Burner's Absolution (Devil's Riot MC Book 8)

by E. C. Land

  “Firefly, you and me, we’re doing this. Does that mean the two of us are jumping directly into the bed and fucking like wild rabbits? No, we’re gonna take our time, only when I know you’re ready will we go there,” Burner says, wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me back into him.

  “But . . .”

  “No buts about it, babe, I’m not gonna let you go,” he says, interrupting me. “Now, since you're out of the bath, go get dressed and I’ll see about ordering us dinner.”

  Getting him to understand where I’m coming from was going to take more energy and time than I have right now, so I merely shake my head. “Do what you want, Burner. Just know this— I’m not the one you want. Think about it. I’m too broken to be repaired or be anything close to perfect. You’d be better off leaving me alone and finding some bimbo to get your rocks off with until you can find yourself a woman who can hold her head up high without a past like mine hanging over them. Besides, I’ll be gone soon enough,” I state as I move out of the bathroom.

  I don’t have to worry about whether Burner followed me or not because one minute I’m walking into the room, the next I’m sailing through the air, landing on my mattress. The towel falls open as I roll to my back to find a furious Burner standing at the edge.

  “What the fuck did I tell you?” Burner growls as he moves to hover over me, bracing himself up on his forearms. He presses his nose against mine as our eyes hold each other’s. “You are not broken. I see the strength in you grow every single day. Do you think any other woman would be able to help Hades escape like you did? I might not know the details of what you had to do, but Hades told the club you traded yourself for him to have time to heal some before you both got out of there. So, don’t for one minute think less of yourself. As for me finding another bitch to get my rocks off with, it’s not happening. Not again. I’ll use my hand for as long as needed.”

  With Burner so close to me, I can feel the heat of his body radiating off him as he speaks.

  “Burner . . .” I start to say as Burner leans forward, claiming my mouth in a searing kiss. Opening my mouth, I moan into his as he thrusts his tongue into mine. By the time he draws back, I’m completely breathless.

  I swear, the man’s kisses are potent enough to melt a woman’s brain to mush. If I’m gonna have an opportunity of keeping him at bay, I’ll have to avoid any further kisses from Burner.

  “Get dressed, baby,” Burner mutters as he moves to stand back up. I’m unable to move as I watch him adjust himself in his pants. He doesn’t even have the decency to turn as he does this. I’m sure the fact that my eyes feel as if they were about to pop out of my eye sockets is what causes the man to chuckle.

  As Burner finally leaves my room, I let out a shaky breath and get up off my bed and quickly get dressed. If my body had its way, I’d be calling him back in here for him to take me in every way possible, yet my mind has other plans. It continuously keeps screaming at me to run. That I’m not worthy of him. He might think I am, but I’m nowhere near worthy of him.

  Shaking my head, I climb back on my bed, drawing the covers over me, exhausted. Burner may be ordering food, but honestly, I’m not hungry. I lost my appetite when I’d walked into the house to find Burner standing there holding the letter I’d left on the counter this morning.

  How time seems to fly without you even realizing the height it has gone. By that, I mean I’ve gone from living a perfectly normal life to living in the depths of hell only to escape by a chance of sheer luck. Now, I’m in limbo with the feeling of floating through life high above the ground. I want nothing more than to have a sense of grounding.

  People might think of this as incomprehensible, however, it’s the way of my life. Shit, I never even finished school so if that tells you anything about me, then nothing will.

  Closing my eyes, I will sleep to take me as the tears begin to fall. I don’t need Burner to come back in here to see me in yet another vulnerable state. He’s seen enough of it to leave me embarrassed.

  As I begin to drift off to sleep, I barely feel the bed dip and the warmth of a body press against my back.

  “I love you, Firefly. I’ll keep you safe.” These are the last words I hear before I subconsciously relax in his arms, letting the darkness of sleep consume me.

  Chapter Ten

  Burner

  My heart clenches in my chest as Ally relaxes in my arms. She’s never slept well, and I should have thought about it and would have if I hadn’t had a stick stuck up my ass.

