Harte's Peak

by Maria Michaels

  “No, ma’am. I’m fine.”

  “We won’t be here that long,” Vera added.

  “Why? What’s this all about? And what on earth happened to your foot?” As though she’d just now noticed it, Ava stared at Vera’s boot.

  “I hurt it, but I’m fine.”

  “Well, it would have been nice to get a call. I do want to know when my children are hurt, you know.”

  “I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “Of course not.” Ava pursed her lips. “You never do.”

  “I’m here to tell you that it wasn’t right to let me stay in Europe after I lost the baby.”

  Ava sat up straighter and looked with intensity in Ryan’s direction. “This is not a subject I’ll talk about with a stranger in the room.”

  Vera glanced at Ryan. “Would you please wait in the foyer?”

  The wildly emotional look in her gaze made him reluctant to leave her. He nodded and retraced his steps back to the foyer.

  Vera closed the doors that separated the living room, and he listened as the voices inside grew louder and more insistent. Ava appeared as cold and unemotional as he imagined she would be. A woman with a somewhat vacant look in her eyes.

  He distracted himself by admiring the two framed pictures that sat on the small table. The one of Vera may have been from a modeling assignment. She looked other-worldly beautiful in a flowing royal blue gown. And in her eyes he glimpsed the freedom and joy of youthful innocence. He’d do almost anything to put that look on her face again.

  The other photo was presumably of her sister, Amy, and looked to be some type of graduation photo. Amy took after their mother, which could only mean Vera took after her father. The man who’d left the family. In a much older photo of the three of them, obviously taken in a studio, Ava sat regally between her two young daughters. Though she didn’t look like Vera, Ava Carrington had also been a stunningly beautiful woman in her youth.

  He paced the small foyer, praying silently and listening to the sound of Vera’s sobs. His hands turned into fists inside his jacket, and he fought to restrain from coming in after her. Something had happened to her at the concert. If he had to guess, he would say that Vera was about to spill it all out—all her secrets, all her pain—and let the chips fall where they may.

  

  Vera talked through her sobs, and had not realized it could be so liberating. All of the agony and grief after the miscarriage came rushing forward, and she poured it all out before the woman who should have been there for her.

  Her mother stared at her, slack-jawed. “What do you expect me to say?”

  “How about I’m sorry?”

  “All right. I’m sorry. In my day, we didn’t talk about everything over and over again until we ran it into the ground the way all you young people want to do. What good is it to talk about it? Does it take the pain away?”

  Mom was right about that much. The pain wasn’t gone, but somehow it was lighter, like it had longed to come out of hibernation in her soul. “You never wanted to talk about any of it. But it does help. Believe it or not.”

  “It never helped me.” Ava frowned.

  “And another thing. Kevin isn’t the great guy you think he is.” For the next few minutes she related what her marriage had been like behind closed doors, how Kevin had fooled everyone, even their congregation.

  Ava held her hand to her chest. “But all those things—Kevin said it was a big mistake.”

  “And you wanted to believe him. I don’t know why. I’m your daughter, Mom. You should have supported me. I thought I loved Kevin, but now that I know what love is, I can recognize a counterfeit.”

  “Now you know what love is?” Ava asked.

  “I do. And I know that I love you. I always will.” Vera drew closer to her mother and hugged her, the way she had as a child when the only thing she’d ever been angry about was not being able to have a second piece of cake for dessert.

  Her mother’s embrace surprised her, almost making her draw back, but Vera clung to her.

  “I love you, too,” Mom whispered.

  “I forgive you. You did the best you could.” Vera touched her mother’s hair, a once luxurious mane of thick black hair, now thinning as the gray roots pushed through the black dye.

  Mom had taught her daughters to always be proud of their appearance, but she hadn’t concentrated much on the inside.

  Vera rose to open the living room doors and found Ryan waiting.

  “Is everything OK?” he asked.

  She went into his open arms, where she wished she could remain forever. It felt so safe here, but she had to stop being so selfish. “I’m good.”

  He rubbed her back. “Then let’s go. We have a long drive back.”

  “Thank you for bringing her. I hope I see you again,” Mom said.

  “Nice meeting you,” Ryan said.

  He opened the front door and waited for Vera to go through first, ever the gentleman.

  “That didn’t take long, did it?”

  “You could have taken as long as you needed. It sounded important.” He opened the door to the car for her.

  “Yes, it was. A long time coming.”

  They were treated to a bountiful display of stars as they ascended into the mountains and away from the city lights.

  “Let’s pull over and look at the stars when we get to town. That is, if you have time,” Vera said.

  “I always have time for you.” His strong warm hand reached for hers.

  He pulled over at Starlight Park near the cliff. They sat on the hood of his truck, leaning back on the windshield while every star in the sky winked her a welcome home.

  “God’s creation.” Vera sighed.

  He pulled her into his arms. “Exactly. God makes beautiful things. Including you.”

  Vera tensed. It was the first time he called her beautiful. Before she’d always felt it was a line, the first thing guys noticed about her, without bothering to see anything beyond that.

