Hard to Love

by S M Mala

  ‘Not now Alex,’ she said, closing her eyes. ‘I need to sort out work.’

  ‘Yes now,’ he said, moving closer.

  ‘People can see.’

  ‘I don’t care. The last thing I want is to see you upset again. It was horrible.’

  ‘What? Watching me cry? Who looks pretty when they cry?’ she laughed, seeing him frown. ‘I’m fine. I’ll work it out.’

  ‘Is there something going on between you and Joanna?’ Then he looked upset. ‘She seems very fond of you.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Like, you know, it happens. People fall for certain people if they’re confused.’

  Mabel burst out laughing as he scowled.

  ‘You think she’s my gay lover?’ The laugh rattled through her body. ‘Joanna?’

  ‘Okay, obviously not!’ he replied, crossing his arms defensively.

  ‘That’s very funny! From my make-believe man on the internet, to me snogging some stranger at lunch, you now think I’m a carpet muncher.’

  ‘That’s quite rude and insulting to lesbians.’

  ‘You must think I’m a nut case.’

  ‘It crossed my mind.’

  ‘One day it will all make sense to you, but not right now.’

  ‘He said you could destroy it,’ whispered Alex.

  ‘Easier said than done,’ she replied, standing up. ‘Maybe that’s the twist. Whether I can. Double edged sword, so to speak.’

  ‘You have barriers.’

  ‘I have no barriers, just me and that could be the problem. Mabel Day.’

  ‘A small one, please?’

  Mabel was at her local, getting a quick glass of wine after having dinner with Iona.

  The children had gone to Baba’s that Friday and she had a free evening, but her friend was meeting a man later, so the meet up was short.

  Taking her glass, she went into the garden area and saw a small table was free, so perched on the chair, taking out her tablet to play a game. Right now, she was very tempted to buy twenty plays so she could complete a level that was far too hard.

  ‘Hello.’

  Mabel looked up, and Alex was standing beside her table.

  ‘Hi,’ she replied, looking at him all dolled up in a dinner suit and tie. ‘Where’ve you been or where are you going?’

  ‘I’ve been, and it was dull,’ he said, letting out a sigh. ‘I got out the cab and saw you walk in, so I thought I’d come and join you.’ Alex sat down pulling at his tie. ‘I hate those things and I can’t stand wearing these.’

  ‘You look sharp,’ she said, putting down her tablet. ‘That’s not a come on, just an observation.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He rolled up the tie and put it in his pocket, further unbuttoning his shirt and taking off his jacket. ‘Shall I get a bottle?’

  ‘I was only going to have one drink.’

  ‘I take it the girls are with their grandmother.’ He stood up. ‘Let’s get a bottle.’

  ‘All right,’ she said, going into her handbag. ‘I’ll give you the money.’

  ‘I’ll get it.’ He walked off, and she smelt the aftershave waft off his jacket.

  He smelt good, and that’s when she started to get nervous.

  She knew he wasn’t physically interested, after the kissing rebuff. Then she remembered crying in the cab home because he didn’t want to go out to dinner with her.

  Mabel felt stupid, not wanting to sit opposite him so she could feel further humiliation.

  Just as she was about to stand up and leave, he returned.

  ‘Where are you going?’ he asked as she picked up her bag.

  ‘We never really finish an evening off on a good note. I don’t want the same thing to happen. Enjoy the wine.’

  ‘No, way!’ he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her back. ‘You’re staying here to drink this.’

  ‘Why do you want to spend time with me? You’re just going to make me feel more inadequate than I usually do. Do you get some sort of kick out of it?’

  ‘I’d like to kick you right now,’ he mumbled, pushing her back onto the chair. ‘Stop irritating me and sit down.’

  ‘No, I won’t! I refuse to be bullied by you or anyone.’

  ‘Ah, emotional problems,’ he said, sitting down and topping up her empty glass, then pouring one out for himself. ‘Talk to me about it.’

  ‘You don’t listen.’

  ‘I do, believe me.’

  Seeing the tempting glass of cold wine, she pulled out the chair and sat down, turning it, so she didn’t have to look at him.

