Essence Revisited

by Darryl Bailey

  In old age and death, the melodramatic views of youth recede and the vastness of our situation pushes forward, silencing all objections to it. As we become frail, and wilful energies subside, what has always been becomes obvious: we are life’s flow. Even those of us who become delusional will play out our part without any conscious effort.

  The fearful urge to keep life under control is based in fantasy. It’s the fantasy of thinking oneself separate from the movement of existence, thinking that we direct this movement, and that we had better direct it or it will fall apart.

  There’s a universal urge to acknowledge a greater power, but the fantasy of a self ruling the world usually takes precedence and is believed to be the truth. Life is an unformed flowing, yet the focus of attention is almost always on illusions of form and the fantasies of people doing things in a world.

  If the indecipherable dance of existence is realized, it puts an end to belief in descriptions of me and mine, my life and my doing. That conflicted belief evaporates in a sense of relief and rest.

  The idea of spiritual life versus worldly life is a misconception. Everyone is already living the most spiritual life possible, because everything, in any moment, is completely spirit — the spontaneous, unformed, inexplicable swirl that everything actually is.

  Human arrogance is the feeling that we’re superior to everything else in the cosmos, and that some of us are more highly developed than others of our kind. We either take credit for our superiority, while passing judgement on the shortcomings of others, or, if we’re one of the so-called inferior, we take the blame for not being much of anything at all.

  This is an interesting view, since everything else in existence — the sun, the moon, the clouds, the seasons, the weather, the animals, and so on — are seen to be the varied and fascinating expressions of nature, none superior to another.

  A bird or a planet is not seen to be directing its particular development; everything is generally considered to be an expression of the mysterious dance that existence is. Everything — except for one thing — us. Somehow, there’s the belief that we’re directing the dance.

  This must mean we exist somewhere outside of it. The idea that our bodies, abilities, and act ions occur somewhere outside the flow of nature is very strange. Where and how are we existing, if not as part of nature’s expression?

  We can’t truly say what this event of existence is. Even the sense of existing disappears every night, only to reappear. It’s like a light blinking off and on.

  When it’s on, our so-called life appears in its flow. Bodies, needs, interests, concerns, urges, and act ions — family situations, national events, international events — all of these arise and fade as passing appearances of a formless event.

  There may be hope that life will move in a certain way, but hope doesn’t create the potential for that movement. Maybe the potential exists; maybe it doesn’t. Life isn’t a wilful act; it’s a mysterious happening, unpredictably expressing itself.

  You wouldn’t go to a tropical island paradise just to sit in a hotel reading the brochures that describe the sun, the sand, and the surf. In that situation, it’s very easy to see that those descriptions do not contain the fullness, vibrancy, and joy of the actual event called an island paradise, and we would never be content to simply sit in the hotel reading.

  Yet most of us do this with life in general, being obsessively focused on the stories of thought, the “brochures” of the mind. Spiritual awakening realizes the ultimate emptiness of description. Instead, there’s an interest in life itself, the unformed, inexplicable, vibrant, dancing fullness that this moment actually is.

  It’s incorrect to describe existence as individuals influencing life or as life influencing individuals. The perceptual process mistakenly views the formless flow of existence as separate forms influencing each other, or as a journey from one phase to another. It even mistakenly thinks there’s a perceptual process.

  I’m not telling anyone to “go with the flow”, because there is only flow. I’m not saying “bring yourself into alignment with the movement of life”, because there is only movement; there is no you apart from it.

  There’s no possible way for you to be out of alignment with the flow of existence; there is only that.

  Shades of Advaita

  We are the unformed flow of existence itself; we’re already and eternally that.

  You don’t need to acquire anything new, just give up false ideas. Outside the fantasies of thought, there are no entities called self and world. There is no creation or destruction, free will or destiny, ignorance or enlightenment. There is no wandering in the wilderness and coming to the light.

  Our real nature is liberation. We are the unconstrained dance of the cosmos itself. We imagine we’re bound as separate individuals and make strenuous efforts to be free, when all the while we’re already free.

  We ignore the unformed, inexplicable dance that life is and imagine forms of body and mind to be reality. It’s this mistaken belief in form that gives rise to misery.

  Reflections III

  Our apparent needs, interests, and concerns come together as an apparent thirst. It may be the thirst for love, understanding, adventure, money, power, knowledge, family, and so on. It may be one or more of these.

  This thirst will adjust itself from moment to moment. It may be as simple and direct as needing a meal or wanting entertainment, or it may be as complex, and long term, as needing children or wanting to understand existence. Whatever it is, in any moment, it pushes itself forward, setting all priorities.

  Realizing that everything is the impersonal flow of nature doesn’t make every moment clear and pleasant; it’s just as much the expression of nature to be vague and unpleasant.

  The ordinary human mind, in any moment, with all of its apparent confusions, sorrows, and wants, is already the complete and natural expression of the Divine, the Unformed, the Tao, Buddha Mind, God, Brahma, and so on. These are the various labels for the inexplicable happening that everything is.

