by Lauren Wood
I tapped my finger on the phone and turned it off, sliding it back in my pocket. He wanted to meet face to face and I didn’t know if that was a good idea. It was quite clear what was on his mind. Dennis knew me too well and at one point he had known my body better than I had known it myself. It was a hard thing to forget about. Even my heart remembered as it slammed in my chest with just the idea of seeing him again. Why did he have to bring up the way things were in the bedroom? I missed the physical aspects with him the most. It wasn’t the safety that I felt in his arms that made me yearn for him. It was the way I had begged for more at night that kept me up.
It was almost time to get off of work and I was eager to get home where I could think of Dennis and what to do next. Work kept my mind busy, but I needed some quiet to really think this through. If I denied his request, Dennis was liable to continue asking until he wore me down. He was just that kind of man. I had to meet him, if only just once to appease him.
Kendra: ‘Tonight?’
I almost hoped that he was busy, so that I could prolong the inevitable, but I really didn’t have a choice. He responded back with a place and time. I stared at the phone for a while, not sure what I was supposed to do next. Had I really just agreed to see the one man that had been able to break my heart?
***
I got to the restaurant a little late. It wasn’t because I had done it on purpose, but because I didn’t know what to wear. What does a person wear to see a man she hasn’t seen in ten years? I had done myself no favor by looking him up online. He was richer than I could have imagined and he still looked good, really good. Dennis didn’t look like he had aged a bit. He was a bit bigger than before, but that was the only difference that I could see. He was wider around the chest and shoulders. His arms were still huge, even in a business suit. I didn’t see not one picture of him that he was wearing anything besides a tailored suit, he always looked so professional. He looked powerful and just the idea of seeing him again had my knees going weak. I had spent far too much time staring in the mirror, pointing out to myself all of the different changes that I could see from before.
So now I was here and I was even more nervous than when I left the house. The drive was only ten minutes, but it felt like an hour. I didn’t know what to expect and the more I thought about it, the more worried I got. What did he want to see me for? It was so long ago. It’s not like he felt the way about me anymore. It’s not like I still felt that way about him. There is just no way.
The hostess brought me to a back table where Dennis was already waiting. His back was to me and I didn’t have to see his face to know it was him. I would have recognized his shoulders from anywhere. Those strong arms used to wrap around me and I would feel like I was safe. I needed them now, but I knew that all of that and the healing effects were most likely gone.
“Dennis?”
He turned around and those green eyes made me stop where I was. He was happy to see me, I could see it in the crinkles of his eyes, but then there was more and I looked away. Dennis always did have the most expressive face. I never had to ask what he wanted because I always knew. Now though, I needed to ignore what it was that he wanted. Those eyes told me everything and there was nothing that I could do to stop the skipping of my heart. He wanted me, underneath him and for just a moment, I could envision myself right where he wanted me.
He stood up and towered over me. I stuck my hand out like I was going to shake his and he pushed it away. “I think we go too far back to worry about being proper Kendra. I want a hug. I haven’t seen you in a long time.”
I let him hug me and I regretted it the instant he had his arms around me. He felt so good and I felt the same safe feeling that I had before. I couldn’t ignore it and I closed my eyes for a moment to exhale deeply before pulling away and putting some distance in between us.
“You look good Dennis. You still look like a football star.”
“And you look the same. You were always pretty, but now you are a gorgeous woman. I shouldn’t have let you go.”
It was the second time that he had said something like that and talk like that made me nervous. That was talk about regrets and I know that I had some of my own. I didn’t regret ever being with Dennis, I learned a lot, but I regretted how it ended and how devastated I was for years to come. He had changed me and I wasn’t ready to be molded like dough again.
“No, you shouldn’t have. I told you that back then. Now look at you though. It doesn’t look like you are any worse for wear. I can’t believe that you aren’t married with a little team of your own right now. Ten years is a longtime. I am surprised that you even remember me.”
“How could I forget you Kendra?”
I shrugged and didn’t have an answer. I wish I knew it because I would have used it to get over him a long time ago. It was hard enough just the few moments that I would think of him, having him here in front of me was akin to torture.
“Well now that we both know we remember, what are we doing here?”
“I want you back.”
I scoffed. “You don’t know me anymore Dennis and my heart still hurts from the last time that you crushed it.”
He leaned closer to me, “I know that I hurt you, but I hurt myself as well. I never found anyone to compare to you Kendra and you should believe me when I say I have looked. I have tried to find a woman that made me feel the way that you did, that was as compatible as we were, but there is no one but you. I know that now. What we had together cannot be replicated.”
“I have read about you Dennis, I think I can believe it. It doesn’t seem like you are short on love affairs, so I find it hard that you couldn’t find one that would get you off like me.”
Dennis sighed and sat back. “You know you are still the only woman that gives me shit. It isn’t how you got me off Kendra, but how I got you off. The way you would come, never have I seen that again. You made me feel like more of a man because of it. God, do you know how long I have looked, trying to find a squirter like you?”
