Our Darkest Scar

by Sarah Bailey

  Raphi shuddered. I couldn’t blame him. Talk of parents and what they got up to alone was enough to embarrass any child.

  “Do you want a drink?” Raphi asked me.

  “Um, sure.”

  This time, he took me by the arm and pulled me away from his family towards the bar. As we waited for the bartender to make his way down to us, Raphi glanced at me.

  “They’re a lot… I know.”

  “It’s nice to finally put faces to names and they’re fine, Raphi.”

  “Are you okay? I know you don’t like crowds.”

  The fact he remembered that about me warmed my fucking heart.

  “I’m okay because I’m with you.”

  He smiled and touched his hand to my arm again.

  “I’m glad.”

  The two of us made the rounds with our drinks after we’d got them. Raphi told me more about the restaurant and the casino. How exclusive the membership was and about some of the celebrities who’d attended before. We both filled up plates from the buffet. The food was way fancier than anything I’d ever had before, but Raphi didn’t bat an eyelid. He must be used to it. I didn’t think his parents lived a lavish lifestyle, but it was clear they didn’t want for money. The only reason I even lived in Kensington was because it was my grandma’s house. We weren’t exactly super rich or anything.

  After we’d eaten, the music changed and people were starting to get on the makeshift dancefloor. Raphi and I stood near the doors of the restaurant. It’s not like I didn’t dance. The thought of doing it with anyone else but the boy next to me was unappealing. I doubted he’d be comfortable dancing with me in front of his family so I didn’t suggest it.

  Raphi turned to me. There was a twinkle in his green eyes.

  “Come with me.”

  He slid his hand into mine. His touch warmed me from the inside out. I glanced around to see if anyone had noticed us, but everyone seemed to be engaged in conversation, eating or dancing.

  “Where?”

  Raphi smiled wide.

  “You’ll see.”

  And the boy I loved led me out of the restaurant, leaving me wondering what he had planned.

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Raphi took me over to the lifts and hit the button for up. His palm was warm in mine and his smile had me in knots. I didn’t ask questions as the lift arrived and we got in. Raphi pressed the button for the top floor. He moved closer to me, his arm brushing against mine as he stepped back. My skin tingled all over and my heart raced. We were alone for the first time in a week. My lips craved a taste of his.

  I didn’t think it was possible to desire a person in the way I do him. It’s making me crazy.

  Resisting the urge to shove him against the wall and kiss him proved harder than I anticipated. I preferred it when he was in control. When he took what he wanted. Didn’t stop me wanting him though. Craving everything with him.

  My nerves were shaky as the lift door opened. He pulled me out and along a corridor. At the end were a set of doors with a security panel. Raphi punched in some numbers and then pushed the door open. We walked into a large office. There was a bank of monitors along one wall, a desk in the middle of the room and a couple of other desks along another wall.

  Raphi turned to the panel on the wall next to the door and did something to it, but I wasn’t paying much attention to him.

  “Where are we?” I asked, realising the monitors showed all angles of the casino.

  “Oh, this is my parents’ office. That’s not what I want to show you.”

  He pulled me away towards the window. I looked out on the London skyline. It wasn’t quite dark yet, but it was still a beautiful sight to behold. The city was spread out below us, the lights twinkling.

  “That’s some view.”

  “Right? I like to sit here and look out whenever I’m at the casino, which isn’t often to be honest. Not like I could go out on the floor until I turned eighteen. I’m not into gambling though. Quinn holds VIP poker tournaments, but otherwise, my parents don’t gamble either.”

  “You didn’t want to go into the family business.”

  He shook his head.

  “No. My parents are proud of me for wanting to follow my passion. Besides, Duke and Aurora will take over from them when they retire.”

  Raphi turned to me, dropping my hand. I angled my body towards him as his hands came up and landed on my chest. My breath stuttered at his touch and the way he was looking at me.