  When it’s realized that every thought, word, and deed is the natural expression of existence then you’re free to move without the conflict of feeling defective or incompetent. The dance of existence isn’t defective or incompetent in any way.

  Spiritual liberation frees you from the misery-inducing fantasy of perfecting yourself. In this moment, I am what I am; you are what you are; we’re both the dance of the cosmos. Liberation isn’t the act of breaking free of this. Liberation is knowing it can’t be otherwise.

  Just as a growing plant contains all the direction it needs to be the plant that it is, we contain all the direction we need to be the person that we are.

  Everything in existence has an innate intelligence, an essential current expressing itself. Whatever you are, in any moment, is the expression of that current. There is only that current, or flow; that’s what everything is.

  An ocean doesn’t direct its own movement; it doesn’t need to struggle to express its true nature. In each moment, it’s all that it can possibly be; each wave, ripple, and swirl is fine.

  Fantasized notions of perfection and standards of conformity are a denial of life’s flow, a denial of life‘s expression. Stories of individuals falling from purity to defilement are a fantasy. Nothing has fallen anywhere; everything is always the complete and natural expression of existence or, if you prefer, the expression of God.

  Your fullness is whatever arises in any particular moment. This can’t be classified as spiritual or worldly; it can’t be classified as right or wrong: there’s no way of saying what any of this actually is.

  The general statement that life is about spiritual awakening, or the development of wisdom and compassion, is incorrect. That statement is merely the propaganda of groups primarily focused on spiritual matters.

  Life exhibits no observable goal other than expressing itself in diverse and unique ways. For every apparent person primarily focused on wisdom and compassion, there are many who
aren’t. It’s not that they’ve failed to realize a truth; they’re simply a different expression of existence, an expression that’s just as valid as any other.

  If you’re practising forgiveness, forgiving others for their behaviour, be aware that you’re primarily practising judgement and blame. Before you can forgive someone you must first make them guilty of an offence.

  This is a denial of life. Our urges and act ions are expressions of nature; no one can be blamed for being the particular arrangement of abilities, urges, and actions they are.

  Some expressions of existence are naturally considered to be unpleasant, or even dangerous, and we will respond automatically to that unpleasantness or danger. However, just as a volcano doesn’t need to be forgiven for its unpleasant, or dangerous, behaviour, neither does any person.

  There is the notion that all awakened beings will behave in the same way, matching some societal fantasy of what a saint should be. In actuality, they come in all sizes, shapes, and temperaments; some are not pleasant.

  They all see themselves as the inexplicable dance of existence, but this doesn’t make them conform to some fantasy of perfection. It doesn’t even necessarily make them sociable.

  Truth, reality, God — however you want to label it — is a vital presence, a dynamic event. It’s not a particular object, idea, feeling, mood, and so on. It’s the inexplicable flow of existence and we’ve never been anything apart from that.

  Existence can be summed up in one short Zen verse:

  Sitting quietly,

  doing nothing,

  spring comes,

  grass grows by itself.

  The same is true of everything: the ageing of the body, the movement of thoughts and moods, urges to act ion, and actions themselves. Everything simply happens, like spring coming and grass growing.

  Sitting quietly, you’ll find that whatever you are, in any particular moment, presents itself automatically. Needs, interests, and concerns push themselves to the front and play out in whatever way they do.

  In certain times, it’s light and calm; in others, dark and stormy. In each moment, it’s a totally mysterious event doing what it does.

  Sitting quietly, making no effort, all is revealed: a vibrant, pulsing, formless happening, simply happening. There is no goal in this, no final point; there is only what expresses itself in this moment, and whatever it appears to be now is unavoidably on its way to some other appearance.

  One of the delusions of ego is that it operates outside of the flow of cause and effect and that it’s able to influence that stream by introducing something new to it. But it’s never been anything separate from that flow, something that could inject anything new.

  Improvements appear to occur, just as downturns do, but these are the rhythmic expressions of nature, the waves of a mighty ocean; it’s not anyone’s personal achievement or failure.

  Anyone who appears to produce something of benefit to themselves, or to the world at large, is compelled to do so. The fascination with a particular subject, an urge to explore, an intuition, a thought, an ability, or a fortunate accident, is never anyone’s personal creation.

  When Einstein was complimented on his discovery of the theory of relativity, he would say it simply happened, that he didn’t make it happen.

  There are myriad stories of scientists investigating various subjects and, in a moment when they were relaxing or sleeping, making no effort whatsoever — not even focusing on their interest — some great discovery popped up in a thought, a vision, or a dream.

  This is not a matter of “discovery”; this is simply the inexplicable dance of existence expressing itself.

  We can’t have up without down, joy without sorrow, confidence without anxiety, and so on. These are the natural expressions of life. If existence appears to move one way now, it will move in the apparently opposite direction at some point. This has nothing to do with anyone’s efforts; this is the natural rhythm of existence.

