Seeming to weigh it back and forth, he shrugged then, dismissive.
“Just Nenz,” he said, gesturing vaguely. “He had some issue this morning. He wants Allie bonded more closely to the group. He has his reasons...but he was being a little punk about it. She said no, and he tried to pull her into it anyway...”
“Revik was being a punk...how?” Jon said. He stared back at the seer, feeling himself tense, even before his mind caught up with the seer’s words. “Revik wants Allie more bonded to the group? How? What did he try to pull her into?”
Wreg studied his face, his dark eyes suddenly wary.
After again seeming to go back and forth in his mind, he shrugged again, as if to minimize it.
“He wants to bond the group more tightly together,” he said, noncommittal. Seeing understanding touch Jon’s eyes, he gripped his thigh. “Jon...he wants you a part of it, too,” he said. “Don’t make this into something it’s not. It’s a seer thing...and anyway, Balidor and I talked him down. Don’t be too hard on Nenz, either. It’s what he knows, and he’s dealing with a lot of fear right now, for his wife along with everything else. That Ditrini shit really rattled him...” Seeing Jon frown, Wreg looked away, frowning himself. “...Anyway, it’s how things used to be done. With the rebels, too...” Seeing Jon’s eyebrow go up sharply at the last, Wreg trailed, the expression on his face more cautious. “Well,” he said. “You know what I mean.”
“No,” Jon said. “I really don’t. What was done with the rebels?”
Wreg stared between his eyes, his expression openly wary now.
Jon felt the older seer blank out his mind, but not before he found he understood.
"l'thir li' dare," Jon cursed under his breath, staring at the Chinese seer.
It didn't occur to him until later that the curse he'd used was in Old Prexci, or that he must have gotten from Wreg himself, since none of the younger seers used it.
"You goddamned bastard," Jon spat, still staring at him. "You slept with Allie? You actually fucking slept with her? With the rebels?"
"What? No!" Wreg stared back at him. From the look on his face, he seemed to not only mean it, but to realize the depth of his mistake. "D' gaos, Jon...no. No, I didn't sleep with her. Are you serious? Nenzi would have cut off my balls..."
"Then what did you do?"
Wreg continued to stare at him, shock still shimmering in his eyes.
When Jon prodded him with his light to speak, Wreg looked away.
Jon felt his jaw harden more as the seer's expression grew increasingly uncomfortable. That time, when Wreg looked back at him, his eyes held more than a little caution. Releasing Jon’s legs, he moved back, putting a few feet between them. Half-treading water in the deepest part of the pool, he shrugged his broad, tattooed shoulders. Glancing again at Jon's expression, which must have worsened in the pause, he sighed, clicking a little, as if to himself.
His voice lost every shred of its humor though.
"Nenz...I think he wanted to bond her more with the team back then, too," he said grimly, right before he gave another shrug, that time using the seer version. "He was insecure about her. He'd told me before that...before the Registry job, I mean...that the Bridge still hadn't committed to staying with him past the six months they'd initially agreed on. We all thought he was nuts. Of course she would stay. None of us could imagine her leaving, not anymore, not after everything we'd all been through together..." A touch of anger reached his voice, just before he shrugged again, avoiding Jon's eyes that time. "...It's not a big deal, Jon. It used to be standard in a lot of military groups. None of us touched her."
But Jon had already picked up enough from Wreg's light that his jaw hardened.
"I see," he said, fighting to keep the fury from his voice, along with a harder thread of disgust. "You didn't touch her. You just watched her and Revik have sex. Oh. And got off on it enough to all screw each other. Nice."
"I didn't touch her!" Wreg said, his voice holding more anger that time. "Goddamn it, Jon. Be reasonable about this..."
"Sure. You didn't touch her. You just screwed two other women while you watched my sister get fucked by her husband. That's great, Wreg. Lovely."
"That kind of thing used to be normal, Jon!" Wreg said, his voice sliding back into defensiveness. "...The Lao Hu probably did something similar with her, to bond her to the group. Something a lot less conjugal than what I was a part of..."
