Holiday Loves
Page 44
* * *
Kaitlin’s conversation about babies threw me and I spent a lot of time thinking about it.
At first, the conversation came off as her being baby crazy.
I spent a lot of time reflecting on where Kaitlin was coming from. The last guy she dated wanted to have kids and when he found out that she couldn’t, he dumped her. That dick had made her feel like she was less of a woman, so much so, that she had pretty much taken herself off the market for fear that she wouldn’t be wanted.
It enraged me that anyone could make her feel less than perfect. I did, however, understand her need for reassurances around my commitment despite her inability to have kids.
And that is exactly where her questions were coming from.
She wanted to know the extent to which I wanted kids.
What I couldn’t quite understand is that my answers, which reassured her I didn’t want kids right away, and that was something we could figure out together down the road, only seemed to upset her further.
Even more concerning is that I couldn’t seem to get her on the phone for the last two nights I was on the road.
Normally, I would write off a chick who behaved like this as high-drama, but with Kaitlin, I just wanted to get to the bottom of it.
* * *
When my cab pulled up to the house, despite the late hour, lights were still on.
She was waiting up for me.
I let myself in the door and my eyes found Kaitlin, sitting on the couch. Normally she ran to greet me, jumping in my arms, wrapping her legs around me. Blowing my mind with her kisses.
This response terrified me.
Something had shifted.
I dropped my bags and walked over to the couch.
Her eyes were red and puffy, and the tip of her nose was pink. It was obvious that she had been crying.
“What’s going on?” I eased myself to sit beside her.
She shook her head, unable to meet my eyes.
“Kaitlin, baby. Please just talk. Why are you upset?”
She sucked breath into her lungs. She was so cute, I wanted to wrap her in my arms and hold her, but I refrained. She needed to speak, and I needed to listen.
“You know how you said you didn’t want kids for a while?”
“Didn’t mean I don’t want them. I just think it’s a bit too soon to be thinking about adopting and kids. Sweetheart, we’re just getting to know each other.”
“I’m pregnant.”
The shock was as great as if she had karate kicked me in the nuts. There was this weird buzzing behind my ears as her words echoed in my brain.
I’m pregnant.
Visions of our future flashed before my eyes.
Kaitlin cute and pregnant. Her holding a baby in her arms. Becoming a family. A toddler sitting in a high chair. Baby seats in the backseat of my truck. A little kid learning how to walk. Taking it to the local arena and teaching the kid how to skate. Watching from the doorway while Kaitlin patiently read the kid bedtime stories.
Would our kid have her red hair? Would our kid have Kaitlin’s infectious smile?
Against my will, my mind transferred to us not having kids. To what we would be giving up.
I envisioned Kaitlin and I lying on some beach together. Staying out late at nightclubs. Although I couldn’t really see Kaitlin wanting to go to a nightclub, pregnant or not.
My mind wandered back to the baby scenes. The beach scene was replaced with us lying in the shade on a big blanket, with Kaitlin reading while our baby slept. I could take the baby to the water to dangle her feet in the waves. Together the three of us would sit in the sand and build sand castles.
“Zach?” Kaitlin looked terrified.
“You’re having my baby?”
“Yes.”
“I thought you couldn’t get pregnant?”
Her bottom lip started to tremble. “My surgeon said it was a miracle baby.”
Happiness flooded my chest. So much happiness I almost couldn’t breathe. It didn’t make any sense because five minutes ago, kids weren’t on my radar. Now, Kaitlin and our baby, together in my life, I suddenly realized that this is what I wanted.
This is what I always wanted. I just hadn’t realized it.
I leaned over and pressed my lips against hers, keeping my eyes open. “I can’t wait.”
Her eyes flew open. “What?”
I smiled against her lips. “I absolutely can’t fucking wait.”
She pulled her head back to look me in the eyes. “But you told me that you weren’t sure if you wanted kids and if you did, not for a while.”
“Hypothetically, but the real thing is a different story.”
“We’ve only been together for 5 weeks.”
I lifted my hands to cup her face. “We’ve known each other our entire lives. I’m in love with you.”
Her lips parted. “You are?”
“I’m crazy about you, what part of that didn’t you figure out?”
“When did that happen?” She looked so shocked, I wanted to laugh.
I thought about my answer. “Long before our first kiss. But I think I knew I wasn’t ready for this. And I knew you weren’t either.”
“You’re ready now?”
“I'm ready.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I was so scared. I thought this had messed everything up.”
I kissed her again until she moaned against my mouth. “Just means it’s right.”
“I love you, Zach.”
I picked her up and started to carry her upstairs. “Say it again.”
“I love you.”
“Again.”
“I love you.”
“I’m never going to get tired of hearing that.”
“You really want a baby?”
“I want our baby.”
“Say it again.”
“I have a better idea. Why don’t I show you?”
* * *
The next afternoon, Zach called me from practice and told me that he wanted to take me out for dinner. A fancy dinner. Someplace that we could celebrate in style.
