Come to Me Quietly (Closer to You)

by Jackson, A. L.

  Aly sat back to take me in. She’d seen me without my shirt on before. I mean, I’d even let her touch me. But never in my life had I felt as exposed as I did right then. Her fingertips softened as they traced along the outline of my sins, as she caressed the markings of every mistake I’d ever made as if this girl somehow found some kind of beauty in them. She explored, caressed down my chest, back up my sides, and over my shoulders.

  She should be repulsed because I was every time I looked in the mirror.

  But she was gazing at me, touching me like maybe she really did understand, like she wasn’t humoring me with some kind of bullshit pity party. She leaned down and kissed the dying rose at the center of my chest.

  A tremor coursed through my body.

  I knew it wasn’t feigned. I could feel it. Aly understood me.

  And again I was thinking that maybe she and I did fit because she was fucking perfect and good and every kind of beautiful, and I was corrupted and impure and vile, and just maybe piecing two people together so contrary meant we could somehow create a whole.

  That kind of thinking, though, was all just a painful delusion. But right then, I didn’t fucking care. I’d be happy to die in this deception.

  “You are so beautiful,” Aly murmured as she reached out to touch my face with nothing but sincerity in her words, and I knew she would be happy to live in this illusion, too.

  I folded my arms around her waist and lifted her up as I stood from the chair. She hooked her legs over my hips, locking herself to me, and I was kissing her as I walked her to the bed. She cupped my face in her hands, smiling against my lips, kissing me hard and soft and everything in between, and then she was pressing these little kisses to my chin and my cheeks and my nose.

  Something that almost felt like joy rose up from the inside and pushed against my ribs.

  Another delusion, but I’d take it.

  Because right then, taking felt right.

  One of my knees hit the bed, and I crawled up with her still clinging to me. I untangled her from my neck and waist and gently set her on her twisted sheets. I edged back to standing, looking down on this girl who I should be running from instead of running toward.

  She lay there wearing nothing but her sleep shorts, her feet flat on the mattress with her knees parted and bent. Her bare chest heaved as she stared up at me staring down at her. A faint smile curved her lips while her eyes continued to explore every inch of my skin.

  For the first time in years, I didn’t mind.

  “Jared,” she said, her hand fluttering up to beckon me forward. “Please.”

  I leaned down to unlace my boots, watching her while she watched me. I stood and kicked them off. Slowly I began to work through the buttons on my fly.

  Part of me was praying she’d stop me, that she’d finally grasp reality and see me for exactly what I was. But the rest of me screamed for her. It was like I could feel her spirit sinking under my skin, slipping through my veins, taking hold.

  A blink of fear shot through my heart.

  No. I don’t get to have this.

  I shoved the feeling off.

  Pushing my jeans down to the floor, I shrugged them aside and stood at the edge of her bed in my underwear while I took in every inch of the girl who had some kind of insane hold over me.

  Light filtered in from the window above her. Her stomach was flat and her breasts were full, her legs so fucking long and slender and strong. She lay there with her arms draped out to the side, rocking a little side to side as if she were just as impatient for me as I was for her. The muscles in my chest and arms twitched and flexed as I slowly climbed onto her bed. I nudged her knees farther apart. With one hand I supported my weight and hovered a foot over her while I touched her face and ran my fingers through her hair.

  “Look at you,” I said as I cupped her cheek. My gaze rushed all over her face, along her chin and her delicate neck, down the curves and the lines that I was dying to touch. “Aly, you are so incredibly beautiful. Do you know that? Do you have any idea how perfect you are?”

  Redness flushed along her skin. She drew her shoulders up and crushed her chest to mine as she splayed her hands across my back, like an embrace that greeted me body and soul, and I couldn’t imagine feeling closer to anyone until the second she covered my mouth with hers. This kiss was slow, just a gentle caress of her lips on mine, a soft breath of air from her nose.

  She pulled back. Meaningfully, she gazed up at me. “I’m not perfect, Jared. No one is.”

  A pensive smile formed on my mouth as she wrapped me in undeserved kindness. I wanted to dispute her claim because to me, that’s what she was. This girl who’d shaken me. I wanted to tell her she was wrong because I knew inside that pure heart of hers she believed the two of us were just the same.

  Maybe her soul burned so bright she couldn’t see the blackness in mine.

  Fingertips trailed along my jaw and wound in the hairs at the nape of my neck.

  With a harsh shake of my head, I asked her the same question I’d been asking myself for the last month. “What are we doing, Aly?”

  She tightened her hold and whispered along my jaw, “Whatever feels right.”

  I released the air from my lungs and gave in. Devoured her mouth. I sucked her bottom lip between both of mine. Her jaw slackened as she fully succumbed to my kiss. Colors flashed behind my eyes as I let my weight cover her, chest to chest, breath to breath. I caged her, her tiny body pinned below mine as our mouths collided, reckless, hard, and demanding.