  I’ve been a complete ass toward her recently and I need to show her that I mean it when I say I want her with me.

  Better yet, I need to prove to her just how strong of a woman she is. Show her the strength she has within her. If I can get her to see exactly what I see in her, maybe Ally will learn to love herself the way I love her. And I do love her, more than I’ve loved anyone.

  Does that mean I’ll give up my plans to take Miguel out? No. I intend to have that fuck die by my hands, to give Janey the vengeance she deserves.

  Closing my eyes, my mind roams back to when I’d had the chance to put a bullet in Miguel’s head, yet I’d allowed him to escape. Stupid as it was, I wanted more time to torture him, to get the answers I need to officially let the ghost rest. But until he can be found, I’ll do what I have to do to protect the woman in my arms. The woman who consumes everything that I am.

  The beeping of my phone draws my attention from my thoughts as I unwrap myself from Ally and, without disturbing her, I slip from the bed. Moving toward the door, I pull my phone from my pocket to see it’s Hades calling me.

  Great.

  Swiping my finger across the screen, I answer. “She’s fine,” I say without giving any other greeting. I know what my brother is calling about.

  “I’m sure you think that, brother, but if my sister is anything like she was when we were kids, she’s not,” Hades grumbles.

  “What do you mean by that?” I ask.

  “Meaning she holds everything in, suppressing it deep within herself. Hammer and I have been going through the journals since getting to the clubhouse,” he states. I can almost sense the pain radiating off him through the phone. “We should have gotten her to talk about this well before now. I fucked up. Ally’s gonna explode soon and when she does, it’s not gonna be pretty, Burner.”

  “Hades, brother, you wanna explain that in a way I can understand? What makes you think she’s gonna explode?” I ask.

  “The way Ally wrote some of these, especially the most recent ones, tells me she’s not letting it out completely. Furthermore, with her holding that letter away from all of us, wanting to sacrifice herself to this Casimir fucker, it tells me my sister will explode. When she does, it won’t be pretty. Just be prepared, brother,” Hades says way too fuckin’ softly for my liking.

  “I’ll be here for her when it happens, Hades,” I state reassuringly, although I want nothing more than for him to tell me more of what he knows. It’s killing me that they’re going through Ally’s personal thoughts and I’m not there to do it myself.

  “I know you will, Burner. Don’t hurt her,” he mutters right before he disconnects.

  Pulling the phone away from my ear, I place it back in my pocket as I glance around the bare house. Tomorrow, I’ll see about getting the furniture from my old apartment brought over from the storage unit I’ve been renting. Since moving to the new clubhouse, I hadn’t felt the need to find a new apartment, enjoying the idea of living with my brothers. That, and before Ally came into my life, the easy access to the clubwhores who’d jumped on my dick at the drop of a hat.

  Lifting my hand to my nose, I pinch the skin between my eyes. Today has definitely been one for the books with all the information I’ve learned. I’d come to Ally’s home to tell her how I felt only to find out she’s been trying to protect the women of the club by setting herself up to be taken.

  The knock on the door draws my thoughts away from the darkness it was heading toward the
food I’d called in and asked Mac to pick up for me.

  I’d ordered Ally’s favorite, which is from Pitsman, the little hole-in-the-wall BBQ joint over in Holland. As I move to open the door, a smile crosses my face at the memory of the first time I took her there. She literally moaned around the sandwich, but when I told her to try the sauce with it, I swear the woman’s eyes about rolled to the back of her head. It’s then I learned she loved BBQ sauces of any type yet despises ketchup and mayo.

  Opening the door, I don’t bother with pleasantries as I take the food from Mac’s hands and let him in. I might be staying here with my woman, but we’ve all been through enough shit over the past few years that we don’t need anything else to happen.

  “I’m gonna put this away for the time being and go sit in Ally’s room. Crack the blinds just enough to see out but not enough to be seen. I’ll be doing the same. Tonight, we’re gonna watch, tomorrow after the meeting at the clubhouse, I’m having a security system put in place here,” I mutter quietly, not wanting to wake Ally up by accident.

