Redefining Rayne

by Amy Mullen

  The air was chilly, but not unpleasant. She took the path up to the top of the hill where she had gone earlier with Andre, with Michael a close distance behind. It was a nice enough spot, and she hoped she would be alone there. Michael would watch but leave her be. Though not as nice as being totally alone, it was much safer.

  She heard the crackle of the fire and smelled the smoke before she topped the hill. Someone had already beaten her to the spot. It was late, but someone else was up. She was prepared to run should Odo appear. Unless he had already left, he would be a real problem for her should he catch her alone in the dark.

  She went to turn around when a voice called out, "Who is there?"

  It was Andre. She hesitated, unsure of what to do. Before she could decide, he stood before her.

  "What are you doing here?" he asked.

  "I could not sleep. The view from my window is not as nice as the one up here. I hope you do not mind, milord, I only sought fresh air. Michael is near."

  He paused, and then walked back toward the fire. She followed slowly. Had Odo told him what had happened? Was he angry with her, or had she made some mistake with ramifications she could not understand?

  "Our guest left tonight before supper, while you were abed." He spoke so softly she could not read his tone of voice.

  She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the outburst, but again, none came.

  "Rayne open your eyes and get up here. What is going on with you?"

  She obeyed, shaking as she went. It was too soon to feel relief, but he seemed unconcerned.

  "You've finished your business with Odo then?"

  "We have no business."

  Rayne sat before the fire, holding her cloak close to her body. Her mind raced, and her whole body was alert. Being this close to him made her nervous. It was not fear. It was something else entirely.

  The fire crackled before them. The flames washed them in a red glow as the moon shone above. The scene was entirely too romantic for her, and she thought to get up and go back to her bed when he spoke again.

  "I hope you will be happy here."

  Cringing inwardly, she could not think of a reply. There was nothing honest she could say lest she seal her own fate. Honesty meant telling him everything. Dishonesty meant lying to him, and she could no longer bring herself to do it. The best thing she could do was keep her thoughts to herself.

  "Our beginning has been dubious, at best, but I cannot imagine many marriages start out well. We were betrothed before we saw each other, so a shaky start should be expected. It will get easier, Rayne."

  He was too close. Her stomach knotted, and a strange flutter ran up her spine. She could feel his eyes on her as she kept hers trained on the fire before her.

  "Please, milady, please speak to me."

  "I am sorry. I do not mean to be rude. I am not sure what to say. I am no longer sure of anything in my life."

  "I have wanted children for a long time, Rayne. I am young. You are young. There is no reason why we cannot be happy with a home filled with children."

  Wincing, she put her head down. She did not want him to see the tears.

  "Come." He put his hand out and gently turned her face toward his. "There is no reason for tears. Do you fear children? I do not understand."

  "'Tis not children I fear, milord."

  "So there is something. I cannot help you if you do not tell me."

  "Claude, he told me I was worthless. He blamed me for…"

  "For what?"

  Shaking her head, she set her lips in a tight line. Claude was not the issue. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs with her trembling arms. He was still much too close. His touch was intoxicating, and she did not know how to react.

  With a sigh, he sat back and stared off toward the gatehouse. "I first saw you there." He nodded in the same direction. "You were covered with mud and stunk to the high heavens. Yet, there was something intriguing about you, a beauty hidden beneath the nest of wild hair. I have not understood a thing about you since that moment. What happened to you? What terrible secret do you hold close to your heart?"

  "Milord, please, I only meant to get some air because I could not sleep. I am ready to return to my bed."

  "I see," he said as he stood. "I'll escort you back. 'Tis late, and I cannot attest to the morals of all those who live here. But first, I want something from you."

  Standing, she eyed him warily.

  "I want nothing more than a promise."

  "Indeed?"

  "That you will consider all I offer here. Rufus wants us to marry. It's a political move on his part, I suppose. It benefits me greatly. I had one wife who went mad, and I do not want another. If there is anything which will help lift your burden, consider sharing it with me."

  "Aye," she said softly, willing to say just about anything to get away from him and back to her bed. At first she feared he would again kiss her. Now, strangely, she was disappointed because he did not.

  The hum of crickets followed them into the great hall. He led her to her quarters, bade her goodnight, and went about his business.

  ****

  "Woman! Wake up," Andre said, startling Tillie. She was abed in the hall with some of the other servants.

  The woman threw aside her blanket and scrambled to her feet, shielding her eyes from the glow of the torch in his hand. "Have I done something wrong, milord?"

  "Nay, woman, come with me," he said. He led her toward the hearth. The fire was low so he threw more wood in and poked absently at the coals.

  "Rayne was wandering about tonight. She is troubled. Is there something I should know? Has something new happened? If there is trouble within the walls of Cuxton, I need to know."

  "Is this about Odo?" the woman said, now fully awake.

  "Odo? What would this have to do with him?" he said.

  "Oh! Nay, milord. I am just unsure of what you ask."

  He knew the woman was hiding something from him. He remained silent hoping it would spur her to talk, as guilty people often do when an uncomfortable silence occurs. The older woman's eyes went from him to the fire, now roaring and bright, a few times before she cleared her throat and knotted her hands in front of her.