  ‘You told me that your husband’s last child should have been yours. You now have the chance, why aren’t you getting fertilised?’

  She flicked him a glance and continued to drink.

  ‘You know what I think?’ he continued, moving his chair closer. ‘He has done this to make him some martyr, and to prevent you from moving on.’

  ‘That’s my children’s father you’re talking about.’

  ‘And like I said, I would have given him one if I were that way inclined,’ he smirked. ‘But I prefer something else.’ Alex flicked her a glance. ‘Why don’t you give his wife the sperm?’

  ‘He asked for me to have it, not her.’

  ‘Do you want it?’

  ‘Of course, I don’t want it!’ she snapped. ‘Who wants to be left that in a will?’

  ‘I see your point.’ Alex started to laugh. ‘And he said you could destroy it.’

  ‘Spit it out and tell me I’m more likely to get impregnated five times from his Petri dish than get laid, let alone fall in love.’

  He topped up her glass and then his. She noticed he was drinking quickly.

  ‘Anyway, let’s change the subject. Where did you go this evening?’ she asked, letting out a sigh, knowing Alex hadn’t come back with a witty remark.

  ‘An awards ceremony.’

  ‘And you didn’t like it because you lost?’

  ‘I won two awards when working at my old agency,’ he scowled, tapping his fingers on the table.

  ‘Then why aren’t you celebrating?’

  ‘I wanted to come back. I suspected you’d be here.’

  ‘Why?’ Then she squirmed. ‘Are you in a bad mood and want to inflict it on me? Or do you want to share your pearls of wisdom regarding my mental and emotional well-being?’ Mabel laughed. ‘Right now, I don’t know what I am.’

  ‘Confused, I suspect.’

  ‘Very.’

  ‘About me.’

  He slouched further into his chair and stared.

  ‘I think you’re strange,’ she mumbled, knocking back her glass of wine. ‘And you’re a wind-up merchant.’

  ‘You told Calum I was a male equivalent to a cock tease, didn’t you?’

  Her mouth dropped open, and she was going to strangle her brother for dropping her in it.

  ‘Which means,’ he said, leaning closer. ‘You fancy me.’

  ‘When did he tell you this?’

  ‘Tonight, at dinner.’

  ‘That little fucker!’

  ‘And you and Calum, what’s going on there? Every time I mention your name he either laughs or frowns.’

  ‘He has mental issues.’

  Alex started to laugh.

  ‘Mabel Day, you are full of secrets. Personally, I don’t like it but it’s interesting. When I’m a board director, I’m going to have to review all the roles in the company.’

  ‘Who says?’

  ‘I says.’ Then he smiled and leaned forward. ‘Which means I have to give you the once over.’

  She suddenly clicked what he was up to.

  ‘You want me to pay you for sex, don’t you? That’s why you came here on the search of making pocket money. Or getting a rise out of me. Neither one you’re going to get.’

  ‘Fucking hell, you’re an absolute doughnut!’ he laughed out loudly, making people turn and look.

  ‘How dare you!’ Mabel stood up immediately, knocking her chair to the flo
or. ‘I am not a doughnut and you’re a freak! I refuse to work for the agency if you’re a board director.’

  ‘Then I’ll get you sacked.’

  Mabel stood still for a moment before picking up the chair.

  He might be her saviour.

  ‘How can I get the sack?’ she asked, sitting back down and smiling sweetly at him.

  ‘Mabel!’ he said, half shouting and laughing. ‘I know you’re going through a tough time but are you really round the bend?’

  ‘Redundant!’ She clicked her fingers. ‘Make me redundant. The others can do my job as I’m hardly there. But I want a good severance. Or gardening leave?’ Mabel started to clap her hands. ‘Then I don’t have to come in.’ Putting out her right hand, she grinned. ‘Let’s shake on it.’

  He shook his head from side to side and smiled.

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I sign the paperwork on Friday before attending the first board meeting.’

  ‘Oh,’ she said, knowing she too had been summoned. Hence, the girls were going to stay with Annette and the bonkers twins. ‘That’s why they call them board meetings, you get bored.’

