Desire

by Jezebel Jorge

  “Oh, I think he liked you a lot more than that.”

  “He told me about you and Lois while we were driving back to Raleigh after spending that weekend together. It about broke my heart. I went home and cried for days. I told myself I wasn’t going to see him when he came back to town. I couldn’t be with a married man. I wasn’t that kind of girl.”

  “Did you parents know you were seeing him?”

  “My father died when I was in high school and I didn’t tell my mother about Paul until Larry and I separated. I think she knew I was seeing someone, but we never talked about it. She didn’t like it one bit when she found out I’d had a child with a married man.”

  “Do you think he’s still cheating on you?”

  “I’d like to think he’s not. He seemed awfully sincere about promising me those days were behind us.”

  “I don’t know what I’d do if I caught Billy fooling around on me.”

  “You would forgive him and look the other way, just like I did. When you love someone as much as you do Billy, that’s just what you do.”

  “You’re a stronger woman than me.”

  “No I’m not. Look at you Lizzie. You defied your father, got your own apartment, still managed to get a promotion at work, and now you’re going to have a baby.”

  “Well, it’s not like I had any choice in some of that stuff.”

  “Don’t you worry about Billy. That man is crazy about you. There’s not a woman anywhere who could ever change that.”

  “I hope you’re right.” Lizzie put a hand on her sill flat belly.

  “When they mess around with those girls, it’s got nothing at all to do with love or their feelings for their wives. It’s just a body on the road, a way to relieve stress and be one of the boys. For Paul, it’s to stoke his ego. Love, or most of the time like, isn’t part of the equation.”

  “I’m so glad I have you to talk to.”

  “I can’t take your mother’s place, but I want you to know I’m always here for you and I want the four of us to be a family.

  “Six of us, if you include Billy and your future grandchild.”

  “You’d better believe they’re included. I’m going to be the coolest grandma ever and that’s saying a lot when I have Glenda DuBois as competition.”

  “I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

  Lizzie sure did miss Billy but all things considered this was one of the best Valentine Day’s ever. At least until she woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible stomachache.

  Carol Ann was sound asleep on the other side of the bed so she crept to the bathroom and filled the tub up with hot water. She sank down under the warm suds letting the hot water soothe away the worst of the pain. It seemed to help until she looked down and saw blood in the water. This time it wasn’t just a little blood. Her bathwater was rapidly turning red.

  A horrible cramp bent her over with excruciating pain. She breathed through it and hoped the worst was over until it hit again, even harder than the first wave of cramping. She was so scared that she was shaking and icy cold despite the steam still coming off the water. Lizzie tried to get up and the room swam in front of her eyes.

  “Oooh,” she cried. “Carol Ann, please come help me… Carol Ann.”

  “Lizzie?” Carol Ann called, “Where are you?”

  “In here… oooh… it hurts.”

  Carol Ann didn’t panic when she opened the door and saw the bloody bathwater. She calmly got a robe, wrapping it over Lizzie’s shoulders and sat her down on the toilet seat.

  “I need to get you dressed and to the ER,” Carol Ann said, her voice never wavering.

  “Ahh, ooh,” Lizzie doubled over again with more cramps, “It’s bad isn’t it?”

  “You’re going to be just fine,” she said with assurance.

  “What about the baby?”

  “Don’t think about that right now. I need you to stay calm.” Carol Ann picked Lizzie’s nightgown up off the floor and worked it over her head. “Can you stand?”

  She helped Lizzie to her feet and more blood ran down her leg in an angry torrent of crimson.

  “You’re losing a lot of blood. I need to get you to the hospital.” Carol Ann handed her a towel, pressing it between her legs just as the world went black.

  Chapter 19

  Lizzie woke up in a hospital room with an IV stuck in her arm. Carol Ann didn’t have to tell here anything. She already knew the baby was gone.

  “How can I miss something I never really had?” Lizzie sobbed.

  “I know it’s rough,” Carol Ann patted her hand. “It’s perfectly okay to cry. I understand.”