  “Don’t worry about out here. I’ll let you know if I see anything out of place,” Mac states as he nods his head. Since shit went down with Emerson and her friend, he’s become harder. I know he thinks he fucked up and in a way he did, but none of us held him responsible.

  “Thanks, man,” I say before turning to head back into the bedroom.

  Inside the room, I strip my shirt off as I slip out of my boots. Removing my jeans, I discard them with the rest of my clothes, leaving me naked. I’ve always hated boxers and refuse to wear them. Moving to the bed, I slip in next to Ally, wrapping my body around hers, surrounding her with my strength. I know I shouldn’t be lying down but rather sitting near the window and watching for the unknown. Still, the sight of my beautiful Firefly tossing and turning in the bed just about killed me. She needs to be able to sleep easy and if anything is gonna happen, I’m still here. Nothing is gonna happen though.

  Closing my eyes, I lean forward, kissing the side of Ally’s head. “I love you. Please believe me when I say I’ll die for you,” I whisper before letting sleep claim me.

  Chapter Eleven

  Ally

  For the first in what seems like forever, I wake up to a sense of warmth. In fact, I don’t even remember ever having slept longer than an hour or two at a time.

  Strange as this feeling is for me, I really like it. However, I don’t understand why I’m so warm. Well, actually, I do. I simply refuse to give a justifiable thought to Burner being in my bed. At least not yet. I’d prefer to merely soak in all that I can.

  Moving closer into him, seeking the only warmth I’ve ever known, I press my backside further into him before I realize something very important and I pause. Burner is naked, in my bed, with me. Oh, my freaking God, what the hell do I do?

  “It’s too damn early to be thinking that hard, Firefly. Now, come here and go back to sleep,” Burner says, his voice husky from sleep.

  “You don’t even know what I was thinking. For that matter, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I mean, what are you even doing in my bed? Naked of all things? Don’t you have clothes?” I ramble nervously only to have Burner chuckle at me.

  “Babe,” Burner murmurs as he tightens his hold around me and pulls me into his body, pressing his length against my backside.

  Holy mother of all things gargantuan! That thing can’t be real. Can it?

  “Don’t ‘babe’ me, Burner. Now, get out of my bed and put some damn clothes on,” I say, doing my best to not freak out about having him naked next to me.

  I mean, seriously, who the hell sleeps naked in the same bed as someone they’re not even having sex with?

  It’s unnatural, right?

  Oh shut up, you’re an adult who has had more sexual encounters by the time you escaped than most women your age, I inwardly chastise myself.

  Although I know this to be true, I also know it was all forced on me. Besides, none of them were as big as Burner feels. Neither where the objects they defiled me with.

  “Firefly, I don’t sleep in clothes, haven’t since I was a kid and not changing that now. Plus, I’m snuggled up to my woman, enjoying having her in my arms for the first time as mine. Now hush,” Burner rasps.

  “I’m not your woman, Burner. I already told you that,” I mutter as I clench my eyes closed. In another lifetime, I’d love nothing more than to be his.

  No sooner do I finish speaking when I find myself flat on my back and Burner straddling my legs. My eyes widen as I take in the width of his tattoo-covered chest. There’s hardly anywhere on him that’s bare. Unable to move my eyes further to meet his gaze, I stare right below his heart, where Janey’s name is encased in a claddagh ring.

  “Look at me,” Burner orders, his voice harsher than I’ve ever heard.

  Inwardly flinching, I continue to study the tattoo of the beautiful ring. I know without a doubt it’s something I can’t compete with even if I wanted to. I’m too damn damaged and beneath him.

  Besides, there’s no way to win someone’s heart when it belongs to the dead. Doesn’t matter what he says, the art on his chest says it all.

  “Firefly, look at me,” Burner says a little softer as he lifts a hand to wipe a tear from my cheek, I hadn’t even realized I’d shed. I don’t cry. I haven’t since I was first kidnapped. I refuse to give anyone the satisfaction.

  Slowly, I lift my gaze to meet his. “Please, get off of me,” I murmur quietly.

