Desire

by Jezebel Jorge

  “Yes, she’s not been feeling well. I’m looking after her while her husband’s out of town.”

  “That Emetrol will help.” He gave them a friendly smile. “Congratulations on the little one. And I must say you don’t look old enough to be a Grandma.”

  “Why, thank you.” Carol Ann returned his smile. “Her daddy and I are so excited about the new addition to the family.”

  “How did he know I was pregnant?” Lizzie asked as soon as they stepped out of the store.

  “That’s the reason most women buy Emetrol. A dose of this first thing in the morning and the nausea will just disappear.”

  “Gosh, I hope so. Thank you.”

  “When I was expecting Paul, I kept a bottle on my nightstand with a big glass of water and carried it around in my purse all day.” She handed Lizzie the bag. “That stuff is a life saver, or at least a tummy saver.”

  “Maybe you should have got me two bottles.” Lizzie laughed. “I’ve been puking my guts out these past few days.”

  “It will get better after your first trimester,” she assured Lizzie, checking her watch. “Let’s run into Fain’s before the movie starts. I’ve not checked this week’s clearance room yet.”

  Lizzie followed her into the department store noticing Carol Ann didn’t stop to look at anything until they got to the bargain basement.

  “Look, the flannel night gowns are half off.” She held up a plaid gown so ugly it was actually kinda cute in a quirky sort of way.

  Lizzie thought of all her mother’s fancy lacy lingerie and fought back a giggle over Carol Ann picking through a discount bin of granny gowns. Even Gran had better taste in sleepwear and she really was a granny.

  “What? These are so comfortable and I don’t wear them when Paul’s home.” She stopped for a moment, realizing where she was going and that the person she was referring to was the girl’s father.

  “It’s okay. Considering you guys have a kid, it’s obvious that you’ve been sleeping with my daddy.”

  “I guess so.” Carol Ann relaxed and held one of the gowns up to Lizzie. “This will keep you nice and warm on those nights when Billy’s not there to snuggle with.”

  She brushed the material and it did feel kinda nice.

  “Come on, we can be twins and have a pajama party tonight. Just like when my little sister used to stay over with me before she got married and moved off to Michigan.”

  “Okay.” Lizzie couldn’t help but play along with her enthusiasm. Carol Ann was trying so hard that Lizzie had to agree to whatever she had in mind.

  Carol Ann headed over to a rack of starched white uniforms and before she realized what she was doing Lizzie found herself sifting though the baby clothes.

  “Isn’t this adorable?” Lizzie held up a tiny red dress with a white lacy collar and matching ruffled panties.

  “What size is it?” Carol Ann asked.

  “Three months. It will be perfect for the baby’s photo with Santa.”

  “If it’s a girl.” She laughed. “I don’t think Paul would stand for his grandson wearing a dress.”

  “If it’s a boy, I’ll just save the dress until we have a daughter. We’re going to have a whole houseful of kids because it’s no fun growing up an only child.”

  “Paul’s heart will just melt when he sees you with a little red haired baby.”

  “I want her to have straight dark hair and dimples like her daddy.”

  “I love your red curls, but either way you and Billy are going to have some beautiful kids.”

  “I’ve always hated my hair.” Lizzie blew a straggly curl out of her eyes.

  “Women pay good money for perms to get those curls and the color really suits you,” Carol Ann said as they walked to the register. “My sister is a beautician and one time when she was home she put an auburn rinse on my hair. I thought it was rather handsome but your daddy just had a fit.”

  “I can image. He always was rather controlling about things like that.”

  ***

  Carol Ann had been right about the movie and the Emetrol. Lizzie took a swig of that stuff and was able to eat most of their whole tub of popcorn and two boxes of Milk Duds. It was real nice to forget about everything and escape into the action on the screen. She could have sat there in the dark lost in the movie all night.

  Except that she had to pee as soon as the credits started rolling. Lizzie thought her bladder was going to burst before she made it through the crowd and long line to use the restroom.

