Language of Love

by Ruby Kiss

  “You guys are sooo screwed.” Lauren leaned over and whispered in my ear, her gaze flicking between Julian and myself, eyes wide.

  “I apologize for my tardiness,” Julian said, breaking eye contact and addressing the class. “Let’s get started, shall we?” He hooked up his laptop with the practiced ease of someone who did this every day, bringing up a digital slide show on the large screen at the front of the hall. I wrenched my focus to my notes and typed quickly, hitting the keys harder than was strictly necessary in my fervour.

  Bzzz bzz. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I jerked in the surprise. I slid it discreetly out and looked at it under the table. It’s incredibly hard to lecture with you sitting there. Omigod, my heart thumped hard against my ribcage. I looked up and he was perfectly focused on speaking, his phone rather conspicuously sitting on his desk.

  How do you think I feel? I typed and sent back as fast as possible, before I could lose my nerve. I put my phone face down on my thigh and waited, nerves roiling inside me combined with a giddy feeling of indescribable happiness. I tried to take notes, but I couldn’t keep my eyes on my laptop long enough to concentrate. My heart skipped a beat as I watched Julian at the front of the room—very casually and without breaking his speech—pick up his phone, smile at it and type something, then place it back on his desk. Bzzz bzz, the vibration tickled my leg under my desk.

  “Mackenzie,” Lauren said, having caught on to what was going on, “be careful.” She hissed under her breath.

  “It’s fine,” I whispered, “lots of people text in class. No one is going to notice.”

  “I did,” she replied.

  “Yeah, but that’s different,” I said, grabbing my phone to read and reply to Julian’s text. The thrill of doing this right in the middle of the class room was intoxicating. I’d love for you to tell me all about how you feel over dinner. Are you free tonight? Is that a reference to my last text? Or to other things I might be feeling? Oh god, what am I doing? Yes I’m free tonight, what did you have in mind? I sent back, setting my phone down once again.

  I’d barely set it down when it buzzed again, How about I cook us something? We should try and be discreet. I almost laughed out loud reading his response, how discreet is it to be texting each other in the middle of a crowded lecture hall, I thought.

  Do you know what discretion is?? I sent back with a couple of laughing emojis, then quickly followed it with, Dinner at your place sounds awesome. I watched intently while he once again picked up his phone, I could see even from the back of the room that the smile on his face threatened to break into laughter. He finished typing and slipped the phone into his pocket this time instead of leaving it on the desk. Bzzz bzz.

  Point taken, I’m putting my phone away now. I look forward to this evening. I followed his lead and tucked my phone away, determined to focus on the rest of the lesson. Lauren’s sigh of relief from beside me that accompanied my phone’s disappearance was audible.

  The rest of the lecture passed in a blur, and I was sure by the time Julian was dismissing the hall that my notes were a jumbled mess and I would be relying on Lauren to help me fill in the blanks. I moved with deliberate slowness as I packed up, letting the room empty around us.

  “Are you gonna make me watch while you flirt with the prof?” Lauren asked, waiting semi-patiently beside me.

  “Oh come off it,” I replied, “as if you’d leave without taking advantage of this opportunity.”

  “Mackenzie Lowell!” she said far too loudly, pressing her hand to her heart, “How could you accuse me of such a completely true thing?” We both dissolved into giggles, drawing a little more attention from the remaining students that I would’ve wanted, but soon the hall was empty and we made our way down to the front of the room.

  Julian was packing up just as slowly, clearly waiting for me.

  “Good afternoon Professor Quinn,” Lauren said, her voice practically dripping with innuendo. At least half the blood in my body rushed to my face in response.

  Julian was unfazed. “Ms. Riedlmayer, you must be Mackenzie’s roommate,” he said, holding out his hand to shake hers.

  “Indeed I am, Professor,” she replied, accepting his handshake and waggling her eyebrows at me as she drew out the last word.

  “Omigod Lauren,” I said, shaking my head, and turned to address Julian. “Please ignore her,” I implored. “Uhm what time should I come by?”

