About a Woman, a Zombie Chronicles Novel

by Mark Clodi

  The both got busy on their cell phones, Paige had a brief conversation with her mother, telling her she was all right and in a safe place, but she could not get in touch with her roommates, who were probably still sleeping. She had wandered over to the large flat panel television and was figuring out how to turn it on when Dora came back downstairs with an armful of clothing.

  "You might not have to smell like French fries anymore, Paige dear! I found some of Roger's mothers clothing from when she visited last fall. Just a jogging suit, but really it should look good on you. There is a shower in the guest bedroom over this way, c'mon darling, let's get you cleaned up."

  Mike was still on the phone with his father, at least it sounded like it, so Paige let herself be hauled off to the guest bedroom and into a rather well appointed tile bathroom.

  "No underwear dear, sorry about that, but I know how to use a wash machine, so you just go commando and toss your dirties out to me to launder. I'll wait for Mike to get his shower in too and let us all get in hot showers before I start the wash."

  "Uh, I don't think my underwear requires washing just yet, but I'll give you my uniform."

  The women stood looking at each other before Paige realized Dora was waiting for her to undress, she turned a bright pink and said sternly "Out!"

  Dora laughed and called over her shoulder, "Oh, so I don't get to see your goods yet, huh? I was going to suggest we shower together to save time and water during this crisis too."

  As the older woman shut the door Paige couldn't be sure she had been joking. Paige locked the bathroom door, which brought another snicker from the bedroom, then proceeded to shower as quickly as she could.

  Back in the living room Dora picked up a massive remote and turned on the sixty inch television with surround sound. Static greeted her ears and she scrambled to turn the volume down and find a channel still broadcasting. The news channels were still up, CNN, FOX and others, but Dora skipped the national channels and went to the local NBC affiliate, hoping for another update from Jim and Diane. It was still on. Dora was pleasantly relieved, after the TV died in the restaurant she had thought the station had gone off the air. Or maybe it had, the picture was all grainy, like they were using old cameras to film the newscasters. Dora watched the broadcast for several minutes, but learned nothing new about what was actually going on. The station did say it was going to broadcast over the old airwaves system in case the digital channels went down.

  Mike came and stood by her and she brushed some dirt off of his face, "You okay hon?"

  He blushed and said, "Sure. My dad says to stay put here, guys in army cloths are shooting anyone outside right now. He was a little…well he was mad we didn't go to his place right off the bat, he has a gun and thinks he can defend us better, so if the army lifts the travel ban we should go over there."

  "A gun? Oh Roger, that's my bastard of a husband, has a gun. Do you know how to shoot?"

  Mike nodded.

  "Well then let's go get it. Hm now where does he keep it. I think in the garage. Let's check there first." Dora grabbed Mike's hand and pulled him through the kitchen into the garage. Once there she opened a door to what looked like a storage area beside a work bench and in front of the four car bay. Two of the bays were occupied; there was a large green Suburban in one bay and what looked like a speed boat in the other. Mike was gawking at the vehicles while Dora retrieved a duffel bag from storage.

  "Here it is Mike, see what you can do with it."

  Mike took the bag from her and sat it on the work bench, which was completely empty and looked as if it had only ever seen light use. Unzipping the bag he gawked at what he saw, then looked at Dora, then back at the bags contents.

  The door to the garage opened and they turned to look at Paige, still dripping from the shower. She was wearing a rather nice set of Kansas City Chief's sweat pants and a matching t-shirt.

  "Curses! Foiled again!" mumbled Dora, then more loudly she said, "I haven't even got his pants off yet darling, you finished your shower too quickly!"

  Mike took a second, looking at both women, trying to figure out what was going on, then gave up and said, "Dora, this isn't going to help us. Well not much anyway."

  "Tut-tut you unbeliever it fires bullets, that is good right? Time for your shower Mike, I simply cannot stand how you smell of old grease and French fries. Plus you must get out of those cloths if you expect to use any of my furniture."

