Into The Clear Water

by Celeste, B.

  All I can do is stare as he lowers his hand, now forming a closed fist, to his lap and shakes his head. His breathing evens out as he stares at his food. Both of our breakfasts are left untouched as we hash this out.

  “I have a lot of problems,” he tells me so quietly, so brokenly, that I can barely hear him speak. “They stem from being in the system my whole life. I’ll always have them. I’m not good at talking because it became survival for me not to. Not talking meant not being beaten. It meant being left alone. I come from a place where expressing yourself isn’t common. Telling you that I want to be with you, only you, is something I can’t just say out loud. So, I had to let you walk away. I said horrible shit to you that I can’t take back. All I can ask is that you give me a chance.”

  It’s hard to swallow as we lock eyes. His are dark and pleading and defeated, like he’s already determined what my answer is. “Get to know me before you decide I’m too damaged. I know I’m not as polished as him, but I can support you in any way you need. Be there for you and Ainsley.” In a grumbled tone, he admits, “Dudette has grown on me. Used to being around kids, but none quite like her.”

  Running my palms down the leggings I slid on this morning, I take a deep breath. “Carter isn’t as polished as you think.”

  His eye twitches.

  “And I’m not with him anymore.” That gets his attention. I wet my lips and lean my arms on the edge of the counter. “I’m not saying you had a right to butt into my business with him, but you weren’t wrong. I think I wanted to feel close to my past like maybe it would be enough to keep Danny close. I was afraid of losing that.”

  My throat closes up as I battle off tears. I knew what I was starting with Easton the second time I invited him into my bed. I used his body to forget the pain until the line we drew was buried under muddied water. But I don’t want to forget. I want to remember—Danny, our past, all the memories even if they’re bad. In the depths of my mind, Carter would get me that. But it would take something else from me.

  Something Easton already has.

  “You’re kind of an asshole,” I tell him. His lips purse. “But I want to know why that is. I want to get to know you. Learn about your past. Your homes. How you met Jay. What got you interested in going into business together. I was never going to be happy like I want to be with Carter. I just thought I could. He’s not you though, and I’m sorry if I hurt you by not realizing that sooner.”

  For a moment, he just stares. He doesn’t even blink, just sits with his eggs no longer steaming and his face no longer red from anger. Then, he moves.

  He’s in front of me, cupping my face in his palms and looking at me in disbelief. “Yeah?”

  I smile. “Yeah.”

  “Thank fuck.” His lips come crashing down on mine, the sensation taking over my body as he sweeps his tongue in my mouth the first chance he gets. I sigh into the kiss as he pulls me up from the stool and grabs my thighs to wind my legs around his waist. He sets me down on the edge of the counter, barely missing the food behind me.

  Our lips never pull away. They slide over each other seamlessly, gently, but with a raw hunger that feeds the feeling I’ve been searching for—the one that fills my chest and limbs and mind. One of my hands wraps around the back of his head, the other palming the rapid beat of his heart. I breathe him in because I can, no longer feeling like I’m drowning.

  He grabs me again and sets me on my feet, his hands trailing down my sides until he flips me around and bends me over the counter so my stomach rests against the edge. “I need to be inside you.” His palms trace my body, kneading my skin as he rolls his hard cock against my ass. I close my eyes when I feel his lips graze my neck, trailing upward to my ear. “I need you to be honest with me.”

  I swallow, nodding as his breath radiates off my cheek.

  “Did you sleep with him?”

  Closing my eyes, I count to three. “Yes.”

  His lips press against my cheek. “Okay.”

  To my surprise, he spins me around again until we’re face to face. “Okay?”

  “We weren’t together, Piper,” he points out, his thumb touching every inch of my face that it can. “I’m not going to fault you for being with him. But just know that I’m not going to fuck you against this counter because you mean more than that. You may have been with him, but I’m about to show you he’s the last guy you’ll ever need who isn’t me. Understood?”

