Separated

by Jessica Frances

  We soon break our lips apart, but neither of us move far.

  “Hello, Conner,” I breathe out his name, loving the heat reflected in his gaze, no doubt a mirror of my own.

  “Now this is a greeting I can get behind.”

  “And it’s one you’ll get every time I’m able.”

  His smile dims a little. “You don’t want to kiss me in front of River?”

  “Not like that I don’t,” I say, moving his hand over my crotch. “See what your lips do to me?”

  His smile brightens. “Glad to see I’m not the only one affected.”

  “I talked to River about you staying the night. She seemed fine with it. She only asked that you read to her.”

  “I’d be happy to do that.”

  “I’m also not sure how I feel about you and my daughter conspiring behind my back.”

  Conner’s responding shrug is unrepentant as he leans back. “Can’t say it won’t happen again, but I hope I didn’t overstep by giving her money. When she first said it to me, she was so sure you would agree, because she believes that you’ll give her anything she wants. And then my offer of money to see that just sort of blurted out.”

  I cup his face again, and then I shift my hand down over his chin, along his neck, and rest it on his shoulder, loving the feel of the hard body that I wish I could touch more freely right this second. “It’s okay. I might have an issue with it when she’s older and wants to buy shit I don’t like. But any spare money she gets goes to books, and I can get behind that.”

  He shifts his hand to rest over my thigh. “Fuck, I want you,” he moans as I brush my lips against his again.

  “I’ve never had someone over when my daughter is in the house, and I don’t want her seeing or hearing anything she shouldn’t.”

  Conner nods in agreement.

  The back door opens then, and River sticks her head inside. “Are you done kissing yet?”

  Conner flushes while I inwardly groan and pull back from him. “Yes.”

  She eyes us both carefully before she gets in the car and shuts the door, two books in her hands. “Mia and I were watching from the front window. It looked gross,” she informs us. “Auntie Bell and Uncle Tyson kiss all the time, too. I’m never kissing anyone. Yuck! That is how you catch germs.”

  I laugh. “Can I get that in writing? Because I think I’ll need to remind you of this one day.”

  “No, you won’t. I’ll never change my mind.”

  “What books did you buy?” Conner asks, changing the subject and distracting her from our faux pas.

  Excitedly, she passes over her books to the front, and for the remainder of the drive home, Conner and River discuss reading and books.

  It feels incredibly normal and nice. Something I could see us doing a lot in the future.

  ***

  “So, tell me how school was,” I ask River as we begin to serve ourselves at the dinner table.

  Conner helped me cook, even after I tried to encourage him to sit back and relax. It was surprisingly easy having him in the kitchen with me. And, since River was allowed to watch some TV after she finished her homework, there were a few longing touches and glances while we were alone.

  “It was fine,” she murmurs quietly.

  “Just fine?” I ask, serving myself more roasted veggies from the middle of the table.

  Usually, I just steam vegetables, but Conner thought roasting them might be more edible to River. So far, she’s nibbled on two carrots, a slice of pumpkin, and some sweet potato. Considering the veggies are usually left until the end, I’m definitely impressed. The beans and peas remained untouched on her plate, though.

  River quickly glances up at Conner before again eyeing her plate. I wonder if she isn’t comfortable with him at the table and feel a pang that maybe this isn’t going to work out.

  “Are you still having problems with those bullies?” Conner asks in obvious concern.

  “What bullies?” I snap, dropping my knife onto my plate and ignoring the loud clang.

  “It’s nothing,” River quickly answers, glaring daggers at Conner.

  “I told you to talk to your dad, River,” Conner says gently. “He needs to know.”

  “He doesn’t. It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Is someone going to tell me what the hell you’re talking about?” I ask them both.

  “No,” River quickly replies, poking at the meat on her plate, suddenly appearing uninterested in eating.

  “You should hear it from her.” Conner gives me an apologetic shrug.

  I want to demand immediately from River that she tell me what’s going on, but seeing her quickly wipe a few stray tears from her cheeks, I decide to drop it for now.

  “Eat your dinner, River. We’ll talk later.”

  The mood drastically shifts, and my mind stays stuck on River and whatever problem she’s hiding from me. How did I not realize she was hiding this? How long has whatever it is been going on for? Bullies? What bullies?

  “I went to Angus Thom’s mansion again today,” Conner suddenly announces. “I got to be an extra on a scene they were shooting.”

  “I thought you said Prince was out of town?”

  “He is. I was with the assistant director, who was just shooting some background shots. I just had to look scared and shocked while glancing up at the sky. It was actually a lot of fun.”

  “You’re going to be in a movie?” River asks around a sniffle.

  “I guess so, if I’m not cut out. I suppose I’ll find out when I go see the movie.”

  A lot of our residents have been extras in the movies that Angus Thom has shot. I was asked once if I would be willing to do a speaking role, but I turned it down. I’m not interested in that at all. It was bad enough having Sophie be an extra in a scene that took a week to shoot. By the end, she was convinced she was destined to be an actress. She had not been as prepared as Conner is to have her scene cut. She had been devastated.