  Mike thought that was probably wise, the furniture in Dora's house all looked pretty high end and the vents had been coated on the inside with grease and smoke and oil, his pants had been soaked through at the knees and would stick to his legs when he was walking. The women headed back inside with hardly a glance at him and Mike was left to gather up the duffel bag of paint ball equipment and lug it in himself.

  Chapter 8

  Putting the backpack on the granite topped island in the kitchen, Mike let himself be led off into the bathroom for his shower. Dora gave him a set of clothing she said fit her 'bastard husband' a little too tightly and would probably be loose on Mike.

  "If you get your clothing off I will toss it into the wash when I do Paige's stuff."

  "Okay, want me to toss it outside when I am done."

  "Well that is one way, I've seen it all before Mikey and just this morning I found out my husband was cheating on me with whom I thought was my best friend…"

  "Uh…so…"

  Dora moved up to Mike, until she was almost touching him and whispered, "So…turnabout is fair play, don't you think? Here let me help you get these clothes off."

  Mike was stripped down to his boxers with Dora on her knees in front of him when there was a loud throat clearing noise from the bathroom door. "What in the hell are you doing Dora?"

  Dora got up and turned to face Paige, "I knew it was too good to last. Just gathering his laundry, come on Mike give me the boxers now."

  Mike blushed and backed away, turning from the women and stuttering, "O-out! I'll pass them through the door!"

  "Fine, you must be the only man I know who would pass up an opportunity to get naked with two attractive women in the same room!" to Paige she said, "Stop gawking girl, he said 'out', not 'take a seat'!" Pushing the younger woman out into the bedroom Dora waited with the door cracked until Mike handed his clothing through with one hand. He made sure the door stayed open long enough for Dora to get an eyeful and she winked at him and mouthed 'later'.

  Paige followed Dora to the laundry room upstairs, Dora has gathered up all the soiled clothing and when she got there she threw it all in with some detergent, bleach and some oxy-clean, then started stripping down and tossing her cloths in as well.

  "I will wait to start this until Mike has had a few minutes."

  "What were you doing down there?"

  "Having some fun, what do you think I was doing?"

  "You were going to blow him."

  "Oh I was hoping for more than that! He does appear to be rather well, oh…proportioned, shall we say? Certainly you noticed it, you've worked with him right?"

  "No, I never noticed it! We don't typically see each other naked at work."

  "Now Paige I have heard the best place to get laid is by working in the food industry, it's common knowledge. Don't tell me you've never dipped the pen in company ink before? Or should I say, 'had the pen dipped'?"

  Paige blushed again, for about the tenth time in an hour, "Geezus what is with you? The world is going to hell and you are trying to hook up with a seventeen year old? I mean, that's, that's illegal!"

  "Not in Kansas dear the age of consent is sixteen, I just can't take pictures of him or it would be child porn."

  "Really? Don't you have to be like within two years of his age or something if he is under eighteen?"

  "Not in this state, sweet thing."

  "How do you know stuff like that? I mean who knows stuff like that?"

  "It was the line that got used on me when my older brother came home from college and brou
ght his twenty year old friend who stayed with us for a month one summer. I was sixteen. I even checked into it after he told me that. Let's just say the last two weeks of his stay were quite remarkable for both of us. You know that really does look good on you, is it comfortable?"

  "Actually yeah, it is a little loose, but feels nice. Your mother in law bought good clothing at least."

  "You should wear looser stuff, in that outfit you look, well, honestly a lot thinner and far more attractive. The tight clothing just emphasized the muffin top, you know what I mean?"

  "God you are so annoying! Mother in law….so you're married? Wouldn't doing Mike be cheating on your husband? Oh wait, let me guess, you're swingers too?"

  "Well one of us was. And it wasn't me. I've had my thoughts over the past couple of years, doubts about Roger, but he always brought home the sausage, still some nights I couldn't entice him and he works awful long hours sometimes." Dora paused, "This morning I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend."

  "What? How?"