  Lizzie went through a box of tissue before she could speak again and when she did her throat felt raw, “Was it the bath that caused it? Did I get the water too hot?”

  “No sweetie, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Carol Ann assured her. “The pregnancy was ectopic. The fetus wouldn’t have been viable no matter what you did.”

  “Do you know what that is?”

  Lizzie shook her head, overcome by more tears.

  “The baby wasn’t inside your womb. It was in a cyst outside one of your ovaries. That’s why there was so much blood.”

  “Will I even be able to have a baby?”

  “I think so. The doctor is going to have to do some x-rays and more tests after we get you rested up.”

  “I need to find out.”

  “You need to rest.” Carol Ann stood. “I’m going to go find your doctor and get you something to make you feel better.”

  She returned with a nurse who stuck a needle into a slot on Lizzie’s taped up hand. She felt a quick burn shoot down her arm then nothing

  Nothing at all.

  ***

  “Hey there Pumpkin.”

  Lizzie opened her eyes and found her daddy sitting in Carol Ann’s chair. Every time she had awaken in a drug induced haze Carol Ann had been there watching over her. Carol Ann was supposed to be sitting there, not Daddy.

  Lizzie squeezed her eyes shut and then took another peek. Yeah, it was Daddy all right.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Okay, I guess,” she said, in the little girl voice that always seemed to come out when she needed her daddy. “Can I get something to drink?”

  Why was he being so nice if he knew what had happened? Before she could give it any more thought, Carol Ann appeared looking like an angel in her crisp white nurse’s outfit.

  “Here, you go.” She held a cup of water for Lizzie to sip from the straw.

  It was the best water she had ever tasted.

  “When I told Paul it was female problems, he shut me right up and told me to handle the details.” She laughed and gave Lizzie a sly wink to let her know the secret was safe.

  “As long as Billy didn’t cause those female problems,” Daddy said abruptly.

  “No, this was all Mother Nature’s doing. If that cyst hadn’t of burst when it did Lizzie would have had to have surgery so it’s really for the best that it all happened like this.”

  “I’m just glad you were here to take care of her.” Daddy affectionately reached for her arm. “It’s good to see my girls getting along so well.”

  “When are you going to marry her already?” Lizzie asked thinking she could just blame that slip up on all the drugs they had been pumping into her.

  “Soon as she’ll do me the honor. You’ll have to defer to Carol Ann on us setting the date.”

  “I’ll marry you when I’m good and ready.” Carol Ann didn’t turn to look at him. She kept right on checking Lizzie’s vitals like he wasn’t even there.

  “Don’t sass your nurse. This one’s a spit fire.”

  “So I’ve heard.”

  “I’m glad to see you crack a smile.” Carol Ann patted her arm, “Do you feel up to eating? I can have the cafeteria send up some soup.”

  “Or how about some candy?” Her daddy pulled a huge red heart shaped box out from under his chair. “I’m sorry I didn’t
get around to giving these to you a couple of days ago.”

  That’s when Lizzie noticed the enormous spray of flowers sitting on the table by her bed.

  “Who died?” She quipped before realizing that someone really had died. The baby.

  Her and Billy’s baby.

  “Aw, Pumpkin, don’t cry on me.” He opened that stupid lacy box and offered her some candy. “Chocolate always makes you feel better.”

  “I don’t think her stomach’s ready for anything that sweet.”

  Carol Ann saved her by taking the box away from him and setting it over by the flowers and an even more ridiculous looking over-sized stuffed teddy bear.

  “Your brother got you something too.” Daddy retrieved a paper bag from underneath that table and this time sat down on the edge of the bed. “Paid for it with his own allowance money on our way over here this morning. He wanted to see you, but I didn’t think you would feel up for much company.”

  “Tell him to come see me,” Lizzie said, peeking in the bag to find a card and an assortment of magazines and puzzle books.

  “He’ll stop by at the end of his shift. He’s volunteering here today,” Carol Ann said. “I hate to run but I’d better get back to my floor. If you need me, have one of the nurses call for me.”

