Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  Mabel froze when she heard a few grunts from around the table.

  ‘I worked with him a long time ago,’ Calum said, looking agitated. ‘He’s not to be trusted.’

  ‘Do you know him?’ Alex looked at Mabel.

  ‘Me?’ she said, logging off and closing her laptop. ‘Met him a few times.’ Then she caught Calum staring at her. ‘Is the meeting finished?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Joanna getting up.

  As Mabel was about to stand, she felt Alex hold her arm.

  ‘Can I speak to you?’ he asked, looking up at her. ‘I want to cross check the production costs.’

  ‘Really?’

  Sitting down, she waited for the others to leave. Opening her laptop, the lid was then slammed shut.

  ‘What did you do that for?’ she asked, glaring at him.

  ‘You know who Bob Jones is?’ he asked, grinning.

  ‘He worked with my ex-husband and Calum ages ago,’ she replied, folding her arms.

  ‘You see this party I was at, Bob seemed very happy. We got talking.’ Alex was focussing on her lips. ‘He let slip he saw someone from this agency every fortnight on a Friday afternoon. I thought, I know someone who disappears on a Friday afternoon.’

  Mabel looked away then back at him, unable to hold in the shock of Alex finding out.

  ‘You’re playing a dangerous game,’ he whispered, leaning closer. ‘The two owners of the Company don’t like him and you’re sleeping with the enemy.’ Just as she was about to open her mouth, he put his fingers to her lips. ‘Stop screwing him. It’s going to cause a lot of problems if anyone finds out you let slip about our clients, let alone the slippage on your underwear.’

  ‘I’m not stupid,’ she said, after removing his fingers from her mouth. ‘And what makes you think it’s me?’

  ‘Sexy divorcee with two kids. Got badly burnt by her husband. You get my drift.’

  ‘Can’t have been me then.’ Mabel stood up. ‘Must be someone else.’

  ‘Do the research and I won’t say a thing unless you want me to?’

  That piece of news would really piss off her mother and Calum, not to mention Wes.

  It could make her look spiteful.

  The thing is, she was being spiteful, but it was up to her who knew, no-one else.

  ‘But Alex, he’s the only man I…’

  ‘You what?’

  She didn’t want to say it, to tell him that Bob was the only man she had been with since Wes.

  ‘I’m not like you,’ Mabel continued. ‘It’s harder for me.’

  ‘I can give you some light relief, like I’ve said before.’

  ‘No thanks.’ She let out a disgruntled sigh. ‘I won’t see him again,’ Mabel sat back down. ‘But I’m not going out with anyone for the sake of this pitch. I might be useless on the men front but I’m not that desperate.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘I have children to think of.’

  ‘So, you’ll do it?’ he asked, breaking out into a smile.

  ‘Do I really have a choice?’

  ‘Mum!’

  Jess was standing at the stop of the stairs. ‘Why can’t I go?’

  ‘You’re thirteen years old and you’re not going to an all-night party. Forget it!’ Mabel looked up at her annoyed daughter. ‘And if you even think of sneaking out, there’s going to be serious trouble!’

  ‘It’s Agnes’s brother’s party!’

  ‘He’s seventeen!’ she shouted back.

  ‘It’s so unfair! Just because you’re an oldie, you don’t understand!’ she yelled and marched back to her room, slamming the door shut.

  ‘And you think your father would let you go!’

  Mabel composed herself before turning to Lottie, who was huddled in the armchair, looking at her mum with a smirk.

  ‘Jess mentioned it to dad, and he said he’d put her into a nunnery first before letting her go.’ Lottie started to laugh. ‘Jess acts like she knows what’s going on, but she has no idea.’

  ‘She’s only a child,’ gasped Mabel, knowing exactly what she got up to when she was Jess’s age. ‘If anything happens to her, granny Baba will get me locked up!’

  ‘I think it will be Jess getting locked up.’

  Continuing to prepare dinner on Wednesday evening, Mabel had been tossing and turning what Alex had told her that morning.

  The coincidence that he met Bob at a party made her incredibly suspicious. She wanted to know where he stood in the company, given his appearance at today’s meeting.

