Push & Pull

by Allie York

  I didn’t like being yelled at, but that wasn’t the reason for my tears, “A month ago, only a month, Beck. I found out I was having a baby I didn’t want and I was alone. Completely alone. Men like you aren’t real. Normal guys don’t volunteer to raise children who aren’t theirs. I won’t say anything about it ever again. I get it. I’m sorry.” Beck shushed me while I cried, holding me to his chest. I understood the words, but the idea that he truly wanted the baby was beyond me.

  “I shouldn’t have yelled. Watching you struggle through this pregnancy means we won’t be doing it again, and that’s fine, I’m okay with that, but I want to enjoy this one. I want to experience everything and not fight about it. This baby will have my last nameand call me Daddy, and you need to be okay with it all.” Beck tugged the covers from my chin and covered himself too.

  “I’d do it again if you wanted,” I wiped my face, “Not soon, but eventually, once I settle in a little more, maybe I’ll get the insulin pump everyone keeps pushing after the baby is born.”

  Beck shook his head, “No, Doll. One time is stressful enough. It’s too hard on you,” I nodded and we snuggled into the blankets, “Did you bring your insulin in?”

  I yawned, “No, I left it in the car.” I started to get up, but Beck beat me to it.

  “Go to sleep. I’ll be right back.” I nodded, doing what I was told and settling in to go to sleep. Beck kissed my head, told me he loved me, and slid out the door, letting Sadie back in. She jumped on the foot of the bed and groaned when she stretched. I listened for the front door and closed my eyes.

  BECK

  I jogged out to the car in boxers and a t-shirt and jerked the passenger side door open. The insulin bag and her phone were on the floor. Maybe we were a little too eager to get inside and consummate our marriage. Definitely worth the wait. Meredith was a fucking goddess, and I get to spend the rest of my life with her. The light blinked on her phone, so I swiped the screen and checked the messages from Cori and Ari. They both wished her happy birthday again and told us congratulations, so I responded and shoved the phone in my pocket. Ari coming around was a huge surprise. As long as I’d known her, she was so arrogant, but people change. I slammed the door, locked the car, and started back up the walk.

  “I heard congratulations are in order,” I whipped around to see Zeke standing next to the CRV, leaned against it like he belonged there.

  “Don’t you have better things to do than stalk her?” I took a step toward him, ready to beat his ass if I needed, “Stay the fuck away from my woman. You fucked up, she’s mine now.”

  Zeke laughed, “I don’t want that whore. You do have something of mine though. I’m gonna need that phone in your pocket,” He held his hand out expectantly, and when I didn’t move, he kept talking, “The phone is my property, I’m not here to be a dick, but if you don’t hand it over, Uncle Dennis finds out all about you and his wife.” The little fucker smiled.

  My mouth went dry, “What about her?” I cleared my throat.

  “Cynthia has made her way through his client list twice over, don’t act all holier than thou when we both know you fucked her. Dennis has killed men for less, so hand me the fucking phone.” Zeke motioned for me to give it up.

  “I hand you this phone and I never want to see you again. Go back to whatever fucking hole you crawled out of, and leave Meredith and the baby alone, got it?” I reached in my pocket, unsure of how to explain the missing phone to Meredith, but stopped when he started laughing, “What the hell is so funny?”

  “That baby ain’t mine, any more than it’s yours, asshole. I can’t count the men who fucked her,” Zeke shook his head, “But really, have fun with that train wreck. Just give me the fucking phone, you’re boring me. It has a list I need, and I just want to go home.” I just stared. The fucker was trying to get me riled up and it worked. There was no fucking way Meredith had slept around. Right? “You want the story? I bet you do, I can see it on your face, so here it goes. My buddy, Trav, specialized in rufies, it was his thing, and you can’t sell a product without testing it first. Let me tell you what Trav told me before I took care of the problem. Meredith fell for it and he let his buddies have a go too. Don’t worry about Travis anymore, I took care of him.” Zeke licked his lips. “He fucked with what was mine, and I can’t have associates I don’t trust. She’s all yours now, but no one fucking knows whose baby is it.” At some point during his little speech, I made it to where he stood next to her car and my fist connected with his jaw with a crack. He fell back into the car, shaking his head, “Son of a bitch! What the fuck? I said I fucking killed him!”

