to him, hold him in my arms and tell him it will be okay, but I know it won’t. I’ll only hurt us both by doing that.

  “She doesn’t want to see you, Jaxon.”

  I watch him drag his hands through his hair before pulling on it from the root.

  “What did I do? Just tell me what the fuck I did and I’ll make it better. I swear to you, Piper, I’ll make it better with her. I just need to know what I did.”

  He starts pacing in the hallway, whispering to himself like a mad man. I watch him turn back to face her.

  “We were happy. I love her and we were happy. We joked around yesterday morning, made plans for when I came home last night, I don’t know what I could have done in those few hours to change things.”

  I see the compassion in Piper’s eyes change to anger. “You don’t know what you did, are you fucking serious? Think about it, asshole. Think about your evening last night, think about the party. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

  “I didn’t do any-” he stops mid-sentence. It’s like in the cartoons when you see the character finally understand what’s going on and a light bulb turns on above their head. I swear I could almost see a light bulb go on when Jaxon put it together.

  “No, no… she has it all wrong. It’s not what it looked like.”

  “Sure it wasn’t, Jaxon. What’s next, you going to tell me that you thought it was powdered sugar you were buying? You didn’t know he was giving you drugs? It’s all bullshit. I knew… I knew something was up with you two. I even mentioned something to Tessa, but she defended you and Ryan. I can honestly say, she never saw this coming.”

  He slams his hands against the wall in the hallway and I hear the drywall break.

  “Piper, look at me. I swear it’s not what you think. I swear it’s not what she thinks. Let me talk to her, just let me fucking talk to her.”

  I can’t handle it anymore. Piper shouldn’t have to listen to Jaxon rant about his innocence. This isn’t her problem.

  I stand up straight and take a deep breath, before turning the corner and walking to the doorway. Jaxon must hear me because his head turns my way and I see his facial expression soften. Piper just looks worried.

  “Get. Out.” I say firmly. I don’t want to look weak.

  “Tessa, baby, let me come in, let me explain.”

  “I don’t need your explanation, I saw all I needed to see. I never want to see you again.”

  “Tessa, don’t do this. I promise it’s not what you think. I love you, I love you so much, baby.”

  I laugh dryly.

  “You love me? Tell me, what was it then? What did I see, because it looked to me like you were buying off Jimmy.”

  “Yes, I know, but-”

  “I saw the cash go from your hands to his, I saw Ryan tastes the goods, making sure it was good stuff. So what don’t I get?”

  “There’s more to the story, Tessa. There are things you don’t understand, things you don’t know.”

  “Okay, what don’t I understand? What don’t I know?”

  I watch as a single tear fall from his eye, and my heart breaks a little more. I’ve never seen this man cry before.

  “I can’t tell you,” he whispers. “I want to, but I cant.”

  I can’t hold my tears off any longer and the waterworks start flowing down my face.

  “You can’t tell me 'cause there’s nothing to tell. Goodbye, Jaxon.”

  “Tessa, no,” he shouts as he barges in the apartment and pulls me into his arms. I feel his strong arms embrace me as his head goes to my hair. “Don’t leave me, Tessa. I can’t be without you. I’ll tell you what’s going on, just give me a little time.”

  As good as it feels to be in his arms his time is up. He had a chance to tell me, he’s had several, and now I want nothing to do with him.

  I break away from his hold and gently push him out the door. He doesn’t fight me; I think all the fight has left him.

  “Don’t ever talk to me again.” I say, slamming the door in his face. I turn around and lean my back against the door, crying like a baby. My legs can no longer support the weight of my body and I slide down the door until my butt hits the ground.

  Piper comes over to sit next to me, never saying a word. She knows nothing she says will make this better. She covers us with the throw blanket from the couch and holds me, letting me fall apart in front of her. She never once complains, never once tells me to quit crying or to suck it up. She’s just there for me if I need her.