  Mabel called Calum.

  ‘Hello,’ he said and she could hear the kids screaming in the background. Jojo (named after Joanna) and Gina were crazy six-year-olds. The twin girls were a handful for her brother and Mabel liked the fact his household was overrun by women, very much as it was when he was growing up. Annette, his wife, being the fiercest one of them all. ‘Sorry about the noise.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ she asked, trying not to laugh. ‘Sounds like a war zone.’

  ‘Girls will you be quiet!’ he shouted only to be met with more noise. ‘I’m talking to Auntie Mabel.’

  ‘I want to talk to her!’ one of them shouted.

  ‘No, I want to!’

  Then there was another argument.

  ‘Gina and Joanna, stop it right now!’ Annette barked, and there was a hushed silence.

  ‘I see you’re in control,’ Mabel sniggered. ‘I want to ask you a question about Alex Chambers. What was he doing at the meeting this morning?’

  ‘We think that, in time, he could become an Executive Creative Director and be on the board.’

  ‘You can’t make that decision,’ she said, checking the tuna pasta bake in the oven. ‘Not without me.’

  ‘How do you think we got him? He had to be given a reason to be part of our company.’

  ‘His salary is good enough reason.’

  ‘The work he has produced in the last six months shows he is worth the money.’ Calum let out a sigh. ‘What don’t you like about him?’

  ‘He’s just a little know all.’ She heard more stomping above her head. ‘Jess wants to go to an all-night party and I’ve said no. She’s going through her rebellious streak.’ He started to laugh. ‘What’s funny?’

  ‘If she’s anything like you were, then you deserve it. You were a right pain the arse, still are.’ He cleared his voice. ‘You should speak to Wes. He mentioned when he dropped the girls off at your home you weren’t exactly nice.’

  ‘Why should I tell him anything? I’ll ask mum and-.’

  ‘Jesus! You don’t want to ask her. She’ll only agree to let Jess go and then willingly turn up on the pull.’ Calum started to laugh. ‘Talking of that, I hear you’ve agreed to do the research.’

  ‘What happens if I get hooked up with a nutter?’

  ‘I don’t know who to feel sorry for, him or you,’ he laughed. ‘Actually, I do.’

  ‘Why here?’

  Mabel had been summoned by Alex to go to his office.

  She hated walking through the creative area, seeing their glares as if she was some anti-Christ.

  They had a valid point.

  Standing by his door, he looked up.

  Then he blatantly eyed her up and down before frowning.

  ‘Oh God help me,’ she groaned, walking in. ‘Where do you want me to sit?’

  There was a large sofa in his office by a coffee table. His office was full of colour and life, and oranges.

  ‘Pull up a chair and sit next to me. We have to work on your bio,’ he said. ‘I have to make you sound really appealing.’ Mabel noticed his look of despair as she sat. ‘Without misleading anyone.’

  ‘Why don’t you use Lauren’s photo?’ she asked, seeing the woman walk past his office and glance in. ‘Why doesn’t she pretend to be me?’

  ‘You’re forty-one and she nowhere as old as that,’ he said, letting out a disgruntled sigh.

  A little bit of Mabel’s confidence chipped away, but she smiled through it.

  ‘P
eople now do things to camera. You not wanting to show a picture of yourself isn’t going to help, is it?’

  ‘If you put my age down and say I’m a divorcee with two teenage daughters, the response will be paedophiles thinking they can get a pop at my kids.’ Then she thought. ‘Or old and ugly men thinking I’m gagging for it.’

  ‘Do you want to type?’ he asked, turning the keyboard towards her. ‘Have you seen the site?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘It might help things along.’

  He did a quick search then flicked through the pages. Mabel was surprised that it looked classy, and the people seemed attractive. It wasn’t too young or old then she noticed the categories.

  ‘That’s a bit off, don’t you think?’ she said, seeing how the age groups were compiled. ‘Maybe I want to go for a twenty-something or a sixty-something man.’

  ‘You can mix it up, but they find it’s quicker to stick to a similar age range.’