  I pulled the phone from my pocket and shoved it into his chest, getting in his face, “Stay the fuck away from us.” I waited until Zeke pushed off the car and started down the street, rubbing his jaw. When he vanished, I turned toward the house to see Meredith standing with both hands over her mouth, leaned on the door frame. I planned to go to the grave with what he told me, but she heard every bit.

  When I got close, she started shaking her head, “Beck, don’t.” I wrapped my arms around her, but she shoved me off in time to throw up into the bushes. I rubbed her back, holding her hair from her face and waited for her to be finished. Meredith panted with her hands on her knees for a minute, catching her breath, and when she started to stand, I pulled her into me. She tried to push me off, but I backed her into the house and closed the door. We made it to the third step before she collapsed and started crying uncontrollably. Incoherent words came out between the sobs, she grabbed a wad of my shirt in her fist, pulling me closer, and shaking all over.

  I held her against my chest, petting her hair, and shushing her until she settled down. I wanted to hurt someone, tear the Travis motherfucker limb from limb, but it wasn’t possible, so I just held her while she cried. After everything she’d been through, all the shit she was already dealing with, there had to be more. It was like life couldn’t just let her pick herself up. Meredith was down and someone had to keep kicking her, “Let’s go to bed, Doll,” She tipped her head and looked up at me from my chest, her breath hitching every few seconds. I wiped her face and forced a smile, “Come on, it’s late.”

  “Why are you doing this?” Her voice was scratchy and rough.

  “I love you, Doll. Now we need to get to bed.” I helped her up and kept my arm around her waist until we got up to our room. She’d put on a pair of my boxers and a t-shirt before following me out, so she crawled straight up in the bed and collapsed. I put her bag in the fridge and laid behind her, pulling her back to my front and resting my hand on the baby. My baby.

  “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t,” Meredith choked on another sob, “I can’t believe he’d do something so terrible. I didn’t know, Beck. Please believe me. I didn’t know.”

  I kissed her hair, “I know, Doll. I wish you still didn’t know,” I let her fall apart again, trying to figure out how she didn’t crack sooner. Meredith was the strongest person I had ever met. Living through the abuse was bad enough, add that to being pregnant and sick. “It’s gonna be okay.”

  “How?” Meredith shrieked, “How is it going to be okay, Beck? They raped me and he let them. It was bad enough wondering if he would try to come take the baby from me, but this is… this is so much worse. What kind of whore doesn’t even know who their child belongs to?” Meredith’s voice hit that panicked pitch and her whole body shook with another sob.

  “You were raped, Doll, you’re not a whore. And this baby belongs to me and you, no one else. Me and you,” I flattened my hand over her stomach, and closed my eyes. By the time the baby came, she would believe me, but until then, I would reassure her every day, “You have any idea how excited I am about this, Doll?” Meredith shook her head, taking a shaky breath, “I’ll get the guest room cleaned out tomorrow, then we can start getting things together,” Meredith shifted uncomfortably, “This is going to be amazing, Meredith.”

  I took her hand and laid it under mine on her stomach and she re
laxed just a little, “I think I’ll call in tomorrow. I’m not sure I can go to work.”

  “Whatever you want, Doll. We’ll go get you a new phone. If you don’t go in, can we go get some shopping done?” Anything to take her mind off the nightmares she had coming.

  “If you want.”

  “Well, I assume babies need a place to sleep and clothes, right?” Meredith breathed out a soft laugh, “Diapers, socks, that thing that hangs from the crib and makes noise, and at least a million stuffed animals,” Meredith nodded, sniffling, “So, you narrowed down the names?”

  “Samantha Mae. Mae is Cori’s middle name,” I whispered that I loved it, “And if you’re still okay with Alexander, it’s the only boy name I keep coming back to. If not, I can go back to the books. I don’t want to take that from you if you aren’t okay with it.”

  “I love it, Doll,” She sniffled, “Middle name?”

  “Allen, for Dad. Is that too many A’s?” Meredith glanced back at me with red eyes and cheeks.

