When It All Goes Still

by Allison Mullinax

  “When I mentioned shifting earlier?” he asks, and I nod my head, letting him know I’m following him. “That’s what we call time travel. And that’s exactly what happened. Because of me, we’ve traveled to your future, my present. I’m a shifting agent. I’m level one of three within the program. Observation, Collecting, and Herding. I’m really good at it. Apparently, all of it. But since you dropped that wallet, I’ve made one mistake after another.” He looks at me with an unreadable expression.

  “I lied to you, Johanna. I wasn’t planning to return the wallet. When you dropped it that day, I decided to do something that initiated this whole fucked-up situation. I decided to keep it and attempt to shift with it. And it worked…only you saw me. My plan was to bring it back, make you believe whatever I could to cover being seen, and then vanish forever. But I couldn’t just leave,” he says, a little bit upset with himself but also with a sad smile on his face, and his eyes locked on mine. “I couldn’t make myself stay away. And then tonight when I kissed you, I forgot myself. I forgot my capabilities. What Arden, my mentor, calls a talent.” He spits the words out with a disgusted look on his face. “I herded you, Johanna. You may not grasp what it means, what it entails, what it does to your being and your body. But it’s not something I planned, and I’m sorry for it. I won’t ask for your forgiveness. But can you please believe that I’m going to make it right? I won’t ever lie to you again, Johanna. I swear,” he pleads with me, his face so genuine.

  “That’s a lot of information.” I puff my cheeks full of air and busy my hands by cracking my knuckles.

  “Sorry. I promised you honesty.” His eyelids briefly flutter closed. When they open, he seems resolved to take whatever punishment I feel like dishing out.

  I don’t know if it’s the thing he calls shifting taking its toll on my mental state, or if it’s his face I can’t peel my eyes from. All I know is something is changing inside me. The walls I’ve built since Max have been obliterated. I stand from my chair and walk over, sitting beside him on the bed.

  “I believe you, Traveler.” I lean my head against his shoulder, and he rests his on mine.

  “Did you see me talking to someone in the courtyard?” he asks.

  “The girl with auburn hair?”

  “Yes. Sephia.” He nods his head. “There are a lot of details, a lot to explain. But there is an important thing that happens during an assignment. Some of my senses and vitals are recorded onto a chip,” he reveals, turning the back of his head to me, exposing his scalp toward the base of his neck. I run my fingers along an inch-wide notch, where it appears there is the absence of…something. “After each return from shifting they read my chip, then take it for repairs and technical scans. I haven’t had my chip in, and I’ve been coming to see you in secret. No one knows. Sephia has my chip ready to be reinserted. And this creates a small problem. For now,” he says, trailing off in thought. “I told her I would meet her at the Health Division in thirty minutes. She’s been looking for me today, and she seemed in a hurry. I don’t want to leave you, but I have to. Not for long, though.”

  He walks to a small closet built into the wall and pulls out a T-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. “You can change into these if you want. Listen, Johanna, you cannot open this door. If someone knocks on it, do not move. You have to be quiet.” I can feel the importance of his words falling over me. “I’ll let you know when it’s me.”

  “I can’t stay here with you. MB, my brother, they will worry. I may be twenty-four, but I would never want Andrew to think something happened to me.” He crosses the room and wraps me in his arms. Why does this feel so natural? I should be screaming and running for the hills.

  “Would they accept a text message?” he asks, and I give him a confused look.

  “I can take your phone to the Tech Division. It’s perfect. It’s down the hallway from Health Checks. They have a device there that can use your cell phone to communicate a message to a satellite in the past. I can text MB.”

  “It’s out of character for me. I don’t stay out all night. I don’t not come home. It will raise a lot of questions.”

  “It’s all we got.” He shrugs his shoulders.

  I look around the studio apartment. His kitchen is along the wall directly beside the door. His bed is completely across the room. The small bathroom sits beside a large gray chair that has a plaid blanket tossed over it. “Okay. Then that’s what we will do,” I relent, realizing I’m putting a lot of trust in him. I pull out my phone that is completely dead and hand it to him.

