When It All Goes Still

by Allison Mullinax

  “It’s good to be missed. It’s also good you didn’t jump ship. I wasn’t sure you would be here after processing everything alone in my room.”

  “I don’t exactly have anywhere to go.”

  I smile briefly before remembering I have bad news. “We have a problem, Johanna.” Her easygoing expression fades, and worry blankets her face. “I can’t find what I need to send a text to MB. There’s too much security. I also can’t take you back when I have this chip in place.” I turn to show her. She runs her warm hands over my neck. “I don’t know what to do…other than get help.”

  “Traveler, I don’t want you to get into trouble. This is your life and your career.” She shakes her head quickly.

  “Things change,” I say with a bit of humor.

  “There isn’t any other way?” She glances out the window, then back to me, already knowing the answer.

  “Arden will help us. He knows the ins and outs of the whole Division. He is our best chance of getting you back home.” I’m trying to sound hopeful.

  She looks around the room, obviously contemplating something and formulating her own plan. “Okay. I trust you. But not tonight. I’m a grown woman, and if my brother chooses to lose his ever-loving mind over me being gone for one night, then so be it. He won’t notice until the morning anyway, and I might slip in beforehand. The Great Outdoors is closed on Sundays, so no one expects me there. Maybe in the morning things will look clearer?”

  “You want to stay tonight?” After everything she’s learned, after everything she knows, she is trusting me. I sense she wants to be here with me, and nothing in me wants to say goodbye to her sooner than I have to.

  “You look like the walking dead. If I’m trusting you to get me back in one piece, I would prefer it be done after a good night’s sleep,” she says matter-of-factly, walking into the bathroom with the clothes I handed her earlier. The door closes, and she continues talking to me from the other side. “I could use a snack, though. I’m starving.”

  I can’t help but shake my head at her resiliency. “I have some stuff here in the cabinets, but nothing fancy.” I open the doors, pulling out a jar of peanut butter and some sliced bread.

  She comes out of the bathroom in my T-shirt and boxers, and it takes everything in me not to pull her across the room and run my mouth down her neck. She’s putting her faith in me, and I want her to be confident in that decision. I don’t want to do anything that might make her regret me in any way. I can practice restraint.

  “You mean to tell me after three hundred and fifty years of innovation, humanity still hasn’t gotten over a good old-fashioned peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” I watch as she crosses the room and sits Indian-style at the end of my bed.

  “What’s jelly?” I deadpan.

  She opens her mouth in shock seconds before I open the fridge and pull out a container of squeezable grape jelly, tossing her a wink.

  I slap the sandwiches together and grab a couple of bottles of water before joining her at the end of my bed. “Sorry, this will have to do for tonight.” I look up to see her sink her teeth into the meal.

  “Starved,” she admits, after swallowing a bite. I can’t help the laugh that comes out, and she returns it with a smile.

  “What happened to your hand?” She stares at my skinned and bruised knuckles. I had already forgotten about them.

  “I was frustrated with myself and took it out on the elevator.” My eyes float toward the door, making sure it is locked.

  “Yikes. Hurt?” she asks, grimacing a little, like I deserve to be in pain for doing something as stupid as punching a metal wall.

  “Yep.” I shrug as she raises her eyebrows at me.

  She looks at me, deciding if she wants to ask me something or not, and then I see resolve in her expression, and she goes for it. “So…what exactly happens during…,” she trails off and flutters her hands around in the air, “when you…shift?”

  I promised her honesty. “My chamber strengthens my particles and then they disintegrate, sort of, through time and manifest back into whatever time period is calculated into the chamber. My particles stay stronger far longer than anyone else’s. They’ve never retreated back to their original state. I don’t know why. I don’t need the chamber to even bring me back. I can just…make it happen. Or lose control.” I roll my eyes at myself. “I shouldn’t be able to shift with you. That’s Herding. That takes an immense amount of training, concentration, and technology that I didn’t have when I kissed you. Yet here you are, and it was dangerous.” I shake my head, and she places her hand over mine.

