Essence Revisited

by Darryl Bailey

  All sense of directing or understanding this happening evaporates. This isn’t some state of mind that we create; it’s simply the acknowledgement of what is.

  All notions of being something separate from this event disappear. The word “I” is merely a pointer, like the phrase “over there”. Whether we look inward, “I”, or outward, “over there”, all that’s found is a vital, pulsing dynamic. With this realization, the word “I” can only point to a vibrant, formless happening; it’s not a person with a history.

  It’s natural for life to present itself as confusion and clarity, anxiety and confidence, sadness and happiness, horror and beauty, and so on. These illusions of form come and go; they’re born, they age, and they eventually die, but the unformed liveliness that actually is, is always present, always un-form. It’s all that ever is.

  We don’t have to train ourselves to be part of the flow; everything we appear to be and everything we appear to think, say, and do — all the wonderful stuff and all the ordinary, mundane, unattractive, unhealthy, foolish stuff —is already the divine, mysterious flow. That’s all there is.

  From a small view it may seem unfair that some get relatively easy lives while others get very difficult situations, but the event that existence is can’t be understood as fair or unfair; it’s simply a great, mysterious, and often painful, dance.

  Spiritual disciplines are not meant to balance the cosmos, nor perfect it. The wholeness that existence is is already balanced in every moment.

  It’s a simple matter to realize that all of existence is unformed. We can realize that all things in the external world are changing, and, looking inward, we find the same shifting event. Unformed in here; unformed out there; it’s one unformed happening. There is no in here or out there; it’s one event.

  Certain Hindu traditions have the phrase “I am That”, signifying the undivided nature of all things. The word universe literally means “undivided turning.”

  Whether we’re astronomers observing galaxies blipping out of existence in the far regions of the universe or we’re meditators noticing the disappearing out-breath, all that’s ever found is an unformed liveliness.

  All things are motion. It’s foolishness to label some of it birth and some of it death, because all that ever exists is an ongoing absence of form. How many times in your life have you heard someone say that everything changes? This isn’t some strange belief; it’s everyone’s experience of existence.

  In ignoring the vibrant, formless dance that everything actually is, the focus falls on the mirage of form, a “me” and a “world.” In general, if it shifts beyond the form of me, it falls on another illusion of form, “us”, the human race.

  But existence isn’t about a me, or an us, or a world. It’s an unformed, indefinable happening simply happening.

  As long as there’s the belief that “we” are separate from, and in control, of this event, there can never be any true compassion. Instead, there is the arrogance of personal accomplishment or failure, a sense of superiority or inferiority.

  To realize that all things, including you, are an inexplicable movement spontaneously expressing itself, yields wonder and amazement at all of its apparent manifestations.

  Ultimately honouring so-called individuals for their accomplishments, or denouncing them for their failures, is an act of delusion. We’re not self-made. No one directs his or her manifestation; no one deserves credit or blame for it.

  The morality of humankind is not held in place with preaching. Every society has within it some sense of what the tribe allows and what it does not. This has arisen in the same way language has arisen; it’s inherent in the movement of nature.

  None of us decided there would be language, and none of us decided there would be a moral sensibility. As our various so-called cultures apparently emerged, a refined sense of morality has emerged.

  Each apparent culture, and each apparent individual in that culture, has a different sense of what’s right and wrong. Once again, nature manifests in diverse and unique ways.

  There are enough similarities, however, to give the mistaken impression that there is a common human morality. As a result, most people consider their own to be the common one and condemn all others. Again there is this arrogance.

  There can be no common morality. Each of us exhibits a unique sense of what we can and cannot do, and what we can live with afterwards. The variations may be large and obvious or they may be small and subtle. Fortunately, human beings aren’t generally vicious.

  This can change in extreme situations of war or deprivation. Various time periods exhibit varying moral standards and a so-called person, at various so-called times, behaves in different ways. Generally the fluctuations aren’t large, but they can be.

  Reincarnation is a fantasy. Existence has never had a form that could be repeated. The shifting of galaxies on the far side of the universe is the same shifting event of bodies and minds. This happening has no particular form. There is no thing becoming some other thing; there’s one great unformed event always remaining unformed.

  You don’t believe a bear-shaped cloud is really a bear. If the cloud changes shape to look like a horse, you don’t believe the bear died and became a horse. You don’t actually believe there is a bear or a horse; it’s always obviously an unformed happening called a cloud.

  You and I are not things becoming other things; we’re an unformed happening. Ideas of form don’t apply to this. Realization of this is not a matter of describing anything. Realization terminates the strong focus on thoughts and interpretations. Instead, there’s a simple acknowledgement of the larger, mysterious dance that this moment is.

  Quite obviously, the present moment has no form. Quite obviously, this is the nature of existence.

  It’s easy to acknowledge that planets are a movement of the universe, and that the earth moves to the rhythms of nature. Landmasses shift; weather changes; plants grow; animals reproduce; bodies develop in other bodies, are delivered, and mature in the biological cycle.