  “What should I say?” he asks.

  “Send it to MB. Tell her…‘You were right. I’ll see you tomorrow’.”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t have a shower in here. I know after my first shift, I felt sticky all over.”

  “I think I’m going to lie here for a minute and wake up from what I’m convinced is a weird Margarita-induced dream. Or a psychotic break.”

  “I can’t imagine what this must be like for you. I meant what I said when I told you I would never lie to you again. The truth from here on out.” He kisses me on the forehead. “I have to go. Remember, be quiet and just…stay here.” He pulls the blanket off the chair and hands it to me along with the clothes.

  “Wait,” I say, before he can turn the doorknob. “Was the rest of it true? Any of it? Or was it all a cover?”

  “I wouldn’t lie to you about growing up in foster care, considering what you went through. If that’s what you are asking.” I nod my head at him, letting him know I believe him.

  And then like that, the door closes behind him, and I’m standing alone, catapulted three hundred and fifty years into the future. I walk to the window and look up at a sky that is seemingly so familiar, and I feel so alien. The only thing my mind can make sense of is Traveler. Whatever he is. Whoever he is. I know that with him is where I want to be right now.

  Chapter Nine

  Traveler

  I close the door to my room and wait to hear the lock click into place on the other side. I twist the knob to make sure it’s secure. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for Eero to barge in unannounced, and I can’t have Johanna being completely freaked the fuck out more than she already is. I’m skeptical at the ease with which she’s handling everything. I’ve either hit the jackpot, and she truly is that remarkable, or it’s only a matter of time before she hates everything about me and what I’ve done. I have to make this visit to Health Checks quick, and then covertly get into Tech Division. I find myself concerned about her family worrying about her absence.

  Jogging down the hallway, I make my way down the elevators, all the while having a conversation internally with myself about how to get her back home. Sephia finding me in the courtyard creates an entirely new problem set. I can’t shift myself and Johanna back to 2016 when my chip is in place. What the fuck was I thinking? The muscles in my neck and forearms tense as I slam my hand into the elevator wall, sending a spark of blue slithering across the freshly dented metal. “Shit!” I shake my hand from the crunching of my knuckles and the electric aftershocks. The doors ding to life, and I make a sprint for the exit as soon as they open, holding my damaged hand close to my side.

  The courtyard is bustling with students, more so than usual for a Saturday night. A typical weekend on campus is deserted save for the loners, introverts, and overall assholes such as myself. Andromeda is called a city, but its demographic is more like a state. To the north of Andromeda, in Wyoming, sits a smaller more isolated city called Freedman. This is where the families of students and agents, who don’t reside in Andromeda or work in the Divisions, have mostly retreated to. It’s also where the ancestors of the civilians that survived The Occurrence have rebuilt. The government placed them there, far enough away from Divisions, but close enough to keep watch on them. To the east is Liberty, in Nebraska. It’s where the farming communities have spread their crops, supplying the rest of the cities with farmed goods and deliveries.

  I walk at a brisk p
ace, with my head down and trying to avoid running into anyone I may be forced to speak with. Moments before reaching the heavy metal doors Johanna and I escaped from earlier, I notice a crowd of people standing off to the right. I see Cerre with her head low and Torrin’s arm is draped around her shoulders. I accidentally make eye contact with him, and to my discomfort, he waves me over. Under my breath, I growl out a curse and make a show of checking my watch, hoping he will catch that I’m in a hurry. “Hey Torrin. Cerre.” Slow jogging up to the huddle, all eyes greet me.

  “Late night for you, Traveler,” Torrin mutters. Cerre sniffles under his arms. She glances up at me, and her almond eyes are swollen and red. She has her mousy-brown hair pulled back away from her face. She looks awful.

  “Yep,” I reply, glancing back at him.

  “Sephia was looking for you earlier. She couldn’t find you all night.” He’s clipping his words in an attempt to seem sharp.

  “She found me. Headed to see her now. Cerre, everything okay?” I ask.

