Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  Alex pressed the bell, and they both stood up, waiting for the bus to stop. He got off first, striding away as she followed.

  Taking her tablet out of his pocket, he continued to read the emails while walking ahead.

  ‘Can I have it back, please?’ she asked, trying to keep up. ‘Alex! That’s my personal email account.’

  ‘You don’t know this guy!’ he said loudly, turning to look at her while holding her tablet in his hand. ‘And I didn’t get an email alert so you can’t see him again until I find out more.’

  ‘I can see who I like and he’s really very nice.’

  ‘Very nice?’

  ‘He’s taller than you and quite muscular. I think he works out,’ she said, trying to recall if he mentioned it. ‘Lee has grey-blue eyes and a lovely smile. We got on well after I had a glass of wine to calm my nerves.’

  ‘You had to get drunk.’

  ‘That’s not what I said. I was nervous. Shit Alex, I’ve not gone on a date in decades, and I was petrified. After the continuous rejection or none interest from that dating website, it was obvious I was going to agree to meet anyone. To be honest, I thought he would be hideous, but he’s not.’ Mabel smiled and was met with a frown. ‘It was your idea to volunteer me because I’m a challenge. Who knows? He might not want to see me again after Friday.’

  ‘You’re seeing him again this Friday?’ He let out a laugh. ‘See what I said about you! Mabel that’s too fast, and you’re going to come across as needy.’

  ‘I want someone to like me!’ she honestly blurted out. ‘Genuinely like me.’

  ‘No such thing,’ he said, shaking his head sadly.

  ‘What? Genuinely liking me?’ She gulped hard seeing him squint. The comment hurt hard. ‘Am I that hard to love?’

  ‘Who mentioned love?’ he whispered, handing the tablet back and eyeing her with suspicion. ‘After one meet up you’re planning ahead.’

  ‘Rushing into things, that’s what you think. Right now, I need a distraction and-.’

  ‘If it’s about a screw, I’m willing to do it,’ he said in all seriousness. ‘Even the way you peeled the orange in my car, I could see your frustration.’

  ‘It was with the orange!’ she half shouted. ‘Not about sex!’

  ‘So, you say.’

  ‘You are no bloody help!’ Mabel marched off down the road. ‘This first man that shows genuine interest and you think that a, it’s a mistake; b, he must be out of his mind; c, I’m needy!’ Needy! Me!’

  She realised Alex wasn’t following her but was laughing.

  Mabel turned to see him bent over trying to control her breath.

  ‘Is it that hard to even like me in your eyes?’ she asked, not wanting to do what she was feeling, which was to cry at his reaction. ‘Is that what you think?’ And she couldn’t stop the tears coming. ‘Because I am hard to love there’s no point.’

  It hit her cheek, the stray tear and her eyes were blurred for a second. She quickly wiped it away and ran to work, knowing Alex would probably use that against her later.

  When he eventually stopped convulsing with fits of giggles.

  All at Mabel’s expense.

  ‘Please find out for me.’

  Mabel was sat with Tommy having a coffee later that afternoon in the dining area. She was worried that meeting Lee was an error. ‘You told me you know someone that works there. Come on.’

  ‘It’s not that easy,’ he whispered. ‘I don’t want to get my contact into trouble.’

  ‘Say it’s for research,’ she whispered, shaking her head in dismay.

  ‘Why do you want to know?’ Tommy asked leaning forward. ‘Are you upset about your lack of responses? Personally, I saw your photo, and I’m surprised your in-box isn’t overloaded with interest.’

  He then blushed making Mabel smile when he realised what he’d said.

  ‘I think that’s the problem. No-one wants to get into her in-box, if you get my drift,’ Alex said, shoving Mabel as he pulled up a chair and started eating an orange. ‘Why aren’t men interested in Mabel?’

  ‘Is that a rhetorical question or am I going to get more of your pearls of wisdom?’ Mabel asked.

  She turned to look at him.

  It had only been six hours since he upset her the first time today, and she took a deep breath.

  ‘Alex could ask for you,’ Tommy said, getting a little nervous. ‘He could call regarding people not getting responses and if you get your money back.’