  ‘How would you know?’

  ‘I’m making a joke.’

  ‘Why do you want to get sacked?’

  ‘They won’t accept my resignation. I try once every six weeks. Joanna keeps them in a folder to read them for amusement.’

  ‘You are deadly serious, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Why won’t she let you go if that’s what you want?’

  Alex took a sip of his wine, and she grinned, knowing exactly what was going to happen next.

  ‘Because, Alex Chambers, she’s my step-mother.’

  He choked, spitting the wine into Mabel’s face.

  ‘You did that on purpose!’

  Mabel was wiping her face, but he was roaring with laughter while trying to help. A nice waiter saw what happened and ran over with some napkins. ‘I know you did!’

  ‘You are something else!’ Alex laughed, wiping his chin with a napkin. ‘I saw you smile before you said it. You knew I’d choke.’

  ‘You’ve just found out a big secret that no-one else knows, so please keep quiet about it.’ She dabbed her face then the front of her dress. ‘Lucky it was white wine!’

  ‘And I thought you were secret gay lovers.’

  ‘Oh, please! My mother certainly is not gay! She was the one pushing me out there when I was a teenager to get laid. I had Lottie’s morals and didn’t play along until later.’ Mabel touched her head. ‘I’ve got wine in my hair.’

  ‘Okay, let me get this straight,’ he said, holding onto his laugh. ‘All those weeks ago, you said she had kids, but forgot to say you were one of them.’

  ‘Why do you remember what I say?’

  ‘Because I do.’ Then he did something baffling; he let out a loud sigh. ‘I don’t know if this information makes you more or less attractive in my eyes.’

  ‘Probably more because you think I’ve got money, which I haven’t. And less, because I’m ageing by the day and over thirty whatever you said.’

  The bottle of wine was finished, and Mabel needed to get showered. She didn’t want to smell like a wino. Plus, the kids would notice the scent on her sheets and tell Joanna that she was up to her old ways again.

  ‘Thanks for the drink, literally,’ she said, standing up. ‘It was enlightening.’

  Alex stood and grabbed his jacket as Mabel got her things and walked out the side gate.

  ‘Where are you going?’ he asked, following.

  ‘Home. I need to shower.’

  ‘I didn’t spit that much at you. Come to mine for a nightcap.’

  Mabel stopped and turned around to look at him.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because you seem pretty sober. Anyway, it’s a ‘thank you’ for letting Rose hang out at yours last Saturday, even though you’re currently not a fan of mine.’

  ‘You just said I fancy you.’

  ‘Do you?’

  Breathing in deeply, she realised Alex was looking at her up and down.

  ‘You’re safe. I won’t try anything,’ she said, turning around.

  He sprinted past her and walked in front, tilting his head down to take quick glances to see she was following.

  ‘Where did you go this evening? Out with your imaginary friend or accosting men outside restaurants?’

  ‘I was with Iona.’

  ‘The luscious, sexy, woman you were sitting next to in the pub a few weeks back.’

  ‘That’s her.’

  ‘She’s gorgeous.’

  ‘Help yourself.’

  Alex stopped and spun on his heels to look at her.

  ‘This man you’ve been seeing, who you slept with a few weeks after your ex-husband died. What was he like in the sack? This is all for research purposes.’

  ‘I’m not coming to your home if you’re going to ask questions like that.’

  ‘And who were you thinking about when you were doing the filthy deed?’ He laughed. ‘Anyone I know?’

  He grabbed her hand and started to walk faster, pushing her through the gates and then dragged her all the way up to his front door.

  ‘I’ve got Cointreau,’ he said, walking in. ‘You said you liked it.’

  ‘I love it but without ice.’ Mabel noticed he smiled then sauntered off.

  ‘Kick off your shoes. Take a seat, relax, and I’ll be back.’

  She did just that and sat down so she could see the sky from his large plush white sofa.

  ‘Why did you get this? It’s only going to get dirty,’ she said, looking at the pale interior. ‘Did you pick this all out yourself? It must have cost a fortune.’

  Returning with a bottle and two glasses, she noticed he had an orange in his hand.