“You always needed someone to give you shit. Too bad you don’t have that in your life to keep you straight.” I failed to mention the rest. He was constantly talking about our sex-life from before, making me miss it more than I already did. He made me realize that I have been looking for him as well. I have been looking for the connection and chemistry that we had together once before. I had given up at some point, knowing that it was never going to be that good again.
“I need you in my life and I want you back in my bed Kendra.”
It was the words that everyone woman wanted to hear, but at the same time I didn’t. I had already gone down this rabbit hole before and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go down it again. I barely made it out alive the last time.
Chapter 8
Dennis
I could hear the desperation in my own voice and I hated the sound of it. How had it all gone so wrong? I felt like I did when we were together before, like I was young and still not able to handle my emotions. I had spent years perfecting it, to feel nothing or at the very least to show nothing, but I never could with her. I didn’t want to.
“I know that this is all of a sudden Kendra, but I know you feel the same way as I do. Ten years or fifty years won’t change that. What we had, the pleasure we shared, that doesn’t go away with time.”
She smiled at me and looked away. “Well I am glad you didn’t take fifty years. I would have hated to not see you like this. You have really grown up Dennis. You are bigger now and a man.”
I felt the same way and I liked the feel of her eyes appraising me. I was equally glad that she liked what she saw. I certainly did. Kendra really hadn’t changed but in subtle ways that seemed to make her more womanly. Her hips were a bit rounder, as well as her top. Everything about her now was curves and valleys. It would take all day to get to the bottom of every change and I was eager to start such an assignment.
Her eyes flitted from mine and away. They were still the color of the sky
on a perfect day. It made me remember all of the times I was inside of her, getting lost in those eyes of hers.
“Well like I said before, you look the same. I can’t get over it. I thought you would have changed, but now you are even more beautiful. You should be a model, not working in the inner city.”
Kendra bristled at my comment and I could tell that she wasn’t flattered by it. She had always been hard headed and a woman that had her mind made up with what she was going to do. She wanted to help people and she was doing just that. If nothing else, I was happy that she had followed her heart. I just didn’t like the idea of her working there, or anywhere for that matter.
“It’s not as bad as it looks and I wouldn’t trade it for any other job in the world. I love those girls and since I don’t have any of my own, it is nice to be around kids.”
I wanted to ask her why she hadn’t been married and why she didn’t have kids. I thought even back then when we dated that she was going to be a good mother and it seemed like a waste for her not to be one.
“So why are you single?”
Kendra shrugged. “I don’t know. Why are you single? Still picky as ever, huh? Or you just can’t get enough women? You always did have an insatiable need.”
“Of course, but it wasn’t about being picky. I just didn’t find any one that I could truly love. Not really and you are right, I have tried. So what about you? I am sure you were asked by many men. You were a wildcat in and out of the bedroom. You were wife material.”
“A couple of times, or maybe a few more than that, but it never was what I wanted either I guess. I never felt the spark that you always hear about and if I was going to get married, I want that spark.”
I sat back and smiled at her. I had forgotten how much of a hopeless romantic she was. I was glad to see that side of her still existed. It meant that there was some hope for me and her yet. I hadn’t even taken the time to realize when everything had changed. I was thinking about her in the long term and I am not sure when that happened. How did I get here when a couple of weeks ago she wasn’t even on my radar? I don’t know what changed, but seeing her again changed everything.
“So you haven’t found the spark yet? You haven’t found someone else to make you scream and come like I did?”
Her face turned bright red and I was wondering when she was going to respond to my comments. I had been baiting her for a while to see how much she was thinking about the past. I know that all I could think about was what we had been together, alone in the bedroom and everywhere else we could manage when the need had struck, which was quite often back then. I wanted to see if that naughty girl was still in there.
“Not really.”
“Not even with me Kendra?”
“Ours was young love Dennis. We were both too young to really know what love was. I don’t think that is what I am looking for anymore. What we had was intense, but at the end of the day it couldn’t have been that strong or we would still be together. It was a mistake or just fun will it lasted. I will always have fond memories of us.”
“Is that how you look at us now? That we are a mistake.”
Kendra was finding it hard to meet my gaze again. “Well I am certainly not as young and stupid as I used to be. Neither one of us are and at least we can see it for what it is now.”
“I know now what I missed out on Kendra. I don’t think of us that way. I still think of us as the one thing that I messed up. I would do anything to get back in those panties.”
She sighed and took a drink of her tea. “This is a lot to take on Dennis. I thought we were catching up? it seems like you have something on your mind.”
“We are. I want to catch up and get back to how things used to be. You have to know that this is what is supposed to happen. If it wasn’t supposed to find you, why are you here?”
“I’m not so sure that is a good idea. I know what kind of guy you are Dennis. I have read a lot about you since we talked. I don’t think we are looking for the same things. We never were. Besides, we don’t even know each other anymore Dennis. We live in two different worlds. Back then it wasn’t so bad because we didn’t care, but things are different now, aren’t they? I mean look at you. How could this be anything?”