  She opens her mouth to speak, but Torrin’s body goes rigid and his face twists. “Of course, not. She doesn’t have Arden taking up for her and covering her ass on every assignment like he does you. She’s been in questioning with Authority all day. She’s in a shit ton of trouble over one mistake. Over one lengthy shift,” Torrin barks out. Cerre stares between the two of us in shock, obviously uncomfortable with the exchange.

  “I didn’t fucking ask you, now did I?” I take a couple steps toward him, as Cerre places her hand on Torrin’s chest. I look at her puffy, swollen face and decide that now isn’t the time to deal with Torrin. “Your girlfriend is upset; why don’t you work on consoling her instead of misplacing blame on me,” I warn, as much of a threat as it comes out sounding.

  As I’m walking away, Torrin chances one more comment. “It’s just odd the way he handles you, Traveler. Even you must admit that. If she loses her spot on the shifting program over this while you’ve had chance after chance…” he says, trailing off.

  “What? Exactly what, Torrin?” I walk back to him, taking my hands out of my pockets. His gaze darts to my fists, one already banged up from punching the elevators. “You don’t want to fucking start shit with me tonight. Got it?” I can feel a snarl curling my lips.

  Cerre pulls his attention to her by saying something to him that I can’t quite make out. He glares at me, and then turns away, walking toward housing with her still under his arm. The gawking crowd evens out as I make my way to the Shifting Division, slamming my palms on the door. It’s one thing to question me, but Arden is just doing his job. And the other agents don’t know the things about my capabilities that Arden does. He’s risking his job, his freedom, and his life to keep it undisclosed, and I refuse to let anyone disrespect him in my presence.

  Cracking my neck from side to side, I attempt to refocus on Johanna. Torrin’s frustration at the situation his girlfriend is in isn’t mine to worry about.

  I slow my pace, rounding the corner of the shifting chamber room. The lights are still off, and there doesn’t seem to be any evidence that Johanna and I were ever there tonight. I let out a sigh of relief as I pass by and make my way to Health Division.

  Sephia is already here. She’s standing at my usual station; her hair is draped over her face and she doesn’t look up when I enter the room. My chip is in a small metal box on top of a tray, waiting for me. I remove my shirt and hop up on the table, causing the paper to crinkle from my weight. “Sorry I was MIA today; took a jog out into the woods.” I half-lie.

  “Mmm,” is all she manages to say, as she pushes buttons on a screen with my medical charts plastered across it. A code must be entered on the screen and into the chip before insertion.

  Without turning around, she instructs me to face the door, so she can reinsert my chip. I’m in a hurry, so I’m glad she seems to be as well.

  Her icy hands send a shock to my circulatory system and she places her thumbs on the base of my neck. “You have the coldest damn hands, Sephia. Why don’t you tell that ugly boyfriend of yours to buy you some gloves? Vlad can afford it.” I’m met with an unusual silence from her. She doesn’t seem in the mood for banter.

  I feel the soft click of the chip being pushed into place and the instant, yet brief, headache pulses through my brain when it begins the process of recording what it needs from me. Pressure builds between my temples and radiates across my forehead before evening out.

  “Okay. You’re set. You can go.” I turn around and see she is already facing the screen once again, pushing more buttons.

  I hurriedly throw my arms into the sleeves of my shirt and turn to walk out the door. In my haste, I forget the tray that sits inches to my side and I crash into it, sending it slamming to the floor. Sephia yelps at the sound and jerks her head around, her hair flying back from her face. And my body is instantly frozen.

  “Sephia. What the fuck is that?” My instinct is to move toward her, but I find myself recoiling.

  She backs away while bringing her hand to her face to cover the fresh reddish-purple bruise surrounding her eye socket.

  “Sephia?” I ask again, and she turns around, pretending to busy herself with the computer screen.

  “Nothing asshole. I wasn’t paying attention, and I hit the doorframe right before I had to go out of my way on a Saturday night to put your chip back in.” She won’t look at me, and her shoulders are slumped as she types. I know she’s lying. I could see the panic written all over her banged-up face when she knew I saw the wound.