  My mouth is dry as I nod.

  He kisses me in a sultry way, letting his lips and tongue and teeth linger until I’m lost in him. Barely pulling back, he whispers, “I’m going to love you so much, baby girl.”

  The clothes we wear are shed one article at a time as he carries me upstairs. Instead of taking us to my room, he veers to the right and leads us into his. My back hits his bed, nothing but my panties left on my otherwise naked body. He kisses my breasts with fervor, drawing one pebbled nipple in at a time and making circular motions between my legs with his fingers just above my clothed clit until I’m writhing in his touch.

  Pulling him back up to kiss me, he settles above my body and dominates my mouth. I arch my pelvis to meet his hard cock, now peeking out from the waistband of his boxers. Rubbing against him, I mewl into his mouth from the friction. He pulls back, his hot breath on my lips, and smirks at me. “What do you want, Piper?”

  I don’t even hesitate. “You.”

  Taking one of his hands, I set his palm against my chest and guide it down my body. I don’t let go as I cup both our hands over my heated core, wanting him to touch me there. He kisses me slowly, deeply, as his hand moves over me in torturously slow movements until I’m moaning into his mouth. He moves aside the material that separates his finger from my center, playing with the arousal that’s waiting for him beneath.

  I arch into him as he enters me with a finger, keeping my hand on top of his to help him set the pace. He doesn’t need any guidance. He never has. Easton Wyatt knows what he’s doing.

  “East,” I whisper, drawing back and forcing my eyes to stay on his even as he adds a second finger and works me.

  He brushes his lips against mine once, again, until he hovers them just out of reach. “I need to say something, and I want you to hear me out, okay?”

  I just nod.

  “I love you. I love Ainsley. I love the nights we watch TV and eat junk food together, even if it’s awful musicals or ridiculous reality shows—”

  Teary eyed, I laugh. “You love those reality shows.”

  He smirks. “I love making dinner with you, for you, and seeing your face light up when you get gift cards for office supplies.” He fits a third finger inside of me and curves them to hit the perfect spot until I see double. “I fucking love everything about us, even the bad shit. The bad shit keeps us real. It keeps us fighting and making up because we know this is worth it. You are more than just sex, Piper. You. Are. It.”

  I cup his face and lock eyes with him as he thrusts into me again and again, my vision blurry from the tears welling in my eyes. “You’ll never know how much I love that you and Ainsley get along and how you gave her a nickname and cook for us when I can’t. I don’t want to fight, Easton. I just want you.”

  His eyes darken as he kisses me, the words activating something primal in him as he withdraws his fingers and slides my panties down my legs until they’re somewhere on his floor. I protest the loss of his touch before he stands up and drops his boxers, his erection hard and ready as he climbs back over me and positions himself between my open thighs. Suddenly, his fingers aren’t what I’m missing at all.

  “I love you,” I whisper, kissing him gently. I feel him probe my entrance, his hands finding mine and holding them at our sides as he slowly enters me. Inch by delicious inch I feel him stretch me and make himself at home. We kiss as he moves back and pushes in, not rushing our lips or tongue or hips.

  He does exactly what he says.

  He loves me.

  He loves my body and touches every
piece of skin he can get his hands and mouth on until the only thing I can think about is him—the way he thrusts unhurried, how he interlocks our hands. His hold is soothing, his kisses claiming, and his love consuming.

  My chest fills with a burst of light as he locks our lips and thrusts so deep that I spasm around him, never letting go. I grab ahold of his hands and wrap my legs around his waist and lose myself in this man completely.

  But I know, when the moment is over, I’ll find myself just as quickly. In his arms. In his bed. Surrounded by everything he’s willing to tell me. And when he spills himself inside of me, he buries his face in the crook of my neck and whispers three words.

  “I love you.” His nose trails across my cheek until our lips lock, and my arms wrap around his neck. “How long do we have until Ainsley is back?”

  I grin against his lips. “Hours.”

