GOODBYE to YESTERDAY

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  She looked forward to being a mother and was sure Luke would be a good father. But if she told him now, he would probably worry about her while he was gone, and she didn’t want that. If the midwife confirmed on Wednesday that she was pregnant, then she would surprise Luke with the news when he returned home. Fortunately, there hadn’t been any signs of morning sickness yet, so she was sure he had no idea she might be carrying his child. Besides her missed monthlies, Meredith’s only symptom was fatigue, but Luke hadn’t seemed to notice that, either. Perhaps it was because he had so much else on his mind.

  Meredith decided she was comfortable sticking with her decision to wait. If she was pregnant, the news would make quite a homecoming for Luke. The idea of them becoming parents made her feel somewhat giddy. By July they could possibly be a family of three.

  But what if she wasn’t pregnant? Maybe her fatigue and missed periods were caused from undue worry and lack of sleep. She’d heard of that happening to some people, and with the stress she’d been under since Luke lost his job, it could definitely have affected her monthly cycle.

  Meredith leaned her head against the back of the chair and closed her eyes, feeling drowsy all of a sudden. It was exhausting, fretting about everything and wrestling with the fear of Luke traveling in the dead of winter, not to mention them having to spend time apart. Meredith had to keep reminding herself that this was only temporary; it was just a few weeks. Why, then, did that feel like forever to her?

  I just have to get through these next few weeks, and then nothing but happiness will follow, she told herself. It sounded convincing enough. Now if only she could believe it.

  She was thankful Luke had taken the time to finish up a few odd jobs that needed to be done around the house before he left. She didn’t want to worry about problems with the house while he was gone. Luke was in the basement right now, fixing a leaky pipe, and Fritz was lying quietly by Meredith’s feet. Maybe she had time for a short nap to ease her mind and help her relax before it was time to visit Luke’s folks for supper this evening.

  Poor pup, Meredith thought as Fritz grunted and changed positions. I’ll bet that dog’s going to miss Luke almost as much as I do.

  When Luke finished working on the leaky pipe, he glanced around the basement to see if there was anything else that needed to be done. Last year the basement had flooded during a hard rainstorm, but Luke had taken care of that by waterproofing the walls, so he was sure it wouldn’t happen again. On Saturday, he’d cleaned the debris and ice from all the gutters and chopped extra firewood, enough to last until he was back home again. The wood was stacked close to the house so Meredith wouldn’t have to go far to fetch it. Luke felt good that those tasks had all been completed.

  He was anxious for tomorrow to arrive so he could be on his way to Indiana. The sooner he left, the quicker he’d get back home. But he hated to leave his beautiful wife. He wished Meredith could go with him, but they’d agreed it would be best if they didn’t spend the extra money for a second bus ticket. Besides, once he got to his uncle’s place, he’d be so busy learning his new trade that he wouldn’t be able to spend much time with her, anyway. He was sure the time would go by quickly, and he’d soon be back, ready to start his new business.

  Luke had seen the sadness in his wife’s eyes and knew she still had some misgivings. But she was putting up a brave front and seemed to have accepted the idea. He hoped she had, because he was almost certain that buying his uncle’s business was the right thing to do. And no matter how difficult it would be in the beginning, he was determined to make a go of it. When he started earning money at his new profession, Meredith would see that, too.

  Luke gathered up his tools. He needed to head outside and hitch Socks to the buggy; then he would shower and change clothes before he and Meredith went to his folks’ house for supper. Mom had insisted they come, saying it would be a few weeks before they saw Luke again. She’d also reminded him to bring Fritz along. Because he was the youngest of five boys and the only son living in Lancaster County, Mom tended to hover over him a bit. Two of Luke’s brothers, Daniel and David, lived with their wives and children north of Harrisburg in the small town of Gratz. John and Mark, the two oldest brothers, and their families had settled in a newly established Amish community in western New York. Luke had wondered for a while if he should move there, too—especially after he’d lost his job. He was glad he hadn’t, because with this new opportunity, he and Meredith shouldn’t have to worry about their finances any longer. He’d finally have what he hoped would be a secure job, and he wouldn’t have to consider moving somewhere else and starting over, like some of the others in their community who’d lost their jobs had done.