  Blood - she rubbed at the red stain on her panties. The blood she been wanting yet not wanting to see until she got the call from the doctor that afternoon. Lizzie went ice cold and was so scared she almost forgot all about having to pee.

  “Lizzie, are you okay?”

  She didn’t know how long she had sat there staring at that spot of blood. Obviously, long enough to hold up the line. She dabbed the toilet paper between her legs and much to her relief it was clear. Not wanting to take any chances, she hurried up and washed her hands to get out to the car as quickly as possible.

  “There was a little blood on my panties. Is it anything to worry about?”

  Carol Ann was a nurse she would know about these things.

  “Are you having any cramping?”

  “No, I feel the best I have in days.”

  “Then it’s only a little spotting, it’s nothing to worry about. You’ll learn real quick to listen to your body.”

  It probably was nothing, still Lizzie felt a lot better knowing Carol Ann would be spending the night.

  “It’s nice and cozy.” Carol Ann put a fresh spin on Lizzie’s tiny studio apartment. “That bed is,” she studied the bed, taking in the purple velvet couch like back and dark wooden arms on each side for headboards, “interesting,” she finally found a tactful word.

  “I know it looks like something out of a Bordello, and it could be,” Lizzie laughed. “I found my bedroom suite in an antique store on Magazine Street when we were visiting Dinera for Mardi Gras. Mother had the same reaction, especially after Dinera bought it and right then and there made arrangements to have it shipped to me in Charlotte.”

  “As long as you like it, that’s all that matters,” Carol Ann fingered the rich fabric of the bedspread that Dinera had custom made to match the purple backing. “This is beautiful. So intricate you can tell the stitching was done by hand.”

  “It’s called an opium bed.” Lizzie lifted the spread and pulled out one of the drawers beneath the mattress. “This is the secret compartment where they hid the opium. I keep my undies in it now.”

  The opium bed, along with a matching nightstand, a chest of drawers, a vanity and a huge armoire overpowered the small studio apartment, but Lizzie didn’t have the heart to leave any of the pieces behind.

  “I have some cream colored curtains I’m not using if you would like them for your window.” Carol Ann offered. “I think the gauzy fabric would be a nice contrast to the crushed velvet.”

  “That would look better than the beige that came with the place.”

  “How long of lease did you sign?” Carol Ann asked as she started setting out the contents of their to-go bag of food.

  “I didn’t have to sign one or pay a deposit. We do a lot of business with this rental company with temporary housing for our clients, so they were very nice to me.”

  “You’ll want another room when the baby starts toddling around. You and Billy will need the privacy.”

  Another thing to worry about, not that she was going to let it bother her tonight.

  “I’m sorry I don’t have any dishes,” Lizzie said, sitting down on the stool beside Carol Ann. “All I’ve got is Billy’s hotplate and a few things he had in a box in his car.”

  “We’ll check a couple of thrift stores tomorrow and I bet we’ll find you some really cute things for your kitchen.”

  When they had stopped at McDonalds Carol Ann had ordered her two cheeseburgers, large fries and a chocolate milkshake without
even asking what Lizzie wanted. Her mother would roll over in her grave, more from the junk food than the person she was eating it with.

  “McDonalds fries are my once a week calorie and grease splurge,” Carol Ann said between bites of the crispy golden potatoes.

  With Lizzie's stomach finally behaving the food tasted delicious. Maybe all the stress from not telling anyone the secret about the baby had added to her queasiness.

  After they finished eating, they changed into the new nightgowns and sprawled out on the bed with the big box of chocolates and steaming hot cocoa served in Billy’s Granny’s cheerful yellow mugs.

  “Would you like to go with me tomorrow to look at some wedding dresses?” Lizzie asked.

  “I’d be thrilled. I can’t tell you how much it means to us that you’ve accepted me and Paul.”

  “Daddy is one lucky man to have you. I just wish he would give me the same courtesy with Billy.”