Jon felt a little sick as he shook his head. "Not helping, Wreg."
"Gods damn it, Jon...I didn't know you then. I hadn't had an exclusive partner in about forty years. And I was in pain. Hell, all of us were. We'd been going through that bonding crap with Nenz and his wife for months by then..."
Jon wasn't listening to him anymore, though.
Standing abruptly, he climbed out of the tub before the thought fully formed in his head.
When his eyes took in anything again, he was pulling back on the dirty combat clothes, without bothering to dry himself off beforehand. The shirt stuck to his chest even as he threw the vest on over it, picking up the holster and gun and throwing them over his shoulder. Wreg just watched him at first, not speaking. Jon felt the seer trying to get at his light, but when Jon shoved him off forcefully, giving him a warning glare, Wreg's face went the palest Jon had ever seen it.
Ignoring that, too, he started for the door, when a loud splash of water startled him enough to make him turn. Wreg vaulted out of the tub, moving so quickly Jon found himself flinching back, despite of his own anger. The tall seer blocked the doorway before Jon realized he'd managed to get in front of him. Staring up at him, Jon flinched again, that time at the fear in the other's eyes. He closed his light instinctively, but he knew it was mainly so he wouldn't have to feel the rest of what he could see on that high-cheekboned face.
"Get out of my way, Wreg," he said, his voice more hostile than he'd intended. He forced his tone lower before he went on, averting his gaze. "You said to tell you if I need space. I need space. Right now."
"Jon...brother. Please. Please. Don't go like this...please..."
Jon shook his head, trying to step around the taller man, but Wreg moved to block his way. Jon realized his fists were clenching even as his arms tightened at his sides. He couldn't think clearly, didn't seem to be able to pull his mind into any space he could recognize. He wanted to hurt the man, and he'd never wanted to hurt anyone before...not like this.
He shouldn't ever want to hurt someone he was sleeping with.
But that made no sense to the other part of his mind, either.
That pain was back, worse than before, making it difficult to think through the rest. This wasn't him, he found himself thinking. He wasn't this guy...he'd never been this guy. As much as he loved Revik, he'd hated how totally pathological he got over Allie, how he'd seemed almost willing to hurt her to keep her from leaving him, psychologically or otherwise.
Now he felt the same. He was doing the same fucking thing. Right now. With a man he'd only been sleeping with for a few weeks.
A man he barely knew.
Jesus. He really was turning into one of them.
Feeling his throat close, he tried to push past Wreg again, but the seer caught his arm.
"No, brother...no!" he said, his voice holding more of that fear. "Jon...this is normal. It is normal for us. Right now it is, anyway. But it won't last. I swear to you it won't. Please...please, don't make this about me..."
"This?" Jon said, wiping his face angrily. "This is normal Wreg? Really? Because I want to beat your head in right now..."
"I know, brother...I know you do. But it's all right. I trust you. You can control this..."
"You shouldn't trust me, Wreg. You really shouldn't right now..."
"I know this is new for you," Wreg said, his voice gruff. "I know it is, but it is normal. It doesn't happen with everyone, but it does happen..."
"Not to me," Jon snapped. "This isn't normal for me..."
"Yes...it is, Jon.
Goddamn it..." Wreg's hands tightened on his arms. "It is now. You're not used to it, I know...and I'm so very sorry I caused this, brother. But it's who you are now. Who you are becoming..."
"No." Jon shook his head, shoving the seer's hands off him. "No, goddamn it." It was the only word that made sense to him right then, the only one he could hold on to. "Then no, man...I won't." He shook his head again. "I'm sorry. I won't. I won't walk this 'normal seer' road with you, all right? This isn't me. I don't give a fuck what you say. This isn't me. I won't do it..."
He shoved at the seer's chest as he said it, forcing his way past. He hurt him that time, and winced along with the seer, even as that darker feeling twisted in his gut.
That time, Wreg got out of his way.
Guilt wrenched at Jon when he remembered the injuries, but he didn’t stop walking.