  "He left early, as usual and I called her up and heard him in the background. It was earlier than I normally get up, so I think I surprised them and her maid brought the phone in, the maid knew who I was, knew Roger was my husband, so in a way I owe her one. Probably I will have to hire her on as no doubt that bitch Marge will fire her if she figures out the maid did it on purpose." Dora paused again, her voice got hard, "There is no doubt in my mind the maid did it on purpose, either to hurt me or Marge I am sure, but it didn't hurt me. It freed me. Infidelity means I get half of everything Roger owns, it's in my prenuptial agreement. That maid and Marge just made me a wealthy woman."

  "If you can collect. Things are going to hell out here now. Uh, I don't want to ruin this or anything, you have a good thought going, but wouldn't it be bad if you cheated too? Like with Mike?"

  "Oh who would tell?" she eyed Paige, "You wouldn't! You would! Why? It would serve him right?"

  "Mike or your Roger? You'd be using Mike to make yourself feel better, not to mean anything to Mike."

  "You think Mike would care? Men don't mind being used in that manner, trust me."

  Paige shrugged her shoulders to concede the point, "Most women don't either, when you come down to it, but it doesn't make it right."

  Dora had undressed to her bra and panties, she reached around and undid her bra, which caused Paige to turn away.

  "Jesus! You can't win the argument by getting naked!"

  "We're fighting? We're not fighting Paige! We are talking about things. And the human body is a wonderful thing, not something to be hidden away and repressed. Plus you've seen it all before."

  "No, I haven't seen yours before and I'd like to keep it that way!"

  "Prude!" Dora teased, now nude she brushed past Paige went down the hall and into the master bedroom. "We can talk while I shower if you come sit in the bathroom with me. The door is frosted so you won't see anything you don't want to see."

  Paige went, wondering how this insane woman kept getting her to follow wherever she went.

  Chapter 9

  Later the two women came downstairs together, not quite at peace, but to Mike's eye they had settled something between themselves. Paige was not so pissy about everything and even laughed while Dora made them all coffee. Looking through the refrigerator Paige said, "Dora you don't have much to eat in here." Grabbing some yogurt at random she looked at it and said, "And it looks like a lot of it has expired."

  "I don't cook much. Usually I eat out."

  "I thought you said you had food?"

  "I believe I said I had wine and organic eggs. The eggs are good, I had one this morning. Plus the tortillas and cheese are probably safe. Leave the other stuff there in case we get so hungry we want to eat it anyway. I could order in."

  Mike and Paige just looked at her and laughed, "Yeah right!"

  "What? Oh this problem going on out there? I wouldn't worry about it, people still want to make money and I know this fabulous Chinese place that delivers, they will bring us food if I ask, it's less than a mile away."

  Shaking her head Paige said, "We'll see, but I bet you find out that no money in the world will bring them here today."

  "It's a bet then, let's see shall we bet Mike's virtue on it?"

  Mike and Paige both said, "No!" in unison, but only Mike blushed.

  "What? What happened, Mike? You seemed pretty keen before the shower. Oh, the shower? You had some 'gentleman' time didn't you? Nothing to be ashamed of, but still you should be recovered by tonight."

  "Could we talk about…and bet, something else?" said Paige with a warning tone to her voice.

  Sighing wearily Dora said with ill grace, "Oh alright! How about five hundred on the delivery?"

  "We don't have that much and you know it!" said Paige, "We work at McDonalds."

  "You said they won't deliver, don't you believe that? If you believe what you said it's easy money for you. Plus if I win I will just take it out in work. You can be my cook Paige and I will keep Mike around as my pool boy. Oh yes that would work out just fine." said Dora with an evil glint in her eye.

  "You have a pool?" asked Mike.

  "Of course, open the blinds and take a look. So do we have a bet or not?" Dora held out her hand to shake on it. With some reluctance the other two shook her hand one at a time. Mike went to the blinds shutting out the light from outside and looked out.

  "I don't see a pool, just a deck and built in grill. It's like looking into another room with that overhang and stuff out there."

  "Well come on then, let me give you the grand tour of Roger's folly!"