  “There are no cameras in here.” He pushed me up against the window, my back pressed to the glass. “Have you been wanting to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?”

  I nodded, not trusting my voice. He leant closer. My mouth went dry and I tried not to think too hard about the fact we were in his parents’ office.

  “Don’t worry, J, no one is coming up here.” His hand ran down my chest. “We won’t be interrupted.”

  I let out a pant as his hand brushed over my crotch. He kissed me then, stealing all of my words and the breath from my lungs. His other hand curled into my hair. Mine wrapped around his waist, tugging him against me. Any objections I had to us doing it here flew out of my head. All I could see and feel was him.

  “I can’t stop thinking about you,” he told me as he kissed down my jaw. “I want you so fucking much.”

  “I want you too.”

  He smiled against my skin.

  “You have me,” he whispered. “I’m already yours, cuore mio.”

  My heart couldn’t take it. It pumped wildly in my chest, making my body tremble.

  “I do?”

  “Yes… as long as you’re mine.”

  I nodded, panting as he kissed my neck and rubbed my cock which had hardened under his touch. If I wasn’t sure I wanted him to take me in this room with the London skyline behind us before, I was sure now. So fucking sure of everything.

  “Use your words.”

  “Yes, yes, I’m yours, Raphi. I’m all yours. I’ve always been yours.”

  “I’m not ready to tell anyone yet. Are you okay with keeping it between us?”

  I didn’t care about having to be a secret right then. Not when he was touching me, making it clear he was going to have his wicked way with me. Not when it meant I’d have him. He’d be mine. All I’d wanted for the past three years was Raphi. He was the boy I loved so much, it hurt. If this was the way I could have him, I’d take it. I’d take it all to be close to him like this.

  “I won’t breathe a word to anyone.”

  “Then consider me yours, Jonah.” He pulled back and stared at me with those stunning verdant eyes. “I’m yours and you’re mine.”

  He didn’t need to say anything more. The implication was there. We were a couple even if it was only between the two of us.

  “Okay,” I whispered. “I’m yours and you’re mine.”

  His smile was wicked. He stepped back completely and snagged both my wrists, tugging me with him towards the desk in the middle of the room. When we reached it, he leant against it, pressed a hand on his shoulder and shoved me down on my knees.

  “I want you to get my dick nice and wet.”

  My hands went to his dark jeans immediately, tugging open the fly and pulling them down slightly along with his boxers. His cock was already hard. When I wrapped my hand around it, I felt it throb under my touch.

  Raphi reached over to the top drawer of the desk and pulled it open. He took a few things out and set them on the desk before shutting the drawer. Either he’d planned this or his parents kept supplies in their desk because there was lube, condoms and tissues. My money was on the latter judging by the way his parents looked at each other earlier.

  Raphi picked up the bottle of lube.

  “Whilst you suck my cock, I want you to prepare yourself for me.”

  I swallowed hard.

  “I’m ready for you to be a needy panting mess, J, begging me for it. Tell me now if you
’re not on board with this.”

  I stared up at the boy I adored with every inch of me. The one I wanted to worship just like he’d asked me to.

  “You sure no one will come up here?”

  His eyes softened.

  “I’m sure and besides, I may have set the security panel so it won’t open from the outside right now.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “Won’t that piss your parents off?”

  He shrugged.

  “Like I said, they’re not coming up here right now, so you better get to work.”

  I let go of his cock and unbuttoned my jeans, tugging them and my boxers down my thighs. Raphi’s eyes darkened when he looked at me. He held out the bottle of lube and I took it, squirting some on my fingers. As I reached behind me, I curled the fingers of my other hand around his cock, stroking him. I leant forward and licked his shaft, making him grunt. Then I wrapped my lips around the head of his cock, sucking him as I stroked. I groaned against his cock when I slid a finger inside me.

  Raphi’s fingers curled around my neck, but they were gentle. He wasn’t directing me, just keeping me there. I had no intention of going anywhere. I wanted all of this. All of him.