  I kept talking to keep her mind from the dark thoughts, “No, I think it’s perfect. Do you think it’s a boy or a girl? Griffin said Cori knew it was a girl before they found out,” She shrugged, “Oh, come on. I have a vested interest in a boy now, but Samantha Mae Layton has an awfully nice ring to it.”

  “I don’t know. I hate to say what I think, because I’m afraid I’ll be wrong and it’ll speak to my mother’s intuition or something,” I chuckled, “I think it’s a boy though. It was my first thought when I found out.” I buried my face in her hair, hoping her mother’s intuition was right on. Not that a daughter would be a disappointment, but I couldn’t let her go through all of it again, so a son with my name would make my life complete. Alexander Allen Layton. It was perfection.

  “I guess we’ll see in a few days, huh, Doll?” She nodded slowly and I glanced at the clock, “It’s late. Get some sleep and we can talk more tomorrow.”

  “Just don’t leave me.” She shuttered against me.

  “I’m never leaving.” I stayed perfectly still until she fell asleep, snoring just slightly once she was out. I uncurled myself from her and covered her up. I wasn’t sleeping, not after what I found out what she had gone through. The worst part was not knowing how many times it had happened. I didn’t care about the paternity of the baby, if I did, I wouldn’t have married her, but I knew once the baby was born, she would look at him or her, trying to figure it out. I didn’t want something like that haunting her, but had no doubt it would.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Meredith

  I made it halfway to the second floor before his voice called me, reminding me yet again that we were going to be late. We were nowhere close to late, but the crazy man got me up at seven and my appointment wasn’t until eleven, “I have to pee!” I yelled back.

  “Again?” His voice came from right behind me, so I gave him the bird over my shoulder and kept on my way to our bathroom. Beck chuckled behind me. Asshole. I could have stopped in Briggs and Harriet’s bathroom, but I hated going in their room when they weren’t home.

  I peed and came back down, snagging my purse from the table in the living room, “Okay, Mr. Pushy. Let’s go!” Beck came running from the kitchen like a kid being told they were taking a trip to Toys “R” Us and kissed my head quickly. I rolled my eyes at him and followed him out the door, patting Sadie’s head on the way, “I could have sworn you were twelve years older than me, but you can be so childish.” I glared at him as I stepped into the car. I got another head kiss and he ran around to the driver’s side.

  Once he started the car, I checked the time. Ten fifteen. It took a whole nine minutes to drive to the OB’s office, but at that point, I wasn’t about to bust his happy bubble. My poor husband had talked about nothing but this appointment for days. I turned on the radio, but Beck turned it off, earning himself another middle finger, “Tell me how this is going to go.”

  “We’ve been over it, Beck. I don’t really know either.” I went over different scenarios, again, all down Broadway and into the parking garage.

  Beck nearly dragged me out of the car and to the glass doors of the hospital. I led him down the halls to the elevator, up three floors, and down one more hall to Doctor Brabson’s office. He held the door for me and we stepped into the dim waiting room. A flat screen on the far wall had the news on and a few other pregnant women dotted the chairs. At the window, Beck handed me my new insurance card and the papers about my name change. He had been more than adamant about my name matching his as soon as possible. I checked in and she promised the wait wasn’t long.

  Beck found us seats near the door and promptly picked my hand up to kiss it, “Is it wrong of us to not invite any family?” I looked up at him, thinking at least our moms should have come. Mine was still mad, but she would have come.

  “I wanted it to be just us, Doll. We can tell your family at dinner tonight, and Ma and Harriet later tonight. I’ll tell Briggs at work, he’s already text me four times,” Beck kissed my hand again and I leaned my head on his shoulder, “All the things we ordered will be in tomorrow.” I nodded. Despite a huge shower for Cori and I in the works, Beck had insisted on us buying all the big items ourselves. Crib, car seat, changing table, and a rocking chair.

  The door opened and a nurse stuck her head out, “Meredith Layton?” Beck raised his hand and pulled me from the chair, smiling like a flipping moron. I kissed his cheek and we went to the back, following the woman into the first room on the right. I settled on the table and Beck took the chair next to me. I hadn’t seen the baby since the day I passed out in his lap, so a bundle of excited nerves settled in my stomach. Beck was on the verge of spontaneous combustion. His leg bounced uncontrollably and he kept rubbing his hands together.