  “I’d better hit the road, too.” Daddy kissed her cheek, “Go to make Fayetteville tonight. Wait up Carol Ann, and walk me to the elevator.”

  Fayetteville meant it must be Monday. She had been out of it for two whole days. Now she wished she had asked Carol Ann to get them to give her another one of those shots. Out of it sounded really good right about now.

  Every time she shut her eyes, Lizzie saw all that blood. Then when she opened them she had to look at those flowers and that stupid bear. Just for a distraction, she picked up one of the magazines and a wrestling program fell out with her Daddy on the cover grinning like some kind of idiot.

  Lizzie tossed it aside and opened the card where her brother had written look on page six. She grabbed the program and turned to a photo of Billy surrounded by little stars and a big rising star headline.

  On the opposite page he had scrawled, ‘I think that means Billy will still have a job when he gets back.’

  Lizzie folded the program to where she could look at Billy instead of her daddy and propped it on the arm rail of her bed. Just seeing his smile made her feel a little better.

  She was halfway through the box of chocolates and on her third crossword puzzle when PJ came to visit. He looked so serious in his black pants, white button down shirt and even a tie underneath his Junior League volunteer smock. Her mother had donned one of those ugly green smocks every Tuesday, just as Lizzie realized her daddy had been off to Raleigh for work and Carol Ann.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked, grinning when he saw how she had set up Billy’s picture.

  “A lot better now that I can sit here and stare at my Billy.”

  “Last I overheard, Mr. Anderson asked Dad when Billy would be back. He wants to have Dad and Billy win the Mid-Atlantic tag titles.”

  “What did Daddy say to that?”

  “He suggested putting Billy in a young baby face team with Paul Jones instead.”

  “Won’t the girls love that? He’s almost as handsome as Billy.”

  “I’m just glad he’s letting up on making me go on the road with him. I’ve missed volunteering like this. I got to work in pediatrics today and it’s my favorite, passing around toys and candy and stuff.”

  “Could you get rid of that?” Lizzie pointed towards that hideous stuffed bear. “And maybe the flowers too while you’re at it.”

  “I know a little girl that would love to take that bear off your hands. Why don’t you come with me?”

  “I don’t know if I’m up to getting out and walking around.”

  “I can swipe you a wheelchair. I do have connections around here you know.”

  Before she could come up with any more excuses, he had the nurse unhook the IV and got Lizzie planted in a wheelchair with a blanket in her lap ready to roll.

  “Hey Hannah, this bear was getting awful lonely sitting all by himself in my sister’s room, so we decided to bring him down here to stay with you.”

  He pushed Lizzie up to the bedside of a tiny ghost of a girl wasting away from cancer. Her skin was almost translucent and a bright fuchsia crocheted cap covered up her hair loss. Yet, her eyes still lit up when Paul placed the bear in her arms.

  “Thank you.” She hugged the toy to her chest, her frail arms not able to reach all the way around the girth of the bear.

  “And we’ve got some flowers to liven this place up.”

  “How nice, and the roses are pink, our favorite color.” A tired looking woman who must have been the mother held the bouquet to where Hannah could get a whiff of the roses before placing the vase on the bedside table.

  “Beautiful.” The little girl beamed at Lizzie, “The red carnations match your hair. I love your pretty red curls.”

  Lizzie ran a hand through what she usually considered a rat’s nest of snarls, suddenly thankful for a head full of thick hair, even if it was unmanageable and red.

  “Thank you. I’m so glad Paul talked me into getting out of bed to come see you.”

  “Me too,” she said, that beautiful smile never leaving her face. “You shouldn’t be sad. Your baby is with the angels. I’m going to go be with them soon.”

  “How did you know?” Her eyes darted to PJ. From the way his own eyes widened and his cheeks flushed, she took it that the whole baby thing was news to him too.

  “All babies go to heaven,” the little girl said with a knowing laugh. “When the time is right, God is going to send you a beautiful blond boy. He’ll need your love a lot more than the little girl already in heaven.”