  I take a breath. “No chance. Did Vlad do that to you?”

  She doesn’t immediately answer, but when she does, it’s with her back turned to me, and I can hear her say, “No,” through a cry she’s trying to hide.

  “Sephia…” I begin, but she cuts me off.

  “I said no. Now unless you want me talking to Vlad about how it took me hours to find you today, no matter where I looked or who I asked, then drop it.” Is she defending this son of a bitch?

  “I will. For now. But for fuck’s sake, Sephia…I told you he’s not a good guy. He’s dangerous,” I warn her again, as I walk out the door, shaking my head. The whole Division’s problems seem to have fallen into my lap at the most inopportune time. Fucking Vlad. I should have killed him on the playground when we were kids, years ago.

  I hang back in the shadowy corner of the hallway until I see Sephia make her way toward the courtyard. Her hair is pulled entirely over the left side of her face. I wait another five minutes until I’m sure the hallway is completely clear, and then ease my way toward Tech Division.

  Tech Division is otherworldly to me. I can do many things with a lot of expertise, but the gadgets in this room and what they do are foreign. I know about the device that can send signals to the satellites in the past, because we were taught about them in Diagnostics. Diagnostics teaches inquiring, potential agents about all the jobs within all the Divisions, and then after a series of mental and physical tests, it analyzes where an individual would fit best. When we covered the jobs within Technical Division, I found myself physically holding my eyelids open to keep from falling asleep. I’m chastising myself now for not taking more interest in this boring shit.

  The satellites that roamed across the atmosphere in the past are still there in working condition today. They are mostly used to stay in contact with Herders, the only agents allowed to carry communication devices with them during a gathering assignment. I only know what it’s capable of doing and not how to work the damn thing, but it’s worth a shot at trying.

  I walk to the nearest screen, and it fires to life as it detects my body heat approaching. It prompts me to place my palm against a black pad to the right of a glass keyboard. I firmly mold my hand to the pad and wait impatiently. “ACCESS DENIED” flashes across the screen in big bold letters. “Fuck,” I growl under my breath. I walk around the room searching for something, anything, to guide me. Coming up empty-handed, and unfamiliar with everything in this room, I
grit my teeth. I also know the chip is recording my anxiety, and my elevated heart rate.

  I need to get Johanna home, but I have my sensor chip in place. I need to get the chip out, but I don’t have the codes. I need to get the text message to her family, but I can’t get access to the technology. Everything I need is beyond my reach, and the only thing that can save me from this situation is becoming clearer by the second.

  Arden.

  He’s the only person I can turn to and the only one I can trust. He may kick me out of the program for good this time, but at least I can trust him to help me get Johanna home safely. And she is all that matters.

  Making my way out of the Shifting Division and into the now-empty courtyard, the stress of the day is taking its toll on my state of mind. It’s late, and I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours. Even if I were able to get her home tonight, my body wouldn’t allow it. I’m run-down mentally, and I’m physically not far behind.

  I look up to the eighth floor where the window of my apartment sits. I crave her. I crave the way her eyes skirt across my face, and the look of her wild curls falling over her shoulder blades. I crave her lips against mine. She’s beautiful and strong. And she’s a fleeting possession. Once I tell Arden about what I’ve done and ask for his help, I’ll never see her again.

  Pushing through the doors of housing, I force my feet to move down the hallways, and into the elevator. Once I’m on the eighth floor, I find myself in a slow jog to get to her. I’m relieved to see my door still closed. I give three light knocks. “It’s me, Traveler.” Within seconds it opens, she wraps her arms around my waist, and places her head against my chest. I walk her backward into my room and reach behind me, securing the lock.

  I slide my hands under her jaw and tilt her head up, passionately taking her mouth with mine. Her arms are hooked around me, and the feel of her hands sliding up my T-shirt encourages a sound of pleasure to escape my lips. Her fingertips are exploring my back. I sprinkle light kisses from her chin, up to her lips, across her nose and forehead, and she lets out a sigh.