  I realize now, more than ever, how lucky I am to have her in my life.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Traitorous Bitch

  The next week is brutal. Jaxon leaves me texts and voicemails everyday and because I’m a glutton for punishment, I listen and read every one. Piper somehow got Ryan to get him out of his apartment on Wednesday, and that’s when Piper and I went in to get the rest of my things. It only took about an hour and I was relieved when it was over.

  I, however, was not feeling so great when the calls started that evening. Jaxon was livid that I moved out without warning him. I would argue that I made it very clear we were over and I was moving out, but I couldn’t, because I wasn’t talking to him.

  I worked a few shifts at Ryder’s and that wasn’t any better. Each night I worked, Jaxon showed up towards the beginning of my shift, sat in a corner booth, and watched me the entire time. It made me completely uncomfortable. The only time he would ever leave is if his phone rang. He’d get a call and then he’d be gone for a little while before coming back and occupying the same booth. Lucky for me, the fourth night this occurred Ryder had enough. He walked over to his brother’s booth, spoke with him for a few minutes and kicked him out.

  Oddly that was the last time I heard from Jaxon. I’ve had three days of complete silence. I thought this was exactly what I wanted, but I was sad he stopped trying. To be honest, I was worried. His harassing phone calls and texts were normal for him. The silent treatment was not.

  He must have already found a new girl to seduce.

  It’s now Sunday morning when I wake up and look at my phone. No missed calls, no voicemails, no texts. The unbalanced side of me goes to log in to Facebook to see if he’s left me a message there, and he hasn’t. I shouldn’t be surprised, he’s not even on Facebook, and I was just looking for any kind of connection to him.

  It’s sick, I know it is and I’m completely aware I need help, but I miss him. Part of me felt like he was still there because he was texting and calling all the time. Now that he’s stopped, I truly feel alone.

  I walk in the kitchen and see a chipper Piper making pancakes. She’s humming to herself while pouring the batter and dancing in her lingerie.

  “Why are you so happy?”

  She turns to look at me, and drops the batter filled measuring cup on the ground.

  “Shit! You scared me half to death.”

  I watch her as she moves around in a panic, not bothering to pick up the spilled batter. She moves towards me and pushes me to my bedroom.

  “Why are you up so early? I didn’t expect you out of bed until at least noon.”

  I look over my shoulder at the possessed body of my best friend. This can be the only explanation to why she’s shoving me into my bedroom. Before she can get me inside and locked away, a loud crash comes from her bedroom.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing,” she says quickly. “I didn’t hear anything.”

  If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was cracked out on something.

  I move to go back to my bedroom when everything starts falling into place.

  “Piper, I dropped your-”

  He stops talking when he sees me. It’s all so clear to me now. Piper wanted me back in my room so she could sneak Ryan out. The traitorous bitch.

  I turn to face my supposed best friend, “What the hell?”

  “I didn’t know you’d wake up. You weren’t suppose to see him here.”


  “So that makes it all better?”

  I’m seeing red. The rational side of me knows I have no reason to be so angry, but the irrational side has decided to take over.

  “Ryan did nothing wrong to you and if I decide to have him over, that should be okay. It’s my apartment.”

  “So that’s how it’s going to be? You’re right, it is your apartment. I’ll get my things and be out by the end of the day.”

  “Tessa, wait. That’s just stupid. Where the hell are you going to go?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yes, it matters, I love you. You’re being an idiot and I’ll worry about you if you leave.”

  I wasn’t concerned if she’d worry about me, but I was concerned on where I would stay. I didn’t have very many close friends. I had to reject the idea immediately of the only two people who popped in my mind. Mikey would be a dumb decision and I would regret it in the morning, and Ryder was Jaxon’s brother.

  I decide to turn my anger on Ryan. I couldn’t risk Piper kicking me out and Ryan should know better than to show up here.

  “You,” I glare at Ryan. “You know I live here, so why risk me seeing you. It’s not like you and Pipe are serious. Couldn’t you find another chick to screw last night?”

