In a Heartbeat (Lifetime Book 2)

by Ariadne Wayne

  Sam squinted as he opened it. He wore no shirt, just pyjama pants, and shivered at the cold air rushing into the house. “Vanessa?”

  “I need to know why.”

  He shook his head, as if trying to work out if it really was me. “Need to know why what?”

  “I need to know why you cheated on my sister.”

  He gulped, scratching his head. “That was a long time ago. Why are you asking me now?”

  I rubbed my nose and cheeks. “I just need to know why someone would do that to the person they claimed to love.”

  His brows knitted as he frowned. “Is this about me, or you?”

  “I screwed up so badly, and I need to know what’s going through someone’s mind when they do this. I was seeing this guy, but I just found out he’s married, and …”

  Sam poked his head out of the door and looking around. “Come inside and we’ll talk. Do you want a coffee? I’ve got a box of tissues somewhere. Before the neighbours wake up.”

  I nodded, my teeth chattering in the cool breeze. In my haste, I hadn’t grabbed a jacket, and the chill in the air was even worse here than it was at home.

  At least Sam’s house was warm, and I let out a loud breath as I walked in the front door.

  He pointed to his left. “Living room is there. I’ll go make coffee. How do you take it again?”

  “Two sugars, no milk.”

  Sam nodded as he walked away, and I turned left into a cosy room. One wall was lined with a bookcase full of text books. It made sense; Sam was a teacher.

  In the centre of the room was a three-seater couch, a recliner chair either side of it. They faced toward a large flat-screen TV in the corner.

  I flopped on the couch. It was soft leather, and I leaned back, running my hands across the seat. The leather was cool to the touch, but the couch itself was spongy and comfortable. I could be asleep before he returned with the coffee.

  “Here we go.”

  I could see why my sister had been so attracted to him. He wasn’t bad-looking, especially half-naked, but I could never fully forgive him for what he’d done to her. Even if he had turned over a new leaf.

  “Thanks, Sam.” I took hold of the coffee cup he offered, the warmth flowing through my fingers.

  “Are you okay? Need me to call someone?”

  Shaking my head, I took a sip of the drink. “Ella would only worry if I told her.”

  Sam pulled up an ottoman in front of me and sat, leaning toward me. “I’m worried. I know I’m about your least favourite person, so having you turn up …”

  “You’re the only person I know who’s done anything remotely like this.”

  He nodded. “What’s going on? I thought you were with Connor.”

  “We broke up. I got pregnant, and just when I was getting used to it, I lost the baby. We both took it really hard and I pushed Connor away.” I took a deep breath. “There was this guy I was working with who flirted with me, and I let myself get carried away. I thought he wanted me.” I tilted my chin to look at the ceiling. “I was out today and saw him, so I went over and kissed him. Turns out he was out with his wife and daughter.”

  “Shit. I knew it had to be bad for you to come and see me.”

  I dropped my gaze back to him. “I just don’t understand. I need to.”

  Sam shook his head. “Vanessa, I don’t know what’s going on inside someone else’s head.” He sighed. “With Ella and I, things weren’t good. It was my fault; I was the one keen on having a baby, but then she ran with it and got so upset when it wasn’t happening. Matt really pushed me to make everything right with Ella. I just felt every time I tried to do that, I got it wrong. I started being mean to her to make myself feel better.”

  Leaning back, he took a deep breath. “Petra had been flirting with me for months, and I’d tried ignoring it, pretending it wasn’t happening. She showed up at the house, and I had her removed from my class. Anyway, this one day I was feeling really sorry for myself and not looking forward to going home. I knew it was around that time of the month, and chances were I was going home to see Ella in tears, or with those red, swollen eyes I hated seeing on her.”

  I took another sip of coffee as he paused, his pain evident in his tone.