  “I disintegrated,” she says, nodding her head slowly up and down. “How ’bout that.” She pauses to think about it. “Is it that much different? The two worlds we live in?”

  “Not as much as you would think. The geography has changed quite a bit.” I glance up and catch a perplexed expression on her face. Now isn’t the time for me to go into that. “But overall not much else has changed. Human knowledge and capabilities have been advanced through the science of atom and particle alterations. Quantum Physics and Entanglement. Because of this, there have been a lot of lifestyle changes within the human race. A lot of priority shifts. A lot of new and different career opportunities. But we aren’t on a floating city in the clouds if that’s what you mean.”

  “Why is this place called Andromeda, Colorado?” I can see the wheels turning in her brain as she starts to quiz me. She brings the bottle of water to her lips, waiting for an answer.

  “It was renamed after The Occurrence happened.” I swore to her no more lies, but The Occurrence and all it entails would be too much for anyone from the past to hear about. And she’s had enough for one day.

  “And what’s The Occurrence?” She looks at me curiously.

  I wince, reaching across the bed to wipe a drop of jelly that has escaped onto her lip. Her eyes never leave mine. The urge I have to lean her back on the bed and kiss her is also too much to handle. I blink back the thought from my mind.

  “I know you have a lot of questions. I want to tell you everything, but not tonight. I’ve never wanted to share things with someone, and it takes me off guard.” Pausing, I clear my throat. “I’ve never needed anyone. I’ve never wanted anyone. I certainly don’t confide in anyone. But I want you…” I admit quietly, yet unashamed. If this is it, and it’s the last time I have with her, I want her to know how I feel. How much gratitude I have toward her understanding.

  She places our plates on the floor beside the bed and crawls toward the pillows, throwing the blankets back and patting the bed beside her. I lie down next to her, she puts her head on my chest, settling into me. I pull her closer and wrap my hand in her hair and my arm across her body.

  “I think I need you, too,” she whispers. Her breathing becomes slow and steady. And her body relaxes as she drifts off to sleep. I look out the window beside my bed and stare into the stars. I don’t want this night to end. When the morning sun takes her place in the sky, it will all be over. I will have to give up the only thing that I might care about anymore. I close my eyes and fall asleep, hoping and conspiring to find another way to keep her in my life.

  Chapter Ten

  Johanna

  I’m awake. The sun has come out of her hiding spot behind the mountains, removed her hidden dagger, and murdered the oblivion night afforded me. The light of day is seeping through the cracks of the window, pooling her yellowy blood onto my face, and she will force me to open my eyes to the last day I will have with Traveler. I know now the true meaning of bittersweet. The few days I’ve had with him have been some of the sweetest memories, and I intend to quietly carry them with me for the rest of my life. And at the bitter end, I’ve decided it was all worth it.

  I finally allow my eyes to open and tilt my head up to him. His lids are still closed, and his breathing is deep. I run my lips along his jaw, causing him to quietly stir from sleep. He tightens his arms around me, leans his face in, and places a light kiss on
my forehead. We slept the entire night tangled together, closed off from the world and from what is to come. It was the most peaceful sleep I’ve ever encountered, and from the lazy expression on his face I can tell it was the same for him.

  “This has to be it, doesn’t it?” I ask. I look up at him and he is staring at the ceiling. “They won’t let you come back to see me again, will they? Not once you tell Arden.” It’s not a question but a statement. I already know the answer.

  “No. They won’t allow me to ever see you. But I don’t…” he trails off, running his free hand through his hair. “I don’t think I can stay away,” he confesses. “I know that sounds crazy.”

  “I don’t want you to stay away either. But I don’t want to jeopardize the life you have here.” I don’t intend to become something he regrets when I can be remembered as something brief yet special.

  “No chance of you letting me keep you locked away in my tower, huh?”