He took me to a gorgeous restaurant that overlooked the water, called “La Mer Bleue.” Together we held hands and overlooked the sparkling water.
“So,” he grinned at me. “We should probably talk about some logistics.”
My heart thumped in my chest. “Okay.”
“I’m going to marry you one day, but I don’t want to propose because you are pregnant. I want that to be a separate special thing, so you always know I asked you to marry me because I love you, not because I knocked you up.”
My heart pounded. “Deal.”
“But in the meantime, where would you like to live?”
“What are my options?”
“You know, I loved your street that you grew up on. I love the big backyards, the nearby park, the big trees. It’s a quiet street. As long as I’m playing for the Wolves, I’d like to either live on that street or buy a house in the same neighborhood.”
Buy a house. That was as much of a commitment to me as a ring. “I’d like that, but can we afford that? I’m not going to be working.”
He grinned. “You got knocked up by someone who’s rich.”
“How rich?”
“I can buy you several houses.”
“We just need one,” I smiled. I didn’t care about money. All I cared about was this baby and Zach.
“Do you want a new house or should we ask Jesse if he wants to sell his half to us?”
Jesse.
My eyes widened at his name being mentioned. “I forgot about Jesse.”
“We’re going to have to talk to him.”
“Why exactly did he not want us to be together?”
Zach looked thoughtful. “I think he just knew that when he caught me checking you out, you were too young and I was too immature for what this needed to be. He didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“So, you think he’ll be okay?”
“Oh yeah. Don’t you?”
I thought about Jess. I tried to imagine having to tell him that I was pregnant and dating Zach, but that conversation eluded my imagination. “I don’t know.”
I stared at Zach who seemed totally at ease with me being pregnant, us moving in together, us buying a house, and telling Jesse.
“Why are you so calm about all of this?”
He took a sip of his beer. “Because I’m a calm guy?”
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
He leaned forward, his expression sincere. “If you would have asked me that last night, I would have said that this isn’t what I wanted, but the moment you told me you were pregnant with my kid, suddenly that is the only thing I wanted.”
“Zach,” I whispered, my heart full.
He motioned for the waiter to bring the cheque. “I think it’s time we do some personal celebrating.”
* * *
It started to rain. Zach grabbed my hand and together we ran across the lawn. I shrieked as the cold drops hit my blouse. Laughing, he dragged me under the overhang of the door and kissed me long and hard. I felt so much happiness, I thought my heart would burst.
“Hurry,” he urged as I worked to stab the key in the lock, but he kept distracting me with his mouth on my neck.
Finally, the door pushed in and we fell into the entrance way. He spun me around, pinned me against the wall and kissed me.
I opened my eyes and screamed into Zach’s mouth. Zach spun me around, putting himself between me and the kitchen.
There, on the kitchen island, in the dark, sat Jesse.
I reached out and clicked on the light.
With his long hair and a full blond beard, Jesse was almost unrecognizable. He wore ripped jeans, old sneakers, and he had a hardened edge to him. He looked like a criminal, not the clean-cut cop I associated with my brother.
“Jesse,” I breathed. “What are you doing here?”
His eyes were like icy slits. He held up one of my pregnancy tests. “Does someone want to fucking explain this to me?”
* * *
I recognized the look in Jesse’s eyes. The guy wanted to maim and destroy.
I kept my voice even-keeled. “Kaitlin’s pregnant. We’re having a baby together.”
Jesse’s eyes darted between Kaitlin and myself. “I should kill you, right here and right now.”
“No, Jesse,” Kaitlin fought my arm to move around me. “Don’t you dare.”
Jesse ignored her, all his anger focused on me. “I trusted you.”
“I kept my word for four years,” I replied.
“That promise was for life.”
“Jesse!” Kaitlin protested. “Just stop.”
He ignored her. “She’s my sister. We had a deal.”
“You don’t get to choose who I date,” Kaitlin stomped past him. She poured herself a glass of water and sipped it, but I noticed that her hand was shaking, which made me feel irrationally angry. No way should Kaitlin feel shaky in her own home.
“We had a deal,” he glared at me.
“Your sister makes half the decisions of this relationship. I make the other half,” I crossed my arms. “You don’t get to make any decisions about what happens between us.”
“You’re not good enough for her. I know who you are. I know how many women you’ve slept with.”
“Not nearly as many as you think,” I shot back.
“Bullshit. You’re just about the conquest.”
I could feel myself losing my cool. I brought air into my lungs and pinched my nose. “Kaitlin is different.”
He jumped off the island. “This isn’t going to happen.”
“Jesse,” Kaitlin interjected. “Enough with the drama. I’m no longer 17 years old. I’m an adult.”
His punch surprised me, catching me on my lip. I heard Katlin scream as I staggered back against the wall. The bitter copper taste of blood flooded my mouth.
