The Bad Boy's Secret Romance

by Jessie Gussman

  It didn’t occur to him, until he had arrived back at church and was getting out of the truck, that the kids would probably want to know what the dog’s name was.

  He didn’t know. It was going to be a little hard to explain. He didn’t want to name it without Justice, but he had told her that there was a twenty-four-hour limit on the offer. She’d gone well over that.

  Still, for some reason, he really wanted her to name it. Kind of like it was theirs. Sure, it was living with him, but he could have a name that she gave it. Unless she named it like Winky or something. He might reconsider at that point.

  He got to the church steps and was walking in the grass beside them while the pup ran around back and forth, sniffing everywhere, just as excited as Thad had thought he would be.

  “He’s definitely gotten over his shyness.”

  Thad’s eyes flew open wide, but he didn’t allow himself to spin around.

  He turned slowly. Justice stood at the top of the stairs. Right in front of the doors.

  He hadn’t seen her car in the parking lot, but he remembered there was a lot around back. Maybe she was parked there.

  “You come here?” That was probably a dumb question. But he was too surprised to ask anything else. He hadn’t seen her here at all, and he stood in the vestibule watching people come in and out. Unless...

  “Yes, for more than ten years. I like it here.” She looked over the grass toward the lot where several cars were pulling in and motoring slowly around behind the church. “I haven’t seen you around before. Did you just start coming?”

  There was a reserve in her voice, a tone that wasn’t there at night when they talked. He felt the reserve inside of him, too. It was daylight. There were people around. They weren’t supposed to be on friendly terms. At all.

  “About two months ago. I’m here as security.”

  Her brow lifted at that. “You brought your man-eater with you.” She jerked her chin at the dog.

  “Nah. That’s my woman-charmer.”

  “Oh. That’s how you attract girls now?”

  “Is it working?”

  Her lips twitched, but her eyes darted around. He could hear gravel crunching and assumed there were more cars pulling into the lot. Getting ready to drop their children off for the big party. The ghost of a smile slipped off her face.

  “I can’t. Not here.”

  She started to move, and he knew she was going to leave him. He didn’t want her to go. But there was one thing he needed to know. “Wait.”

  She had her back to him. She stopped but didn’t look around. Her hand flexed on the doorknob.

  “What?” she asked, speaking to the door.

  “What’s my dog’s name?”

  He heard her snort. Maybe that was the reason she couldn’t turn around. Because her eyes would soften, and her lips would twitch, and maybe as everyone came up the stairs, they would see what he’d seen on her face. That she liked him. A lot.

  “Beau. His name is Beau.”

  He liked it. He didn’t know if it had any special meaning or not. Beau was definitely a boy’s name, but it also meant boyfriend, her special male suitor. Something along those lines. He didn’t know if she was saying anything special to him or not. But he’d take it.

  “Good name.”

  Justice moved to open the door. Before she could even crack it, the door moved, and biker boy from the trail stuck his head out. Andrew. That’s what his name was.

  Thad didn’t like the sensations that tightened his chest, that caused his fingers to fist. Justice had said they weren’t an item. They just hung out together sometimes. Or whatever she said. He’d gotten the idea they were casually dating.

  Yeah. It made him jealous. Because he was just casually meeting her at night. They couldn’t talk to and barely acknowledge each other during the day. She wouldn’t even look at him.

  And yeah, he got it, her whole family thought his family was horrible. If they truly believed Mariam and what she’d accused Blade of, he couldn’t blame them for wanting to have a wide berth around him. But Justice knew him. And knew that that wasn’t the way he was. Even if she didn’t know Blade.

  Still. Obviously, her family meant more. And he could appreciate that loyalty. But he didn’t appreciate Andrew.

  “Are you coming in?” Andrew said, not even trying to hide his irritation. Thad thought Justice should give him his walking papers right there, but she didn’t say anything.

  “There’s a bunch of kids coming in the back door downstairs, and they’re running around the room. You need to get down here and make them sit down and act like adults.”

  “You want kids to act like adults?” Thad should have kept his mouth shut. But it irritated him. If Andrew didn’t want to work with kids, and he wanted people who acted like adults, then he should work with adults.

  He didn’t have to see her face to know that Justice was more irritated with his comment than she was with Andrew’s. Which didn’t make any sense at all. Thad was being reasonable. Andrew was being a jerk.

  Andrew’s eyes shot to him, and that was another reason he should have kept his mouth shut and stayed out of it.

  Andrew shook his finger at him, then turned to Justice. “Isn’t that the guy, that guy along the river? That smart aleck that said he was a serial killer or something? The one you said you didn’t know?” There was accusation in Andrew’s gaze and in his tone. The irritation hadn’t gone away either.

  Thad had to bite his lip, because even though he’d screwed up and he knew it, he still wanted to laugh at Andrew’s irritation.

  But his smile disappeared when Justice spoke. “Apparently, he’s a new guy. He didn’t realize dogs aren’t allowed in the sanctuary. I think he’s staying outside.” She put her hand through Andrew’s arm and tugged gently. “Come on. If the kids are being as bad as you said, we better get down there before someone gets hurt.”