  The door closed and the woman handed me a towel, “Tuck this in the band of your pants, so no gel gets on them.” I did as I was told, lifting my shirt to expose my stomach. She put the gel on the wand and placed it on my stomach. The huge screen in front of us immediately showed the profile of the baby. No searching for it, no beans with tiny legs, an honest to god baby. Beck grabbed my hand and I gasped.

  “How does it change so much in a few weeks?” The baby kicked and wiggled. Its tiny hands went into its mouth and back out. It still had an alien look with a big head and slightly scrawny body. The tech measured and clicked, but Beck and I just stared. I could have watched for an eternity.

  “They grow quick in there,” She laughed, “Do we want to know what we’re having?”

  “Yes!” Beck almost yelled and the tech laughed, moving the wand lower and pressing around. The nervous knot in my gut tightened.

  We instantly got a clear shot of legs and boy parts. No mistaking it, “Congratulations, Mom and Dad. It looks like a boy,” A choked sound came from Beck and he pulled my knuckles to his lips. I tore my eyes from the screen to see him staring, eyes wide and his mouth resting on my hand. She measured every body part while the baby moved and squirmed around. “I’ll get some pictures printed and let you get cleaned up. Meet me in the hall when you’re done.” The wand vanished, the image went black, and a long breath came from Beck.

  I used the towel to wipe off my stomach and let Beck pull me up into a hug, “Alexander Allen Layton.” He breathed against my hair. I closed my eyes.

  “Come on.” Beck finally let me pull away and I nearly made it to the door.

  I touched the handle and was pulled back into him, “I love you, Doll,” His hand slipped under my shirt to rest on my stomach and I settled back into him. It only took a second before I felt his dick against my back and turned to glare at him, “If I could bend you over that table I would. Don’t look at me like you wouldn’t love every second.”

  “We had sex this morning, Beck,” I rolled my eyes and jerked the door open to see my doctor standing outside, where the nurse was handing him some papers. “Good morning Dr. Brabson.” Dr. Brabson came highly recommended by the ER doctor I saw the first time, and when I did some
research, it turned out that he was the best. He was probably fifty-five, with gray hair and a nice smile. Nice guy. During my first appointment, he sat and listened with no judgement while I told him how I ended up pregnant and back home.

  “Good morning, Meredith. Let’s get you weighed,” He patted my shoulder then reached for Beck, “Dr. Brabson.”

  “Beck Layton, Meredith’s husband.” Beck shook his hand and we went to the scale down the hall. I hadn’t thrown up in weeks, well, unless you count after the visit from Zeke.

  “Well congratulations on the nuptials,” Dr. Brabson pointed at the scale and I handed Beck my purse to get on. The numbers kept creeping up and finally stopped at one-fifteen. I did an internal happy dance, “Wonderful! Guess that boy is growing,” Dr. Brabson led us to a room and I hopped up on the table. He closed the door and looked over my chart, “You have the father listed as unknown.” His eyes narrowed over my chart.

  “We can change that.” Beck snapped. I sighed and shot Beck a look. Not a good time for him to act like a possessive asshole.

  “If Meredith is comfortable with that, we can change it.” Dr. Brabson eyed Beck over the chart. He knew everything, well except the new information I obtained about the questionable paternity. He knew about Zeke and the abuse, but I never told him Zeke’s name, so of course when Beck got all defensive, my doctor got worried for my safety.

  “Of course-”

  “I am,” I cut Beck off and glared at him, “Beck is really excited.”

  Dr. Brabson ignored Beck and drew his eyebrows together, “I am a little concerned now, Meredith, you understand.”

  Beck opened his mouth, but I held my hand up to shut him up, “Beck and I met when I moved back,” I made a point to look in Dr. Brabson’s eyes, choosing my words carefully, but ultimately decided to just say it and deal with Beck later, “He obviously can’t be the sperm donor, but will be the baby’s father. He’d never hurt me, I can promise that.”