  ‘I’ve done well in the past ten years, and this place is a good investment,’ he replied, looking around. ‘It’s not ideal for Rose because I worry about the balcony, but I might move. Either way I’m making money living here.’

  He sat next to her and poured the drink, handing her a glass. Then he started to peel the orange, and it wasn’t his usual technique.

  ‘What are you thinking about?’ she asked, seeing he was trying to keep the skin fully intact.

  Alex took it and stood the peel on the table.

  It was an orange without an inside.

  ‘That’s what sex is like when it’s not good,’ he said, sipping his drink and staring at it. ‘The illusion of something good when there’s no substance.’ Alex sat back and looked at her. ‘Don’t sleep with him again, okay?’

  Mabel looked at the orange and knew what he meant.

  ‘I was upset like I said.’

  ‘I upset you.’

  ‘Yes, you did.’ She swallowed hard and then turned to face him. ‘But it was all raw at the time.’

  ‘You should have made me listen.’ Alex moved closer. ‘We’re good acquaintances.’

  ‘No such thing,’ she laughed, seeing him smile. ‘We’re neighbours and work colleagues.’

  ‘And you’re the daughter of one of my bosses’ so I have to be very careful not to upset you.’

  ‘Joanna wouldn’t mind. She’d think it was character building.’

  ‘What did she say when you told her about breaking up with Wes all those years ago?’

  Mabel started to laugh.

  ‘Did she take it badly?’

  ‘My mother said if it weren't for the fact his penis was de-funked due to cancer, she would have chopped it off.’ She hollered with laughter. ‘I told her that he had an affair under a microscope.’ Suddenly her laughter stopped. ‘Poor Wes.’

  She looked up and grinned.

  Alex kissed her gently on the lips as she startled and leaned back.

  ‘Don’t think because I’m vulnerable, you’re going to get a rise out of me,’ she said, as he took the glass out of her hand. ‘I’m not making the same mistake twice.’

  �
��This isn’t a mistake, and I might not get a rise,’ he whispered. Mabel bit her lip, hiding the utter disappointment. ‘But I am going to do this.’

  He gently clasped her neck and pulled her forward, kissing her on the lips and she kissed him back. All the time she waited to see if he would pull away, but he didn’t.

  Then his tongue moved closer, and she touched it.

  Opening her eyes, she realised he was looking at her before he pulled her closer and kissed her so passionately, Mabel thought she was going to faint.

  She closed her eyes, feeling her libido jump around in her body.

  When he pulled away, all she could do was try and catch her breath.

  ‘All right,’ she said, her voice going very high before clearing her throat. ‘You’re good at kissing.’ Breathing through what had happened, she noticed he was resting his chin on his hand, looking at her. ‘I better go.’

  ‘Does he make you feel like that when he kisses you?’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Your pretend man.’

  ‘No.’

  Then Alex smiled, and she was waiting for the punchline.

  And she waited.

  Nothing.

  ‘Yes, you can,’ he whispered, moving closer.

  ‘Yes, I can what?’

  ‘Yes, you can kiss me again.’

  ‘Who said I wanted to?’

  ‘I want to.’

  And Alex went in again and this time it was shocking what was happening to her body and their mouths.

  This time they were both tussling with each other on the sofa and Alex pushed her back, grabbing her around the waist as her hands went up the back of his shirt.

  Then it occurred to Mabel he was doing this because he thought he could.

  She pushed him away, parting their lips. He grinned.

  ‘You’re thinking, aren’t you?’ Alex asked then let out a sigh. ‘Something really negative based on your expression.’

  ‘Don’t use me because you think you can.’ Mabel frowned. ‘I’m way out of your age range and not cutting edge enough.’

  ‘You have a point.’

  ‘And I don’t want you to go boasting about this.’

  ‘Boasting?’

  She pushed him hard; he fell onto the floor.

  ‘Thanks for that!’ Mabel jumped to her feet and rushed towards her handbag. ‘I knew there’d be a punchline.’

  Alex rushed past her and grabbed her handbag then shoes before throwing them in a high cupboard and slamming the door shut.