All of what she said was true and if I wasn’t under her spell, I might have seen it that way, because that’s the way it was. There was something holding me back from that thinking, some small voice in my head that told me this was the girl I was supposed to be with.
“We all different and you are right about that, but it was always that way. We can’t help how we were raised and who are parents are. What does that have to do with us now though?”
Kendra sighed. “And you still don’t like no as an answer I see.” She smiled and looked away. At least she wasn’t annoyed when she used to say the same thing back then.
I chuckled a little and nodded my head in agreement. “I never have liked it one bit. You were the only one that ever told me no Kendra. I don’t want to take that as an answer this time. Maybe I came on too strong, but damn it’s been a while and I can still feel you underneath me. Seeing you like this brings back all of the old feelings. Do you not feel it as well?”
Her cheeks got pink and I could tell that she was thinking of the very same thing that I was. “While you paint a rosy picture Dennis, I seem to remember it a little bit better. That was a long time ago. I can’t say that I haven’t thought about it. You were my first love, but like I said, it was a long time ago and a lot has changed.”
“So you won’t even give me a chance?”
“What is the point?”
She was exasperating me and I finally pulled her to me as I leaned across the table and kissed her. I felt like that would give us both the answer that we wanted. I knew that I wanted her and I knew from the past that a kiss would seal it for us both. As soon as I felt her lips on mine, all of the familiarity came back and then I heard a sigh from her and a softening of her lips. It was all that I needed to know that she was mine. I wasn’t going to apologize for it. I wanted her and it didn’t matter how I got what I wanted, as long as it happened.
A sound behind us made her pull away and she sat back down, straightening out her dress like it was rumpled from what I had just done. “That is the point Kendra. I have missed you so damn much and you are the only girl that makes me feel this way. I am rock hard and I would almost bet an insane amount of money that you are soaking wet in those little panties right now and I haven’t even touched you yet.”
She was stunned, her lips a little red because I hadn’t been gentle. I smeared her lipstick and she didn’t even try to wipe it off. I wanted to do it for her, but it wasn’t advisable. I didn’t know how she was taking the kiss yet or my comments, even though I knew the latter was the truth. She had never been able to deny me, her body always responding to me, eve when she was so mad at me. It was something that she couldn’t help and I think I went too far with the reminder. How badly I wanted to check and see if I was right,
“I have to go Dennis.” She got up abruptly, grabbed her purse and headed for the door.
Kendra was fleeing and I wanted to stop her, but I knew that I should let her go. She needed some time and space to think things through and there was no rushing the process. When I told her I was leaving for college and I was going with or without her. I hadn’t seen her for three days before she told me that she wasn’t going to change her plans for mine. We talked about long-distance, but she had already had her mind made up. Now I was just going to have to wait for a verdict, seemingly the hardest part of it all.
I watched her leave and shook my head to myself. Nothing had changed. Kendra was still the same and I was going to have to wait and see. It was the worst part of all of this.
Chapter 9
Kendra
I ran out of there and I know what it looked like. It looked like Dennis had gotten to me and the truth of the matter was that he had. He always did and that was why I had refused his reque
st to talk. I knew what road it would go down and it was road I was anxious to stay away from. I didn’t want to fall back under his spell and get my heart broken all over again. Long ago he was popular and everyone wanted him, from many schools. I always felt like he would be swept away, but now it was even worse. He was a billionaire for goodness sakes. How could I ever compete in that world? Dennis dated models, not social workers from the bad part of the city. It didn’t make sense and I was feeling good about my decision, until he kissed me.
Then it was like all sense went out of my head and I was back to whimpering under his touch, unable to stop the sounds of pleasure that came out of me. It was embarrassing, but I couldn’t deny how much my body remembered him. It drove me a little crazy that he could show up after all of this time and pretend like nothing had happened. I didn’t want him to be able to do that because I couldn’t. What was I holding on to so tightly?
I made it home in one piece, but I felt like a wreck. I didn’t know what to say to him or what I was supposed to do, but my phone kept beeping and I had a feeling it was messages from Dennis. I wasn’t ready to see them though, so I hid in my room in bed and left the phone on the kitchen counter. If I strained I could still hear it, but I was trying my best to ignore it altogether. I didn’t want to get wrapped up in Dennis again. It never ended well for me and I didn’t think that this time was going to be any different.
With that thought in mind, I almost went downstairs and messaged him that very thing, but I couldn’t get my body to get up and do so. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, I reasoned. It was because I was just too tired and it wasn’t that big of a deal. I could just fix it all up tomorrow and everything would be fine. I needed some sleep. I just hoped that I didn’t dream about him again. It was very disconcerting.
When I woke up, my mind was still on that kiss and how it had played out so differently in my dreams. I wanted to think that it was all just that, a dream, but it didn’t feel like it. It felt like we had just been together again and my body ached for him. I was wet and horny, going to the shower to take care of it before I went off to work. I had slept almost the whole night and even that didn’t seem to help the level of exhaustion that I felt. It was just too much.