  Luke trudged up the basement stairs and went out the back door to get Socks out of his stall. It wouldn’t be good for the horse to get lazy while he was gone, so he’d asked Seth to come by a couple of times and take the horse out for a run. Socks was a bit spirited, so Luke didn’t want Meredith to take him out alone. If she needed to go somewhere, she was better off with Taffy, her easygoing mare, pulling the buggy.

  “Are you about ready to go?”

  Meredith jumped at the sound of Luke’s voice, followed by Fritz’s excited bark. “Oh, sorry. Guess I must have dozed off.” She yawned and stretched her arms over her head. “Are you done in the basement?”

  He gave a nod. “I finished up with the leaky pipe some time ago. Then I went out to hitch Socks to the buggy, came back in here, and took a shower.”

  “I must have been sleeping so hard that I didn’t hear you come in.” Meredith stood and smoothed the wrinkles in her dark blue dress. “What time is it? I hope we’re not running late.”

  “We’re fine,” Luke said. “Mom probably won’t have supper on the table for another hour yet.”

  “Even so, I think we should go now, because I want to help her with the meal.”

  Luke pulled Meredith into his arms and kissed her gently. “You’re so kind and considerate. No wonder my folks love you like their very own dochder.”

  “I love them, too, and I’m happy if they think of me as a daughter.” Meredith gave him a tight squeeze then turned toward the kitchen. “I’ll get my outer bonnet and shawl, along with the chocolate shoofly pie I made to take for dessert tonight, and then we can be on our way.”

  “Mmm … I hope you made an extra pie.”

  “I made two, and I’ll take them both, so I’m sure there will be enough for you to have two pieces if you like.”

  He grinned. “I can hardly wait.”

  Meredith made a mental note to be sure she baked a chocolate shoofly pie for Luke’s return home. She would also make his favorite meal of baked pork chops, mashed potatoes, creamed corn, and pickled beets.

  “Did you feed Fritz?” Meredith asked when the dog barked again.

  “Nope. Mom said we should bring the pup along and that she’d have something for him to eat.”

  “Do you hear that, pup? We’re going for a ride.” Meredith laughed when Fritz ran to the door, circling with excitement.

  Luke leaned over to the pat the dog’s head.

  Meredith smiled. She was relieved that things weren’t as strained between her and Luke as they had been for the last several months. The last thing she wanted was to send him off on a sour note.

  CHAPTER 4

  As Meredith and Luke headed down the road toward his folks’ house, the only things breaking the silence were the steady rhythm of the buggy wheels and an occasional whinny from Socks. Luke was already missing Meredith, and he hadn’t even left yet. He looked over at her, knowing she was probably feeling the same way. “What are you thinkin’ about, Merrie?” he asked, reaching over to touch her arm.

  “Oh, nothing, really. Just enjoying the ride.”

  From the backseat, Fritz leaned forward, poking his head between them, yapping with excitement and then panting with his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

  Meredith giggled. “I’ll bet if Fritz could talk, he’d
be asking:‘Are we there yet?’ ”

  Luke nodded and clicked his tongue to get Socks moving a little quicker, watching the horse’s feet prance higher as if in a dance. Then he looked over his shoulder at Fritz and said, “Don’t you worry, boy. We’re almost there.”

  When Luke pulled his horse and buggy up to his folks’ hitching rail a short time later, he turned to Meredith and said, “Why don’t you go on up to the house while I put Socks away in my daed’s barn? Fritz can come with me. I’m sure he’ll want to play with the barn cats before we go in for supper.”

  “All right, I’ll get the box with the pies.”

  “Don’t worry about that. No need for you to lug the box while you trudge through the slippery snow. I’ll bring it up when I come in.”

  “Danki.” Meredith stepped down from the buggy, and as she made her way to the house, Luke unhitched his horse and led him into the barn while Fritz followed close behind. Dad was feeding his horse, Dobbin, in the stall closest to the door.

  “Wie geht’s?” Luke asked, leading Socks into the stall next to Dobbin’s.