  “Were you on a date with Harry Price the other day when Daddy and I saw you?”

  I smile at her name for Henry Prince.

  “I was.”

  “But you’re dating my dad, right?”

  “I was on a first date with Henry. We decided we weren’t meant for each other.”

  She tilts her head as curiosity completely replaces her sadness from just moments earlier. “Why?”

  Conner eyes me for a second, and I get the feeling he’s hoping for me to step in. But, after the stunt he helped pull on me in the car, I think he deserves to do this alone.

  “Well, when you meet someone you really like, you feel a connection to them. I didn’t really feel that for Henry.”

  “But you do for my dad?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  I smirk, which gets me an eye roll when he sees it.

  “Why wasn’t the actor enough? Is it because he dresses too nicely? Lots of girls at school have his pictures stuck to their lockers. One girl said he dresses like a proper man.”

  If she wasn’t so young, I might have wondered if that wasn’t her way of pointing out that I don’t dress as nicely as Prince.

  “It isn’t about appearance. I don’t know if having that connection with another person is something you can control. But Henry admitted to me that he doesn’t like to read. He doesn’t even read his scripts ahead of time to choose a movie. He just gets someone to pitch him an idea, and he decides from that.” Conner shakes his head in disbelief. “Imagine me with someone who doesn’t like to read.”

  River nods in serious agreement. “My future husband or wife is going to have to love to read. I think I might marry a librarian.”

  “You can’t,” I quickly interrupt. “We don’t have a library in Midsummer.”

  “They can catch a bus to work from here,” she quickly appeases me, clearly already having thought about this. Then she turns her attention to Conner. “Daddy likes to read. He has been reading to me at night.”

  “A
nother reason to like him.” Conner smiles at us both.

  “What other reasons do you like him?”

  I pinch my lips to hide the smirk breaking out at having him put on the spot. This is definitely his karma for putting me on the spot earlier. If only I had my phone out to record him.

  “I like that he’s kind and generous.”

  “What about his butt?”

  Both Conner and I begin coughing simultaneously.

  “What?” I splutter after taking a large gulp of my water.

  “Bianca at school—she’s in junior high—she said you have a great butt. I don’t see it. I mean, I think it just looks like a butt. But she said it was the best butt out of all the dads. I thought maybe I couldn’t see it because we’re related and that would be gross.”

  I shake my head, having no idea what the hell I’m supposed to say to that.

  “He does have a nice butt,” Conner admits with a laugh in his voice, “but physical attributes don’t get you very far. They need to be nice on the inside, not just the outside.”

  “Daddy has smelly socks. Does that bother you?”

  Conner smiles, whereas I send River a mock glare.

  “I think mine might smell similar to your dad’s.”

  River scrunches her nose up, looking incredibly adorable. “Gross. Boys are so weird.” She thinks for a moment, absentmindedly eating some of her veggies, which makes me very happy, before a new thought enters her mind. “Daddy snores really loudly. Do you own ear plugs?”

  “Are you trying to sell me or get me dumped, River?”

  “Connie should know all the facts, Daddy.”

  “How about I know all the facts about Connie?” I suggest.

  “But I don’t know any facts about him that you don’t already know.” She turns to face Conner. “What should we know about you?”

  “Good question,” he slowly says, likely buying himself some time, even though River does preen under the compliment. “I don’t like peas.”

  “No one likes peas,” River points out.

  I don’t mind them.

  I glance over and look at Conner’s plate. Where I placed peas on it, it looks untouched. I make a mental note not to give him any in the future.

  “True. Okay, how about I love all shoes.” Conner leaves it at that, reminding me of the shoes that he posted just a few days ago that Prince bought him. Shoes that looked expensive and that I’m sure I could never afford to buy him.

  “I don’t get it. What’s so weird about that? Who doesn’t like shoes?”

  “I didn’t say like. I said I love shoes. I own dozens of them back home in Chicago, and while I love to wear sneakers, boots, high tops and flip flops, I also love to wear high heels.”

  He’s looking at me while he says this, perhaps trying to gauge my response, but I had already thought about this. And, at first, I wasn’t sure what to think. I certainly have never worn a pair of high heels before. They look uncomfortable as hell. But just thinking about Conner wearing them and nothing else gets me hot. I can appreciate a pair of long, shapely legs. And what makes legs look longer or more defined than when they’re in a pair of heels?

  “Oh,” River responds, looking thoughtful. “I don’t own any heels. Daddy said I’m too young to be messing up my feet.”

  “You are too young. You know how many people have issues from shoving their feet into those shoes?”

  “No. How many?” River looks genuinely curious, and I hold back my groan. She often calls me up when I say things like this, and I never know if she realizes that there is no definite answer. Some things are just known, and sometimes you just say things like I did, not needing there to be an answer.

  “Your dad is right.” Conner comes in for the save. “Heels are not the most comfortable to wear after a short while. But they do look cute, in my opinion.”

  River shrugs, finishing off the last of her vegetables without me having to bribe her! Winning!

  “Do you miss your home?”