  He hums. “I’ll make it work.”

  Laughing when he pulls himself up, he grabs ahold of my sides and flips me over, positioning me on my hands and knees. In one quick thrust, he’s inside me again. I drop my head back and moan, arching my spine and meeting his hips every time he drives into me.

  He reaches around me and plays with my clit, already sated from my orgasm before. I bite my arm when his free hand comes up and pinches one of my nipples between his fingers. He only plays with it for a moment before the same fingers reach my mouth. “Suck.”

  Not sure what he’s going to do, I wrap my lips around the two digits he offers me and suck them into my mouth. His cock twitches inside of me but never falters from the rhythm. He groans as he draws his fingers out and moves them back to my clit. His lips trail down my back, nipping and licking as his thrusts became harder, faster.

  The sound of our skin smacking against each other turns me on more, knowing our mixed cum from the first time is coating us both. He pinches my clit, circling it with his thumb before using his free hand to hold my hips as he bends over me and enters me faster.

  “This time will be quick,” he says into my shoulder blades, kissing me there. “But then I’ll go slow, mark you. You’re mine, Piper. You’ll feel me and only me for the rest of the day.”

  My eyes roll in the back of my head as he puts all his weight on the back of me and pinches my clit until we both come again. His teeth bite down onto my shoulder, causing me to jerk with him still inside of me. I can feel his warmth trickling down my thighs and know I need to clean up, but don’t get a chance before he’s moving my head and kissing me again.

  After another hour and a half of sex, I’m sore and sated and sweaty in his sheets. His body wraps around me as he kisses the back of my neck from the spooned position that we’re laying in. I close my eyes and listen to his breathing, letting it calm my own down until our heartbeats sync.

  He’s right. I feel him everywhere.

  I smile.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  I sit on the edge of a bench by a large fountain and watch Mable kneel over her section of the community garden, smiling at how peaceful she is. When she saw me, I knew what kind of day it would be. She looked through me like I was a stranger. She didn’t have to call me somebody else’s name for me to know the polite distance in her eyes meant she wasn’t lucid.

  It’s getting worse, which is why Ainsley’s seen less of her. I’ll bring her for half an hour before taking her home when a glaze finds Mable’s eyes. But today I needed to see her, even when the nurse on the phone told me she wasn’t feeling well.

  Nurse Douglas has been one of the main nurses tending to Mable besides Glenda. She sits down next to me and smiles. “Is everything okay, Piper?”

  For once, I nod and mean it. “Yeah, everything is great. Except Mable not remembering me. She’s getting worse, isn’t she? It seems like she’s less lucid these days.”

  Her lips don’t hesitate to waver downward, the frown evident on her face. “I won’t lie to you, we’re concerned. Some patients slip at slower rates than others and Mable hasn’t been one of those cases.”

  Rubbing my lips together, I bob my head up and down and watch the woman in question tend to the plant in front of her. “How can somebody remember how to plant and care for a flower but not remember her own family? It just doesn’t make any sense.”

  Douglas’s hand comes down on mine, patting it. “People subconsciously attach themselves to things from the past. It’s their way of holding on to pieces of their old selves. Hers is gardening. We have some who paint and play the piano. It’s not uncommon. It can be difficult to accept though.”

  Mable leans back on her knees and appreciates her work with a bright smile on her face. It makes me happy that she’s doing what she loves. I can’t be upset at her for not remembering Danny or Ainsley. It’s not her fault.

  “I’m graduating this weekend,” I announce, sighing. “I really wanted everybody to be there. My parents. My brother. Mable.” I look from the older woman to the younger nurse. “I know she can’t come though. It would have just been nice to see her face in the crowd and know she’s watching me.”

  Sympathy has Douglas squeezing my hand in hers.