  Heat blanketed us, flames and fire and need. I’d never wanted anyone like this, had never ached to bury myself in someone this way. I wanted to lose myself there, disappearing forever in this blissful delusion.

  Aly was panting when I pulled away. She gasped and clutched my head when I dipped down and took the rosy bud of her breast in my mouth. “Oh my God… Jared,” she breathed, her words shooting straight through me.

  Writhing, she moaned, and I lifted my weight to my knees so I could drag my flattened palms down her sides. Her muscles jumped and ticked, and she arched as I sucked at her. Almost frantic, her hands tugged at my hair.

  I eased, gently kissed along the underside of her breast, then ran my nose back up over the sensitive skin. Her hands loosened and she sighed as she massaged her fingers at the back of my scalp. My kiss traveled the valley of her chest, and I took the opposite breast in my mouth.

  Her hands fisted in my hair again. This time, Aly begged, “Please.”

  Shit.

  And again I was asking, “What are we doing?” because I was hard and straining and so was Aly and all of this seemed so fucking crazy. Because I wanted her. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life, this consuming need that made my head spin and heart pound.

  Slipping my hands under her back, I ran them all the way down to cup her perfect round ass and pressed her a little harder into me.

  Aly whimpered, a frenzy alight in the depths of her green eyes. She rocked against me, purposed and strong. “Please.”

  That was all the confirmation I needed, and I was pushing those little shorts and the black panties hidden underneath over her hips, revealing every inch of this beautiful girl. My chest felt too full, and my stomach tightened as I lowered them down her thighs.

  Jerking back, I rested on my knees and tugged her shorts free from her legs.

  Fully exposed, Aly stared up at me. Shadows danced in her eyes, her expression tense, and a little mewl slipped from her mouth as she nervously pressed her knees together. In it, I heard so many things, a whimper, a cry, need, and maybe something that sounded like fear.

  Caressing her skin, I slowly spread her knees apart. Under my touch, she trembled, her legs shaking as they fell open and her naked body was completely exposed to me. Never before had I witnessed a more perfect sight.

  “Shit… Aly… you’re fucking gorgeous.” Maybe it was crass, but damn, she was.

  I watched as Aly’s tongue darted out to
wet her lips, her hair all tangled around her face. Anxious green eyes stared up at me. Her expression was both intense and shy, shifting with desire and apprehension and lust.

  A lick of fear lashed at me again. Squeezing my eyes closed, I swallowed hard and fought for control. This was wrong. So wrong. Yet I just opened my eyes and let my hands wander back down her legs, my palms firm as I ran them up the inside of her thighs. I shifted forward and captured her mouth.

  Aly wrapped her legs around my waist.

  I rubbed against her, shameless and brash.

  “Aly… ”

  “Jared… I want you.” Aly’s touch became urgent, her kiss greedy. Desperate hands rushed down my back to grip my ass. “Love me, Jared. Love me.”

  My mouth opened in a silent cry that I buried in the haven of her neck. And I wished that I could. Even though I knew that wasn’t what she meant, for one fleeting moment, I wished I could love her and that this beautiful girl could love me back.

  Unbridled hunger washed over us in waves, sweat slicking our skin as our bodies grasped for each other.

  And I felt powerless, consumed, hard.

  So fucking hard.

  Overwhelmed, I pushed back to my knees and dropped a kiss to her soft belly. Aly sucked in a sharp breath and her hips jerked from the bed. Then she threaded her fingers in my hair and begged my name. My arms wound under her bent legs, and I tucked her close. Shifting, I leaned forward and rested one hand on the bed beside her waist. Her leg was trapped between my arm and side, scorching my skin.

  I glanced up at her. Aly watched me with chaotic eyes as I smoothed the opposite hand along her stomach, down her thigh, and then ran the backs of my fingers over the bare skin at her center.

  Aly shook.

  I held my breath as I slipped two fingers inside her.

  She gasped and writhed, and her hands fisted in the sheets at her sides. She was warm… so fucking warm… and so fucking tight. I searched her, listened to the rapid tumbling of discordant words that whispered from her mouth.

  Realization hit me like a flood.

  “Why the fuck are you a virgin, Aly?”

  Aly just lifted her hips and begged me more. “Please.”

  I continued to search her, please her, pressed my thumb to her clit as I lurched forward and covered her mouth with mine, demanding through my kiss, “Why are you a virgin?”

  Aly’s hands flew to my face, her hold firm but her eyes sincere as she looked up at me. “Because I want it to matter.”

  “Shit… Aly.”

  Crushing my chest to hers, I curled my arm over the top of her head and mashed my cheek to hers.

  I quickened my hand, my fingers filling her hard and fast.