  "I have been thinking, milord," she began.

  "Aye?"

  "You inquired about Rayne's past and what troubles her. May I speak openly?"

  "You should always speak openly with me, Tillie."

  "I do not feel comfortable telling you about what troubles the lady so much, but I have been thinking about it, and I fear there is more to the story than even she knows."

  "And what does this have to do with her life here?"

  "I do not know, yet."

  About out of patience, he grabbed her arm at the elbow. "If there is something to say, say it!"

  Tillie gulped. "I must go back to London."

  "You will be free to return to London upon our marriage. I thought you might like to stay as a chambermaid or even a nursemaid, but 'tis up to you. Until then, you have a duty here. One you are failing at, I might add. The lady should not have been alone wandering outside in the middle of the night."

  "She is hardly a child. That I cannot help. She may appear meek to you, but the lady has a mind of her own. And I do not wish to go back to London for good, if you would allow me to remain here, but I think some answers were left behind, and it is high time I do my duty to Lady Rayne and find out what actually happened."

  "There you go again with the mystery and suspense. What are you speaking of?"

  "I am your humble servant, milord, and I do so love the lady. Could I ask for your trust and perhaps an escort back to London? There is a man who could bring events to light, which could change how Lady Rayne sees herself and will allow her to find peace with you. If I am right, I owe the lady an apology for not putting the pieces together earlier. For her sake, and the sake of her life here, which I now wish she would accept, I must go. I shall return as early as I can."

&nbs
p; Thoughts flooded Andre's mind as he considered the woman standing before him. His only desire was happiness and peace in his home. He could not allow Jenri and Hamon to lose yet another mother. He did not wish to wed until he knew that would be true.

  "With my permission, you may return to London for whatever business you have in mind. However, you will return to Cuxton as soon as you can. I will send five men with you for your own protection. I fear 'tis not safe for any woman to travel alone, and big changes are coming. I am sending a message to London, and you may ride along. Allow the men to protect you. Please return within a fortnight and report to me. Do you understand?"

  "Aye, milord!" Tillie said in obvious excitement. "I will be ready on the morrow, early!"

  He put his hand up to his head, pushing a stray lock from his eyes. "Are you in fear, Tillie, do you leave because of a matter here?"

  "I fear no one here, milord," she said.

  "Do you fear for Rayne? Do you believe the story about Geva? That I pushed her?"

  "You know about that story?" Tillie said as her eyes widened.

  "I know."

  "Nay, I do not believe it. If Rayne did, she would be gone by now."

  "She wandered outside but is now safely abed. You should say your goodbyes to her now. My men will leave before dawn."

  "Milord, I know I ask much, but could you bid her farewell for me and let her know I will soon return? If I go to her, she will insist on knowing why, and I have a hard time keeping things from her. I do not want to say a word to her that may offer false hopes."

  "Good enough," he said. He nodded to dismiss her.

  Andre watched the woman go back to her pallet. He feared he would never understand women. Allowing Tillie to be secretive was one thing he was willing to do for Rayne's sake, but only for so long. Someone had better soon tell him what was going on in his household.

  Chapter Eleven

  Rayne awoke the next morning to two little faces staring at her. The boys were hunched down so only their eyes and the tops of their heads were visible. When her eyes opened, theirs widened even more.

  "Good day to you, Hamon and Jerni," she said and then let out a yawn. "Where is Aliza?"

  One of the boys giggled. Hamon stood up straight and said, "She is still asleep. So we came to see you."

  "You are a wonderful sight first thing in the morn," she said as she sat up. It was heartwarming to see them in the soft, early morning light. They were well behaved for being so young, but she also sensed some mischief. They had, after all, left the nursery before their nurse woke up.

  "Come," she said, patting her hand softly on the bed. "You may come up and see me if you wish."

  It only took a moment for Hamon to jump up, but Jenri backed away from the bed a step. He put his head down, but tried to sneak peeks at his older brother.

  Hamon fell backward onto the bed and giggled, which prompted Jenri to become a bit braver. Rayne softened her expression as he timidly tried to get up on her bed, but could not. She reached out her hand to him. At first he would not look at her, but when Hamon giggled again, he reached out and allowed her to help him.

  "There you are!" Aliza said from the doorway. "I am sorry if they are bothering you, milady. The naughty boys snuck out before I awoke."

  "'Tis no bother at all," Rayne said as the boys rolled around together, tangling themselves in her fur coverlet. "They are a refreshing sight so early in the day."

  "Come soon to dress for mass," Aliza said, "I'll be in the nursery waiting."

  "I shall bring them to dress, or have Tillie do it," Rayne assured the nursemaid, who then left.

  "Are you to be our mum?" Hamon said after Aliza left.

  Rayne put out a hand and tousled his blond curls. "I cannot say," she said, "I would like to, but I do not know if I should stay."

  "But you are to marry. Father said so." Hamon said, his lower lip protruding a bit as he crossed his cubby arms over his chest. Jenri sat looking at her, his eyes wide, as if he feared what she would say.

  "We can figure this out later, aye?"

