Separated

by Jessica Frances

  “I know,” I agree, thinking it’s stupid for a different reason.

  When Sophie left River and me, I promised myself that I wouldn’t let our lives go back to that chaotic mess that those first few years were like. These days, I like and appreciate the routine that River and I have made. There is safety in the certainty of it. It means I don’t have to worry so much.

  Except now Conner has crashed into our lives, and I don’t know what the hell is going on. I’ve had zero order or predictability, and I should hate this. I should be happy to run far away from him and the craziness that surrounds him, but I can’t bring myself to leave him alone. And when I’m with him, I’ve never felt better. I look forward to every interaction we have, although the ones featuring the fucking threats haven’t been great. So, why has my life turned so much onto its axis and yet I don’t hate it?

  I thought going down this route would bring me misery and self-loathing if I allowed another person, who is just going to up and leave, enter our lives again. Instead, I fear that I’ve made the biggest mistake in letting him go.

  “I’m not going to be able to sleep. This is a waste of …” Conner softly murmurs against me, not even able to finish his sentence before sleep takes ahold of him.

  I smirk a little that I’ve been able to get him to sleep, trying in vain to forget that he spent two nights with Prince. I want to demand to know what happened, while also hoping to never have to hear the words that’ll come out of his mouth, explaining what went on.

  I stay awake for a while, listening to his soft breathing, as well as the wind knocking against the window. Nothing sounds off.

  Later, when my phone vibrates, I extract myself from Conner carefully to let Love inside.

  “He asleep?” she whispers so quietly that I have to strain to hear her.

  I nod, ignoring the smug smile that she gives me.

  “Good. Now get back to him. I hope you’re realizing how much of an idiot you were.”

  “You couldn’t just let me have one conversation with you where you don’t call me an idiot?”

  “Once you’re back with Conner, I’m sure I’ll limit those accusations to only every second chat.” She smiles at me. Then, with one gentle squeeze to my arm, she makes her way quietly down the hallway and into her bedroom.

  I’m still shaking my head when I reenter Conner’s room, and as soon as I slip back into bed, he snuggles up against me, still in a deep sleep.

  I enjoy having him in my arms again. I haven’t had this ever. And I’ve never felt as content as I feel with Conner. Technically, I barely know him. He crashed into my life just a few weeks ago. If I feel this way already, then what happens in a few more weeks? In a few months?

  While I’d like to think that maybe I haven’t screwed things up completely, I also know that I can’t compete with a movie star. Prince has freedom, money, and the ability to whisk Conner away to anywhere he wants to go in the world.

  Disappointment crashes into me, leading me to mull over this plight for a while, wondering if I shouldn’t just fight for him anyway, even if it will be a losing battle. At least then I’ll know I tried everything.

  Soon, I’m lulled into a light sleep where I dream of Conner in danger, of me unable to reach him, and then a heartbroken River when I cannot save him.

  I wake in a daze, still feeling the lingering fear and panic. But with Conner in my arms, I soon settle.

  I check the time to see it’s past time I need to wake up. I’ve missed taking River to school, and I hate that, but it won’t be a surprise to her. Too many times I’ve had to leave overnight for work. This will be the first time I’ve done it for something not work-related, regardless of what I insinuated to Conner earlier. I obviously would not be doing this for anyone but him.

  I stare down at Conner, smiling at how his arms and legs have managed to wrap entirely around me.

  Other than my time married to Sophie, and now Conner, I’ve never slept overnight with anyone before. Sophie used to hate touching while she slept. She said she felt suffocated when I was hugging her. It just became normal to sleep on opposite sides of the bed. I have to admit that having Conner wrapped around me feels nice. It could even be something I could easily get used to. Could easily begin to crave.

  Why am I fighting against this?

  Unfortunately, reality crashes down when Conner’s phone vibrates across the bedside table.

  I quickly shoot my arm out and grab it, the clatter of the phone far too loud. But it’s too late. Two bubbles are burst immediately.

  Conner is awake, and seeing Prince’s name on the caller I.D. deflates some of my optimism.

  Conner lifts his head, but he doesn’t remove his arms or legs from around me. “What time is it?”

  I glance down at his phone. “Quarter to nine.” I smile at the look of shock on his face. “Sleep well?” I ask in a teasing voice.

  “Shit! I had … What time did you come around?”

  “Just after ten.”

  “And we talked for what? Not even an hour? Fuck!” he gasps excitedly. “That means I got nine hours, at least!”

  “Yep.”

  “Your arms are … like magical or something!”

  I laugh, saddened when he sits up, which means he moves away.

  “Never heard someone compliment my arms in that way before.”

  “I haven’t slept that well since … you know.”

  “Yes. I need to get to work, though.”

  “Right, of course.” Conner shifts away, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “Don’t suppose you’re free tonight, as well?”

  “For you, I can be.”

  He smiles softly at me but shakes his head. “No, I can’t take you away from River again. I’ll be okay. Maybe now that I’ve rested, it’ll be easier to do that again.”

  “You can stay at mine,” I offer before I overthink it.

  “Stay at yours? With River in the house?”