  “Let’s say six o’clock, shall we?” he responded, after releasing Lauren’s hand with a smile at her antics.

  “Okay,” I replied. This was so awkward, here we are planning a date right in the middle of the lecture hall? Though it was completely empty by now. I wanted to jump on him, wrap my legs around his waist and kiss him until I couldn’t breathe. Instead I just stood there like a weirdo, his gaze burning into mine. I wonder if he was thinking the same thing?

  Lauren grabbed my elbow. “We’ll just be going then,” she said loudly, tugging me towards the door. I broke eye contact with Julian and inhaled sharply.

  “Yeah, uhm, I’ll see you tonight then.”

  “Yes,” he replied. We made it almost all the way to the door before he continued, “And Mackenzie? I’m looking forward to it.”

  I grinned my nearly permanent by now goofy lovesick grin as Lauren propelled me out the door. “Me too!” I said over my shoulder.

  Out in the crowded hallway Lauren turned to me. “He’s got it bad Max, like really bad.”

  “You think so?” I asked, hope blooming inside me—maybe I wasn’t the only one falling head over heels.

  “I think if I hadn’t been there, you two would be on top of that desk right now,” she said.

  “Laur’! I would not do that!” I replied, trying a little too hard to be indignant.

  “You totally would, and so would he. I thought I was going to spontaneously combust just from standing next to the two of you,” she replied, not believing me for a second.

  “Well, maybe I would,” I admitted with a sheepish grin. I was quite certain if he asked me, I wouldn’t think twice about it. But I wasn’t about to admit that out loud.

  “Just remember what we talked about Max, this could go really really badly.” She interrupted my happy thoughts with uncharacteristic somberness.

  “Yeah,” I replied, but daydreams of Julian and his desk and all the things we could do on top of it had overshadowed my rational brain, “or it could be amazing. Right now it feels amazing.”

  “That’s called hormones dear,” Lauren replied sarcastically. “Let’s go get lunch, I’m starving and I know you didn’t eat this morning. You practically vibrated out the door from caffeine overload.”

  I laughed in response. “You’re right, now that my stomach isn’t tied in knots I’m desperate for some pizza, loaded with olives.”

  “Ugh, you are gross in so many ways,” she replied as we headed out of the building into the bright afternoon sun towards the student centre that housed the cafeteria.

  Chapter 10

  I stood outside Julian’s door, shuffling my feet, trying to get my nerves under control before I knocked. Friday night had been so spontaneous, it was exciting and amazing and so many other wonderful things.

  But this, planning a date with my professor, in his apartment no less, seemed so different. The glaring red neon sign in my head was hard to ignore, only to be overshadowed by the enormity of the emotions that had been building inside me for weeks.

  “Fuck it,” I muttered to myself, “I’m not going to turn around now.” I raised my fist and rapped lightly on the door. It swung open quickly, and Julian stood there, looking expectant. He was still wearing his suit pants and dress shirt from class earlier, but he had shed his jacket and had his sleeves rolled up to the elbow.

  “I thought you were going to stand out there all night,” he said with a smirk, gesturing for me to follow him into the apartment.

  I stepped inside and pushed the door shut behind me, only to find myself quickly back
ed up against it, Julians mouth pressed to mine, one hand firmly around my waist and the other tangled in my hair.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and opened my mouth in response, returning his kiss with equal fervour. He fulfilled my unspoken wish from earlier that day to kiss him until I couldn’t breathe, pulling back only when we were both gasping for breath.

  Foreheads pressed together, he said, “I’ve been thinking about that all day.”

  “I’ll do you one better,” I replied breathlessly, “I’ve been thinking about that all weekend.”

  He laughed lightly and stepped back, allowing me to continue into the apartment and shed my sweater. I glanced around for a minute, looking for somewhere to hang it before he took it out of my hands and tossed over the back of a large wingback chair in the living room.

  “Faculty housing doesn’t provide much in the way of closet space,” he said.

  “Ha,” I replied, “have you seen the size of the dorms? Don’t even talk to me about lack of closet space.”