  Andrew’s eyes narrowed at Thad, angry maybe, but also thinking, before he turned and allowed Justice to pull him inside the church.

  Thad didn’t mind the anger. Kind of thought it was funny. But the thinking, no, that wasn’t good. Justice was right to distance herself from him.

  Her family would hate her if they found out she was hanging out with him.

  His brothers would be jacked if they knew what he was doing at night, too.

  Not that anyone ever said, hey, let’s not talk to the Hopkins family anymore. No one had to. It was a matter of family loyalty. Blade paid for a crime he hadn’t committed, and the Hopkins girl got away scot-free.

  It was a point of honor to be loyal to his brother. Especially since he was innocent. Probably Judge Hopkins expected his daughters to toe that line too.

  Thad didn’t know what he had with Justice. It wasn’t really a relationship. But he thought about her all the time. Couldn’t get her out of his head. Went to sleep with her picture in his mind, her face on his brain, her scent in his nostrils, and woke up the same way.

  He didn’t want to give up their evening meetings. And he didn’t want to risk making their relationship public. He wasn’t sure he could withstand the onslaught that was sure to happen from his family and hers, too. Neither one would be supportive. Probably the only way for them to survive would be to move away.

  Which was impossible. He was committed to the Richmond Rebels’ shop. He couldn’t leave. He’d never asked around about what Justice did for a living, but he assumed whatever she did, she wasn’t going to want to leave it. Maybe if they had more time. Maybe if they could build something so strong and so hard and so fast, maybe if they were so committed to each other, they could withstand the onslaught of their families.

  He was almost at the point where he was willing to try. He wasn’t sure what point Justice was at though. They certainly never talked about it. Maybe he’d try to broach the subject, if she hadn’t decided today that he wasn’t worth it.

  Chapter 9

  Justice walked slowly up the trail. When she’d
arrived in the parking lot, a little earlier than normal, Thad wasn’t there yet. She’d gone to the rock and waited almost an hour, and he hadn’t arrived. She felt pathetic standing there waiting, and waiting, for a man who didn’t show up. She wasn’t that kind of girl. Had sworn to never become that girl.

  She didn’t have his phone number, so she couldn’t call him.

  But she was afraid that wasn’t it. After what happened at the church earlier today, she had been afraid that this would happen. She’d snubbed him about as hard as a person could be snubbed. And she didn’t blame him for being angry.

  She’d hated it. Every cell in her body had wanted to turn around and walk down to him and put her arms around him and let everyone know exactly how she felt about him.

  She wasn’t stupid. She couldn’t do that. Maybe if it were just her family. Maybe if it were just her dad, they could work around it.

  But it wasn’t just one person. There was no one, no one, in her family that would be okay with her dating a Truax boy. Her dad would look down his nose at him. Her mom might be okay with it, if it were just his profession and the fact that he worked with his hands for a living.

  But none of her family would be able to get over Mariam. Except maybe Libby.

  Justice had been working a lot and hadn’t seen much of Libby.

  Libby could get away with things the rest of the world couldn’t. She was actually working in the Truax shop. But their dad didn’t know it. It was one thing to work for them though; it was a completely different story to date them.

  And that’s what Justice wanted. The relationship. With Thad. He was tough and hard, funny and sweet, kind and brave. Just all kinds of contradictions, and she loved every one of them.

  She was afraid she was falling for him. And that made everything worse.

  Plus, she was starting to suspect something else. Thad hadn’t said anything, and she wasn’t completely sure if her hunch was correct. But if it was, Thad was going to hate her.

  If he didn’t already. Because he hadn’t shown up.

  She dragged her feet as she came closer and closer to the rock, not really wanting to know. Because when she knew, there was no chance that she might be wrong.

  It was growing dark, and the trail was pretty much deserted. She hadn’t passed anyone for the last thirty minutes since she turned around at the two-mile mark and started walking back.

  It wasn’t so dark, though, that she couldn’t see the outline of the man sitting on the rock, his dog sitting on its haunches beside him.

  She’d never in her life been tempted to run to a man, but she was tempted just then. There was no way she could slow her feet down, and she practically jogged to him. Until she got to within twenty or so feet.

  Because she knew he had to hear her, but he didn’t look up. His eyes looked between his legs at the ground, like there was something really interesting to study down there.

  “The stars are above us.” She hoped she might make him laugh, but he didn’t.

  He did lift his head. His eyes were deep and dark and almost fathomless. His jaw was set hard.

  Her throat was suddenly dry, and she swallowed.

  There was no pain in his eyes. She probably would never see pain in his eyes. But his face was pinched, and his shoulders tense.

  She’d hurt him. She hadn’t meant to.

  What he didn’t understand though was that it hurt her too. It wasn’t like she’d wanted to do what she did.

  Still, seeing his face made her chest tighten like the drawstring on a moneybag.

  Words probably weren’t enough. She couldn’t go back and undo it. An apology was all she could offer, but it wouldn’t take the pain away.

  He jumped down off the rock, landing lightly on his feet, taking two steps until he stood in front of her.