  I hear the slap before I feel it. Piper cracks me across the cheek and I start to feel the tingling burn on my skin. I look up at her, my hand covering my cheek, completely shocked.

  “I know you’re angry, but you have no right to talk like that. You’re insinuating things about me and I don’t like it.”

  I see the hurt in her eyes and I instantly feel remorse.

  “You’re right, I was out of line. I’m sorry, Pipe. I just don’t understand why you would do this, knowing how much pain I’m in. How hurt I am.”

  I see her body relax now that she knows I’ve calmed down.

  “I need to explain something to you, you will always come first to me. I love you, but Ryan needed me last night and I wasn’t going to turn him down. Some bad shit went down, Tessa, and you need to hear about it.”

  I look towards Ryan and for the first time I notice his appearance, he has a black eye that looks a few days old, a bruised cheek, scrapes on his neck and arms. I see the bags under his eyes and I’m instantly concerned for him.

  “What happened to you?” I whisper.

  “I’m okay, just a little beat up. This happened a few nights ago. I wasn’t able to come see Piper until last night, because I had shitloads of paperwork and files to go through.”

  I’m so confused by his statement; I don’t know what to ask him first.

  “Okay…”

  “I don’t know where to start, Tessa. I wasn’t able to talk about any of this with anyone until now. It’s hard to start telling people something you were forced to keep secret for so long.”

  I don’t know why I’m so patient, but something inside me instinctively knows I want to hear what he has to say.

  “Let’s move to the living room, this may be a while,” Piper says and we move to get more comfortable. The three of us sit on the couch, Ryan sits on one end, I’m in the middle, and Piper’s on the other end holding my hand.

  “I guess I should start at the beginning. You met us over the summer as students transferring in for our senior year. You were probably wondering what everyone else was, why are they transferring as seniors?”

  I was wondering that. I remember letting it go because Jaxon’s brother lived here, but the whole thing seemed off to me.

  “We got lucky. When we found out our assignment, Jaxon told me he had a brother in the same town, he owned a restaurant. It was the perfect cover, we could use Ryder as Jaxon’s excuse for transferring schools.”

  Why would they need an excuse?

  “We were supposed to blend in, find the right people to party with. We weren’t supposed to get attached to anyone. When Jaxon saw you at Ryder’s and told his brother to have you be our waitress, I knew something was up. He swore up and down that he only wanted to talk to you because he had a feeling you partied. He told me he thought you could bring us our hit.

  “I should have trusted my instincts, I knew he had feelings for you and I ignored it. In the end, that’s what ultimately got him hurt.”

  Him hurt… huh?

  “That first night at the party, he wanted to play the drinking game with you to have you admit you were a partier, what drugs you did, and who you bought from. When you told us how you felt about drugs, it should have been over. We should have moved on and never spoke to you again. You didn’t matter in the big picture.

  “But Jaxon wouldn’t let you go. After a while, I knew I couldn’t get him to leave you alone. Let’s not even talk about you two moving in together. I reamed him out for days, but he wouldn’t listen. He was in love and I could do nothing to change his mind.”

  I stop him here; I’m still not sure where he is going with all of this. I’m more confused now than I ever was before.

  “What are you trying to tell me, Ryan?”

  I watch him look at Piper for help, or maybe guidance, but he eventually turns to me, this is between him and me.

  “Jaxon and I are undercover cops, Tessa. We work for the Chicago Police Department, but the FBI and DEA pulled us away on a temporary assignment for them. This was our assignment. We had to get close to James Michaels. You know him as Jimmy Rocks. He had to trust us, so we could find out who he worked for. This drug ring runs large and it may shock you that a little town like this has the attention of the FBI and DEA, but it shouldn’t. The drugs James has sold has led to twenty-one deaths just this year. I don’t know what they’re lacing them with, but people are dying and we needed to shut it down.”