  That wasn’t Ryan and something in his eyes told her he felt her beauty was more than skin deep.

  For once, she could believe it, too.

  He turned to face her. In his smoldering brown eyes she forgot that he deserved more than she could give him.

  When Ryan kissed her as though he held the most precious thing in his life she felt centered for the first time since she could remember. His kiss was tender, passionate, loving. She couldn’t stop kissing him back. This was love, and she knew it with the certainty that the sun would rise again in the morning. For the first time in her life, she knew what it was like to truly love a man. It would break her heart when she had to say good-bye.

  

  Watching the stars on the hood of his car with Vera in his arms was certainly not something he’d imagined doing. The old Ryan had been slain by her obvious beauty, but now he’d seen firsthand the kind of heart that beat inside this wonderful woman.

  His dreams would never have measured up to this reality of Vera in his arms, the sky above them declaring the glory of the one God who still looked out for him. It appeared the future the Lord had imagined for him was greater than anything he could have thought of on his own.

  He didn’t want to move or go anywhere else, but as the hour grew late Vera began to shiver in his arms. The cold night mountain air was upon them. He took off his jacket and placed it around Vera’s shoulders.

  “We should get back,” Vera finally spoke. “I have to open up the cafe in the morning. I promised Annie.”

  He hopped off the car, took her hand, and helped ease her off the hood. He still worried about that foot, even though Vera acted as though she was fully healed.

  As they rode the short distance back into town Vera remained quiet.

  “I know this wasn’t a date, but whatever it was, it’s the best time I’ve had in a long time.” Even sitting in the foyer and listening to Vera sob had been worth the time spent with her. He was grateful for the ability to take c
are of her.

  “It still wasn’t a date,” Vera said.

  “No, I’d like to think I could do better than star gazing. I do have a job, you know. I can afford to pay for your dinner and everything.”

  In the last few minutes an enormous wall had risen up between them. As they pulled up into the driveway of her home, he shut off the car.

  Vera didn’t move, and he allowed her the silence. She looked at the floor, to him, and back to the floor.

  His heart jumped in surprise. He was no idiot. He was about to be dumped. By a girl who wasn’t even his girlfriend. He steeled himself, but found that he could not put up walls anymore. Not with Vera. “What is it, darlin’?”

  “I’m sorry. I can’t. You know there is something going on between us.”

  “I kind of got that feeling.”

  “You weren’t wrong to feel that way. But the truth is, Ryan, you and I both know we’re not right for each other.”

  “I don’t know that.”

  “I know it. Trust me with this.”

  “Shouldn’t I have a say, too?”

  “You wouldn’t make the decision with your head. You would do it with your big heart.” She touched his chest with her right hand, and he felt branded.

  “I’m not the only one with a big heart, darlin’.” He placed his hand over hers.

  “You’re not the right man for me. I know it’s true.”

  And suddenly he got it. He recalled the elegant taste in clothes and homes, the remarks her ex-husband made. He’d ignored the truth and all the signs, maybe because he wanted to. He wasn’t ever going to make enough money to suit her. Not on a public servant’s salary.

  “I get it. A cop doesn’t make enough money for the lifestyle you’ve become accustomed to.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and she looked about to protest.

  He would love to have an argument with her. Hash things out and get to the bottom of it all. But a look of resignation crossed her face.

  “You’re right.”

  He felt his fists tighten. How could he have been so incredibly wrong about her?

  She had admitted it.

  He couldn’t very well argue with the evidence straight in front of him, as much as he wanted to believe otherwise.

  “Someone like Kyle is probably more up your alley.” He couldn’t help the dig. While he thought he was over his childish rivalry with Kyle, she’d brought it back up front and center.

  “Right.” Vera turned away and opened the door. “Good night, Ryan.”

  She got out of his car and walked away while his heart found a place in his throat. The anger raised inside of him again, that hostility he’d thought long buried. He needed a punching bag because he wanted to hit something right now. Hit it hard.

  

  Vera would have never thought Ryan would come up with the perfect reason to turn him down. The fact that he’d believed it so easily was only a little painful. She’d certainly given him enough reason to believe that about her—the house, all the stuff. All the things that she used to think could fill her up. She’d been such a stupid fool. It was a new way of thinking for her. Selflessness. But who would have thought the first thing she’d let go would be the love of her life? Next would be all the stuff crowding her life. None of it mattered anymore.

  Stin always knew when her heart was broken. The dog came and got in her lap. If she were human, Stin would cry with her, but this was as close as she could get.

  “What am I supposed to do without him?” She sobbed tears that had long been held back. If only she didn’t love Ryan so much, they could be together. If only she was willing to be selfish. But not this time.

  She picked up the old Bible she’d found hidden on a shelf in her closet, and let the Lord take her where he wanted her to go. The pages opened up to Psalm 30:5:

  “Weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning.”

  It would be a long night of weeping, but with the Lord on her side, she might be rewarded someday for letting the best thing in her life go.

  15

  Vera had never made so much progress in such a short time. A for sale sign hung in her front yard, a small placard stating ‘short sale’ dangling right below.