  ‘Well, there’s your first flaw. I’d like the freedom of choice.’ She tried not to laugh at his frustrated face. ‘Tick more boxes.’

  ‘I thought you didn’t want to do this?’ he asked, turning to look at her.

  ‘I have no choice considering you’ve killed my love life.’

  ‘Sex life.’

  ‘Same difference.’

  ‘It’s not the same.’

  ‘Oh, go and eat an orange.’

  Mabel turned his laptop and logged out before typing up her bio. She noticed he got up and grabbed an orange, sitting down on his sofa.

  This time Alex peeled the orange, so the skin was spiral and unbroken. He held it up before smiling then put it down on the table. Again, he removed the pith from the segments, putting his head back and inserting an individual segment into his mouth, sucking it in slowly before chewing.

  He looked sexy when he did it. Mabel was distracted.

  ‘You’re not writing,’ he said, glancing at her.

  ‘Why do you eat oranges in a strange way?’ she asked as he sat up and looked at her.

  ‘No, I don’t.’

  ‘Yes, you do. It’s like…’ She hesitated. ‘You look like you’re getting pleasure out of it.’

  ‘If I tell you, will you write something down?’ he asked, getting up and walking closer, sitting opposite.

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘By ripping the skin off is when I’m thinking creatively. When I remove the skin all in one, I’m thinking about sex. The slow seduction and satisfaction of getting what’s in the middle. When the skin is removed in vertical sections, I’m as horny as hell.’

  He left her speechless.

  ‘And when I’m sucking on a segment, without eating it, you can only imagine what parts of the body I’m thinking of,’ he finished off, folding his arms and leaning forward. ‘Now you know.’

  ‘Full of shit,’ she mumbled and looked straight at him. ‘I was married to a man who thought he could say things and I’d swoon. Far from it. I’ll type.’

  ‘How are you going to alleviate your sexual tensions if you’re not getting an afternoon shag?’

  ‘I’ll use a banana.’

  He laughed.

  ‘This is the best you can do?’

  Calum was sitting in his office looking at the laptop. ‘Really? Go on read it again.’

  ‘I am a divorced mother of two teenage girls in her early forties. Currently I don’t like men because I find they lack honesty. I’m not a lesbian and can’t consider the aspect of going down on a woman. I don’t do more than one person, so group sex is also not my thing. I like food and film and a regular bottle of wine daily. Small talk bores me. I have been told I am needy and that’s not true. I need no-one other than my two daughters and an account at the local winery. Contact me if you’re really desperate.’ Mabel cleared her throat. ‘What’s wrong with that?’

  ‘You think that makes you appealing?’ Calum asked, looking flabbergasted. ‘I want to win the account.’

  ‘That’s a shame,’ Mabel sighed and grinned. ‘Alex didn’t say anything after I typed it up.’

  ‘He was speechless.’

  ‘Coming from him, that’s impressive.’

  ‘Speechless from shock that you were being un-co-operative after being so congenial.’

  ‘Congenial?’ Me?’ she laughed. ‘That’s funny! I did say I’d do it.’

  Mabel remembered the blackmail element of the agreement.

  ‘Basically, your hobbies are eating, going to the cinema and getting pissed?’ sighed Calum. ‘That’s nice.’

  ‘And my daughters.’

  ‘Bloody hell, May,’ hissed Calum, standing up. ‘Try and put something into the agency instead of ripping things to shred.’

  ‘That’s not fair.’

  ‘You need some focus and recently, it’s been important,’ he said, walking towards her and patting her head. Mabel slapped his hand away. ‘Come on May Day, you can do this.’

  ‘And that’s what the men are going to say when I start that dating crap,’ Mabel laughed looking up at him. ‘May Day. May Day. Get us out of here! We need help!’

  ‘How do you know this?’

  Mabel was standing by the coffee counter the following Friday, whispering to Heidi. ‘Is he allowed to?’

  ‘He wants to make sure everyone is safe, so Alex is cross checking the responses before forwarding on.’

  ‘Then he’s choosing people.’ Mabel knew for certain he would pick the weirdest lot for her. ‘That goes against the idea.’

  ‘I think that’s pretty clever, don’t you?’