  "Roger, your husband, right? Why'd you call it that? His folly?" asked Mike.

  "This place is semi-awesome I admit, but between the cost for the house and the cost for the community dues we've had to cut back on things. You know, going places and stuff. I thought his salary could cover everything, and he has money from his parents, but Roger likes to live within his means, so his inheritance accumulates interest and we make do with what he brings home. My allowance is a pittance of what it was before we moved in here. Of course, before we were living in the sticks in a crappy four bedroom without a pool and no boat or suburban."

  Mike and Paige glanced at each other as they followed Dora out the back door. The wealthy woman showed them around the spacious back yard, the house was built on about half an acre of land and had an eight foot tall privacy wall to keep out the neighbors on either side and at the back. The trees and shrubs planted around the edges were only partially grown, only about twenty feet high, however the flowers were in full bloom.

  The deck stepped gracefully down on to a patio, and the built in grill Mike had seen from the window was brick and boasted as much cooking space as the main kitchen. The pool had an additional fence around it, not fully enclosed, just to keep any neighbors who looked out from their second story windows from seeing anyone lying about the edges of the pool. There was a changing room with showers and a bathroom on one side as well. Next to it was a half constructed building that Dora pointed to.

  "That's where the sauna is supposed to go. Now I doubt it will get done by the party in September. Maybe it will, if the world isn't truly ending anyway. And no hot tub, isn't that awful?"

  The pool was huge and rounded, with a slope that went from zero inches to a depth of three feet about a quarter of the way down. The pool maxed out at nine feet deep at one end with a diving board and water slide.

  "We bought this place because Roger had grand dreams of throwing huge parties with his friends and coworkers. You know how many we have had in the two years we lived here? One. Just your run of the mill house warming party. Everyone got to see our place, kick the tires and puke on our lawn. It was a good party." Dora's eyes grew distant as she thought about it.

  "So when can we swim?" asked Mike.

  "Go for it. Just us friends here." said Dora.

  Mike looked hesitant, then mumbled, "Maybe later. You don't have any swimsui
ts do you?"

  "Mike I find the one God provided me with to be sufficient." Dora paused, a moment later she broke out laughing, "God! You are so funny you two! Of course I have swim suits, I am not some naked heathen! If you want to go now I can scrounge up some loaners we have just for that reason."

  They all looked at each other for a minute then Paige nodded and pointed at yet another television mounted off the bar near the grill, "That work?"

  "Of course darling!"

  "Good we can keep up with the news. Let's swim before it gets too hot."

  Dora went inside after pointing out the location of the remotes to Mike, she returned minutes later with a couple bottles of wine, glasses and their swimsuits. "Here we are! Now Paige don't look at me like that! I promised you wine and here it is. I have a nice light white here from…Summerset in Iowa, just the thing for a hot day, and you will love what it is called."

  "I hate to even ask." said Paige.

  "Oh don't be like that! It's called 'Kiss Me', isn't that lovely? It is good too, I think I am right in assuming you two haven't drank much wine?"

  They both nodded and took a look at the swimsuits she had brought out with her.

  "Then this is the perfect light wine for you to try. I shall expand your palate! Give you an introduction to the find art of wine drinking. Here Paige, wear this one." Dora handed her a black one piece.

  Paige looked at it and nodded her thanks before moving off to the pool room to change. Dora looked at Mike and said, "You can change on the deck behind the bar, I promise I will stay here."

  "What if I don't want you to stay here?" Mike asked sheepishly, turning a little pink.

  "Why Michael! That is just lovely, but Paige told me to mind my manners and I shall do so, for today. Tonight it may be different, so don't despair."

  Mike went around the bar with hardly a shrug and was changed and wading into the pool by the time Paige came out. She glanced at the two of them and Dora shook her head slightly and then exclaimed, "See Paige? It fits perfectly! And you look lovely; a little white around the edges, so you better load up on the sunscreen, but a day of lying around here will solve that. Now scoot while I go change. You two stay out of trouble while I am gone."