Harte's Peak

by Maria Michaels

  “I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me this before.”

  “I’m sorry. Ryan was the first person I ever told.”

  “Ryan?” Maggie’s eyes grew wide.

  “What can I say? He had me in a tough spot and he wouldn’t give up. So stubborn.”

  “Yeah, sounds like someone else I know.” Maggie winked.

  “We used to be alike. But he’s changed, and I have to admit I want what he has.”

  “You can have that, too. Do you think this is some exclusive club membership or something? There’s no secret handshake. You’re in anytime you want to be a member of God’s family.”

  “I’m not like you. I’ve made more mistakes than I care to think about. And thanks to that, I may never be able to have a baby of my own.”

  “But why?”

  “After the miscarriage, I had an infection. And I’ve never been able to get pregnant since then. While I was married, we tried. Of course he blamed me.”

  “Maybe he’s the one who can’t have children.”

  “No, we both got tested. And they couldn’t find anything wrong with either one of us. But I know it must be my fault. It’s my penance for what I’ve done.”

  “All I want is for you to know that no matter what you’ve done, our God is big enough to forgive you.”

  “You’ve always looked on the bright side, but there are no rainbows and unicorns here.”

  Maggie rolled her eyes. “No, there’s a lot of pain and suffering where there doesn’t have to be. I love you, and I’m tired of seeing you drown in the hurt. Sooner or later, you have to believe that even if you can’t forgive yourself, God can.”

  More than anything, she wanted Ryan to be happy, someday holding his own child in his arms. And that was something she couldn’t give him, however much she wanted.

  

  Ryan thought he was seeing things when he noticed the pale blonde hair of the woman sitting next to Maggie at church, but as she walked out of church the black boot was a dead give-away. Vera was attending church with Maggie and her family. The last time he’d seen her here had been Christmas time.

  She smiled as she saw him near the exit to the sanctuary. “Don’t look so shocked.”

  “This is not my shocked face. If you want to see that face, you should see what I look like when the cookies are already gone by first service.” Ryan grinned.

  Maggie, Jack, and Lexi followed close behind.

  Jack held his sleeping son in his arms.

  “Ryan, do you mind giving Vera a ride home? We have to go by the store and I don’t want to hold Vera up,” Maggie said.

  “But…” Vera began, and then a look of understanding reached her eyes and she smiled. “Of course. I guess I need a ride, Deputy.”

  “Sure,” He locked gazes with Vera.

  The Butler family waved good-bye.

  Vera sighed. “She can’t help herself.”

  If he got to be on the receiving end of Maggie’s efforts today, he considered himself blessed. “I’m not complaining.”

  Vera’s face blushed pink, not a usual occurrence.

  “Do you mind if we check something out first before we go?” Last week he’d found a stray cat hanging around the back of the church property. He’d been helping supervise the youth group’s baseball game when he’d noticed the scrawny looking stray.

  They walked to the back of the portables that served as meeting places for youth and Bible study groups and found the stray waiting under a bush.

  Ryan motioned for Vera to sit on the picnic table bench and joined her.

  The cat walked tentatively toward Ryan as though he already recognized him.

  He pulled out a bag of treats he’d brought in his jacket and started to feed the little animal. “Do you want to feed him?” He offered a few of the treats to Vera.

  A pained looked crossed Vera’s face. “He’s so sickly looking. I wonder what happened to him.”

  “He probably got separated from the others. Who knows? He looks like the runt, for sure. I know eventually I’ll have to take him in to the pound, but first I’m trying to get him fattened up. He has a better chance of being adopted then.”

  Vera took a treat and tenderly fed it to the weak cat. “You poor thing.”

  “If you think he looks bad now, you should have seen him last week.”

  The cat finished its food, cleaned himself, and went to nap under the bush again.

  It was a beautiful, early spring day. The chill of winter still hung in the air as the sun beamed with a promise of things to come. He was in no hurry to take Vera home.

  “I named him Hercules.”

  “That name hardly fits.”

  “I wanted to encourage him.” He shrugged.

  “You shouldn’t have named him.”

  “Why not?”

  She brushed wispy stray hairs out of her eyes. “Hurts less when you have to give him up.”

  He hadn’t been able to get his mind off Vera since she’d told him about her miscarriage. But they hadn’t spoken of it again. He wanted her to know that he didn’t judge her. That he thought many people had failed her and he didn’t plan on being one of them.

  “You never told me what your mother did after you lost the baby.”

  She looked at the ground. “Nothing.”

  “Nothing? Didn’t she come out to be with you, send for you, anything?”

  “No, that’s not her style. I got a note telling me to keep my chin up. These things happen for a reason. Someday the time will be right. I’ll have another chance. Blah, blah, blah.” She folded her arms in front of her.

  He shook his head. He couldn’t believe a mother would be so cold. His mother had been just the opposite, doting to the point of suffocation. Until now, he hadn’t realized how blessed he’d been.

  “Did you ever ask her why she did that?”

  “Of course not. What would be the point?”

  “The point is she should answer for that.”