  “With the exception of the arthritis in my knees, which always acts up during cold weather, I’m doin’ pretty well,” Dad replied, limping over to greet Luke and then giving Fritz a few pats before the dog explored the barn. “How are things with you?”

  “I’m fine, but I’ll be even better once I get back from Indiana with a new trade I can use.”

  The wrinkles around Dad’s brown eyes lifted when he smiled. “Jah, and I’m sure that’s gonna be the case.”

  Luke grabbed a brush from the shelf overhead and started brushing Socks. The horse had worked up a pretty good lather on the ride over here and needed to cool down.

  “Sure am glad you and Meredith could come over for supper this evening.” The look in Dad’s eyes, peeking at Luke over the top of his metal-framed glasses, revealed the depth of his love. “Your mamm and I wanted the chance to say goodbye before you leave tomorrow.”

  “We appreciate the invite.” Luke blew out his breath in one long puff of air. “I have a favor to ask of you, Dad.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I’m worried about my fraa bein’ alone while I’m gone, and even though I know Fritz will be there to watch out for Merrie and keep her company, I was wondering if—”

  Dad held up his hand. “Say no more. You’re not to worry, Son. Your mamm and I will check on Meredith often, and I’m sure her folks will do the same.”

  “I appreciate that.” When he finished brushing his horse, Luke leaned on the half wall between the two horses’ stalls and watched as Dad groomed Dobbin. “I haven’t mentioned this before, but there’s been some tension between me and Meredith since I lost my job at the furniture store.”

  “Figured that might be the case, and your mamm’s noticed it, too.” Dad limped around to the other side of Dobbin and started brushing the horse’s flanks. “Money—or the lack of it—can have a way of causing problems between a man and his wife.”

  Luke gave a nod, looking toward the commotion in the back corner of the barn and then grinning when he saw his dog and two of Dad’s barn cats cavorting with each other. Fritz stood barking at one of the smaller cats that was crouched on a bale of hay, as though ready to spring. The kitten started swatting at Fritz’s nose, while another cat jumped at the dog’s short tail.

  Turning his attention back to his dad, he said, “Things are already somewhat improved between me and Meredith, and once I get back from Uncle Amos’s place and begin making some money, I’m sure they’ll be even better.”

  Dad smiled while stroking his mostly gray beard. “I’m glad my bruder offered to sell his business to you, Luke. I think you’ll learn the new trade quite easily’cause you’ve always been able to catch on to new things. Just remember, you’ll be good at whatever you do as long as you give it your best.”

  Luke gave a nod. “I’ll probably miss not working with wood anymore, but I guess I can still make a few things on my own, even if I’m not employed at a job where I can put my carpentry skills to use. And who knows? Maybe once Uncle Amos teaches me how to engrave headstones and I start earning an income from it, I may like the new profession even better than woodworking. Whatever happens, though, I’ll try to remember your words and do my best.”

  “I’m sure it will all work out, Son.” Dad stopped grooming Dobbin long enough to give Luke’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “It never hurts to learn another skill. Leaving is the hard part, but once you’re home, you’ll be glad you made the decision.”

  “Thanks, Dad. Talking to you always makes me feel better about things.”

  Dad smiled; then he put the brush away, slipped out of his horse’s stall, and closed the door. “Let me give your horse some food and water, and we’ll head up to the house and see if your mamm’s got supper ready.” He grinned at Luke. “Don’t know about you, but I’m feelin’ pretty hungerich right now. And how about you, Fritz? Are you hungry?” he asked, pointing at Luke’s dog.

  Woof! Woof! Fritz bounded over, forgetting all about the cats for the time being.

  Luke chuckled and thumped his stomach as it growled noisily. “Guess it’s pretty obvious that I’m hungry, too.”

  “It was nice of you to invite us over for supper this evening,” Meredith said as she helped her mother-in-law, Sadie, set the table.

  Sadie smiled, her hazel-colored eyes fairly twinkling. “We’re glad you could come.”

  Luke’s mother was always so cheerful. In fact, Sadie’s radiant smile was contagious, and at the age of sixty-seven, she still had the cutest little dimples. Just being around her made Meredith feel at ease.