  “It was a half-day at school, so I knocked off work early. I should have just gone home, but I went for a drink to get up the courage to face whatever was waiting for me.” He paused for a moment, as if lost in thought. “She was at the pub. I didn’t know if it was a coincidence or if she knew I drank there, but Petra was sitting at the bar. Anyway, to cut a long story short, after a couple of drinks we started talking. I poured my heart out, and she listened and told me all the things I wanted to hear. By the time we went back to her place, I’d had too many and one thing led to another.” He rubbed his forehead, as if he was trying to erase the memory.

  I’d hated him for so long and never thought he was good enough for Ella. It was clear he regretted what he’d done. “So you slept with her?”

  He nodded. “As soon as it was over, I got in a taxi and went straight home. I wanted to wash it all away. Turned out I’d completely forgotten Matt was coming for dinner, so there I was in a drunken stupor feeling like shit for what I’d done. So I said I’d gone for drinks with colleagues, and I threw a few insults around. I’m not proud of what I did, and I can never take it back. But I can sure as hell wish I’d never done it.”

  Tears had rolled down my cheeks, and I wiped them away with my sleeve.

  Sam leaned forward again. “I can’t tell you why your guy cheated, but you deserve better, just like Ella did.”

  I nodded, wiping away more tears.

  Sam stood, disappearing into the kitchen and returned, tissue box in hand. “Here. Do you need me to take you home?”

  I shrugged. “I can take a taxi.”

  “It’s late to be out and about. You can sleep on the couch if you want, and I’ll take you home in the morning.”

  Reaching into my bag, I dragged out my phone. I hadn’t even checked the time before coming over; it was a little after one in the morning.

  “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t realise what the time was”

  He gave me a crooked smile. “It’s fine. I hope I made you feel better.”

  “I don’t think anything’s going to make me feel better.” I gulped down the rest of the coffee.

  “Want me to get you a pillow and blanket?”

  As he left the room, I played our conversation over in my head. Sam had always rubbed me up the wrong way. I’d disliked him when I met him, but right now I knew I was safe, which was more than I’d known in recent weeks.

  Sam reappeared in the doorway. “Here you go. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen, and I’ll see you in the morning.” He smiled as he dropped the bedding on the couch. “For what it’s worth, Ness, just remember you haven’t done anything wrong. He’s the one to blame for not being honest with you.”

  “For what it’s worth, you’re not as big a douchebag as I thought you were.”

  Sam laughed. “I always knew where I stood with you. Get some sleep.”

  I nodded, watching as he walked away. He was right. This wasn’t my fault. I’d gotten carried away with a man who had lied to me. He was the one to blame.

  I picked up my phone again and scrolled through the photos. I hadn’t looked at them in forever. So many with Connor. Connor, who had been so patient and sweet with me, who had put up with all my bitchiness and just loved me.

  I missed him more than anything in that moment.

  Pulling the blanket up to my shoulders, I lay on the couch, hugging the pillow. I don’t know what help Sam had been, but I felt safe in this place. Nothing and no one could touch me while I was here.

  Sam might have been a douche, but he’d never let anyone hurt me.

  I OPENED MY EYES. Light flooded into the living room, and I groaned as I squinted. A mug of steaming something and two little white pills I assumed were painkillers came into hazy v
iew.

  “If I was a responsible host, I would have made you drink a glass of water before you fell asleep.” Sam’s voice came from the chair beside me, and I pushed myself up to sit, trying to focus my vision.

  “Let’s face it. You couldn’t have made me do anything,” I croaked.

  He cracked a smile and nodded. “You’re so right. I took the liberty of making you a coffee and getting you some paracetamol.”

  “How did you know when I was going to wake up?

  Sam laughed. “I didn’t. If you’d slept much longer, you’d have ended up with cold coffee. I woke and figured I should be prepared.”

  I leaned over and plucked the painkillers from the table, picking up the coffee cup with my other hand. The taste of the coffee was comforting, familiar. “Thanks for everything, Sam.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad you felt you could come here. I guess with Connor out of the picture, you’re by yourself.”

  I shrugged. “I have a couple of friends through the hospital. They’re a bit too close for this.”