  “She always used to tell me that I would go places because of my strength but I never believed her,” I admit quietly. “I remember my senior year of high school when she asked if I was going to college. I told her where I was planning to attend but hadn’t decided what I’d do with the History major I chose.” I find myself laughing lightly, shaking my head. “Mable told me that I’d make a wonderful professor someday. She said I had what it takes to be in front of a classroom with a no-nonsense attitude while I taught what I was passionate about. I didn’t believe her, even laughed it off. Me a professor? Nah. Then she told me in true Mable form that maybe her premonition got mixed up and I’d just end up with a professor in the future.”

  I’d forgotten about that until this moment. Mable always got “feelings” about things. Most of those never came to fruition. Secretly, I think anybody who knew about them were glad. Danny would bring up whatever weird thing she said she predicted and blew it off, but the one time she was right was when she’d told Danny and me to be careful driving back to our homes after we visited her. She said she’d gotten a bad feeling about the upcoming storm. That’d been a week before Danny’s accident. Before his death.

  Making a face, I force the thought away and ask, “Do you believe in those sorts of things? That people can predict what happens? She hasn’t been right most of the time, even if I may go down the professor track.”

  “I don’t know if I believe in some supernatural ability to know when things happen, but there are some people who are hyperaware of situations. Especially if there’s logic tied to them.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “Sorry. I know this isn’t funny, but Mable isn’t exactly the hyperaware kind. Maybe she used to be, but that’s not her anymore. Most of the time she doesn’t even know who I am. It’s like she’s a totally different woman.”

  “I know it feels that way, but she’s still Mable. She’s still the woman you know and love, just a little lost at times.”

  I press my lips together.

  “I’m sorry she can’t be at your graduation,” she adds sincerely. “If there were a way to make it work, I would. There’s just too much of a risk with how she’s been behaving lately. The doctor would like to do an examination with her soon.”

  My eyes widen. “An examination?”

  “It’s just to test her cognitive skills.”

  Blowing out a breath, my shoulders loosen as I watch Mable move on to a different flower. “How has she been with everyday life? I know some patients with dementia struggle to do basic things. Is she…?”

  When Douglas hesitates, I know I need to be worried. “Mable has been having problems doing certain tasks. In the past few weeks, we’ve had to help her go to the bathroom and bathe because she can’t remember how to do it. Like I said, the state of her mind is slipping at a faster rate than normal. She can still eat on her own and we’re m
onitoring her very closely to make sure she’s taken care of. I planned on telling you before you left. I just wanted you to get some time in with her before I broke the news.”

  My lips weigh down. “What does that mean for her in the long term? If she loses the ability to function…”

  “We’ll monitor her more closely,” she assures quickly. “She’s in good hands here, Piper. I promise we’re taking care of her.”

  I know they are, but that doesn’t lessen the anxiety building in the pit of my stomach. “I just don’t know how I’ll handle it if there comes a day where I have to see feeding tubes in her because she doesn’t know how to eat by herself. I read that some people starve themselves to death because they don’t know how to live.”

  “Hey.” Her hand squeezes mine tightly, drawing me out of my mind. “We are not going to let that happen. We have patients here who are far worse off than Mable, and they’re still doing fine. And even if it comes to a feeding tube, at least she’ll still be alive.”

  I close my eyes knowing she’s right. “I’m sorry for freaking out. I’ve just been having a hard time lately and things are finally working out for me. But then there’s Mable…”

  “You shouldn’t compare your situations. Mable may be struggling but she’s happy, Piper. We both know she wants that for you too, so don’t worry about her. That’s our job. Enjoy your life and all the little things. Leave the rest for us, we can handle it. Can you do that for me?”

  I give her a small smile. “I can try.”

  She pats my hand and stands. “That’s all I can ask then. You’re doing well, though? I know the last few times you were here you seemed a little upset, but there’s something in your eyes that makes me think it’s better.”

  My cheeks heat. “I’m doing better than I have in a long time.”

  A knowing smile graces her face. “It’s a boy, isn’t it? I know that look. I’ve had it on my face too.”