  “You’re dreaming, Ryan. My mother doesn’t answer to anyone.”

  “Well, maybe she should.” He took her hand and this time she did not pull away.

  They both remained silent for a few minutes.

  He broke the silence because he needed to tell her now. He didn’t want to do it, but he had to. “I heard that Mrs. Jones is about to lose her home as well.” Still holding her hand, he avoided her eyes.

  “Mrs. Jones? I thought she owned her home for eons.”

  “I guess she did. What I heard is that the house needed work. You can imagine, because the house is older than the town itself. So she got a loan against it, but it wasn’t a legitimate company. Basically, it was a swindle.”

  “Who would do that to an old lady?” Her hand tightened around his.

  “I don’t know, but I’d like to meet them some day in a dark alley. OK, I’m kidding. Still.”

  “The foundation is helping her, as well?”

  “That’s the thing. We might not have enough money raised to help both you and Mrs. Jones.”

  Vera fell silent.

  “But don’t worry. Your application came in first.”

  She let go of his hand. “Ryan, I don’t want to take money away from Mrs. Jones.”

  “I said there might not be enough, but the church has been planning a big fundraiser for weeks. Tomorrow, a popular Christian band, Greatest Gift, is performing free of charge. We’re going to charge for entry as a donation and we already expect a large crowd.”

  She eased off the bench and walked several paces away. “If there isn’t enough money, Mrs. Jones can have it all. I’ll find another way. Or I’ll let it go.”

  His heart sank. After all the effort and her stubbornness in regard to charity, it was coming down to this. Not enough money. Why was that always the story?

  He came up behind her, put his arms around her waist, and pulled her close. He spoke softly in her ear. “Don’t do this darlin’. It will work out.”

 
She leaned in to him. “Take me home. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have one.”

  He wanted to tell her as long as he was alive she would have a home, but he didn’t want to make any empty or overblown promises. That Ryan was long gone. He turned her around in his arms. “As long as you promise to come with me to the concert tomorrow night.”

  “I should have known you’d be there.”

  “I volunteered for security. What else?”

  “You’re the bouncer?” She cracked a smile.

  “This will be the easiest security work in the world. These are all good kids.”

  “OK, but it’s not a date. It’s two good friends hanging out together.”

  He tried to pretend it didn’t hurt. This would have been his first date in months. “Whatever you say.”

  She started walking toward the parking lot and away from him.

  His heart reminded him that he might have to get used to that.

  

  Vera thought it would be less like a real date if she drove her own car, so she insisted on meeting Ryan at the concert the following night. The look in his eyes when she’d told him this wouldn’t be a date had pained her. He’d have a much better chance at happiness with any one of the women who gazed longingly in his direction any time she cared to notice.

  An uncomfortable feeling settled in the pit of her stomach every time she noticed their dreamy looks in his direction.

  A long line of cars snaked through the entrance to the church. Ryan hadn’t been kidding. A crowd close to the size of their town would be here tonight. The sanctuary had been turned into a small concert hall for the night.

  She’d never heard of Greatest Gift and even though a country music girl at heart, if the event raised money for the foundation, she would happily support it. Besides, she couldn’t kid herself anymore. She had little willpower when it came to being with Ryan. She’d fallen in love with him. Her own fault. And even though she tortured herself by prolonging the inevitable, she couldn’t help it.

  She recognized some friends. Former Sheriff Calhoun was manning the ticket booth.

  Vera thought she saw Lexi with a tall, skinny man-boy. She made a mental note to make sure Maggie knew that her daughter was here with a boy, but at the same time realized Lexi would be foolish to show up with someone not approved by her parents. There were probably a hundred gazes on the stepdaughter of the town’s current sheriff. The poor thing.

  “Excuse me, miss. May I see your ticket stub?”

  Vera turned.

  Ryan stood beside her. “We don’t want anybody sneaking in.”

  “Then you should have hired a bouncer,” Vera joked.

  Ryan winced and held his chest as though he’d been injured. “Ouch. Usually women put the knife right in my back.”

  Vera laughed. “Hurry up and show me to my seat. I don’t have all day.”

  His arm on her back, he led her in the direction of the sound booth near the back of the sanctuary. “You and I have special seating. We can sit with the soundman. It’s a much better view of the show.”

  The cushioned seat was much more comfortable than the folding metal chairs they’d brought in. And from this height she had a great view of Lexi and the boy. She decided she didn’t particularly like the way he clung to her waist.

  “Excuse me for a minute. I’m still on the clock and besides, I promised Jack I’d check this kid out.” Ryan hooked his finger in the direction of Lexi’s affectionate friend.

  Ryan skillfully sidled up next to Lexi and the boy and made his presence known. The boy quickly let go of Lexi. Poor girl was going to have a hard time holding on to a boyfriend with Jack and his deputies protectively guarding her, but in the long run, that was a good thing. Whoever was serious enough to stick around would likely be a keeper.

  Ryan talked to Lexi and the boy, and after a few minutes they were all laughing together. He had a similar sort of relationship with many of the young people, all of whom seemed to know and respect him.