  Both boys quickly climbed down from the bed. Hamon took Jenri's hand and led him from the room. "Wait," she said as she scrambled up and struggled to pull a kirtle over her smock. "I shall take you back to Aliza."

  The boys giggled again and raced down the passageway toward the nursery, leaving her to watch them as they ran into their quarters with laughter trailing behind them.

  Turning back into her room, she heard soft footsteps come to her. She expected to see Tillie, but instead a young girl with thin, brown hair and large eyes appeared.

  "Good morn to you," Rayne said in greeting. "Have you seen Tillie?"

  "She is gone. Andre asked I come assist you if you so desire."

  "Gone! But to where?"

  "I am not sure, milady. Do you need assistance?"

  "Nay, nay," she said absently, "I can dress on my own."

  The girl bobbed her head again and scampered away.

  ****

  Rayne did not find Andre until they met at the dais for dinner. After morning mass he had gone hunting and did not return until before noon.

  "You look panicked," he said, "whatever is the matter?"

  "Did you send Tillie away?" Food was set before them as the priest finished saying grace. "Whatever she did, surely 'twas not too bad. She is the only friend I have here."

  "She asked to go back to London," he said and then bit into a chunk of cheese. "She did not tell you before she left because she had to leave before daybreak. She assured me she would be back before a fortnight passes, if not sooner."

  "She cannot ride to London on her own!"

  "Tillie is not alone. She is with five of my men. They will keep her safe."

  "But why did she go?" Rayne picked up her wine and drank it down in large gulps. She felt alone and lost. Tillie had been her lifeline, and now she was gone.

  "She had some unfinished business. She was adamant that you don't worry about her," he said calmly, as his eyes searched her face. "She will be back with you as soon as she can."

  The conversation was interrupted by the sounds of the gate rising, chains rubbing on chains, and then the thud of the lowered drawbridge. The clop of horse hooves entering was rapid, meaning someone was in a hurry.

  Andre stood, alarmed, and signaled to his squire to follow him. "Please, Rayne, stay within the donjon until I know what is going on."

  He ran from the hall and went out into the sunshine. Unable to follow and unsure of what to do, Rayne got up and went for the solar, her meal forgotten. She went past her room and headed to the nursery. The boys had eaten there, and Aliza was telling them a story.

  All three looked up when she entered.

  "I need your window," she said, pointing toward a northern facing portal. "Something is amiss, and Andre bade me stay indoors. I am sure he would want the boys to remain here."

  Aliza stood and went to the window with her. They threw back the shutters. Andre stood in the outer bailey with two men. They were awaiting the party that had arrived.

  For a moment she forgot about being scared. She studied her betrothed. He was taller than the rest. He seemed so sure, so graceful, the stern exterior covered what she had come to know as a caring man. A man with his own secrets, a man with a huge desire to have a family. He protected the children of his first wife as if they were his own. Gazing down, she knew — she had begun to care about him, and possibly, she was beginning to love him.

  "What is happening? No one could enter unless Andre knows them, or if it were business of the king," Aliza said.

  "I am not sure," Rayne said, "looks as if something important is afoot."

  "Do not worry about Andre," the nursemaid said stepping away from the window. "He's a strong man."

  "I do not worry," she lied. "I wish to see what is happening, that is all."

  Now off their horses, the ten or so men who had just arrived joined Andre. They seemed relaxed, but there was a stiffness in the air.


  "Who are those men?" Rayne asked.

  Aliza met Rayne's gaze and gave Hamon a tickle. The boy squealed in delight as she answered. "The two with him are two of his knights. The others I do not know." She shrugged and then gave Jenri the same treatment his brother had just received. "They do look familiar though."

  Rayne stayed near the window and studied the men below. One moved aside and she could see his banner. She was looking at William Rufus's men. Why were they here? Something Odo had said to her ran through her head. He had said something was going to happen.

  The men walked toward the barracks, and she lost sight of them. Hearing the boys laugh again, she paused. Their laughter lightened her heart. "Shall we find a game to play?"

  ****

  After greeting the king's men, Andre returned to the hall and searched for Rayne. When he found her, she was hiding behind a trestle table that had been turned up and laid against the wall, as they all were in between meals.

  "Shh—" she whispered with a gleam in her eye. "Do not give me away."

  Before he could ask her what she was doing, he heard the soft steps of the boys coming down the stairs. He stepped back from where she hid and waved in greeting. They were serious, searching the room with their eyes.

  "What are you up to, Hamon?" he asked.

  "We are seeking Rayne. 'Tis a game she taught us. We close our eyes, and she hides. If we find her, she promised to take us for a walk down to the pond to catch frogs!"

  "Is that right?" he said, putting his hands behind his back. "You should most definitely find her then. If you do, can I come too?"

  "Aye!" the boy said, as he motioned to his younger brother. "Did you hear, Jenri? Father will come too."

  The boys walked slowly around the hall, peering into small places where Rayne could not possibly fit, but Andre did not say a word. He did his best to keep his face straight and avoided looking in her direction, lest he give her away. The boys were a bright spot in his world. He wished some days to live as they did — a world without worry, a heart so open, and a soul that could fly.