  ‘If you say so.’

  Walking off towards her office she did a double take when she spotted Wes speaking to Calum.

  Mabel nearly dropped her coffee.

  ‘Hello there,’ Calum said, forcing a smile. ‘Wes popped in on the off chance.’

  ‘Was he passing a private clinic to make baby number two?’ she asked, knowing her ex heard and grimaced. ‘I’m not speaking to him.’

  ‘We need to speak,’ Wes said quietly. ‘You’re not co-operative and haven’t been in years but this is serious. Whatever you think of me that’s fine but this is about our girls.’

  Then her ears pricked up.

  Within seconds, she knew they had a captive audience in their glass office menagerie.

  ‘Go to my office,’ Calum said and ushered Wes along as Mabel stood rooted to the spot. He turned to look at her. ‘Just do it for me, okay?’

  Taking a deep breath, she followed them and noticed Alex was talking to Lauren.

  ‘Mabel, I need to speak to you afterwards,’ Alex said and smiled when looking at Wes. ‘I’ll come to your office.’

  She couldn’t answer as the annoyance was slapped across her frozen face.

  Wes was sitting on the sofa as she stood. Calum closed the door and walked off.

  ‘What’s so urgent?’ she asked, unable to make eye contact.

  ‘Can you please sit down?’ he gently asked.

  It was the same tone he used when breaking the news about his relationship with Tafari.

  And the baby.

  Sitting so no-one could see her face, she sipped her drink that tasted of nothing.

  Which is exactly how she felt.

  Nothing.

  ‘Mabel, I’m sorry I came here but I had no choice. Lottie picked up on something a few weeks ago and probably Jess, but you can never tell what goes on her head, a bit like you.’ Mabel turned to glare at him. He was smiling. ‘Don’t be angry.’

  ‘Are you serious?’ she hissed. ‘I can be as angry as I like with you. You’re an ungrateful shit, do you know that?’

  ‘I get where you’re coming from, I really do. You told me what you thought regarding my actions and me. I’ve not forgotten.’ He looked hurt. Mabel knew he was turning the tables on her. ‘I understand.’

  ‘No, you don’t. You have no idea how I feel. How could you?’

  ‘I’ve not come here to dig up the past,’ he said firmly. ‘Tafari and I
have decided to split.’

  Mabel sat back in the couch, nearly spilling the contents of her coffee over her top.

  ‘It hasn’t been good between us for a long time. I’m going to tell the girls this weekend but I wanted you to know.’

  ‘Why do you want me to know?’ she asked, trying to hide her shock. ‘I mean, it took you a matter of months after our divorce to get hitched.’

  ‘I’m moving back in with my mum and the girls will visit me there.’

  ‘I’d like to say I’m sorry to hear your news but I’m not.’ Mabel stood up. ‘Don’t you realise how confusing this is going to be for them? Haven’t they been through enough?’

  ‘And who said you never kept a grudge?’ he asked, sitting back and angrily looking up at her.

  ‘Don’t you turn this! You did it to us. Not me.’

  ‘Of course, you’d say that!’

  ‘Maybe you’re getting your just desserts,’ she said furiously.

  He stood up, his six feet two inches towering over her as he looked down.

  ‘I love you Mabel Day with all my heart, I always have and always will. I asked you to take me back but you refused, due to your inability to forgive. And I guess Tafari knew I was never really happy with her.’ He grabbed her shoulders, looking straight into her eyes. ‘And I need you to know something.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m not well Mabel and together we have to protect the girls from finding out, okay?’

  ‘Fucking bastard.’

  She said under her breath, turning her chair so she could look out the window. ‘Fucking, fucking bastard!’

  She knew the office was on high gossip alert since Wes dropped in.

  It made her want to scream because he had left her in a dilemma.

  Staring out the window, she really didn’t know what to do. Wes had sworn her to secrecy which meant lying to her children, mother and brother.

  Again, and again, she uttered the same two words.

  ‘He’s a fucking bastard?’ she heard him say, making her jump.

  Alex was sitting on the floor, his back against the large glass window, rolling an orange backwards and forwards between his legs.