I nodded. "There was money sent to you, wasn't there? To pay for the trip?"
"Yes. Enough for all of us. That was very generous of you. But… I can't pay you back until—"
"You needn't worry about that," I said, whirling around and smiling. "Accept it as my gift to you."
"Oh, Mara—"
"Ah-ah!" I said. "My gift. I want nothing in return. Only…" I continued, leaning toward her a little.
"Only what?" she asked innocently.
"Only… that you stay for a while," I finished. "You will—stay for a while, won't you?"
"Um… certainly," she said. "But not too long, you know. Won't you and Gaar be returning yourselves soon? You've been here so long now."
I could play with her no longer. I was tired of lying. I had to get it over with.
"Gaar's dead, Leta," I said.
"What?" she said quietly.
"Gaar's dead," I repeated. "Agyar killed him."
"No…"
"Yes."
"Do you know what you are saying?"
"And do you know what has happened to me, Leta? Do you want to know?"
"I…"
"I'm dead, too."
"What—?"
"It's hard to explain, really…" I began, moving around her now. She watched me as I went. "But I am dead, too. Only not really dead. Agyar says that I am undead. Something about being dead but still alive. Perhaps that's why I'm going to 'live' forever. After all, people are dead forever, so if they're undead instead, wouldn't they be that way forever, too?"
"What—what are you saying, Mara?"
"I'm saying, Leta, that I am not human anymore. Gaar has been brutally—coldly—unjustly—murdered, and I've been… changed. Changed into a monster bride of a monster. Agyar, that is. Feel my cheeks, Leta," I commanded. "Go on—feel them."
"This is blasphemous, what you say, Mara!"
"What's happened to me is blasphemous, Leta!" I roared. "Yet you speak as someone who believes in your religion, and I never did! Tell me I'm being punished for that, Leta! Tell me that!"
"I…"
"I called you here to make you just like me, Leta! Will your God save you from that? Will He save my children?"
"The… children?"
"Yes! The children!"
"Mara, your face! What…"
"It looks horrible, doesn't it?" I said. "I'm sorry you ever had to see me this way."
"Mara… my dearest friend, what has happened to you? What… are you??"
"You haven't heard of it," I said. "I don't know if anyone has, really. Gaar and I didn't know. That's why he lies in the woods as food for wolves, and I stand here before you, ready to drain you of every drop of blood you have."
"You… what?"
"That's how it's done, Leta. A little prick—a tiny bite from this monster's teeth—and then I just drink and drink—and—"
"No!" she yelled, and I rushed forward to cover her mouth.
"Silence!" I hissed. "It'll only be that much worse for the both of us, if you resist! I get no joy from this, Leta; I have no wish to take blood from my own best friend, my own children, but it will mean you can live forever!"
She tried to scream again, but I held my hand firmly in place, and she kicked and struggled in vain against my strength. I hardly even felt her blows.
"Please stop struggling, Leta!" I continued. "I'm far stronger than you now. You couldn't possibly get away!" She stopped struggling and watched me with terrified eyes.
"I was against this from the beginning," I said. "I only asked that I be allowed to see you all again, if only to say good-bye to you all. I had no intention of ever making you what I am now, of ever… taking your very blood from you! But then Agyar talked to me, and made me think about what it would be like to be an orphan forever, as my children would be if I never saw them again. I was an orphan, too, Leta. It's a miserable existence: no one to talk to you, no one to care for you or wipe away your tears when you're hurt or afraid. I never had a mother, you know; she died as I was born. And Kiri is only two; she may as well have never had a mother, either, if I leave her now."
"What—?"
"I'm going to make you immortal, Leta; I'm going to make all of you immortal! Just think of it; none of us will ever age, never die of disease or hunger. We can be together forever, a family for all time!"
"No!"
"What's wrong, Leta? Does that bother you?" I asked, pushing her down onto her knees and hovering over her. "Believe me, I fought against it, too. I kicked and screamed and I think I even died screaming, too! And for what? I'm still here, walking and talking to you, and to the children. I love them, Leta! I love you, too! That's why I want you here with me!"
"It's blasphemy!"
"Why do you keep saying that?" I roared.
"We were offered immortality in the beginning, but sinned against God! Death is our punishment!"
"But you're a good person," I said. "Why should you die for someone else's mistake?"
"It's… it's just the way it is!" she cried. "You mean to deliver me from death by drinking my blood? That is the way of witches and demons!"