  “Sometimes. I miss my friends, but I get messages and phone calls from them almost every day.”

  “What about your family?”

  I don’t know the exact story of Conner’s family. I do know that he isn’t close with them and that this might not be a conversation he wants to have with a ten-year-old.

  “Sweetheart, why don’t you go put your plate in the sink and then put on a movie?”

  Likely grateful to get out of cleanup duty, River readily agrees, rushing off to complete her task.

  Conner gives me a small smile. “You didn’t have to do that. I don’t mind telling her.”

  “You’re pretty evasive about it in your videos.”

  “You watch them all now?” he asks around a grin.

  “Yes. You’re very easy to watch.”

  “Easy, huh?”

  “Easy on the eyes.”

  “I hope you don’t think I’m easy in other ways.”

  “You’re easy to please. That video you made of me earlier seems to make you ridiculously happy.”

  He laughs, and I can tell he’s back to recalling my shocked expression.

  “This is true. Okay, I guess I’m easy.”

  “Remember those words later on,” I say quietly, loving the warm flush flooding his cheeks.

  “Anyway, back to what we were talking about. I have a less messed-up story that I say about my family that I could have told her.”

  “Which is?”

  “That I have a father and a brother who I’m not close to.”

  “Sounds messy to me.” I try not to come across unkind as I say this.

  “Don’t you have two siblings? Where are they?”

  I hold my hands up in surrender. “Fair point.”

  I wonder if he might push the question, since it’s not one I like to talk about, but he doesn’t.

  “You really need to talk to River about why she skipped school the other week.”

  I frown. “I didn’t even know she was having any problems. I sort of assumed it had been a dare or something. We don’t keep stuff from each other.”

  “You’re in for a rough eight years.”

  I groan, pushing my empty plate to the side. “Don’t say that. She’s been my angel for so long that I’m sure she can keep that going.”

  Conner laughs, which I don’t think is a nice thing for him to do.

  “Do you have any idea what’s coming your way?”

  “I grew up with a younger sister, Connie; I’m not completely clueless.”

  He shakes his head. “Only River can get away with calling me that.”

  “What happens if I use it?”

  He glances over my shoulder, and when I follow his gaze, it’s to see River entranced by whatever animated kid movie she has chosen.

  “You call me that, and I’ll show you how uneasy I can be.”

  I grin, considering that a challenge. Then I tell him, “Go sit with River. I’ll get this cleaned up then join you guys.”

  “I’ll help—”

  “No. You’re the guest. Now go put your feet up and relax.”

  ***

  “Will you stop pacing?” Conner asks on a sigh. He’s sitting on my bed in just shorts, his back against the headboard and a blanket just covering his lower legs.

  “I’m going to kill them,” I say for the hundredth time.

  I know I won’t actually do this. I mean, they’re just kids. I can’t kill kids. But I sure can vent about it until the urge is dulled.

  “Rocky, I know this isn’t something you wanted to hear, but River needs you to be the level-headed one here. Going after some young bullies isn’t going to help her or them.”

  “Help them? They need to be expelled and made to leave my baby girl alone!”

  He sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. “You must have dealt with bullies at some point in school.”

  My brow creases. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Doesn’t everyone?”

  “I neve
r did.”

  Conner scoffs, the motion immediately grating on my already frayed nerves.

  “Of course you didn’t. Let me guess, you were the most popular guy in your school, right? The jock who was dating the most popular girl?”

  “I was popular, and I suppose I had it pretty easy. I played football, and I was okay at it.”

  “What about the girl?”

  I grind my teeth before I force myself to answer him. “I dated Sophie, my ex, through high school. We married soon after, and then, eventually, we had River.”

  Perhaps sensing my talkative mood, Conner pounces on this, his body taut as he leans forward, his keen eyes glued to me. “Did you always realize you were bi?”

  Knowing I’m being led away from my initial anger and that Conner is likely taking advantage of this, I decide to not immediately pull away like I normally would, purely because these are all things that Conner deserves to know.

  I’m aware that I’m not the easiest person to get to know. Opening up doesn’t come naturally for me.

  “I figured it out early on. I’m more attracted to men than women, but I knew that wouldn’t be something I could ever act on. Not in my household and not with my dad in my life. Sophie was the first woman who gained my interest, so I made sure I did whatever was needed to get her to see me.”

  Conner nods, his attention shifting inward. “I didn’t have a fun experience at school. I was bullied because I was nerdy and because I was gay.”

  This angers me to no end. I cannot stand bullies, but now knowing that my baby girl is being harassed, and that Conner had been, too, I can safely say my murderous rage is not under control.

  “So, who did you hire to kill those bullies? I need a reference.”

  Conner snorts. “Look, it wasn’t easy, and I’m not saying you do nothing, but having you storm into school and threaten some immature girls isn’t going to help River.”

  “They called my girl fat! They’re calling her names!”

  “I know, Rocky.”

  “I’m just so fucking angry!” I roar, knowing I’m being too loud.

  I just had to hold River as she cried in my arms after telling me what’s been going on at school. She sobbed so hard and for so long that she finally fell asleep in my arms.