All he could think was go, get out of here. He felt grief on Wreg, a hard pulse that nearly stopped him in his tracks, screwing up the rhythm of his steps enough that he half-stumbled into the living room, feeling his throat close until he couldn’t breathe. He walked faster for the door, not stopping for his things, not even looking down for the bag on his way out. He didn't take another breath until he reached the elevator doors at the end of the hall.
Wreg didn't follow him. The suite door remained closed.
Jamming his finger on the button for 'down,' Jon shut his light tighter, almost in desperation as he put his hands over his ears, fighting to get the other's light away from his.
He could feel Wreg still, even behind Jon’s own attempts to shield. The seer seemed to be slamming against his light in erratic bursts, nearly in a state of panic. Jon blanked his mind as the doors opened in front of him, bringing a relief that also closed his throat. Entering the car, he prayed there wouldn't be another earthquake so the ex-rebel wouldn't have to fish him out of the elevators, on top of everything else. Thumbing the first numbered button that came into his head, he checked his back pocket only after the elevator was already moving, letting out an exhale when he found the card key where he'd left it.
He didn't think another coherent thought until the elevator let him off.
Even then, Wreg didn't leave his light alone, not until Jon got on his headset and told the front desk not to issue Wreg a key to Jon's assigned room, no matter what the reason. The seer working the desk stammered a bit, but agreed to do as he'd asked.
After that, Jon didn't feel Wreg anymore.
11
FEARS
I THOUGHT I was dreaming at first, when the pounding started.
Well, I was dreaming, just not that part. Since I wove the sound into the dreams I was already having, however, the difference struck me as minimal, at best.
When Revik shook me gently awake, I found myself fighting to keep my eyes closed, protesting with feeble sounds when he only gripped me tighter. I felt the strong need to stay in the dreams, if only to see what happened next. I needed to see it, to know what to prepare for, and this felt like my only chance...the only way the information could possibly get to me in time. Not that it was a particularly pleasant dream, but the compulsion to understand overpowered my desire to not have to watch it unfold.
By then, the sound at the door had become a fleet of helicopters pounding over the ridge of snow-covered mountains...
"Baby, wake up," he murmured against my cheek. "Someone's here."
"Who?" I said, my eyes still closed.
I felt Revik extend his light, enough that I felt the answer before he voiced it aloud.
"Gaos...it's Wreg. Something's wrong, Allie..."
I found myself waking up, for real that time, even as Revik slid off the side of the bed and climbed to his feet. I rolled to my back as he was already fumbling in the dark with the handles to the dresser, jerking open drawers until he found a shirt and a pair of pants. The pounding started up again, but that time, I felt Revik send a pulse, telling him we were coming.
Once he had, the knocking abruptly stopped.
I glanced at the clock. We’d only been asleep a few minutes.
Revik’s hair was still wet, which meant mine had to be, too.
I watched him step into black pants, sans underwear, I noticed, feeling a flicker in my light, right before he fastened the front. His eyes glowed faintly in the dark room, and I found myself staring at him even after he was more or less dressed, the long, dark-brown shirt thrown over his shoulders, but open in the front. He walked quickly to the bed, his own light snaking out. He shook me gently with his hands, but I felt pain on him, too.
"Hey," he murmured, kissing me. "Stop flirting with me and get up. It’s something about Jon. I need you."
My light woke up for real that time.
I sat up and swung my legs out of bed.
I was fumbling through a different set of drawers in the bureau when Revik left for the other room. I pulled a long-sleeved, stretchy shirt over my head when Revik returned briefly, just long enough to dump the combat gear we'd left on the living room floor near the bathroom door.
"I'm going to let him in, okay?" he said.
I nodded, sending him a pulse of warmth.
He gave me a smile before heading back to the other room. Throwing on a pair of underwear and pants, I stuffed the combat clothes into the laundry chute after extracting the guns and holsters. I even stuffed in the organic boots, knowing the crews at the laundry services would know what to do with them. I opened my light as I did it, hearing Wreg and Revik talking in the other room, and immediately got slammed with enough pain to catch my breath.