  Hearts beat. Breath comes and goes. Blood circulates. Immune systems operate. Seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, smelling, and thinking simply happens. All of this occurs without any effort whatsoever.

  Moods shift, ideas alter, perceptions change; it simply occurs. We are this event — we don’t exist as anything apart from it — yet, somehow, we have the belief that we’re doing it.

  Every religion ultimately points to an indefinable presence that is the ground of all existence. Whether it’s the unfathomable God of the Bible, the enigmatic asankhata of the Buddhist scriptures, or the inexplicable, unformed ocean of the Ashtavakra Gita, the story is the same.

  Scientists like Albert Einstein and David Bohm declare that every so-called thing in existence is actually an indefinable event.

  Science and religion ultimately point to a simple, observable fact: all of existence is a vital presence that can’t, in any true way, be described. That includes you.

  True humility is realizing this event or presence. Realizing this destroys the illusion of an independent will and the arrogance of credit or blame. Judgement is replaced by wonder and amazement at the infinite variety of nature’s appearances, in seeing that each of us is one of those appearances.

  If we sit quietly, making no effort, life expresses itself clearly; it simply happens on its own. There’s nothing else to get. The great truth is obvious. The heart beats; the breath comes and goes. Vibrations, pulsations, twinges, feelings, thoughts, and emotions rise and fall. Urges rise and pass; some become actions, others do not; and so life flows.

  Clarity and confusion, joy and sorrow, hope and despair, and so on, are some of the alternating appearances of that flow.

  Even if we try not to move, at some point we’re compelled to act. We eat when hungry and sleep when tired. Being the movement of certain pulsations, vibrations, needs, interests, urges, and act ions, we automatically function in some way. This process simply happens.

  Ath
letes, artists, intellectuals, parents, politicians, and so on, do not choose their hopes and dreams.

  There can be no sense of peace until we realize we’re an indefinable activity. All things, all act ions, all thoughts, words, and deeds, are the passing appearances and expressions of a great unformed, indefinable event.

  Whose behaviour is free to go in any direction whatsoever? Each of us must live according to the physical and mental capacities that nature presents, centred on the only needs, interests, and concerns that mysteriously arise in any moment. We don’t exist as anything apart from that.

  Realizing this imposes an unshakable humility. Not the self-absorbed piety of cultivated virtues; instead, it’s the acknowledgement that we can’t take credit or blame for anything. No one can.

  We can’t judge others for their behaviour; our apparent doing and their apparent doing is a movement of the universe according to its physical makeup. Nothing else is possible.

  The average person fears this, imagining this way of seeing will bring some type of disaster. Perhaps we’ll stop making effort altogether and society will fall apart. Perhaps we’ll become totally irresponsible. After all, if life isn’t our doing, it’s not our responsibility.

  But this is a misunderstanding of what’s being said. This is not a situation where you can choose to stop functioning. Instead, it’s the realization that your functioning, and non-functioning, have never been your creation.

  All of the healthy, responsible, caring behaviour that you’ve exhibited in life has been the impersonal movement of nature, just as all of the unhealthy, confused, and harmful behaviour has been. There is no you apart from this event.

  Seeing this doesn’t allow you to leave this process, or lose control of it; there is only this process. Nothing else is evident; nothing else has ever been.

  Love and a sense of responsibility are not a personal accomplishment: they’re the expression of nature. Everything is. Upon realizing this, respect arises for all of life’s manifestations: the horror of some, the enchantment of others, and the wonder of it all.

  There’s an endless tolerance in knowing that we don’t create ourselves. There’s compassion in knowing that all of us share this situation.

  Life isn’t merely a gentle, soothing, experience. Mother Nature is bountiful in her expression, but she also eats her young. In the past, there were symbols that accurately reflected this situation — dark, powerful, mysterious figures like Shiva and Kali.

  Nowadays, we seem to emphasize love and peace as the true nature of existence and everything else as some kind of defilement. This isn’t a very good preparation for life as it actually is. The full and natural expression of life’s dance includes the extremely pleasant and the extremely unpleasant.

  The perceiving process searches for patterns and formations in life’s flow. This obsessive focus on the mirage of form gives rise to a sense of separation and insecurity. There is the futile hope of finding something stable to cling to: a pleasure, an understanding, a feeling, and so on.

  But the search for something stable is endlessly frustrating; there is only flow: unprovoked, unstoppable, ungraspable, and inexplicable.

  It’s not our failure if life doesn’t do what we want, because it’s not moving to our command. In any particular moment, life is capable of moving in a direction that isn’t wanted and, try as we might, individually and collectively, we can’t stop it. We don’t exist as anything apart from this flow.

  Our bodies, needs, interests, understandings, and abilities are the movement of nature and each expression of nature is unique. If it presents an unusually attractive being from time to time, it’s of no relevance to the rest of us.

  We can admire someone the way we admire a sunset, but we can’t use that person as a model for all of us, anymore than we can pick one sunset and say that all of them should be that.