  Her nails cut into the skin of my shoulders, burrowed deep enough to sink into my blackened soul. Aly tightened, her breath rasping from her lungs and filtering across my face. “Jared… I don’t… so good.”

  I could feel it hit, her pleasure as she convulsed all around my hand. Affection rushed through my chest.

  No.

  And still she was begging, “Jared, please,” lifting herself to me as she tried to get to my underwear.

  I rose on my knees between her thighs, grabbed her hands, and pinned them to the bed. “No way, Aly.”

  I might be an asshole, I might take and take and take, but there was not a chance in hell I was going to take that.

  My eyes searched hers, trying to understand, trying to make her understand. “You said you want it to matter.”

  Sadness clouded her features. “How could it not matter with you?”

  Regret twisted through my gut because I knew better than to have allowed this to completely spin out of control. But it was me who lacked control, and it was Aly who held me.

  And it would matter. To me. But that wouldn’t make a fucking difference in the world because I could never be what she needed. Could never be what she deserved.

  I would destroy whatever we created, would ruin her, would wreck this beauty.

  I loosened the hold on her hands. The tension that had stretched me tight ebbed, and my body softened as I rested my elbows on the bed, bracketing her shoulders. I swept the hair on her forehead from her face. “You matter, Aly. You’ve always mattered to me. But this… ” I twirled a strand of her hair with my finger. “I keep warning you we can’t do this, and you just keep pushing me further and further. I don’t know what it is you think you want from me… what you think I can give you.”

  Aly frowned. “I just want you to stay.”

  She made it sound so simple. Easy.

  Stay.

  Staying here would only be another transgression added to the uncountable others. Another blemish. Another mark. Surrender heaved from my lungs in a heavy sigh.

  I’d already fucked it all up anyway. In the end, what would staying a little longer change? No doubt, when I finally left, it was going to hurt.

  I spread my palm over the cheek of her trusting face.

  Not just me, but it was going to hurt Aly, too.

  “Stay,” she whispered again, lifting her chin to place a tender kiss on my mouth.

  I rolled to the side and took her with me. “This is crazy.”

  She wiggled closer and plastered herself to my side. “I know… but I like it.”

  Quietly I laughed at the simplicity that was unbearably complex, and I smoothed my hand over the top of her head. “You do, huh?”

  Her fingers tickled over my sensitive stomach. “Yeah, I do.”

  I squeezed her and turned my mouth to her ear. “No sex, Aly. You waited this long… don’t waste it.” And fuck, if my body wasn’t still screaming for her. But I meant it.

  “Okay,” she whispered seriously, her hand trailing up my torso to flatten on my chest. Then she lifted herself up on her elbow, a new shyness taking her over as she chewed at the inside of her lip. “Will you let me touch you?” she asked as she moved to straddle my legs and sat back on her knees.

  She didn’t wait for an answer.

  A slow moan locked in my throat when she freed me, and vibrations rocked me to my core when she took me in her hand. I shot up to sitting, gripped her head in my hands, and bunched her hair in my fingers, kissed her hard.

  This girl. This girl.

  “Aleena.”

  Why would she want someone like me?

  “Jared,” she breathed. Her soft hand was wrapped around me, her intense green eyes locked on mine as she began to move. Slowly at first, almost tentative. “Is this okay?” she murmured.

  Okay? This girl just had no idea what she did to me.

  “Fuck, Aly… that feels so good. You don’t even know.”

  A whisper of a smile edged her mouth, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she increased her pace. She leaned back a fraction to make herself room, bringing her other hand up to anchor to my neck.

  We were nose-to-nose, and the air panted from her mouth mixed with mine as she heightened me to a pleasure that shouldn’t have been possible.

  I grunted, my body fucking straining, desperate for more of her touch. “Aly… shit.” Pleasure shot through every nerve in my body as I came.

  And Aly was kissing me, whispering my name as she led me through my release.

  I wound her in my arms and buried my face in her chest, clinging to her. Because God, I didn’t want to let her go.

  Aly slipped off my lap and pulled me down to her side. Warmth swam in her eyes as she stared at me, gentle fingers brushing through my hair. “Thank you… for tonight… for staying here with me.”

  I kissed her forehead, unable to understand this girl. “You’re beautiful, Aly.”

  She snuggled into my side and I held her closer, listened to her breaths as they slowed and evened, her heartbeat a steady thrum against my ribs as she drifted off to sleep. I got lost in it, lulled by it. Finally I let go and closed my eyes.

  Sleep teased along the edges of my mind, a murky haze taking hold. Colors flashed. In defense, I squeezed my eyes t
ighter. But the inevitable came. Helplessly I watched as trails of blood made a distorted path down one side of her face. My chest convulsed and I was sure it was fire that pricked and singed my flesh.

  “Jared,” she mumbled.

  So badly I wanted to cry, but no tears would come, like they were locked inside with the fear and the pain.

  She looked so sad. So sad and so scared.