  “Not in this century.” I pull the sheets back and leap off the bed. Stretching my arms high, the pain from my fall now absent, I can only imagine how insanely wild my hair must be. Yet by the way he’s looking at me, it can’t be all that bad.

  “So, what’s the plan after you feed me breakfast and find me a shower? You were right about being sticky.” I cringe at the film covering my skin.

  He climbs out of bed, raising an eyebrow at me. His stomach is ribbed and muscular, and his boxers hang low on his waist. Making his way over to me, he places a finger under my chin and raises my face to look up at him as he lowers his head down and kisses me so intimately that I feel my body completely mold into his. When he moves his lips against mine like this, the energy in the entire room ignites, and my body feels like it is set on fire. “How do you do that?” I ask, pulling away from him.

  “That’s not me, Johanna. That’s us. I’m not that good.” He slaps me on the bottom as he makes his way to the closet. He throws on a plain white T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. It strikes me as odd that attire hasn’t changed much in so many centuries.

  “Let me check the showers and make sure that no one is around. I’ll grab us something to eat afterward. And then…Arden.” He shrugs his shoulders. I can tell he doesn’t want this to end either. But neither of us know a way to change it.

  He crosses the room and lightly kisses me behind my earlobe, sending a chill through my body. The muscles in my stomach tighten in response to his mouth. “I’ll be right back. Lock the door.”

  I click the lock into place and I see the doorknob jerk back and forth as he tests it. I lean my head against the door, thinking about how I’m falling in love with a man I’ve only known for a few days…from the future. Shaking my head, I pluck my dress from where I left it draped over the back of the chair. The bathroom lights are harsh, and they make me squint my eyes. I pool water from the sink into my hands, splashing it onto my face before dabbing a little of his toothpaste on my finger. It will have to do. I undress from Traveler’s clothes and stand on my tiptoes to look at my ribs. The bruising has vanished. The low hum that plagued my hearing is also gone. I make a mental note to ask Traveler if shifting causes healing of damaged particles as well. I take the hair tie from my wrist and twist my hair high on my head, and then pull the mint-green dress back over my body. My hands feel sticky from the sandwiches last night, and my body is clammy from the stress of being seen here in Traveler’s world.

  I come out of the bathroom as three light knocks, followed by his deeply seductive voice, let me know it’s him. Unlocking the door, he shuffles inside. “It’s all clear, but we will have to hurry.” He jogs to the bathroom and retrieves a towel and an unopened bar of soap. He peeks out, then motions for me to follow him, taking hold of my hand and quickly heading down the hallway.

  The bathroom is large. It reminds me a lot of the dorm showers from college. “Five minutes?” he asks, standing outside.

  “I can be in and out in three.”

  “If you hear me talking to someone, do not come out.” He keeps looking over his shoulder, speaking in a soft whisper. I nod my head in return, letting him know I understand.

  I step into the shower and leave my clothes on the bench, far enough away so they won’t get soaked but hidden from anyone who happens to get past Traveler. The hot water coats my body, and I feel instantly refreshed. I lather the soap across my skin and I can’t help but think of how it smells like him, and I want it to linger through time and stay with me. It’s all I’ll get to keep. The thought crushes me. I quickly rinse off and dry myself, throwing my clothes back on and praising myself for my quick efficiency.

  I’m about to step out into the hallway when I hear a raspy baritone that doesn’t belong to Traveler. I press my body against the wall, terrified that he will get caught all because I felt the need to get clean. The aggressive voices intensify. “You’d better keep walking, you fuck.” It’s Traveler. Who is he talking to and why?

  A second voice seeps through the doorframe, sending a nauseous wave into my stomach. “I’ll kill you. Where is she?”

  I hear footsteps stomping closer and I throw myself into the shower furthest away from the door as it clatters open against the tile walls.

  “Maybe she didn’t come home to you last night because of the hole you punched into the side of her face.” Traveler’s voice is echoing off the bathroom ceiling, and I recoil into the damp shower stall.