  “I’m wondering whether you’d prefer it if I shoved you up against the desk and fucked you, or if you want me to sit in the desk chair then you can ride me.”

  The thought of both made my skin itch with need. It wouldn’t matter to me what he chose. I knew I’d adore it either way.

  “Mmm, I think you like the idea of those, don’t you? I suppose I’ll have to decide what I’m in the mood for.”

  His voice was taunting. It only served to make my cock throb. I wanted his hand wrapped around me, bringing me to the edge with his dick buried firmly inside me. If I wanted that, I needed to make sure I was ready. I slid another finger inside me, stretching myself out for him. The pleasure was already making me feel wild and needy. I moaned around his dick again, taking more because he told me to get him nice and wet.

  A few minutes later, I had three fingers in me and Raphi was panting, his fingers around the back of my neck tightening. I pulled away, staring up at him as his eyes glittered with desire.

  “I need you to fuck me.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yes, please. I’ll do anything, just please fuck me.”

  “Get up.”

  I slid my fingers from myself and rose to my feet. He pulled me closer and kissed me, biting down my bottom lip and making me whimper. He let me go and smiled.

  “Bend over the desk and make sure you’re ready for me.”

  I did as he asked, squirting more lube on my fingers and sliding it inside me. I took a tissue and wiped my hand before I leant over the desk. My palms lay flat on the cold surface. Raphi moved behind me. I imagined he was rolling on a condom and coating himself. His hand landed on my lower back a moment later. I shivered as his cock nudged my hole.

  “I’m not in the mood to hold back,” he told me as he pressed against me. “Seeing you on your knees for me turns me on so fucking much, J.”

  I panted as he slid inside me. The intensity had me reaching forward and gripping the edge of the desk because he wasn’t letting me adjust.

  “Going to fuck you so good, you won’t even know your own name when I’m done.”

  “Raphi,” I gasped, feeling him stretch me open inch by inch.

  “The need in your voice is the most fucking intoxicating thing in the world.”

  Knowing how much I got him going only made me want to do more to please him. To keep him with me. I’d give him anything he asked for.

  “Fuck me,” I whimpered. “Fuck me… please.”

  And he did. Oh, he fucking well did. Raphi pulled back and pushed inside me with a few relatively gentle thrusts. Then he stopped holding back. I cried out when he slammed inside me the first time. The harder he fucked me, the more my thighs dug into the desk, but I didn’t care. It felt so good. Being taken by him. Being given everything he had to give.

  “Fuck, Raphi, more, please.”

  I didn’t care how crazed with need I sounded. My knuckles were going white with the grip I had on the desk. Raphi’s hands were wrapped around my hips for leverage as he continued to fuck me with deep, hard strokes. I could hear him breathing heavily above me and his grunts.

  He let go of my hip and leant forward, gripping me by the chin. He forced my head back and stared into my eyes.

  “You’re mine. All of you. Your pleasure, your pain, everything.”

  “Yours.”

  He leant closer and ran his lips over my forehead.

  “That’s right.”

  His other hand left my hip and he pulled me almost upright, his hands curling around my body to keep me steady as he continued to pump his cock inside me. I felt his lips meet my throat, kissing and sucking at the skin. His hand reached down and wrapped around my cock, stroking up and down the length. I closed my eyes, the delirious pleasure washing over me.

  The only sounds now were our skin slapping together and our mutual breathing. Every so often, one of us would moan or grunt. There were no words. This was us. We were together finally just like I wanted. Raphi’s free hand curled around my jaw, holding me still as his head dropped to my shoulder. I could feel him getting close and I was too. His fist around me tightened and his strokes became faster, in time with the way he was fucking me.

  “Fuck, Jonah,” he groaned.