I assessed the situation. I didn’t want to fight Jesse. If we went at it, it’d get ugly really quick. He was a cop, trained in defense, but I had grown up engaging in ugly fist fights while standing on ice in skates. I knew how to fight. I also outweighed him by about 40 pounds of muscle.
I held my hands up in front of me. “You don’t want to do this, man.”
“Actually, I do,” his smile was cold.
He stalked towards me. Kaitlin darted towards him, grabbing his arm.
“Kaitlin, no!” I yelled.
He shook her off like she was a kitten. She went flying. In slow motion, I watched as she snapped back, catching her head against the island.
She crumpled to the floor and my heart stopped.
I dove past Jesse and crouched next to her. “Kaitlin, darling.”
I bent my head down to her mouth. She was breathing.
“Call an ambulance,” I yelled at Jesse.
He was already on the phone.
“I didn’t mean it,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean it.”
I raised my gaze to him. “If you hurt her, I will kill you.”
He stared back at me, cold fear in his eyes. “I’ll let you.”
* * *
Within seconds she woke up. By the time the ambulance arrived, she was refusing to go to the hospital, but both Jesse and I overrode that suggestion.
She didn’t seem confused or dizzy. Just quiet.
I held her hand in mine on the way to the hospital in the back of the ambulance. “You okay, darling?”
“Just worried about Jesse.”
Jesse, my best friend. Brother of the love of my life.
The guy I currently wanted to pulverize.
“He’s okay.”
“I need you to make things right with him, okay?”
I looked into those worried brown eyes. I would do anything for her. “Okay.”
Kaitlin lay in emergency while I hovered over her. The doctor declared that she was fine and didn’t even have a concussion, but because of her pregnancy, they decided to hold her overnight.
I helped her settle in her hospital room and then sank down in the chair beside her bed.
“Where is Jesse?”
Don’t care. “He’s in the waiting room.”
Kaitlin’s eyes were heavy. “Go talk to him. Make this right.”
“Not happening. I’m not leaving your side.”
She gave me a sleepy smile. “I’m about to pass out and I’m in the best of hands. Go get this sorted out with Jesse, okay?”
The sooner I could do what she wanted, the sooner I could make it back to her bedside. I stood and leaned down to kiss her. “I’ll go talk to him.”
She shut her eyes. “I love you both, okay?”
I walked out to the waiting room. The moment I saw him, my fists curled.
When Jesse saw me, he stood up. “How is she?”
“She got lucky,” my voice was cold. “No concussion, the baby is fine. They are keeping her overnight for observation.”
“I never meant to hurt her.”
“I know.” I knew that, but the fact is he had hurt her. I studied the man before me. He looked like a biker version of Jesse. He looked hardened. Tough.
I wanted to fight him. I wanted him to hurt.
Kaitlin’s soft voice telling me she loved us both, forced me to take a deep breath. “Want to go get a beer?”
His eyes lifted to mine.
I shrugged. “I have instructions from Kat to fix this with you before she wakes up even if it’s the last thing I feel like doing, and the sooner we can do that, the sooner I can get back to her.”
He gave a short nod.
* * *
It took two beers before Jesse started talking about his undercover work. Things had gotten so intense and so dangerous that they had pulled him out without making the arrests they had been hoping to make. He looked wary and worn when he talked about what he saw.
“It’s changed me, man. I can’t describe it but I’m not even sure I want to b
e a cop anymore.”
I knew that feeling. “So, you decided to come home.”
“Yeah.”
“And you wanted everything to be like it had been. The one safe place where you knew who you were.”
His eyes widened. “Yeah.”
“And when things were different, it made you mad.”
“Sounds like you know how I’m feeling.”
“I left LA because I didn’t know if I wanted to play hockey anymore. I didn’t know what I wanted.”
“What happened?”
“Kaitlin happened. I’ve always loved her, Jesse, but coming back to her this time felt like I had been waiting my entire life for this.”
“You love her?”
“I love her. I want to marry her.” I thought about those few moments where she lay on the kitchen floor silent and still. A vision that would haunt me for the rest of my days. “I have no life without her.”
“I didn’t mean what I said. You two are good together.”
“I know.”
He looked sad. “I think I need my own LA.”
“What does that mean?”
“You left for LA and you found out who you are and what you wanted. I’ve hung onto the past like it was my job, and I’ve been terrified of letting anything change.”
“You don’t have to leave.”
“I asked for a six month unpaid leave of absence.”
“What are you going to do?”
His smile was sad. “I think I want to do that road trip that my Dad always talked about.”
“The surfing road trip.”
“All the way down to Mexico.”
“You don’t know how to surf.”
“That’s the point. Dad was supposed to teach me. Now I need to find my own way.”
“Kaitlin’s going to be sad.”
“She needs to be her own person without her big brother watching her every move.”
I didn’t say it, but I thought the same thing. “Will you be back before the baby is born?”
“No promises.”
I nodded. That was as good as it was going to get.
* * *
I woke up in a hospital bed with Zach curled up behind me, snoring softly in my ear.