  ‘It would sound negative,’ replied Alex, slowly peeling his orange and she knew it was the sex routine. ‘They are highly successful.’

  ‘How can they be when Mabel’s had no-one respond?’ Tommy cleared his throat.

  ‘There’s plenty of choice,’ grinned Alex looking at Mabel.

  Her ego now being flat-lined, Mabel didn’t want to speak to him.

  ‘Tommy, I need to talk to Mabel alone. Do you mind?’

  ‘Sure,’ replied Tommy standing up and walking away.

  Mabel noticed Heidi look at Tommy as he went back to his office.

  ‘Heidi really fancies him,’ Alex whispered, still peeling his orange slowly. ‘And he has a thing for you, poor kid.’

  ‘What do you want?’ Mabel sipped her coffee, avoiding eye contact.

  ‘I didn’t say that this morning.’

  ‘Say what?’

  ‘That you were hard to love. You clearly think it.’

  Turning her head slowly, she watched him pull the skin off the orange before removing the pith, and then separate the segments. He popped one into his mouth and smiled.

  ‘I think you play mind games,’ she said, moving closer to him, seeing his eyes widen. ‘You think I’m an easy target and you get a kick out of pulling me to pieces, very much like your orange. I reckon you knew I wouldn’t get any responses. Knowing my lack of popularity would make it hilarious for you and others to laugh behind my back, as well as in front of my face.’

  ‘Are you still seeing your imaginary friend on Friday?’ he smiled, leaning closer to her face. ‘I hope you have a nice time.’

  Mabel shook her head realising he thought she was lying.

  It summed up his opinion of her.

  He didn’t have much of one.

  Then he took out his mobile phone and rang someone.

  ‘Hi Keith,’ he said cheerfully, making her frown. ‘Here’s a question. Could you get your person on the inside of ‘Love to Love’ to find out how common it is to receive nil interest?’ There was something being said on the other end. ‘None of ours but I need to know how they deal with it. And what if the person rejects all people who emails them. I think we need to dig deeper to see if that’s something we can work on. See you later.’

  ‘How probable do you think it is he’s going to put forward his production company to make a lot of money from the pitch? And what if we win? What do you think his cut is?’ Mabel frowned at Alex. ‘I’m not making it up.’

  ‘Take a picture of your bogus man and let me see.’

  ‘How obvious will that be?’

  ‘Then I know it’s not a dildo you’re talking to,’ he said, letting out a little laugh and holding a segment of orange. Then he forced it towards her lips. ‘It’s very juicy. Have some.’ Mabel shook her head, so he popped it into his mouth. ‘We nearly shared spit.’

  ‘We will share spit when I spit blood at you for not taking me seriously.’ She huffed and moved away. ‘What if you’re right and he’s hacked my account, seeing I’ve had no interest. Does he think that will make me a vulnerable and easy target?’

  ‘Seriously Mabel,’ Alex said, standing up. ‘Vulnerable and easy isn’t something I’d describe you as.’ Then he laughed to himself, before bending down to whisper in her ear. ‘Maybe easy when it comes to Bob Jones. Is it true, he’s hung like a horse?’

  She punched him hard on the arm as he kissed her nose and walked off.

  Mabel glared as she watched his pert backside move away into the dist
ance.

  But she had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from smiling.

  Alex Chambers was cheeky, charming, and a funny pain in the arse.

  ‘Wes, you should tell your mum.’

  Mabel arranged to meet him before heading out to dinner on Friday. He was going to pick up the girls from school. Even she could see he didn’t look well.

  ‘I don’t want her to worry.’

  ‘You think by not letting her know is going to make it easier?’ Mabel let out a disgruntled laugh. ‘Any fool can see you’re not well.’

  ‘So, you keep saying.’ He grinned. ‘You look different. I can’t figure out why.’

  ‘The whole idea of divorcing was to worry less about another human being, not the other way around.’

  And that’s when she saw it.

  The concern creeping over his face.