  “No, baby, I won’t. I want you to hear me once and for fuckin’ all. You, woman, are mine. We are givin’ this thing between the two of us a go. I’m tired of pussyfooting around it now that I took the stick out of my ass and removed the blinders from over my eyes. You, Ally, are my Firefly. A strong, beautiful woman who needs to stop fuckin’ putting yourself down and get with the program because I am not fuckin’ lettin’ you go,” Burner growls his declaration.

  Unable to speak due to my throat tightening, I shake my head vigorously as I close my eyes. I can’t . . . he can’t . . . neither of us can do this. He’s not ready nor will he ever be. No matter what he says, you can’t contradict artwork you get. I’ve seen and done enough tattoos since my escape to know that for most people, Burner included, each one means something special to them. And the one with Janey’s name definitely means something.

  “Yes, you, Allison Marie Bryce.” The way he says my full name, a name I haven’t heard in a very long time, sends a knife straight through the walls of the ice I’ve kept surrounding my heart, shattering the only defense I’ve had to protect myself. Screaming out, I reach up and pound my fist against his chest as I begin to cry hysterically.

  How this man is able to get through my defenses by using my name is beyond me. Maybe it goes further than just using my name. I’ve felt something for him yet not allowed myself to truly feel anything for anyone since I was a teenager.

  As my fists continue to beat Burner’s chest, he allows me to do this until I can’t anymore, at which point he grabs hold of me as he turns us on to our sides where he lets me sob into his chest. Years’ worth of tears. With the floodgates open, I cry for all that I’ve lost— my parents, the two children I will never know, my bond with my brother, and the loss of myself. I don’t even know who I am anymore. The day I was kidnapped was the day I all but died myself.

  No one will ever be able to understand the true depths of my shattered soul. It’s why I can never allow myself to be with anyone, including Burner. No matter how much I want him. And I do want him. He deserves someone special like Janey was. He’s told me stories about her, and I’ll never be able to do the things she did.

  “It’s okay, Firefly, let it out. You’ve been strong for so long. Give me the pain baby. Let me take the weight off your shoulders,” Burner says soothingly, stroking my hair.

  Closing my eyes, I soak in Burner’s warmth as my cries begin to slow.

  “I’ve got you, Ally,” Burner murmurs against the top of my head long minut
es later.

  I want nothing more than for that to be true, but how can a person hold on to someone who’s broken into a million tiny pieces?

  There’s no way.

  Chapter Twelve

  Burner

  Fuck, Ally’s heart-wrenching cries all but kill me as I hold her against my chest. I’ve never heard such pain in someone come out all at once. Hades warned me it was coming, yet I don’t think either of us knew exactly how bad it was gonna be when it hit. Nor did I realize her agonizing screams would have such an effect on me.

  I’ve always been able to feel others’ pain, and Ally’s is no different, yet at the same time, almost more than I can bear.

  I can’t imagine just how much pain she’s been through, though I’m sure each and every time those fuckers touched her, it was to cause her pain. I’d also put money on her having not shed a tear in all those years from the way Ally sobs into my chest.

  Tightening my arms around Ally, I do my best to soothe her as she lets it all out. It’s not fair that I’m unable to absorb all the hurt and pain from her. If I could, she’d never have to feel the pain again.

  “Burner, make me forget,” Ally murmurs into my chest.

  “Tell me what you want, Firefly,” I whisper.

  “Anything to make the pain go away, at least for a little while,” she whispers, lifting her head to meet my gaze.

  Unsure if this is a good idea, yet unable to deny my beautiful woman what she’s asking, I trail my fingers up from her waist to gently grip her hair. Leaning forward, I cover her lips with my own. I have never been one for being gentle when it comes to sex, not even with Janey. It just wasn’t in me to be gentle. However, with Ally, it’s what I need not only for her but myself as well.

  I swipe my tongue along the crease of her lips, willing them to part for me to enter. Upon entrance into her mouth, my tongue dances with hers and I know exactly what to do without taking her fully. My Firefly wants to forget, yet what she needs is to heal.