  How much happiness would come from rejecting all expressions of nature except one?

  Some teachers declare that we must work to develop morality, wisdom, and the lessening of personal greed. They attract those with a similar attitude. Gathered together, they find it such a pity that others can’t see the truth they see, but it’s a delusion to think that everyone should be concerned with your particular approach to life.

  The nature of existence gives rise to each of our expressions in the same way it sends various birds on their particular migration routes. Even in the case of those that appear to get the same route, they don’t occupy the same position in the flock; each is a unique expression.

  Whatever you’re compelled to be in life, be it, but assuming that everyone should be it is ridiculous. To believe that your way is the only way is like a duck thinking all birds should be ducks.

  When a goose flies south in winter, he’s not wondering why every other bird isn’t following him, and he’s not pitying the other birds for not knowing the one true migration route. He doesn’t try to convince robins and sparrows to give up their lifestyles for his.

  If this so-called enlightenment occurs, it’s the simple acknowledgment that every apparent thing in existence is an inexplicable event accomplishing itself.

  Looking outward, there’s an inexplicable happening; looking inward, there’s an inexplicable happening. Unformed there, unformed here, it’s an unformed, undivided, indecipherable dance doing what it does.

  This so-called awakening is not necessarily pleasant. The impression that existence is being understood and directed melts away, to be replaced with absolute puzzlement.

  It’s common for childhood views to fall away and be replaced with adult views. In some, the usual adult views will fall away to be replaced with extreme views. In a few others, however, there’s the end of belief in any view. The focus of attention is shifted away from thoughts and views, as it becomes obvious that any moment is a larger, inexplicable happening.

  This initial shift can be confusing and frightening. All descriptions are invalidated and the sense of free will is eradicated. Even this shift is felt to be occurring independently of what’s wanted; it occurs whether it’s wanted or not. It’s not the result of personal effort; it’s the movement of existence itself.

  This realization can never be wanted beforehand, because it’s the end of all beliefs, hopes, and dreams. It’s the end of a describable self. This so-called awakening can never be wanted, but it may happen nonetheless.

  This isn’t some fleeting mood and it’s not the loss of reality; it’s the fading away of fantasy. What remains is a mysterious dance spontaneously expressing itself as all apparent things, a magical parade of passing appearances.

  Spiritual awakening is often described as the movement into silence, but this can be misleading. It’s not a physical silence being described. Instead, the vital, pulsing, sounding event that actually is becomes more evident than ever before.

  The silence is the end of attachment to descriptions. The intellectually noisy attachment to frantic thinking, and all of its apparent side effects, is lessened, or silenced, and the larger, enigmatic dance of the moment comes into focus.

  There’s no struggle to hold it in place, since it has no form. There’s no ache to understand it, since it’s totally indecipherable. There’s no longing for more than what it is, since whatever arises in each moment is all that’s possible. There’s no oppressive urge to impose any standard, since each expression is unique.

  Fears of death no longer make sense; there is only the unfathomable dance of the cosmos. Credit and blame no longer make sense. Pride and shame dissolve and the judging of others becomes impossible.

  Obsessive thought, struggle, desire, conformity, fear, pride, shame, and judgement are “silenced” in various ways, and the vital, buzzing event of the moment remains.

  Existence expresses itself in shifting appearances: light/dark, sound/silence, warm/cold, joy/sorrow, clarity/confusion, hope/regret, and so on, always shifting from pleasant to unpleasant, back again to pleasant, and repeating. This shifting isn’t a fail
ure on anyone’s part; it’s the essential expression of existence.

  This is our reality, always moving to different expressions, forever displaying various appearances viewed as opposites. But they’re not opposites: they’re the many faces of one dynamic.

  Waking up to this essential flow doesn’t get rid of it, nor the difficulties of it, but unnecessary struggles and confusions will fall away if it’s realized that this is life’s natural expression.

  The realization that nature expresses itself regardless of our wants can be a frightening proposition, but it’s never been any other way.

  Seeing this will not promote a slide into disaster. Existence has always expressed both ups and downs — that’s its nature — and there’s no need to fantasize that it will become entirely negative if this is seen clearly. The wonderful thing about this process is that it generally moves to love. Not the personal love that most people think of; instead, it’s an unconditional openness to life.

  As we appear to grow older, the fight against life’s expression generally fades as the energies of useless opposition grow tired. It’s the flowering of all that we are without it needing to be anything else. A difficult aspect of this flowering is its ordinariness. As the grandiose illusions of youth fade, it all seems so mundane, but it’s not.

  Each of us is an integral and unique appearance of the universe. Everything we appear to be, and all that we appear to think, say, and do, is the automatic and inexplicable dance of the cosmos.

  It doesn’t matter what part we play, hero or villain, it’s a natural expression of existence. Ultimately, as all spiritual teachings indicate, nothing is ever gained or lost. The great, unformed, and inexplicable event that existence is remains unformed and inexplicable.