  He nodded. “What are you going to do now?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “Want me to take you to Ella?”

  Damn it. He might not have been part of my family for a while, but he still knew me, knew how close I was to my sister. I’d hidden so much from her, but now the urge to lean on her was stronger than ever. She’d understand better than anyone.

  “I can’t ask you to do that. I’ll get my act together and go for myself.”

  “I don’t think you’ll be in any fit state to drive for a while, and not just because you’re hungover.” He looked out the large living room window. “Besides, today is a good day for a trip to the country.”

  He was right. I was still an emotional mess, and maybe I would have been sober enough to drive, but possibly not stable enough. The last thing I needed was to break down halfway home and not be able to continue.

  “Do you want to stop off and get a change of clothes?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “I still have enough at Mum and Dad’s place.”

  He grinned. “Drink your coffee and we’ll get going. If you get stuck coming back, just give me a call and I’ll come get you. I won’t stay and freak Ella out, I’ll just drop you and come back.”

  “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  Sam sighed, a sad expression sweeping his face. “Because when I did to Ella what you had happen to you, I would like to think she had people to take care of her.”

  I had no more words to say to that.

  I was safe.

  Chapter 13

  We drove through the quiet of the Brynderwyn hills, the sun still so bright I had to dig my sunglasses out of my bag. Grateful for not having left them in the car as I usually did, I settled back into the seat and closed my eyes.

  “We’re nearly there,” Sam said. It felt like five minutes later, but I’d managed to get some sleep and we were fast approaching Kerikeri.

  My heart leapt to my throat as we got to the end of the driveway.

  “Did you want to go to your mum and dad’s house, or Ella’s place?”

  Mum. I had to feel less tired and gross before facing her.

  “Ella’s place. I could do with less judgement.”

  He laughed. “Your mother isn’t that bad. She was always nice to me. Your dad on the other hand …”

  “I’m not Ella.”

  Sam flicked a concerned glance at me. “Are you kidding? Your parents adore both of you.”

  I shrugged. “Mum’s always seemed harder on me. Dad’s fine. We get along great.”

  “I’m surprised to hear that. I didn’t think there was anything either of you could do wrong in their eyes.”

  Sam drove around the side of Ella’s house. It was still in view of my parents’ place, but out of sight of the kitchen where my mother probably stood. I had to be grateful for little mercies. This was awful, sneaking home under the noses of my parents. I felt like the naughty teenager.

  I trailed behind Sam as he walked to the door and knocked.

  Ella took a few seconds to get the door.

  “Sam? You can’t just turn up.” She sounded cranky.

  “I’m not here to see Finn. I brought someone to see you.”

  I stepped out from behind him, still hiding my tired eyes with the sunglasses.

  “Ness? What on earth?” Ella grabbed hold of my shoulders, pulling me to her.

  “She’s a bit out of sorts. I thought she might need her older sister,” Sam said.

  I lost it; I couldn’t help it. Leaning into Ella, I sobbed into her boobs. She kissed the top of my head, patting me on the back.

  “Thanks, Sam. Sorry for being grumpy. If you want to come in, you’re welcome.”

  “If it’s okay. I might just say hi to Matt before I go.”

  “Sure.” Ella’s arms closed around me, and I breathed in the familiar scent of my older sister. She’d used the same layered fragrance for years, the one that made her smell like honey. It smelled like home.

  She led me inside, and Sam stayed behind. Matt sat at the dining room table, sipping his coffee, eyeing me curiously as we walked in the door.

  “Hey. What’s going on? Vanessa, are you okay?”

  “Something’s up. Sam brought her here.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Sam?”

  “He’s outside if you want to talk.” Ella was never good at hiding anything. She said the last few words through gritted teeth. Matt was being banished so she could find out what was going on. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to work that out.

  Matt rose, giving me a half-hearted smile and patting me on the back as he walked past.

  “Want a coffee?”