  “Honey, you’re always going to be his baby girl,” Carol Ann shook her head with a knowing smile. “There’s not a man alive that he considers good enough for his only daughter.”

  “Billy is plenty good enough.”

  “I know that and you know that. I promise you he’s going to come around. That baby is going to be just what he needs to realize that he’s not losing a daughter, he’s getting a whole other family.”

  “What about you and Daddy?” Lizzie asked, “Are you going to get married?”

  “I’m sure we will. It’s just right now, I don’t want him to rush into anything so soon after losing your mother. You know how people talk.”

  “Who cares.” Lizzie shrugged. “Hey, maybe we could have a double wedding in our new matching nightgowns.”

  “Now wouldn’t that be something?”

  “I’m starved.” Lizzie went over to the kitchen side of her apartment to mix up the usual tuna and Fritos.

  “See that Emetrol is working.”

  “Sure is. Want some?” Lizzie waved the bowl in front of Carol Ann’s nose.

  “I’d need some Emetrol to eat that.”

  “It’s really good, you should try it.”

  “Your body must be craving the protein in the tuna.”

  “And the crunch in the chips. Can’t have one without the other.”

  “For me it was tomato juice. I think I was going through three cans a week. Now, I can’t stand the stuff, unless it’s in a heavy on the alcohol Bloody Mary.”

  “Egh.”

  “That baby is going to ask you for a tuna sandwich as soon as he gets teeth.”

  “You think it’s a boy?” Lizzie asked.

  “Paul would be tickled to death to get a grandson.”

  “Between him and Billy, I bet he'll be learning wrestling holds while he's still wearing diapers.”

  “I know,” Carol Ann shook her head. “It worries me how much he wants Paul… my Paul… to be a wrestler. He likes to go watch his daddy, but he’s no athlete.”

  “I think it’s great he wants to be a doctor.”

  “I would be so proud. Not that I’m not already proud of him. Paul’s a good kid, never gives me a lick of trouble.”

  “How did you go all that time without telling Daddy about him? I can’t image not telling Billy about this child.”

  “When I first got pregnant he asked if it was his and I told him no it was my husband’s. Paul always used a condom and I wasn’t using anything with Larry so.” She signed. “I knew he was Paul’s the first time I held him. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes and I just knew, felt it in my heart.”

  “He is the spitting image of Daddy, that’s for sure.”

  “I tried so hard to stay away from Paul and make my marriage work. Every time I’d stop seeing him, a couple of weeks later he’d show up at the hospital and take me to lunch before his shows at Dorton Arena.”

  “Daddy can be very persuasive when he wants something.”

  “Larry was gone a lot. He drove a truck long haul and I’d get off work at midnight. Back then I worked four twelve hour shifts. My mom babysat for me and I knew no one would be up when I got home. On Tuesday and Wednesday nights when Larry was gone, I always seemed to wind up with Paul.”

  “It’s okay.” Lizzie reached her a tissue.

  “I almost told him when Lois caught us together that time. Your mother went and told my husband about me and Paul. Larry left me and refused to pay child support unless I took a paternity test. By then he knew as well as I did that the child wasn’t his. I guess everyone knew but Paul.”

  “He should have gotten a divorce when that happened. I’ll never understand why they stayed married.”

  “He stayed for you. Your mother threatened to tell you about all his womanizing if he left her. He didn’t want you to find out about me, or any of the other women. I wasn’t the only one, not by a long shot.”

  “Why did you take it? Didn’t it hurt when he cheated on both of you?”

  “Of course it hurt. We were all hurting. I stayed because I love him. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved.”

  “Wow.” Lizzie really was at a loss for words that Carol Ann could love him like that despite all his lies.

  “He loves you more than anything else in this world. He was always talking about you and showing me your photos. I feel like I watched you grow up.”

  “You never let him see any pictures of Paul Junior, did you?”

