In a Heartbeat (Lifetime Book 2)

by Ariadne Wayne

  “You guys are so gross.”

  “He’s the one I was always supposed to be with.” She licked her lips and let out a long sigh. “What are we going to do with you? Are you going to enjoy some time alone? You’re not going to see that other guy again, are you?” The question was more like a demand.

  “No chance. He can take his dick and shove it up his—”

  “Auntie Nessa!” Finn came running toward me, and I turned to catch the little guy before he knocked over my coffee. In a second, I had him around my neck and Georgia grabbing hold of my leg. I looked up, expecting Mum to be standing in the doorway. Instead, Matt and Sam were there.

  “Your mother brought them back. I figured Ness could tell her she was here herself if she needed to,” Matt said.

  Finn snuggled in close, and I breathed in my mother’s floral perfume. “Gran’s been giving you lots of cuddles, hasn’t she? I can smell her.”

  He wrinkled his nose. “Do I smell like a girl?”

  “I’m afraid so, buddy. It’s okay. I promise it’ll wash off.”

  I ran my free hand through Georgia’s hair. Her dark curls reminded me so much of Ella. Ella insisted that Georgia looked like Matt, but there was a whole lot of her in there.

  “I think I’m going to have to tell Gran I’m here, otherwise you two big mouths will spoil it. Won’t you?”

  Being so close to them gave me pangs of sorrow at the thought of my own baby. I’d tried so hard to push those thoughts away, but it didn’t matter what I did—the guilt still ate at me. It was stupid. I knew it wasn’t my fault, and yet deep down I still wondered if I could have done something different. When I got back I’d go for another counselling session. There was still so much to get out of my system, and the last couple of days had only compounded that.

  Finn shook his head.

  I laughed. “Whatever.”

  Georgia tried to climb up, and I groaned. “I think we need to move to the couch. Then you can both climb all over me.”

  “I’m gonna go and see Dad,” Finn said, giving Georgia the space to climb up.

  This was what I needed. Not just to see Ella and maybe my parents, but these two. I couldn’t love them any more if they were my own. My heart ached for my lost baby still, but Finn and Georgia gave me hope that one day maybe I could move on and have that extra joy in my life.

  Finn ran toward Matt, and I smiled as Sam squatted and tapped Finn on the nose prompting Finn to laugh. Sam grinned, and our gazes locked together for a moment. He’d wanted to help me, but this helped him too. The love he had for his son poured off him in that brief moment.

  And me?

  For now, I needed to get my head around everything that had happened and work out my next move. I’d had more than enough bad things happen.

  Chapter 14

  My drunken night, the journey in the car, and Ella’s home-cooked dinner left me yawning most of the evening. One good thing about the country was that I always got plenty of sleep.

  Matt and Ella were snuggled up on the couch while I sat in a recliner chair near the television. I stood, smiling as Matt pushed to his feet too.

  “I’m gonna go to bed. All this country air puts me to sleep.”

  Matt grinned and opened his arms. He hugged me in that brotherly way of his and kissed the top of my head. He’d showered when he’d come in from afternoon work, and smelled of this delicious clean scent tinged with a little sweat. “I think it’s time for us to turn in anyway. I hope you get lots of sleep; the kids will be up pretty early in the morning.”

  I shrugged as I stepped back. “I’ll just pull them into bed with me. We can play camping or something.”

  “Sounds like a great plan. They’ll love it. Night.” He left the room first, turning as he got to the hallway. “Ella?”

  “I’ll be there in a little while. I’m just going to settle Ness in for the night.”

  He cocked an eyebrow and nodded. “Don’t take too long.”

  “Ew.”

  Matt laughed. “Don’t ever change, Ness.”

  I turned back to Ella. She had her eyes on his back and a smile on her face that left me rolling my eyes.

  “Let’s get you sorted,” she said.

  “I don’t even have pyjamas.”

  “You can borrow one of my nightgowns.”