  Maggie, Amy, and Annie were helping her pack because she’d recently rented a small apartment in town two blocks from the cafe. Assistance with the deposit had come from, of all people, her mother. Not only would she have a short commute to work, but she could sell the car, too. The savings on gasoline and speeding tickets would be another huge boon.

  She’d spoken to the foundation and rejected their offer of help, allowing all of it to go to Mrs. Jones. After all, Mrs. Jones was the victim of a swindle.

  Vera had no real excuse because for years she’d overspent and overextended. It took coming back to the Lord to make her realize she didn’t need any of the stuff that was suffocating her spirit, even her very soul.

  “Where do you want this?” Amy held up a Tiffany lamp.

  Her sister had come to town for the day to help out. For years, Amy had been the one to smooth over the tensions between Vera and their mother. Now, holiday dinners would be far less tense, and Amy had been grateful for the reconciliation, too.

  “That’s going to the foundation. They’re raising money with an auction next week.” They were getting anything she owned with a brand name attached to it as that would raise more money.

  Annie sealed up a box and carried it to the truck.

  Today was also the official moving day. While the realtor told Vera she could stay in the house until it sold, there was no time like the present to start her new life.

  Thank the Lord for Jack and Maggie, who had agreed to allow Stin to live with them temporarily. Stin would still have a yard instead of being cooped up in the small apartment.

  Vera would have liberal visitation rights, and it was a relief to know that Lexi would take good care of Stin until she left for college the following fall. Eventually Vera planned to rent a small home where she could have Stin with her again, and she had already started to save for it.

  Most of what she owned would never fit in the small, one bedroom apartment so they would be driving her furniture over to foundation headquarters, and only a few essentials would be coming with her to her new place.

  “I thought you’d be more disappointed than this.” Amy packed the Tiffany lamp in a box.

  There was a freedom in letting everything go—and a new hope Vera had in Christ. “I wish I’d figured it all out earlier. I don’t need all this stuff.”

  “I’m proud of you.” Amy grinned.

  She hadn’t seen Ryan since leaving her mother’s home on the night of the concert, but even catching a glimpse of him in the cruiser as it passed through town called up piercing pain and a sob in her throat. She prayed that eventually it would get better, and maybe they could be friends again.

  Maggie hadn’t let up much in the past week. “Have you seen Ryan lately?” Maggie now asked, as she wrapped a plate in newspaper and set it inside a cardboard box.

  “Not for a while. I guess he goes to a different service time than I do.”

  “You know very well what service he goes to. You’re only trying to avoid him.”

  “Fine. I’m avoiding him.”

  “But why?”

  “I need to do that for now.” It was easier on her heart.

  “You can’t avoid him forever.”

  “Don’t you think I know that? Just let me handle this my way. Sooner or later we’ll be friends again.” It was her hope and prayer, anyway.

  “But I don’t understand. Why aren’t you two talking anymore? Can’t you see you’re perfect for each other?”

  “We’re not, Maggie. You’re looking at things through your rose-colored glasses again. Take them off for a minute, would you?”

  Behind them, Amy snorted. “Maybe you better put yours back on, Vera. I’ve seen Ryan. You need to think again. Annie and I will take this load over
. See you in a bit.”

  “All I know is you must have said something to him. He loves you, and he wouldn’t walk away that easily. What did you say to him?” Maggie pressed.

  Vera was exhausted by the constant barrage of questions. Something told her that Maggie would get Ryan’s side of the story, so after Amy and Annie left, she decided to tell Maggie the whole truth.

  “You did what?” Maggie set down the box with a thud.

  Fortunately, it contained nothing fragile.

  “You heard me. I let him believe it because I knew he wouldn’t try to talk me out of it. Call it male ego. Ryan has a healthy one, and he’s proud of what he does.”

  “As well he should be.” Maggie put her hands on her waist and glared at Vera.

  “Don’t look at me that way. You know I didn’t mean it. Ryan and Jack—all of them—they’re all heroes in my book.”

  “Then why would you hurt him like that?”

  “You and I both know that if I told him the real reason he’d make up a million excuses. Better for him to be hurt a little now and get everything he deserves in the long run.”

  “You’re scared that you can never have children. That’s what this is about, isn’t it?”

  “Almost a year of trying told me so.”

  “What about adoption? There are so many kids who need a home.”

  Apparently, Maggie was not going to let up on this. “That costs money, too. Lots of it.”

  “You surprise me.” Maggie cocked her head to the side. “Why not be with the one you love and see what happens? Do you know how many married couples never know they’ll encounter infertility? And yet somehow, they make it through.”

  “Some of them make it through. And others wind up hating each other, while they rack up a mountain of debt. I won’t do that to Ryan. I won’t do it to myself. I learned my lesson.” She’d reasoned this all out in her bed every night, as she fought to find a way for them to be together. But there was just no way she’d shortchange Ryan’s dream of having a family.

  “OK, so let me see if I have this right. You’re sacrificing your own happiness for his?”