  With a pang, Vera realized that even some of the younger girls gave Ryan dreamy eyes. The fact that he appeared completely oblivious to it made her love him even more.

  The music began. This concert was about much more than the smooth, lilting voices as they rose in harmony accompanied by exemplary musicians. The lyrics told the story in worship and praise. She recognized many of them as verses straight out of the Bible.

  Ryan returned to his seat and leaned closer to her. “I guess King David was a pretty good songwriter. His lyrics have lasted thousands of years.”

  Vera had her eyes riveted to the female drummer who had made her way to the front of the stage. The music continued with a light strumming of guitars and piano. But as the girl stood behind the microphone, a hush fell over the theater.

  “‘For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ A while ago, I didn’t think I was good enough. I was the one who separated myself from Christ, not the other way around. I’d done so many terrible things and hurt so many of the people who loved me that I didn’t think I could ever be forgiven. I let myself drown in a sea of drug addiction because I thought that’s all I deserved. In some ways, I waited for death. I didn’t realize I was already dead. But because of Christ, I have been released from bondage. I’m alive again in Him. Amen. And if Christ can forgive someone like me, He can forgive you, too.”

  Applause fill the auditorium as the young girl took her place back at the drum set and the songs resumed.

  Vera trembled from the inside out. A strange feeling had come over her. Between tears and joy, her body tingled with an electric charge.

  Memories of her baby girl came flooding back, of the grief she’d never fully expressed. Now, at this concert of music, possibly the best sermon she’d ever heard preached. All the heartbreak, grief and loss too long buried rose to the surface. It was time to face the past. If not now, it might never happen. She realized this as certainly as she breathed, while she tried to calm her quivering legs.

  The timing left something to be desired, but then again, God had his own clock.

  “Are you all right?” Ryan put his hand on hers as the concert ended.

  “I’d like you to take me somewhere. Now.”

  14

  The concert ended and the sun began to slip down the mountain.

  Ryan drove Vera to the valley. Vera had asked him to drive her to her mother’s house in Sonoma, and though he had a few questions, he didn’t want to refuse.

  She’d looked incredibly fragile when she’d asked, as though she might break in two, her blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. Her bottom lip trembled slightly.

  No, he didn’t want her to drive there alone.

  “Why is now the time to see your mother?”

  “Because I can. If I wait, I’ll chicken out.”

  He understood that too well, though it didn’t quite fit with what he knew about Vera. “Brave Vera? Chickening out?”

  “I haven’t always been brave, you know.”

  “You could have fooled me.”

  “Something about my mother makes me shake in my medical boot.”

  He grinned.

  Even now, she was able to see the lighter side of the matter.

  The moments that lay at her mother’s door were not going to be emotional fluff, and he steeled himself for what might be ahead.

  The stately home was in an older established subdivision of town and reeked of wealth.

  Would Vera ask her mother for money? It made sense, and he hoped that she would at least consider it.

  He’d been encouraged by the turnout tonight, but it still looked smaller than they’d expected since the community’s needs kept growing.

  Ryan pulled into the circular driveway and glanced at his watch. The drive had taken approximately two hour
s and darkness had descended on this March evening.

  No lights were on inside the house.

  “Are you sure she’s home?”

  “My mother is almost never out after seven. It’s dark because she hordes electricity. She’s probably in the back room.” Vera jumped out of his car. Within seconds, she pounded on the door with purpose.

  He walked behind her, unsure of his role. “Do you want me to wait outside?”

  “No. You should come in.” She looked out of breath.

  He wanted to calm her down.

  She had to do this and he couldn’t stop her.

  The frail woman who opened the door didn’t remind him much of her daughter. Instead of Vera’s pale blonde tresses, Vera’s mother’s hair was jet black.

  “Vera, what on earth?” The woman gripped her housecoat at the neck.

  “Mom, I have to talk to you right now. It’s important.” Vera pushed past her and he followed.

  “Who are you?” She stepped away from Ryan.

  “I’m Ryan Colton, ma’am.” He held out his hand, but Vera’s mother showed no inclination to greet him with a handshake. He stuck his hands in his jacket.

  “He’s my friend, Mom. Ryan, this is my mother, Ava Carrington.”

  Even the name sounded old world and sophisticated.

  Mrs. Carrington harrumphed under her breath. “What are you—six feet? Six one?”

  “Six two, ma’am.” He had no idea what his height had to do with anything.

  “Of course. Vera likes tall men,” Ava said.

  “Never mind that, Mom. Can we talk?” Vera asked.

  “What’s so important to bring you down your precious mountain at this time of the night?”

  “It’s seven thirty.” Vera folded her arms.

  “It’s dark. That’s all I know.” Mrs. Carrington made her way into what looked like a formal living room.

  Ryan followed, unsure of himself. He wanted to sit outside the living room and give them their privacy, but he also didn’t want to take liberties in this mausoleum. He waited for some direction.

  “I’ve put everything away, but we can have some tea if you’d like. Young man? Would you like some tea?” Mrs. Carrington sighed.