  In the corner of the living room was a basket of unfolded clothing. She dug through it before pulling out a cotton nightgown. “Here you go.”

  “You know we’re very different sizes.”

  Ella laughed. “I know. But it’s better than nothing, and I’m not letting you sleep in nothing.”

  “Worried your husband might crawl into bed with me?”

  The self-satisfied smirk on her face told me exactly what she thought of that.

  “Oh yeah, that’s right. You’ve got the hubby that doesn’t stray.”

  “Most of them don’t, Ness.”

  I shrugged. “The odds seem to be stacked, then.”

  Following Ella up the hallway, I stopped at the spare room. She kept going, heading toward her room.

  Their spare room was so sweet and Ella-like. It looked like a garden had thrown up on the wallpaper, there were so many flowers. It was similar colours to the spare rooms at home.

  I stripped off my clothes and pulled the nightgown over my head. It was big on me, but not uncomfortably so. It was warm and comforting, and I’d take anything I could get.

  “That looks fine on you.” Ella’s voice made me jump, and I scowled at her as I climbed into bed.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Ella walked toward me and stood over the bed. “Are you settled in okay?”

  “Stop fussing. It’s like being at home with Mum.”

  She laughed, nudging me. “Move over.”

  “What on earth is going on?” I moved, raising my eyebrows at the sight of my sister climbing into bed with me.

  “Having some sister time. Thought I might hang out with you.”

  “In bed?” I shuffled over to give Ella some space, and she slipped her arm under my neck like she was cradling one of her children.

  “Do you want to know something?” I asked.

  “What?”

  “Your husband smells so good.”

  Ella laughed, squeezing me tight in her arms. “Yes, he does.”

  “And you’re here with me instead of in your own bed, smelling him.”

  She rubbed my arm. “You need me. Do you remember when we used to do this as kids? You’d come and climb into bed with me, and we’d snuggle together and talk.”

  “I think I was about five last time we did that.”

  Ella smiled. “I’m glad you’re here, Ness. I’m so sad about what happened to you, but it was good of Sam of all people to take care of you.”

  “Who would have thought, right?”

  She reached out and flicked the bedside lamp off.

  “What did you see in him, Ell? I mean, he took care of me today, but when you were with him I always thought he was such a big douche.”

  Ella leaned her head against mine. “Sam was the star that shone brightest in the sky. I just didn’t know that sometimes stars fade and fall.” She sighed. “Matt’s different. He understands me on a level Sam never did. He loves and accepts me with all my flaws, and he’s my best friend. That’s why we work.”

  “I lost my Matt,” I whispered, tears creeping up on me again.

  “Maybe. Maybe not. Connor had to deal with losing a child, too. If you’re meant to be together, you’ll find a way. I really believe that. You two deserve to find your happiness—together or apart.”

  I closed my eyes. Ella was right. We’d both been going through something life-changing, and then just as we were getting used to it the rug had been pulled out from under both our feet. I’d been so selfish, keeping my grief to myself. Of course I’d known Connor was hurting, but my guilt and pain all wrapped up together had blinded me to anything else.

  “I love him so
much, Ella. I’ve been such an idiot.”

  “Call him tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know if I can,” I whispered.

  “Then give yourself a bit more time and then do it. Maybe what you two needed was a break from one another.”

  I swallowed. “His sister’s wedding is in a few weeks. I said I was going to go to it.”

  “Wait a few weeks and see him there. It’ll give you enough time to plan what you’re going to say. Whatever happens, it sounds to me like you need some kind of proper closure. I’m picking he does too.”

  I let out a long, loud breath. “His sister told me he was seeing someone else.”

  Ella leaned her head against mine. “Even if he is, isn’t that some kind of closure? Knowing he’s okay?

  “How did you ever get to be so smart?”

  “I know all about broken hearts, and I know how good it feels to work out how to mend them.”

  For a few quiet moments, all I heard was the crickets singing outside in the dewy paddocks.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  Ella shifted a little. “Of course you can.”