  I nodded, sitting down at the table. Slipping the glasses off, I buried my face in my hands. I wasn’t home, but this was almost as good.

  “What’s going on?” she asked, in that soft understanding tone that used to piss me off as a teenager but now was welcoming.

  “I screwed up. Big time.” I frowned.

  She stood at the bench, stirring the drinks and looking at me with sympathy. If I’d been in the house with Mum, I’d already be getting some interrogation. Ella was the softer option.

  She sat at the table, placing my coffee in front of me. “Tell me.”

  “I got involved with someone at work.”

  “Will?”

  “No. Oh my God, ew. That’d be like sleeping with my brother.”

  Ella rolled her eyes. “It was just a guess. What happened?”

  “We had a new doctor start. He was gorgeous, Ella, and he said all the right things. I don’t know what made me do it. I always tried to look deeper, and this guy was about as shallow as Georgia’s paddling pool.”

  Poor Ella. She stifled a smile, biting down on her bottom lip.

  “But he wanted me, no commitment, and I was happy about that. I was so broken after the baby, and Connor.” I sighed. “I have a few days off, and yesterday I went to the mall. He was there, and I went up to him. He was acting a bit weird, but we’d never been out in public before. Anyway, this little girl comes running up to him.”

  I met Ella’s eyes. They were brimming with tears. She was such a softy, but I could already tell she knew where this was leading.

  “She screamed ‘Daddy’ and as he was picking her up, he turned back to look at me. A woman came up to him. She looked at me and then spoke. It was his wife.”

  Tears ran down Ella’s cheeks. My sister with the big heart would have immediately drawn the parallels with her life that I had. Betrayed by her husband, the wounds still ran deep. Knowing her the way I did, they always would.

  “Oh, Ness. I’m so sorry,” she croaked.

  I shrugged. “I’ve been such an idiot. I managed to throw away what I had with Connor, and for what? To end up maybe hurting someone the way you were hurt? If I could turn back the clock, I would, but I can’t.”

  Ella reached for my hand. “You didn’t
do anything wrong, sweetheart. I know it doesn’t feel that way now, but you didn’t know.”

  I sniffed. “I feel so awful. That poor woman.”

  “He was the one who hid it. Not you. I know you think you’ve betrayed her like Sam betrayed me. I can see it in your face. This is nothing like that. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

  She emphasised the last sentence, but it didn’t take away the ache in my stomach. When Sam had cheated on Ella, it broke her. I’d held her hand while she cried, listened to her vent about what he’d done. My head had filled with visions of this other woman dealing with her husband’s infidelity.

  “What did she say to you?”

  “She called me a homewrecker,” I sobbed. “She sounded so calm. I would never, ever have slept with him if I’d known …”

  Ella smiled an empathetic smile and nodded. “I know that. He’s the one who’s done the bad thing, Ness. Not you. When do you have to go back to work?”

  “Friday.”

  “So, you stay a couple of nights here. Mum and Dad don’t need to know you’re around if you don’t want them to. Then Matt or I can drive you home on Monday.”

  I gulped. She really was so good to me. “Won’t Dad notice if Matt’s not working on the farm?”

  Ella shrugged. “He travels down to Auckland some weeks for work. He’s still taking the odd programming contract. It’s nothing unusual for him to take a day trip.”

  She reached over and squeezed my knee. “Take some time to clear your head. I know you couldn’t wait to get away from the farm, but it’s seriously one of the best places for it.”

  I grimaced. “Surrounded by cow and sheep poop.”

  Laughing, she shook her head. “And those beautiful nights where you can see so many more stars than the city.”

  “You’re an incurable romantic.” I rolled my eyes.

  “We’re not as different as you think.” She smiled.

  I looked around. “Where are the kids?”

  “Mum has them for the afternoon.”

  Twisting my mouth, I narrowed my eyes. “Did I interrupt your sex time?”

  “No. We’d already had that, and showered. The coffee was to keep Matt awake for more later.” She waggled her eyebrows and laughed.