  “I think Fritz was glad he was allowed to come with us. In fact, I believe the pup loves coming over here almost as much as we do.” Meredith had nicknamed Luke’s dog “the pup” soon after she’d married Luke.

  “He sure is a good dog.” Sadie grinned as she placed a pitcher of water on the table. “That first night when the puppy was brought home, Luke slept on the floor next to the box he had fixed up for Fritz. After that, they were inseparable.”

  “I can understand. I’ve gotten pretty attached to Fritz as well.”

  “So, tomorrow’s the big day, jah?” Sadie asked.

  Meredith nodded. “Luke’s pretty excited about learning a new trade from his uncle.”

  “And well he should be. He’s been without work far too long, and engraving headstones is a needed thing.” Sadie’s tone had become more serious. “I think it’ll provide you and Luke with a good living and a job he shouldn’t have to worry about losing.”

  “I hope so. If it were any other time of the year, I might be more comfortable with the idea of Luke traveling and being away from home. If only it was spring or summer. Then, too, I’d have more to keep me busy outside in the warmer weather, like gardening and yard work, so I could keep my mind off Luke being gone.” Meredith sighed deeply. “I just wish he didn’t have to travel in this cold, snowy weather.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be fine, and you will be, too, Meredith,” Sadie said with a wave of her hand. “Those bus drivers know how to handle their vehicles in all kinds of weather. You have to remember they’re trained for that.”

  Meredith nibbled on her lower lip as she looked out the kitchen window at the snow. “That’s what my friend Dorine said, too.”

  Sadie slipped her arm around Meredith’s waist. “Just give your worries to the Lord, like the Bible says we should do.”

  “I’m trying to do that, Sadie.” Meredith managed a weak smile. “I think I’ll feel better once I know Luke has arrived safely at his uncle’s place. Then I’ll just have to get through a few weeks before he comes home. There are days when I think I’ll be able to handle it and then other times when I get really scared just thinking about it.”

  “Would you like to stay here with us while Luke is gone? You can bring Fritz along, too.”

  “I appreciate the offer, but I’m sure I’ll be fine at ho
me. I’ve already started a to-do list and plan to use the time he’s away to get some things done that I’ve been wanting to do. Keeping busy will be my remedy for loneliness.” Once Meredith found out whether she was pregnant, she planned to clean and organize the room that would become the baby’s nursery. But no way was she going to share her suspicions with Luke’s mom about being in a family way. Not until she’d told Luke.

  “Keeping busy should help,” Sadie said, pushing her glasses back in place. She lifted the lid on the pot of potatoes, poked them with a fork, and turned off the stove. “You know, in the forty-seven years Elam and I have been married we’ve never been apart for more than a few days.”

  “Really?”

  “That’s right, and the few times we were apart was because Elam had to go away on business when he owned the bulk food store.”

  Sadie carried the kettle over to the sink and poured the water out. “But even during those times it wasn’t so bad, because I had our kinner to keep me company. Of course, all the boys missed Elam, and everyone was glad when he returned home.”

  Meredith sighed. “I’ll be glad when Luke gets back from Indiana.”

  “Of course you will. Elam and I will be, too. With him being our youngest son and the only one living here in Bird-in-Hand, we’re kind of partial to him.” Sadie chuckled. “Course we love all five of our sons. It’s just that we feel a bit closer to Luke.”

  “Is someone in here talkin’ about me?” Luke asked as he and Elam entered the kitchen. Fritz followed close behind with his nose in the air.

  Sadie gave Luke a hug. “It’s a mother’s right and privilege to talk about her son whenever she wants.” She reached down to pet Luke’s dog. “Hey there, boy. I made something special for you to eat.”

  Fritz’s short tail wagged enthusiastically. Luke grinned and gave Meredith a wink. She was glad he had such a good relationship with his parents.

  “Sure is a nice clear night,” Luke said as he and Meredith walked hand in hand toward their house later that evening. In his other hand he held a battery-operated lantern to light their way. “Would you like to sit out on the porch awhile and look at the stars like we used to do when we were courting?”