  “Are you going to tell Finn that Sam’s his father?” While I cuddled with Georgia in the kitchen, Matt and Sam had taken Finn outside to play. Seeing the three of them kicking a ball around had been heart-warming. Two men who loved that little boy, and the feeling was mutual. “Watching them together today was so sweet. Finn just adores him.”

  “Finn and Georgia both do. We’ve talked about it, but we want to take it slowly. He started with visiting every few weekends, then increased it.”

  “How do you feel about that?”

  Ella shrugged. “It was something I’d thought a lot about. We knew Sam would want to get to know Finn at some stage. I can’t fault him for how he’s behaved. He could have been a lot more difficult about it.” She let out a large breath. “As Finn gets older, he’ll get more time with Sam, and we’ll tell him. I think if I was with anyone else, Sam might push more, but he loves Matt and knows how hard it’ll be on Finn if we just spring it on him. None of us want that.”

  I nodded. “I guess it’s hard when Finn and Georgia are joined at the hip.”

  Ella laughed. “Exactly. If Finn went away to Sam’s for the weekend, Georgia would want to go too. I think we’re just turning into one big happy family.”

  “So you don’t mind Sam being around?”

  She turned her head, her eyes so dark in the dim light. “It’s not always comfortable, but this is for Finn and for Matt. Matt’s relationship with Sam has started healing, and I’ve encouraged that for Matt’s sake. He needs it.”

  “That’s where we are different. You’re such a good person, putting everyone else’s needs first.”

  Ella squeezed my arm. “Sometimes. I think it’s all about picking what’s really important. Matt and I might be soul mates, but he and Sam used to be like brothers. You can’t just cut someone that close out of your life without regret. Besides, I know that no matter what, Matt will always put me and our family first.”

  I leaned my head on her shoulder, snuggling into her. “You’re so wise, big sister.”

  “Matt, Finn, Georgia, you, Mum and Dad—those are the people most important to me. I’d do anything for any of you. Heaven help this Dylan guy if I ever get hold of him.”

  At the thought of Ella dealing with Dylan, I started to giggle. My sister was such a big softy, but no way would I want to be on her bad side. She was so fierce when it came to family loyalties. It was one of the reasons I knew she and Matt would be together forever. They were very much alike.

  “As much as I like the idea of you beating up the dirtbag, I think you should go and hop into bed with Matt. He’ll be all lonely and stuff without you.”

  She chuckled. “I love taking care of you, but I have to admit I prefer sharing a bed with him. Is this you telling me to go away?”

  “If I don’t, we’ll be up all night talking. I need to get some sleep after last night. I turned up at Sam’s at one in the morning.”

  Ella pecked me on the cheek. “Fair enough.” She sat up and turned, dropping her feet to the floor.

  “Thanks, Ella.”

  “Can I ask you a question?” She rested her hand on my arm.

  “Sure.”

  “Why did you go to Sam? You know you can call me.” Her voice trembled as I replayed our earlier conversations in my head. I hadn’t even explained that bit.

  “He was close by, and I needed to know why someone does that to the person they’ve promised to love forever. I couldn’t get my head around it. Still can’t.”

  She squeezed my wrist. “Did you get any answers?” Her tone suggested her hesitation to ask. It was her life we were talking about.

  “Not really. I do know Sam regrets what happened with you so much, and I think he wants to set right what he can for Finn’s sake.”

  Ella let out a loud sigh. “I know. He was such a douche when we broke up.”

  I laughed. Ella never spoke that way. Even when she was down she talked about what had happened, not called Sam names.

  “It wasn’t funny.” She huffed.

  “That was just so un-Ella like. You’re right though, and he knows it. Sam offered to deliver me here because he knew I needed you, and he knew I’d be looked after as he hoped you had been.”

  She let out a little gasp. “He said that?”

  “There aren’t any excuses for what he did, but I think he’s had time to reflect on how he acted. I’m not saying you should hook up with him or anything, but I don’t think you need to worry about him.”