  “Fair enough.” He chuckled in response and headed into the little kitchen.

  I followed, looking around the tiny space. The last time I was here, we had gone straight from the living room to the bedroom and back again, bypassing the rest of the apartment. A couple of pots bubbled away on the stove top—the counter beside it was almost entirely taken up by a coffee maker and small cutting board. There was a bistro sized two seater table across from the counter space—the whole thing had the look of a very nice, clean kitchen that had been squished down to fit into a one-bedroom apartment.

  “Can you even fit two people in here?” I asked, taking a seat at the little table.

  “Very funny Mackenzie,” he replied, turning his smoldering gaze on me after stirring the contents of one of the pots.

  “Keep looking at me like that and we’re not going to make it to dinner,” I said brazenly—since we were already breaking all the rules I was feeling especially daring. Plus there was something insulating about sharing his space—the door closed to all those who might disapprove—that lent an air of invincibility to the already crushing sexual tension. I felt safe here, whether it was because we were indoors and in private or just a result of being in his presence, I wasn’t sure.

  “I’ll try and control myself,” he said, grinning.

  “What are we having for dinner?” I asked, changing the topic in an attempt to dispel some of the desperate desire sparking back and forth between us.

  “Spaghetti and garlic bread, I hope that’s alright?” he replied, looking suddenly apprehensive, a look I hadn’t seen on his face except briefly in the alley on Friday night.

  “Oh yeah that’s great,” I said with a nod. “Can I help?” I stood again and walked the two steps to stand next to him while he tended the pots.

  “You can slice the garlic bread if you like,” he said, gesturing to the oven.

  I glanced around, looking for oven mitts. “Sure…” I trailed off when he slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me close for another kiss, pasta spoon still in his other hand. I gripped his arm tightly for a moment, returning his spontaneous passion with my own. I broke away taking a deep breath. “Oven mitts?” I asked.

  He released me with a light kiss on my forehead and pulled them out of a drawer, stepping back to give me access to the oven door.

  I managed to get the garlic bread out and onto the cutting board I had spotted before, and even made it all the way through cutting it without either of us succumbing to our raging hormones again. A few minutes later we sat across from each other, dinner plates in front of us and a small glass of wine each.

  We ate in relative silence, alternating between looking down at our plates and staring intensely at each other across the table. I stretched my leg out under the table and ran my foot lightly up his calf, deliberately avoiding eye contact while I did so. I grinned down at my pasta when I felt his leg muscles tense up.

  “I thought you wanted to finish dinner first?” he asked, his voice husky with need.

  “Oh I do, am I bothering you?” I asked, blinking slowly at him in an effort to appear completely innocent, my foot still trailing up and down his calf. My heartbeat sped up in my chest, flutters of nerves competed with desire inside me and heat built up deep down, even though we had barely touched each other.

  He put his fork down and pushed back from the table slowly, deliberately, never breaking eye contact with me. He stood and stepped up beside me. I followed his movement with my eyes that were glued to his. I couldn’t have looked away if I wanted to. He gripped my shoulders lightly and tugged upward, urging me to stand. I dropped my fork and let him guide me.

  He leaned down and stopped with his mouth just millimeters away from my ear, his hot breath warming my already heated flesh. “Bothering me?” he asked. “No, that’s not the word I would use.” He pressed his mouth against my neck, leaving a trail of kisses as he moved from one side of my head to the other. “Enticing, maybe. Or Intoxicating.” He stepped back away from the table, but didn’t release my arms, so I had no choice but to follow him as he led me through the apartment into his bedroom.

  “Intoxicating sounds right,” I said when we stopped moving, and reached up to begin unbuttoning his shirt. He stopped me halfway through, placing his hands over mine.

  “We’re on the same page then?” he asked, his eyes searching mine. “I don’t want you to feel pressured…” He trailed off, still gazing intently, letting the raw emotion in his expression finish the thought and then some.