  His cock swelled, then he came, which only made me moan. The sensation of him pulsing inside me drove me over the edge. I gasped as the waves hit, pulling me under and drowning me in him. As my mouth opened, Raphi stuck his fingers inside it, pulling my jaw open as he continued to pound into me with his climax. I could do nothing but let the pleasure take control.

  The two of us panted and struggled to catch our breath when we fell back to earth together. It felt like every time we had sex, it grew in intensity and pleasure. We were learning exactly what made each other tick.

  Raphi’s fingers slid out of my mouth and his hand landed on the desk.

  “That was something,” he murmured, kissing my neck.

  “More than something.”

  He chuckled.

  “My parents would give me a lecture if they found out I’d fucked you in here.”

  I snorted.

  “Maybe we should get back before our absence is noticed.”

  “Mmm, you’re right, but first, we should make sure we don’t look like we just got high off each other.”

  He pulled away but not before kissing my neck one last time. The two of us spent the next few minutes cleaning up the office to make sure it looked like nothing had been disturbed, hiding the evidence of our tryst by taking it into the bathroom off the office and disposing of it. We both sorted out our clothes and hair. The flush of our faces couldn’t be helped.

  Raphi took my hand and led me back towards the lift.

  “Are you sure about all of this?” I asked, unable to help myself.

  “What? Us?”

  “Yeah.”

  He turned to me, his smile bright.

  “I’m sure I want to try, J.”

  “Will… will you tell me what that thing you keep calling me means?”

  His green eyes were twinkling as he licked his bottom lip.

  “Cuore mio is Italian for my heart. Take of that what you will. My mum taught me a few phrases when I was younger.”

  I didn’t know what to say. Him calling me his heart. It had all sorts of implications about his feelings, but I didn’t want to read into it. Didn’t want to think too hard in case everything fell apart before we had a chance to even really begin. Instead of answering, I leant towards him and kissed him. When I pulled back, I smiled too.

  “Cuore mio.”

  He bit his lip.

  “That’s right. I’ll teach you some more words if you’d like. I don’t know a huge amount, but enough to get by.
”

  “I’d like that.”

  He leant his head on my shoulder as we waited for the lift to arrive. And I couldn’t help but hope we’d be okay. He’d finally given us a chance and it’s all I could ask him for. I was just happy he was here with me. He was open to us.

  I love you, Raphael Nelson. I won’t tell you that yet. Not until you’re ready to tell the world you’re mine and I’m yours. Just know I’m going to be here for you whatever you need. You and I can get through this together. I’ll protect you, my beautiful, broken boy. I’ll protect you forever.

  Part III

  devastate

  verb, dev·as·tat·ed, dev·as·tat·ing.

  to lay waste; render desolate.

  Chapter Thirty

  “Okay so, luce dei miei occhi is light of my eyes, right?”

  I smiled up at Jonah, whose chest my head was resting on. I’d been slowly teaching him Italian terms of endearment like Mum had taught me years ago.

  “Mmm, yes, and you are just that.”

  His cheeks flushed, which was adorable. He got flustered at compliments when I caught him off guard with them. I loved that about him.

  The past six weeks had flown by in almost the blink of an eye. Now I was moving out of my parents’ house into student halls and Jonah was going back to Durham where his university was. I’d avoided thinking about it until today since it was our last night together. Being apart wouldn’t be easy on either of us.

  I was relatively sure my parents had cottoned onto the fact Jonah and I were more than friends given how many nights he’d spent here. And even though I was happy being with Jonah, I still wasn’t ready to admit it. To tell them the truth. I still struggled with my own identity and acceptance of myself. So far, only Duke knew. I needed someone to confide in and vent my frustrations to. Opening up to my brother had been the only thing keeping me from losing my shit completely.

  Jonah hadn’t brought it up. He’d been content to let me take my time since there were no barriers to us seeing each other. I wasn’t sure that would be the case going forward. The thought of him not being able to tell anyone he was taken made me anxious. He was mine. He knew that, but it was other people I didn’t trust.