I dropped to my knees and watched her crawl backward up against the wall. She reached the corner and cowered there, watching me with tear-stained eyes.
"Have I become a demon, then?" I asked quietly.
"I don't know, Mara!" she sobbed. "I don't understand any of this! Why, Mara? Why has this happened to you? Why have I come to visit my dearest friend to find she has become a… a… I don't know what she has become!!"
"Vampire," I said.
"What?"
"A vampire," I repeated. "That's what I've become."
"And you will now… drink from me," she sobbed. "You say I'll become immortal if you may only kill me first. You say you do this out of love for me, for the children."
"Leta, I… Yes. Yes, I do."
"And what of Gaar?" she asked. "Was he offered this 'immortality', too?"
"No. He never was. He was always meant to die."
"I see," she said. "And you do not grieve for him?"
"I do," I said. "I grieve for him. I cry for him each night; he has never left my thoughts, Leta. You know I loved him with all my heart; how can you think I didn't?"
"Because you seem to be hiding it so well."
"That was cruel, Leta. You don't understand. You don't understand what that creature has done to me! What he's done to my body, to my mind, and I'm certain my soul, too! I'm nothing now! I have nothing left of me! He's destroyed all that ever was in me, everything that meant anything to me!"
"Who?"
"Agyar, you fool!" I cried. "He's taken my husband, he's taken my home, he's taken my life away from me! And it seems…" I said, kneeling onto the floor in front of her, "he's taken my will from me, too. I can't resist him any longer, Leta. I have to do what he says, when he says it. He tells me I must convert all of you, and I no longer have the strength to say no."
"Convert?"
"It's just the word he uses," I said. "To make you like me. Make you all vampires."
"I don't think I like 'convert' being used that way."
"Oh, what does it matter, Leta? I'm going to take your blood! I'm going to take all of your blood!"
"No, I beg you—"
"I have to do what he says, Leta—"
"But you don't want to! You don't want to kill us! That's what you said before—"
"What I want makes no difference anymore—"
"It does, Mara! What you want will always make a difference!"
"Shut up!"
"Oh, pray with me, Mara! Pray with me that God will hear, and deliver you from this!"
"I was never a Christian—"
"It's never too late for that! You only need to repent what you have done and ask His forgiveness! Try it, Mara! Please pray with me!"
"I can't. .
"You can, Mara! Here," she said, reaching into her coat and withdrawing a small silver cross, "Take this! Hold it and—"
"Aaaaaowwwww!" I screamed, falling backward onto my fanny. It was so bright! And the heat from it—like flames rushing onto my face and into my eyes! Leta put the cross down and crawled to my side and gripped my hand.
"Don't be afraid, Mara! It can work! Just listen to what I say, and repeat after me—"
"Oh, gods, what have I done?? What's happened to me?"
"Your gods cannot help you! They're not real!"
"It almost blinded me!"
"What has?"
"Your… thing! Your cross!"
"My… ?" she said, and reached behind her to pick up the cross again. She held it before her, and I had to cover my eyes to keep it from burning them.
"It is only my cross, Mara. See?"
"I can't look at it, Leta! It hurts! Please—put it somewhere else!"
"But—but… Oh, stop this, Mara! Here! Hold it while I—"I screamed the most horrible scream as she tried to put it into my hand. The flesh on my palm began to burn and scorch the moment she touched it to my skin. She pulled it away instantly and looked at my nearly blackened hand in wide-eyed horror.
"Oh, my God…" she whispered. "Oh… my… God…"
I scrambled away from her as quickly as I could and cowered by the bed, holding my hand by my bosom and whimpering. She watched me in horrified silence for many moments, then slowly brought the cross up between her and me. I could only glance at it before it threatened to blind me again. My eyes were filling with tears now.
"Mara…" she whispered. "You truly are lost. You truly have been… rejected," she said.
"It seems your God does not forgive me…"
"Mara…" she said, placing the cross on the floor and crawling to my side. I tried to turn from her, but she gripped my shoulder and turned me back.
I wish I knew how to help you now," she said.
"You can't. There's no help for me, at least not from your god."
"He is the only God."
"So you believe," I said. "It doesn't really matter. I told you I'm lost. I told you there was nothing left of me."
"And do you still mean to do this to me, and your children?"
"I have to…"
"Do you want God to reject me, too? Would you make Him cast me out? Cast out your children, too?"
"I didn't know, Leta…"
"I have always tried to be a good Christian, Mara," she said. "Please don't take that from me. Immortality? What good would it be for me, without God with me, always?"