  I shrug, trying to come across as nonchalant, despite the fact that this is a huge step for me and a sweat breaks out at just the idea of what this would mean. “She likes you, and I don’t think it’ll be an issue for you to stay. Are you free for dinner? You could eat with us?” I immediately bite my lip, worried I’ve asked for too much.

  He eyes me for a moment, and I wonder what he’s thinking.

  “I’d love that.”

  “Prince won’t mind?” I can’t help asking, pretty sure my jealousy shines through loud and clear.

  “Henry? Why would he? We’re just friends.”

  “Friends?”

  Conner gives me a small smile. “I stayed in his room at Angus Thom’s mansion twice to try to sleep better. He’s away again, and his room was empty. After that first date, I knew I wasn’t interested in more. He did, too. There just wasn’t anything deeper.”

  “You never slept with Prince?” I’m unable to keep the relief out of my voice.

  “No. I did stay with him that night, but we passed out on his couch after vegging out and watching movies all night. He did make an offer for more since we’re both single, but I completely overthought it. What if he sucked? What if every time I saw him on the big screen, all I could think about was him fucking like a jackhammer with a small dick? Or with him coming after only a minute, you know? It just wasn’t worth it.”

  I snort, finding it somewhat funny, even if my ego is bruised a little by the fact that he only held back because of those things and not because I’ve got his dick hypnotized, too.

  Almost as if he can read my mind, he continues on with, “And I also couldn’t get you out of my head. I had a threesome once in college, and I wasn’t a fan. I didn’t want to do another with you stuck in my head.”

  I smugly smile at him now as I pull on a shoe. “Stuck in your head, huh?”

  “Don’t get a big head about it. I’m sure there is a cure out there. Maybe Macy has a coffee for that?”

  “She’s good, but she’s not that good.”
/>   “Then I’m screwed.”

  “Then take comfort in the fact that we’re both screwed.”

  His mouth drops open, and I can practically hear the way his brain is thinking a million miles an hour. I wish I knew some of those thoughts; wished I could get some insight into how he truly feels.

  “So then, you’re saying you’re willing to give us a try? That this won’t just be a casual fling?”

  I watch the vulnerability cross over his face and immediately stand, getting close to him and cupping his face, bringing my lips to softly kiss him. “You’re under my skin, too. And you should know that I’m going to fuck this up, I’m going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, but if you stay, then I’ll never give up.”

  He stares into my eyes for a moment, perhaps assessing the truth behind my words, before a huge grin breaks out. “That’s the best offer I’ve got, so I guess.”

  “Don’t sound too overwhelmed.”

  Conner then wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me to him. His kiss is far more passionate than the one I just gave him. He borderline sucks my brain out as he delivers the best kiss of my life, which is saying something, considering neither of us have brushed our teeth this morning.

  I can’t believe I almost lost this. Never again will I let fear rule my life, let it dictate what I can have.

  Conner is mine and fear can go fuck itself.

  Chapter Six

  After picking River up from Read or Die and establishing that she is super excited to be having Conner over for dinner, we park outside the hotel. I haven’t let Conner know we’re here yet, just because I want to have a quick talk with River first.

  “Sweetheart, would you mind if Conner slept over tonight?”

  Her eyes widen in clear excitement. “Like we could stay up all night and watch movies and eat popcorn?”

  I snort. “No, it’s still a school night, and you have a bedtime.”

  She cocks her head, looking at me seriously. “Do you like Connie?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Like, as much as you like me?”

  “No. I love you, sweetheart. I won’t ever love someone as much as I love you. But I do like Conner. You like him, don’t you?”

  Immediately, her lips break into a wide grin. “Yes, he’s funny, and he loves reading. What isn’t to like?” She considers me again, and I wait to see what she has on her mind. “Does Connie like you?”

  “I think he does.”

  “Are you going to get married?”

  I choke on my own saliva. “No!” I gasp.

  “Why not?”

  “I’m still getting to know him, sweetheart. Marriage is a long way off.” If ever, I think to myself. “Is that all the questions you have?”

  “I have three left, but one I need Connie here to ask you.”

  “Okay,” I agree hesitantly. “What are the two you can ask me now?”

  “What are we having for dinner, and can Connie read to me tonight?”

  I smile, glad her difficult questions are over. “Steak and veggies for dinner, and if you ask Conner nicely, then I’m sure he’ll agree to read you something.”

  She pulls a face. “I don’t feel like steak and veggies.”

  “You love steak,” I point out.

  “I hate veggies.”

  “Then, with them together, you have a meal you can like.”

  She rolls her eyes at me.

  I send Conner a text to let him know we’re out front and to bring an overnight bag while River squeezes herself into the back seat, almost giving me a kick to the head on the way.

  Moments later, Conner steps out of the cottage and locks up. I can’t stop the smile from touching my lips as he approaches.

  “Can we go back to the bookshop?” River drags my attention back to her, causing my smile to morph into a frown at her question.

  “Why?”

  “I want to buy that book I wanted earlier.”

  I shake my head. “And I told you that you’re only allowed two new books a week. This week, you’ve already had three!”

  “What if I bought it with my own money?”