  She craned her head up. She’d never liked the feeling of having someone tower over her. Particularly a man. It made her feel weak and vulnerable, and those were two feelings she avoided. She wasn’t weak, and she wouldn’t be vulnerable.

  But somehow, with Thad, she didn’t feel weak or vulnerable as she looked up at him. Even though she hurt him, and he had to be angry, and maybe his stance was aggressive, it didn’t scare her. If anything, it stirred something inside of her. Maybe something primitive, because she wanted to move closer.

  That in itself was a completely different reaction than she’d ever had before. Normally when she felt cornered or threatened, her competitive streak came out, and she worked hard to overcome and dominate.

  That wasn’t what she wanted now.

  She wanted to take the pain away. She wanted to heal and help. And strangely, she almost wanted to...submit.

  Her eyes opened wide at that realization. No way. She crossed her arms over her chest and took a small step back.

  “What happened today was our deal.” Her voice wasn’t quite as soft as she wanted it to be. She still felt his pain, still had the desire to put her arms around him and take it from him. But as an equal. She would not submit. There was no submission in her.

  “That how you feel about it?”

  “Yes. We agreed who we were here, is different than who we are out there.” She waved her arm, indicating the rest of the world. “We both know that if we pry into our backgrounds, this is never going to work, even being friends, even seeing each other like this. This has to be make-believe. And then there’s real life.”

  “So when you’re not here with me, are you with him?”

  Thad’s question hung on the air. It took about three seconds for her eyes to move to his. She supposed it was a valid question. He didn’t know what she did when she wasn’t here. Just as she didn’t know anything about him.

  She wanted to tell him his jealousy, if that’s what it was, was unfounded. Even if this, them, was a secret, even if it was something that she couldn’t tell the world, she wouldn’t see one man behind another man’s back. It just wasn’t right. But he didn’t know that.

  And she knew if she’d seen him with a woman, no matter how innocent it looked, her heart would hurt. Especially if he couldn’t acknowledge Justice while he disappeared together with someone else.

  But how to say that? How to show that?

  “Maybe this won’t work at all. Because there’s no way for you to believe me, there’s no way for me to prove what I do when I leave.”

  Katydids and crickets sang in harmony, and something rustled in the leaves between them and the river. There were no words, though, and the silence stretched between them.

  She’d hoped, hoped, that he would say, you don’t have to prove it, all you have to do is say it. But she knew his hang-ups, and trusting women was one of them. He’d want proof. And she didn’t have any.

  She’d been worried when he didn’t show up to begin with tonight that it was the end. That same fear clenched her heart again. They couldn’t be public with their relationship, if that’s what this was, but she didn’t want to give it up.

  All she had were words. And so she used them. “I haven’t gone out with Andrew, I haven’t gone anywhere with Andrew since the first day you and I met here. That night, I went to a charity thing with him, and that was it.”

  “Except for church.” His words were dark and felt a little threatening.

  “He’s a junior church helper. I don’t know why, because he hates kids, but we work together in junior church. That’s why he was there tonight. Not because of me.”

  “He hates kids, but he helps in junior church.” His pause was deliberate, his look one of obviousness. “He does it because of you.”

  She lifted her shoulder; she couldn’t control what Andrew did. “It looks good in conversation too. I’m sure Andrew has an angle. Saying that he helps with the kids in junior church will get him brownie points at some point.”

  Thad blew a breath out and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand while looking at her. “That’s what I thought. I honestly thought just what you said. I think the fact that you didn�
�t acknowledge me made it worse.” He’d been looking over her head, like the intimacy of eye contact was too much for what he was saying. But after he finished, his eyes dropped to hers.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, and I don’t know what to do about it. You know as well as I do the whole town will explode if we show up somewhere together. Your family will kill me. My family will kill you. And everyone will work to separate us. We’d end up hating each other.” She thought she sounded reasonable.

  “And this is better?” Frustration leaked into his voice.

  “We’re meeting here as friends. There’s nothing wrong with us sitting and talking, and that’s all it will ever be.”

  Even as she said those words, she didn’t believe one of them. That’s not what she wanted. And that’s not what she felt.

  Thad called her on it. He stepped closer and touched one finger to the side of her chin.

  It was just one finger, but he had never touched her before.

  She couldn’t stop her shiver. She didn’t really want to. Somehow, being in control didn’t seem nearly as important now as it had even ten minutes ago.

  “I think you’re right,” he said softly. “I think we might be friends. But I want you to be wrong about the rest of that, because I want to be friends and...more.” His eyes roamed over hers, and she couldn’t look away. She couldn’t shake her head now either, because what he’d said was in her heart too.

  “I don’t see how that’s going to work,” she whispered, wanting what he wanted, but it was a dead end.

  “Do we have to?” he asked softly. His finger slid along her jawline lightly, tracing it softly, the touch so gentle, so sweet, it was hard to believe it came from a man who looked so big and so rough.

  Amazing how cherished she felt with just that one simple finger touching her chin. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, hooded and hot, maybe it was the way his breath hitched, or maybe it was his struggle to swallow. Maybe the fact that touching her affected him just as strongly as it affected her.

  She was no longer interested in backing away, and her arms dropped down from her chest. She was a mere heartbeat away from moving closer.