  “How do you— Did she tell you? She tripped and fell.” I can hear the man seething and snarling like a rabid dog.

  “Yeah, she told me a variation of that little lie herself. But I know you, Vlad. I’ve seen you. I fucking know what evil runs through your veins.” Traveler doesn’t raise his voice, but his tone is so threatening it sends a splatter of chills down my arms. I wrap them around my body tightly and press myself against the wall. I’m afraid to breathe or make a sound.

  “Sephia!” the man shouts menacingly around the room, “Where the hell are you?” I hear shower curtains being slung away from their rods, getting closer to me. I remain frozen.

  “She isn’t in here, Vlad. If she has any sense left after you knocked her around, maybe she’s finally gone for good. Hell, maybe she’s so sick of your vile shit, she’s gone over your head to Authority.” Traveler sounds close. He’s trying to get him out of here. Please, God, let it work.

  I’m thankful my shower was so quick that the evidence of steam never had the chance to form against the mirrors.

  “And I’ll tell you this, I may not have been big enough or brave enough to finish the job of ending your sorry life that day eighteen years ago…but if you don’t get out of this fucking room, and out of my fucking face, the least of your problems will be your girlfriend and whatever repercussions she’s hopefully bringing down on your pathetic excuse of a life right at this very moment.” Traveler’s tone is holding so much promise, even I hope the man leaves, for his own sake.

  “You forget your place,” the man growls at Traveler. “I’ll help you remember one day.”

  There is a long pause, moments before I hear the shower room door slamming off its hinges.

  “Johanna?” I hear Traveler quietly calling. My hands are trembling as I unwrap them from my body. Traveler peels back the curtain and steps in, closing the distance between us quickly. He begins running his hands up and down my arms.

  “It’s okay. He’s gone. Let’s get back to my room before anything else happens.” He pulls me from the shower and walks us to the door. He looks out to make sure it’s clear before we rush back down the hallway and into his room. He locks the door with a little more force than necessary.

  “What was that about? Who was that?”

  He kicks the side of the refrigerator, leaving a shoe-print dent. “Whoa. Easy. Come here,” I demand, placing my hands on my hips. “Do you always punch and kick things when you’re pissed?” He doesn’t budge, so I walk over and smooth my hand over his back. His fists are clenched, and anger rolls off him in waves. I’m not the slightest
bit afraid of him, even though his anger emanates off every muscle in his body. If there is any validity to the conversation between the two men, then Traveler was right to threaten him.

  “I should have killed that man a long time ago. Every breath he pulls into his lungs is a waste of good air. His name is Vlad. We have somewhat of a past.” He paces the small space until he decides to sit in the oversized chair with his elbows propped on his knees, his hands clenched. His feet are bouncing off the floor.

  “Clearly,” I say. “If what you say is true, then your anger isn’t misguided. Did he hit her?”

  “When I went to see Sephia last night, she was hiding her face from me. She turned quickly when I crashed into a tray, and I saw a fresh black eye on her face.” He spits the words out as if they were festering in his mouth. “She tried to lie. Some bullshit story about a doorframe but it was just that, a lie. She knew it, and I knew it. Maybe she’s had enough. At least she didn’t go back to him last night. Only, I’m worried what he will do when he finds her.”

  I cross the room and kneel in front of him, my hands resting on his knees. “I’m sorry about your friend, you’re right to try and help. She may not see it immediately, but you’re doing the right thing.”

  He looks up at me and kisses my temple. “Thank you. She won’t listen to anything I say, though. We aren’t friends. We were together once. She wanted more, I didn’t. Her ego took a massive blow, and Vlad was there to charm her into his snake hole.”

  “This isn’t your fault, Traveler. You’re trying at least.”

  “I’m not done trying either. But it can wait.” He stands up and walks to the window to look down at the courtyard below. “There aren’t many people out this morning, but you have to stay here. I’ll run to the cafeteria and bring back something for us to eat. Is that okay?”