Fear hit me, hard enough that I only stood there for a moment, trembling.
I’d been about to leave the guns on the floor, but I abruptly changed my mind, tugging a holster around my shoulders and using the velcro to strap it on. Checking that the magazine was still full on my gun, I shoved the muzzle into the holster and threw a long-sleeved shirt over it, checking Revik’s gun, too, before I grabbed a heavier shirt for him and holstered his gun in a second shoulder holster. Contemplating sneakers, I abandoned that idea, too, grabbing a second set of boots out of the closet for each of us, after going through drawers briefly to pull out socks for both of us, too.
I entered the adjacent room, shutting the bedroom door behind me.
From the couch, both Revik and Wreg looked up.
The latter was sitting down, holding a glass of something Revik must have poured him.
But that wasn't what made me stare. Unless I was completely hallucinating, which I didn't rule out in any way, Wreg was crying. I was still staring at him when he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, averting his gaze from mine.
I walked towards them without thinking it through really, and handed Revik the holster and his boots and socks. He sent me an appreciative pulse, and immediately shouldered on the holster, strapping it over his chest and over the clean shirt he’d finished buttoning. I watched him start with the boots as I sat down to do the same, sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. I never took my eyes off Wreg, not even when I felt a warm pulse of caution from Revik.
Fear pounded through my light, and I could barely see either of them in those few seconds, but I forced myself to remain still, waiting for Wreg to speak, for one of them to explain.
Neither did.
Instead it was silent, apart from me and Revik putting on and buckling boots, and Revik pulling on the long shirt I’d brought him over the shoulder holster.
"What's wrong?" I said finally, my voice taut-sounding.
I glanced up at Revik, but he only frowned. He yanked the shirt the rest of the way around his back, glancing towards the door to the outside corridor.
"What's wrong?" I said again, my voice taut-sounding. "Is Jon okay?"
I glanced up at Revik, but he only frowned, shaking his head slightly.
"He's fine. Physically, anyway. Wreg told him," Revik added. "About the thing at the rebel base. After the Registry job."
I felt a crushing sensation sur
round most of the center of my chest.
"Where is he?" I said, hearing the sharpness of my own voice. "Now. Where is Jon?"
"He didn't take it well, Allie..." Revik began.
"He left me." Wreg shook his head, his jaw hard as he stared at the far wall. "He didn't come out and say it...but he left me. I felt it all over his light. He wasn't just mad at me for what I did. He wasn't even mad at either of you. He doesn't like how he is with me. He doesn't like what I've done to him..."
"Wreg...Jesus." I felt myself reacting to the pain coming off him. I shielded from his light, gritting my teeth a little. Glancing at Revik, I saw pain on him, too, right before he sat down next to the other male. Massaging his good shoulder with one hand, he looked at me, even as I felt his own light reacting, pulling on mine.
"This is temporary, Wreg," Revik said. His voice held more conviction than I could make myself feel, at least while anywhere near the vicinity of Wreg's light. "...It has to be. You're not thinking clearly right now. Neither of you. He's going to get past this. He's not only reacting to you...he's not sure if he wants to be a seer. He has no choice in that. He has to adjust."
Revik glanced over, giving me an apologetic look before he shrugged.
"...He hated how I got with Allie," he added. "I felt that on him more than once. More than a few times, even. He thinks he's acting the same way with you. It's screwing with who he thought he was. It's an identity problem, brother. And a crisis of ethics. It's not you..."
"I know all of that," Wreg said. He wiped his eyes with his hand again, shaking his head. "I know. I am sorry. I am sorry for coming here..."
Remembering that Wreg had been the person Revik had gone to whenever he had a problem with me, I swallowed, glancing up at Revik. I should go, shouldn't I? Leave the two of you alone. I hesitated. Does Wreg want me to talk to Jon?
Revik frowned, glancing at Wreg before he said aloud, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea, wife. Wreg said it's you he's angriest about..." When Wreg looked between us, Revik sighed, clicking softly. "She's wondering if she should try talking to Jon."
Allie's War Season Three Page 103