  “Oh my God,” I mumble to myself. I look up at Ryan, “That’s why I saw you buying from Jimmy. That’s why I’d seen Jaxon at parties with him several times, or at the drive-in, and why you guys got phone calls at weird hours in the night. It all makes sense now.”

  Piper squeezes my hand and I turn to face her, “Did you know?”

  She shakes her, “No. I found out last night and was going to tell you when you woke up.”

  “Jaxon wanted to tell you, Tessa, but he couldn’t. We couldn’t tell anyone because it would risk our cover. When you broke up with him, it destroyed him. He couldn’t sleep or eat; I didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t focused on the job anymore and when you’re not focused, that’s when things get sloppy.”

  I see the distraught look in his eyes and I’m afraid to ask the next question. I haven’t heard from Jaxon in days and Ryan was beaten badly.

  “Ryan," I say tentatively. “Where’s Jaxon?”

  I see his eyes go dreary.

  “He’s in Chicago. I’m sorry, Tessa, but he’s in the Intensive Care Unit at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. It doesn’t look good.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Trust

  I’ve been at Northwestern Memorial Hospital for a week. A week of beeping machines, a rotating door of nurses, and a doctor whose favorite word is soon. He should wake up soon. We’ll know more soon. We’ll do more tests soon. If I hear the word soon one more time, I can’t be held responsible for what happens next.

  Jaxon suffered a gunshot wound to the chest and shoulder during the drug bust with Ryan. The DEA decided to go in and make some arrests. Everyone was prepared, but Jaxon. Ryan said his head wasn’t in it. He was going on very little sleep and all he could focus on was me. He didn’t even see the shooter before he went down.

  The good thing that came out of this is some really bad guys are now off the streets. Jimmy was arrested along with a few people in his down line. Unfortunately, their larger target is still on the streets, seeing to misguided college students. That’s the part of the story I learned later. This drug ring was only targeting college students.

  After Ryan explained to me how Jaxon went down, he drove me up to Chicago to see him. We stayed to hear the prognosis. Jaxon lost a lot of blood, so they ha
d to put him in a medically induced coma so his body could heal. They finally took him off the drug so that he could slowly wake up, but thirty-six hours later, Jaxon’s still in a coma.

  I missed a few days of school, but I don’t care. It’s Thanksgiving break now so I have Piper to keep me company. Ryan visits during the day, too, but he goes home to his Chicago apartment at night to get some sleep, and Piper goes with him. I haven’t left the hospital.

  I feel so guilty. I should have listened to him. I should have believed him when he told me it wasn’t what I thought and to let him explain. I was so angry and I could only see it as black or white. I was ignoring the gray. Mostly, I feel guilty because I was the reason he was distracted that night, off his game. He might not have gotten shot if he was in a better mindset.

  I’m sitting next to his bed. I haven’t left him for hours. The only time I get up is to go to the washroom. The nurses hated me at first, but I think they’ve grown to like me now. I’m friendly and I do whatever they ask me to, never arguing.

  I reach my hand out to brush the hair out of his face. He looks so peaceful. The circles under his eyes are gone, and his usual five o’clock shadow is starting to form a full-blown beard. Even in a coma he’s so handsome.

  “Please, wake up, baby. I need you here. I need to tell you what an idiot I’ve been, how I don’t deserve you. I need you to wake up so I can grovel at your feet and beg for your forgiveness. You have to wake up, Jaxon.”

  Nothing.

  It’s not like in the movies where the person hears the sound of your voice and they awake. This shit is real.

  “Can I come in?” I hear Piper say as she gently taps on the door. I don’t move my eyes from Jaxon.

  “Come on in.”

  She walks over with Ryan following behind her. She’s freshly showered and in new clothing, carrying a duffle bag.

  “I brought you a change of clothes. I know you don’t want to leave, but we already talked to the nurse and she said you could take a quick shower here. You can use the shower in this room.”