  “And what money is that?” I haven’t given her an allowance yet, and she already spent all her Christmas and birthday money.

  “Oh, right. Give me a minute.” She smirks, which I’ve learned is never a good sign. Then she leans forward in her seat as Conner drops his stuff in the trunk, causing the car to shake momentarily as he closes it.

  “A minute for what?”

  Conner opens the passenger door, and my thoughts are soon stuffed with giddy ones when he sits down in the seat, a matching smile on his own lips.

  I want to kiss him, but I hold back, unsure how River will take that.

  “Hi,” he greets me softly.

  “Hi,” is my witty response. When did I turn into some stupid high schooler?

  “Hi, Connie!” River sings from the back seat, no qualms about breaking the quiet moment.

  I watch the small wince before he morphs back into a bright smile as he turns back to look at her.

  And again, my heart melts a little that he’s so good with River and that he’s willing to put up with a nickname that he clearly doesn’t like to make her happy.

  “Hello, River.”

  “You got your phone ready?” she asks Conner slyly, which clearly means something to him since he quickly grins while placing his cell in front of him, pressing some buttons.

  “Yep.”

  “So, Daddy, I want to ask you that question now.”

  A sense of dread hits me, but my curiosity is stronger.

  I glance at Conner, who is half-hidden behind his phone, and frown that he’s filming me.

  “Okay …” I murmur, giving my attention back to River.

  She takes a deep breath, clears her throat, and then smiles brightly again. “Can I please have a brother or a sister?”

  My mouth drops open in a huge gape, having had zero expectations that this would be the question she asked me. Then my head swims, and I worry I might be about to pass out.

  “Wha …? Huh?”

  Unfazed by my reaction, River continues with her usual enthusiasm. “I think I want a sister, but I know you don’t get a say in what happens, and I would love a brother, too.”

  I shake my head, still unsure if I’m understanding her correctly. “Huh?”

  “Although, Bryn in my class has a baby brother, and she says he cries a lot. I think I would want a baby brother or sister that didn’t cry. Can you get one of those?”

  “I think that would be a plastic baby doll,” Conner pipes in when I become completely speechless.

  I can practically feel the blood draining from my body.

  “No, I want a real baby. I want them to grow up, and then they can get me a drink when I want one, and I can train them to do my homework.”

  “You’re already ten. Too old for any kid to catch up and start doing your homework,” Conner points out, while I’m still motionless.

  A brother or a sister? Is she insane?

  “Fine,” she says on a huff. “But it can still be my servant. And then, when I go to college, because I’ll need to do that to become a judge one day, I won’t be leaving Daddy alone. He’ll have my brother or sister to keep him company.”

  These words break through my freaking-out fog, and my brain begins to function again.

  “Sweetheart,” I say on a sigh, “you do not need to worry about that.”

  “Of course I do. You’re a slob when I’m not around.”

  I splutter since I’m always picking up after her.

  “And,” she quickly continues, emphasizing the word and drawing it out, “you get grouchy when I’m not around.”

  “I can testify to that,” Conner unhelpfully chimes in.

  “Both of you put your seatbelts on. We’re leaving, and this conversation is over,” I demand, not appreciating the laughs shared between Conner and River.

  “Where’s my mon
ey?” River asks.

  Conner rifles around in his back pocket before he pulls out his wallet.

  “I only have a twenty—”

  “Deal!” She literally rips it out of his hands.

  “River!” I snap, ready to read her the riot act.

  “It’s okay. That was better than I thought it was going to be. Worth every cent.” Conner drops his wallet onto his lap then turns his attention back to his phone. “Look at your dad’s face!” He holds his phone up to River in the back, and she immediately breaks out into giggles.

  “Give me that!” I grab the phone out of Conner’s hand and glance at the image that he has his video frozen on.

  I do look like I’ve seen a ghost. A naked ghost, given how equally horrified and terrified I look.

  “You guys planned this!”

  “Yep,” River unrepentantly admits. “Can we go to the bookstore now?”

  I roll my eyes, but I give in, as usual. “You have two minutes, and then I’m coming in after you,” I warn, managing to get a parking spot right outside the front door.

  “But I have enough for two books now! I need time to decide which other one to get!” River whines.

  “Or you can save some of that money and put it toward something at a later date,” I suggest, which gets me a confused look in return.

  “That’s a stupid idea,” she informs me before she jumps out of the car and races inside.

  “Sorry about that. Then again, not so sorry.” Conner laughs his head off as he keeps playing the video.

  Ignoring the fact that I’m still scared about what River brought up, since she seemed pretty serious about it, I rip Conner’s phone out of his hand, drop it into the console between us, and then I cup his face and pull him to me, kissing him.

  Our kiss is languid and indulgent. His lips are soft, his mouth tastes like coffee, and his tongue is insatiable as it deliciously duels with my own.

  I run my hand over his chin, feeling the beginnings of stubble growing there, and enjoy the sparks of electricity that shoot up through my fingertips from the contact.

  When I first met Conner, he had the beginnings of a beard that he’s since shaved. I’m not sure which Conner I like more, but this one right now seems pretty fucking sexy.