  “Oh yes,” I replied, and as if released from behind a floodgate his lips crashed down on mine. He released my hands and yanked his shirt off over his head, not bothering with the rest of the buttons. I followed suit, dropping my top to the floor before we came together again, tongues dueling, tasting as much of each other as we could.

  We made short work of the rest of our clothes in between fervent kisses and roaming hands all over each other’s bodies. Much like our last encounter, we tripped and stumbled our way across the rest of the room, tumbling into the bed as one.

  “I want you everytime I look at you,” he said breathlessly, his hands moving from my hips past the dip of my waist to my exposed breasts. “It’s all I can do to keep my hands off you.” He pulled me close, pressing every inch of himself against me, devouring my mouth with a bruising kiss. Desperate need poured off of him in waves, and all the uncertainty I had been feeling about this, about us, melted away at his words and the feeling of him beside me.

  “Julian,” I gasped out his name when we pulled our mouths apart, limbs and bodies still entwined as close as we could get yet still not close enough, “I need you…” I pulled his mouth back to mine, returning his passion with equal fervour. He let go of me with one hand and fumbled blindly in his nightstand for a moment before pulling back. Not making that mistake again I thought, glad that one of us was clear headed enough to remember. My own mind was a fog of feelings I had expressed half-asleep to Lauren, but wasn’t ready yet to say out loud to the man who inspired them.

  He steadied himself above me for a moment, looking at me with the same intense emotion filled gaze from earlier. “I need you too,” he said, before pressing forward, joining our bodies at last.

  A feeling of perfect completion flooded through me, like we were made to fit together. I could feel the words I longed to say teetering on the edge of my lips, so I wrapped one arm around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss, arching my hips at the same time to meet his thrusts. Not yet, I told myself, redirecting my attention to our current activities, and wringing every exquisite moment of joy I could from the experience.

  Chapter 11

  I made my way down the hall towards my room, wondering if Lauren was still awake or even home tonight. I realized belatedly that I hadn’t been the best friend lately, dominating most of our conversations with my love life. I resolved to ask Lauren how she was doing outside of being my sole support system as soon as I saw her again.


  I was so lost in thought that I almost unlocked the door without noticing the piece of paper taped to it. When I read it, I did a double take, my heart leapt into my throat, and the pit of my stomach dropped sharply. I snatched it down and finished unlocking the door, slamming it hard behind me as I stepped inside.

  I leaned back, hands shaking as I stared down at the piece of paper, the words Teachers Pet scrawled across it in large red letters. “Shit, shit, shit,” I said, my mind racing. Fuck.

  “Max! What the fuck, what’s wrong?” Lauren raised her voice to get my attention, riveted as I was to the scandalous note I was holding.

  Wordlessly, I held it out to her, and walked on shaky legs to my bed, collapsing onto it, elbows on my knees, dropping my head into my hands.

  “Oh fuck,” she said, quieter now.

  “I can’t breathe,” I said, panic mounting as I began to hyperventilate.

  “Whoa hold on,” Lauren leapt to her feet and knelt in front of me, “it’s okay, take a breath, slowly. In for four out for four, count with me.” She counted to four twice as I focused on breathing properly, three times through the exercise and I was breathing evenly enough to burst into tears.

  “I’m so sorry Lauren,” I cried, “I was so determined to not bother you with my shit again, like not even five mintues ago.” Tears poured down my face, I tried to wipe them away but it was useless.

  “Hey now,” she said gently, shifting so she was sitting next to me on my bed, “I want to be bothered by your shit, it’s infinitely more interesting than my boring life.” She slung one arm around my shaking shoulders and squeezed lightly.

  “Well I promise I’m going to be a better friend,” I said, in between sniffles. “Just, after I deal with this crisis okay?”

  “Of course.” She nodded in agreement. “Crisis first. But for the record, you’re a great friend. You’ve just been distracted lately, and I don’t blame you.”

  “Well thank you for that,” I said, wiping the final tears from my face as I wrestled myself back under control. “So on a scale of one to totally fucking screwed what do you think?” I asked, gesturing to the piece of paper that now lay abandoned in the middle of the floor where Lauren had dropped it.