  Before Lizzie realized what she was doing she was out of the wheelchair wrapping her arms around the tiny little girl. “Thank you.” She squeezed her eyes shut to stave off the tears, taking just a moment to feel the tiny body pressed against her. The child’s flesh felt so cold, yet her heart was overflowing with warmth.

  “Out of the mouths of babes,” her mother said.

  “You have an amazing child,” Lizzie said, wiping at her eyes.

  “We are blessed.”

  “You and Teddy better get some rest,” PJ said. “I bet he’d like to read a book with you.”

  Her mom said, “Good idea,” and handed her a book from the nightstand.

  “Anne of Green Gables,” Lizzie read off the cover. “I loved that book when I was your age.”

  “She has red hair just like you.”

  “Thank you both so much,” her mother said following them into the hallway after a round of goodbyes with Hannah. “It did me a world of good to leave the hospital and get some lunch while you sat with her this afternoon.”

  “It was my pleasure,” PJ said.

  “Don’t forget what Hannah told you.” The woman bent to hug Lizzie. “She was born with an amazing psychic gift and so far she has never been wrong with any of her predictions.”

  ***

  “I’ve gone over all your test results and I don’t see any reason why you won’t be able to have another child,” the doctor assured Lizzie. “Just give your body a few months to recover and take those vitamins to keep your iron up.”

  “So you don’t know what caused the ectopic pregnancy?”

  “The only abnormality I noticed was a slight tilt in your cervix, nothing at all to be concerned about. I’d like to have your blood work redone in about a month to make sure you’re not anemic, but other than that you'll be just fine.”

  “I’ll make sure she takes it easy until her husband gets back from Japan.” Carol Ann covered brilliantly, knowing how much it bothered Lizzie for people to think she had gotten pregnant out of wedlock.

  “You’re a luck girl, Elizabeth.” He kindly patted her shoulder. “If Carol Ann hadn’t been able to get you here so quickly, things might have been a lo
t worse.”

  Lizzie didn’t feel so lucky, until she thought of Hannah still smiling with her tiny body ravaged by cancer.

  “Can we stop and see Hannah before you take me home?”

  “She’s with the angels.” PJ stood in the doorway, tears streaming down his cheeks. “She took a nap after lunch and just never woke back up. Her heart stopped in her sleep.”

  A chill ran down Lizzie’s spine… one of the child’s predictions had already came true.

  Chapter 20

  Those Japs must have taken a liking to Billy because there he was at ringside wearing one of the black Japan Pro Wrestling Alliance tracksuits. He learned real quick to give it right back when one of those boys came at him full throttle. He wasn’t a shooter like William, but at least he could hold his own. That fighting back had earned their respect and made the matches a lot better.

  Him and all the other Japanese wrestlers were hunkered down against the side of the ring. Eye level to the best match he had ever witnessed. They had been expecting Johnny Weaver. He was one of Crockett’s biggest stars - an easy guy to get along with and a hell of a hand in the ring. Turned out, he switches tour dates with the one person Billy was not looking forward to working with any time soon – Paul Bryson.

  William took it all in stride. That man could wrestle a broomstick and still have the best match on the card. While their American matches were tight and stiff, over here they took it up to a whole other level of brutality. Maybe it was because all the Japanese trainees and rookies were right there at the ring. Close enough to reach out and touch them if they lingered close to the ropes. Or maybe both of them were driven to be the best performer in the best match on the card.

  All Billy knew was that they sure were getting a lesson from the masters. The two men had the crowd oohing and aahing and hanging on to the edges of their seats while eating up their series of false finishes.

  It seemed like no time until the bell rang to signal they had wrestled to a sixty-minute time limit draw. The crowd rose to their feet with a roar. Yellow streamers flew through the air, covering the ring like Times Square on New Year’s Eve. William and Paul took a moment to bask in the limelight before shaking hands as a show of mutual respect. Both men rode the backs of trainees on their triumphant return to the dressing room.