  ‘Tell Baba or I’ll tell her. I mean it,’ Mabel said threateningly. ‘She will never let me hear the last of it if you don’t. Is that what you want me to live with?’ Wes smiled and nodded. ‘And call me when you do it.’ She checked her watch. ‘I better go. I’m meeting someone.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘A date.’ Then Wes’s face darkened before forcing a smile. ‘I‘m allowed to.’

  ‘A nice guy?’

  ‘Aren’t they all before you find out they’re bastards?’

  Heading to the bus stop, she travelled for thirty minutes before reaching Kensington, where Lee wanted to meet. He said he had some family function to attend to but was happy to have dinner early.

  In a way, she was relieved because Alex had managed to wind her up about Lee, the idea of meeting early evening seemed palatable.

  Walking to the restaurant, she saw him sitting at the bar.

  His face lit up, and she smiled.

  What she needed was the company with someone who thought she was a little appealing.

  Not like Alex.

  And then she felt pissed off.

  He was taking over her thoughts, and she knew it was probably his intention to fill her with self-doubt.

  ‘Hello,’ Lee said, getting up and walking over. He kissed her on both cheeks. ‘Thanks for coming.’

  ‘I thought you might have changed your mind,’ she said, letting out a little laugh. ‘This is a lovely place. I wouldn’t have known it existed.’

  ‘A secret,’ he smiled as she took off her coat. ‘You look amazing. I’m sorry we can’t make an evening of it. I forgot about this family thing so maybe next time?’

  ‘Let’s see if you still want to see me after this evening.’

  The waiter led them to a small, secluded table, as they sat down.

  ‘I spoke to the website. I know someone who knows someone who works there,’ he said, startling her a little. Mabel wanted to approach the subject after a couple of glasses. ‘Seems there’s an error on your account.’

  ‘My account?’ Mabel then wondered if Alex hadn’t paid the subscription. ‘Who do you know at ‘Love to Love’?’

  ‘An old friend. However, you’ve been rejecting all the suitors.’

  ‘No, I haven’t!’ she laughed out.

  ‘Ah, well, then something’s going on. I’ll asked them to find out.’ Lee moved forward. ‘Are you sure you didn’t reject anyone?’

  ‘How was the imaginary date?’

  Alex asked, jumping Mabel out of her skin as she sat in the steam room the following day.

  He was dripping wet and sitting opposite.

  ‘It was lovely, thanks for asking. We went to an imaginary restaurant and ate pretend food.’ Mabel smirked before folding her arms.

  ‘Are you in need of attention?’

  ‘Don’t talk about sex!’ she hissed, seeing a woman start to smile.

  ‘I meant attention because no-one is taking any notice of you.’

  ‘Well, you’re wrong!’

  ‘Wrong?’

  Mabel stood up and looked down at him, but she was a little surprised to see he was eyeing her up and down. Immediately she put her hands in front of her tummy as he smiled and looked up.

  ‘Whatever you’re imagining, don’t,’ she whispered. ‘It’s not good for you.’

  ‘How did I get it wrong?’ Alex then stood up, and she realised his bare, wet skin, was touching hers.

  And she liked it.

  The shock of the thought made her lose her breath for a moment.

  Recoiling from the instant attraction to Alex Chambers, she walked out of the steam room and went straight under a cold shower.

  He stood next to her.

  ‘You’re winding me up and… ah! It’s bloody cold!’ Alex jumped away and looked at her. ‘It’s like ice!’

  Grinning to herself and seeing him turn the temperature to warm, she headed towards the empty Jacuzzi and sat down. Then he followed.

  ‘Hot steam rooms, cold showers, warm Jacuzzis! You’ll catch your death!’ Alex moved so he was facing her. ‘Unless there’s something else going on in your head.’

  Mabel looked at him and couldn’t help but smile.

  He was supporting a mischievous little grin.

  They stared at each other, not saying a word.

  ‘Did you do it on the first date?’ he asked as she looked around to see who was listening. ‘You might as well tell me as I’ll find out.’

  ‘Considering he’s not real, how could I?’

  ‘Did he pay for dinner?’

  ‘I offered to go halves and he refused. It was quite intimate and posh.’

  ‘Where was it?’