  “I never showed him a single photo of his son until the night he found out.” She paused to blow her nose. “I didn’t have to tell him. He just looked at the photo and he knew. He wasn’t the only dishonest person in our relationship.”

  “How did you meet him?” Lizzie asked after they finished off the box of chocolates.

  “He wrecked his car in an ice storm. I was a senior in nursing school and working in the ER.”

  Lizzie tried to do the math but came up short, “Was I already born?”

  “You were a baby. It was just a couple of weeks before you’re first birthday in March. Of course, I didn’t know about you or Lois then. I was already head over heels in love with him before he ever told me he was married.”

  “Go on.”

  “He got thrown head first through the windshield of his car when it was rear ended. I saw a photo in the newspaper and was amazed he wasn’t killed.”

  “I’ve heard him talk about the wreck. He never wore a seatbelt until after that happened.”

  “Exactly, he was such an ass that night when they brought him in." She chuckled. “He threw a fit not wanting us to shave off his hair to clean the glass out of his scalp. Finally I told him – look your hair will grow back. If your scalp gets infected you’re going to have a lot more to worry about than being bald for a few weeks.”

  “He said, ‘I bumped head first to keep my face from getting cut up. The least you can do is spare my hair.’”

  “I had no idea what he was talking about then, but thinking about it now. In that split second of impact, he was so worried about his pretty face that he tucked his chin to make sure his head took the brunt of the blow. Now that’s a hell of a wrestler or one arrogant jackass.”

  “Sometimes I think it’s a little of both.”

  “He grabbed onto my hand and squeezed it the whole time the doctor stitched him up. No painkillers, no anesthesia. He actually thought he was going to go on to the TV taping and wrestle that night.”

  “That’s Daddy for you.”

  “They kept him in the hospital for four nights and he gave the nurses holy hell the whole time he was there. I was the only person in that whole hospital who didn’t know who he was and yet he kept requesting me to come to his room every time he rang that damn buzzer. I came close to upping his painkillers just to knock him out for a couple of hours of peace and quiet.”

  “So it wasn’t love at first sight like with me and Billy?”

  “Not by a long shot. I mean there was no denying he’s a gorgeous man, but his attitude. He acted like I should have been
getting turned on just from giving him a sponge bath.”

  Lizzie couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Finally I lost it and told him off right to his face, not knowing the floor supervisor would pick that exact moment to be walking by his door. They were ready to fire me and suspend me from my last weeks of nursing school.”

  “Oh, my goodness.”

  “That head nurse tore into me and made me apologize to Paul, which of course I did. She told him I was going to be fired for my behavior and he called the chief of staff and took up for me. Told them I was the only nurse in that place who had the nerve to stand up to him and he damn well appreciated it. After that, how was I supposed to tell him no when he asked to take me to lunch the next time he was in town?”

  “Very carefully.”

  “I just happened to be off that Tuesday and he took me to eat and gave me a couple of tickets to that night’s show. I went home and told my little sister and she was over the moon. She knew who Paul Bryson was.”

  Carol Ann was probably the only woman who didn’t know who he was.

  “Of course she talked me into waiting for him after the show so she could meet him. He took us both to dinner and my sixteen year old baby sister was so star struck I think she would have went back to his motel room with him if I hadn’t of been there.”

  “Did you go to his motel room?”

  “No way! I was still a virgin and completely clueless about sex. He kept taking me to lunch when he was in town and when I graduated, he gave me real pearl earrings – he said they would look classy with my new RN’s cap. No one had ever given me something expensive like that before.”

  She leaned over to show Lizzie the pearl earrings she still wore twenty-one years later.

  “He was just a total gentleman. I didn’t sleep with him until August. He took me up to Norfolk with him the weekend of his birthday and made a big deal of the whole thing. It was the first time I’d ever even been in a motel room with a man.”

  “That’s so sweet. I’m glad Daddy stopped being such a jerk and fell for you.”

  “I think he just liked the thrill of the chase. I was the only girl he’d ever met who wouldn’t put out for him.”