  Leaning over to hug me, she kissed my cheek again. “Okay, little sis. I’ll try not to. I am grateful to him for taking care of you. And you’re always welcome here. No matter what time of the day or night. Whenever you need me. I hope you know that.”

  I nodded. “I thought tomorrow I might redecorate this room if I’m moving in.”

  She smiled and shook her head. “I might say yes to keep you here, but you’d be sharing with the baby in a few months. Good night.”

  “Night.”

  I sighed as she walked out to the hall and closed the door behind her. It was weird. During the days after Connor had left, I’d felt like I could breathe again, enjoying the solitude of living alone. Now I missed him more than ever, and I plucked my phone from the bedside cabinet and scrolled through the names in my contact list until I got to his.

  I could text him, but what on earth would I say? How are you sounded lame. I love you sounded desperate.

  Please come back to me, Connor.

  What if after all this he didn’t want me? It had been months. I knew he’d been seeing someone. He could have settled down with her for all I knew. With someone who wasn’t bitchy and selfish.

  The thought of sleeping with Dylan made my skin crawl now. What on earth had I been thinking?

  I couldn’t undo what I’d done.

  All I could do was try to move forward.

  Chapter 15

  To say my brother-in-law was hot was an understatement.

  Matt stood out the back of Mum and Dad’s place the following afternoon, axe in hand, chopping their firewood. No shirt.

  His muscles flexed as he hit each log, splitting them into smaller pieces that fell to each side of the chopping block. Sweat dripped from his forehead and neck, his chest covered in it.

  He and Ella had electric heating in their house, having installed a heat pump. It was only because Mum and Dad still used their old fireplace he was even out there, but I had to say I enjoyed the view.

  I’d known he was in love with Ella before I think he’d even come to terms with it. When we’d first met I’d flirted shamelessly with him, and we’d formed a firm friendship that endured. Even when Ella had pushed him away for a while after she split with Sam, we’d stayed friends. Matt had always felt like part of the family to me from the day he arrived on the farm. He was the brother I never had.

  They’d moved
to the farm because Ella had been homesick. Watching Matt, I wondered if a part of her motivation was because she wanted him away from prying eyes. I couldn’t blame her for wanting to have him to herself after everything she’d been through.

  I found myself walking across the yard toward him, pausing to take in the view.

  “You know, it’s kinda hard to focus when you’re not wearing a shirt.”

  Matt laughed, stood up straight and shook his head.

  That was when I spotted it. “What’s that on your hip? Does serious Matt actually have a tattoo?”

  “I’ve had it for ages.”

  I threw the towel at him, and he wiped the sweat off his face and neck.

  “Since when?”

  A smile crept across his face. “When I went to Europe. I was in Amsterdam and I’d just spoken to Sam. He and Ella seemed so happy. I found a bunch of kiwi backpackers to go and get drunk with.” He tilted his head and got that faraway look in his eyes that told me he was thinking of Ella. “I love your sister so much, did even back then. We walked past a tattoo parlour, and I stopped and got a bee tattooed on my hip.”

  “A bee?” It took about five seconds for me to work out the meaning. “Oh, the honey scent she wears.”

  He nodded. “It made me feel close to her, even though I was on the other side of the world and she was with him.”

  “Damn it, Matt. I was only bringing you the towel because Ella thought you might need it, and you’re going to make me cry.”

  Matt chuckled. “Sorry. I didn’t ask Ella. How long are you staying for?”

  “Are you trying to get rid of me?” I looked up as he walked toward me.

  “Never. It’s always good to see you. But I know Ella is worried about you. She hasn’t told me everything, said it was up to you to discuss it with me if you wanted to. If you’re here because you need us, that’s enough for me to know.”

  I chewed my bottom lip. Matt had never made me nervous. He’d always been caring and sweet, even when I gave him a hard time. He was one of my best friends, but this time I held back what I’d done. Even though I hadn’t known that Dylan was married, I’d still been humiliated by the situation.