  ‘In Kensington. And no, I didn’t have sex with him because he had another family function to go to. Not that I would. It was nice.’

  ‘Nice again?’

  ‘He’s a gentleman.’

  ‘You mean dull?’

  ‘Look, I like him, and he likes me, I think. And here’s something I found out. He has a friend that works at ‘Love to Love’ and they checked my account and there’s a flaw. Seems I’m rejecting people who are clicking my inbox.’

  ‘Do you intend to let this Lee have a go at your inbox?’ he asked, staring with a half-smile.

  ‘Don’t you think that’s odd?’

  ‘Who does this Lee know?’

  ‘I didn’t ask.’

  ‘Could still be a serial killer?’

  ‘I’ll ask him over cereal one day and see what he says,’ she replied, smirking at her joke and sinking deeper into the Jacuzzi. ‘I’m not going to end up in the sack with him.’ Mabel laughed at the idea. ‘I need some practice dating and he seems like a nice guy.’

  ‘You said ‘nice’ twice which means you’re not really into him.’

  Alex got up and jumped into the pool, starting to swim lengths.

  Lee wasn’t attractive in the same way as Alex. He had maturity and gravitas. Even the way he spoke there was a level of sensibility, which only came with someone who was successful in business, very much like her mother.

  But there was also something Mabel couldn’t quite get her head around. As lovely as Lee was, she didn’t trust him. He seemed the type of man that went on numerous dates and had his eye on the prize, which was to take that person to bed.

  Mabel wasn’t having any of it.

  The man currently gliding through the water had all the arrogance of a creative and was flirtatious to the point where you would think he was conceited. ‘Nice’ was never a word you would use for Alex.

  But there was something about him that revealed a small amount if intensity and distrust. Mabel put this down to his early start in life.

  And he had cheated on his wife so loyalty can’t have been his thing.

  Considering he tried to make his daughter happy, he gained points for his kindness. And she was aware of his vulnerability, which made her care for the arsehole.

  ‘What are you thinking?’ Alex was standing in the swimming pool, looking at her. ‘Tell me again what his friend at ‘Love to Love’ said about your glitch.’

  ‘Lee
said that there’s an error on my profile, and it seems to be rejecting people. They’re looking into it. He asked if I had done it and I said I hadn’t got one interested man, other than him.’

  Alex frowned and sunk into the water.

  ‘Which means,’ she continued, leaning over to look at him. ‘I could have had hundreds of responses.’

  ‘Hundreds?’ he said flatly.

  ‘Okay, maybe five. I’m not that bad, am I?’

  ‘Jury’s out on that one, I’m afraid.’

  He then splashed her as he started to swim again.

  Mabel decided not to rise to the bait and wondered when she would see Lee again.

  ‘What are you doing this afternoon?’ he asked, splashing her face as he returned. ‘Let’s go to the cinema, as you like it so much.’

  ‘With you?’ She couldn’t hide her look of surprise. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Coming to this gym, I get a free cinema ticket and so do you. It’s not a date.’

  ‘I didn’t think that for a moment.’ Mabel stood up and walked out of the Jacuzzi. ‘I’ll see you in ten minutes.’

  This time she didn’t even bother to put her arms around her mid-drift.

  Alex was certainly not going to give her a second look even if she was in a swimsuit.

  ‘I can’t watch!’

  Mabel was bent over forward in the cinema. ‘This is too much.’

  ‘It’s fake blood,’ Alex whispered. ‘It’s not real.’

  He had told her it was a thriller and she realised it was more like a horror movie.

  ‘But it looks real.’

  He pulled her up and made her sit back in her seat. The area was mainly empty other than half a dozen other people.

  Another scene where someone was going around slashing a knife in the air started, and this time she put her hands over her face, peeking between her fingers.

  ‘Are you really scared of this?’ he whispered into her ear.

  ‘I get nightmares due to my vivid imagination. Always have since I was a child. It first started when I saw a Mickey Mouse cartoon.’

  ‘That explains the pretend boyfriend!’ he said, laughing out loudly then putting a hand over his mouth.

  ‘He’s not my boyfriend; he’s a date.’