  There’s nothing we can do to change this. Even if we live in the wisest way possible, existence will continue to express itself in this manner. Life is always a unique blend of apparent opposites and there’s no “me” that gets to choose the mix.

  The waxing and waning of emotions and states of mind are like the flowing of the seasons. We may anticipate them and prepare for them, but we can’t prevent them. We don’t exist as anything apart from that flow.

  If I say to you there is no me, no you, no self, no world, no thinking, no personal actions, no forms of any kind, I’m not talking about some experience that’s different from yours.

  This is not describing some altered state; I’m pointing to the basic happening that you are right now; it’s simply being acknowledged precisely.

  Spiritual awakening or enlightenment doesn’t add anything more to what’s existing. Instead, it’s the fading away of fantasies. What then remains is what has been here all along, an inexplicable dance.

  When I say that’s what remains, don’t get the idea of some strange experience without thought. What is usually called a me, a you, a self, and a world, including thought -that still happens — but there’s no longer any obsessive belief in those false forms and labels. Instead, the absolutely inexplicable movement, or unformed flowing, that everything is becomes obvious.

  Question and Answer: Part II

  Q: I want to ask you about the basic qualities that are said to arise with spiritual awakening, such as compassion, detachment, and harmony. You’ve touched on some of these already, but I want to take more time with them.

  I thought we could start with a consideration of compassion. Within most spiritual circles, the theme of compassion is very strong. We’re urged to cultivate it and it’s often coupled with wisdom as the ultimate expression of existence.

  DB: Yes, people in spiritual circles often believe that wisdom and compassion are the goals of existence. They fantasize that an awakened being becomes some extraordinary fountain of love, giving endlessly to the greater good of humankind. They tend to ignore the stories of enlightened beings who, upon awakening, left society to live on their own.

  Awakened beings don’t gain the power to throw off their personalities; they continue to be expressions of nature. It’s ironic that people have preconceived notions of what an enlightened personality is, or how that personality will behave, because each expression of nature is unique.

  Some teach; some don’t. Some talk; some don’t. Some enjoy society; some don’t. Some are pleasant personalities; some not. Some are married; some single. Some sexual; some celibate. Some live in a traditional religious environment; others do not. Some sit quietly for long periods; others don’t. Some seem to make sense; others seem to be crazy. And so on.

  What they have in common is the absolute certainty that everything is an unformed, inexplicable happening presenting itself.

  Realizing this mysterious dance gives rise to a natural tolerance for all of life’s expressions. Not only a tolerance, but the acknowledgment and appreciation that everyone is a unique expression and has to be that particular expression.

  This is the compassion of awakening. It doesn’t necessarily mean we like all things, or endlessly serve others, but we can appreciate that everything must be whatever it is in any particular moment.

  Some awakened beings appear to serve in extraordinary ways; others appear to be nothing more than mildly good-natured; some may even appear be grouchy and intolerant. No one knows what any of this actually is and anyone who says they do is deluded.

  Q: What about harmony? How does harmony arise?

  DB: Harmony is contentment with life as it is, with all of its inevitable expressions. Seeing that everything is an expression of the cosmos, there’s no longer the desire for anything more than what it offers.

  Q: How do we know what it offers?

  DB: Whatever happens is what it offers. There’s never any mistake, because all of life is the impersonal expression of nature.

  Q: And seeing this is
detachment?

  DB: Yes. It eventually doesn’t matter what thought wants, because the various expressions of nature don’t move to the wishes of thought; thought is simply one of the various expressions. Anything that appears to arise is unavoidably on its way to another expression, so why get attached to any of it?

  This is not saying that with detachment there will never be desire, sorrow, confusion, anxiety, and so on. It’s not saying that you won’t participate in society. Life will continue to express whatever it expresses, but there’s no extended concern over anything that happens. All of it is felt to be the complete and natural movement of existence. That’s detachment.

  Q: What about love? In the Advaita tradition, one often hears old masters saying things like, “You are not the body; you are not the mind; there is only love.”

  DB: Yes, that’s the traditional expression; Robert Adams used to say it all the time. Love, in its highest philosophical sense, is an openness to all that life offers.

  Everything, just as it is in any particular moment, is the complete and natural expression of existence moving to its inherent nature. Love is the simple acknowledgement of that.

  Profound spiritual teachings are not prescriptions for perfecting life. They simply point to the already complete and pure expression of existence. There’s the realization that everything is happening the only way it can. Realizing this brings a sense of contentment to life, with all of its apparent joys, sorrows, conflicts, and brutalities.

  Again, be careful with this. It’s not saying that you’ll sit around doing nothing and never oppose or pursue anything; it’s simply saying that whatever happens, in any apparent moment, is the unavoidable expression of existence. Nothing else is possible.

  In spiritual circles we’re often urged to move deep within ourselves to find a place of peace, but this is misleading. The place of our life is always the fullness of the present moment. Awakening isn’t about moving to a different place; it’s about a different sense of the same place.