"I'm sorry, Leta… I only thought it would mean living forever. I had no idea of the consequences…"
I began sobbing again, and Leta dared to lean forward and embrace me. I tried using her warmth to comfort me, her human warmth, but it did little good. Suddenly I gripped her shoulders and forced her to look me in the eyes.
"Kill me," I said.
"Wh-what?" she gasped.
"You must kill me, Leta. I can't continue like this!"
"Mara, what are you—?"
"You yourself said there's no hope for me. Well, there isn't! You must kill me!"
"Oh, no, I… I could never—"
"Leta, I do not ask this lightly. If I could do it myself, I would, but I cannot! I don't have the strength or the will to!"
"But neither do I!"
"Yes, you do!" I cried. "You're strong, Leta, and I know you can do this! In the morning, when I'm asleep—"
"Oh, please, Mara, stop this!"
"In the morning, while I sleep you must take some wood—a sharp piece of wood—and plunge it into my heart! That's how I can die, Leta!"
"No, no, I can't—!"
"You can! You can do this—for me, for the children—you must kill me!"
In a panic she thrust her hand over my mouth to stop me.
"No!" she cried. "There must be a better way, there has to be!"
I yanked her hand from my mouth and unintentionally bore my fangs at her. She shrank back in fear.
"Does it look like there's a better way??" I hissed. "Do you still think your God will 'save' me?? I can't even look at His symbols! There is no other way!"
I could feel my eyes burning, the skin tightening on my face, the drops of spit falling from needle-sharp teeth. Yet the monster was just as terrified as the human.
"Please kill me, Leta," I pleaded. "Please end this existence. Do it for Gaar, do it for me, do it for the children, nut most of all do it because you love me as your best friend!"
"And as my godsister," she said. "Even though you were never a Christian…"
"Will you do it, Leta? Will you kill me?"
She closed her eyes momentarily and let her head drop. I saw her lips moving a few times in silent prayer, and then she crossed herself and looked up at me.
"What must I do?" she asked quietly. I threw myself forward and hugged her long and hard, wiping away tears all the while. I kept my arms around her as I told her exactly what to do.
She was to wait until morning, and, without even' stopping to eat breakfast, was to pack all of her things up again, the children's, too, and put them all into a carriage. The children were to wait for her mere while she sneaked into the kitchen and went to a large iron door there and climbed down the stairs to Agyar's and my sarcophagi. She was to take her sharpened piece of wood and open the left sarcophagus, where I would be sleeping, and plunge it into my heart, then run from the room, out the door, out the kitchen, out of the house as quickly as she could. She and the children were to speed away in their carriage and not stop until they reached a boat leading away from there and go back to Castrill and never come back. I asked that the children be told that Gaar and I had died in the night, from some illness, and they had to get away before they caught it. Leta wanted to tell them the truth, but I asked that she not do that until they were older, when they might be able to understand. I left it up to her to judge when that time had come. She promised to raise my children herself as if they were her own, and I thanked her over and over for all she had ever done for me, and would soon do for me.
"I promise," she said through tears, and I held her in my arms for how long I do not know, thanking her again and again.
"I pray that God forgives me for this," she said.
"He'll probably reward you, considering how He feels about me right now." For the first time that night we were able to laugh together as friends, until I begged her to leave me and join the children for supper and tell them how sorry I was that neither I nor Gaar could join them that night. And to tell them how much we both loved them; I made her doubly swear to that.
Chapter 18
Agyar was disappointed that I had not completed my "business," but I appeased him by saying that all would be accomplished soon. I was simply letting them rest for the night. It would be all over tomorrow. He smiled coldly and kissed me on the cheek, and I climbed into my sarcophagus and let him cover it up for me.
I did not hear the lid being removed, but my sleep was disturbed by a sharp stick being placed slowly onto my chest. I swallowed once as inconspicuously as I could and waited for my dearest friend to do what she had to. Then the stick was removed, and I heard a quiet sniffling.
Do it, Leta! I cried to myself, but the stick was not placed back.
Do it!
Still nothing, and I opened my eyes ever so slightly to see Leta's shadowy figure crossing herself again and to hear her whispered prayer. Then she loomed over me again, and I forgot myself and opened my eyes all the way, and she gasped and stepped back.
I rose up in the sarcophagus and reached for her arm. She almost cried out when I grabbed it, but I shushed her and took the stake from her hand and held it firmly against my breast. She began shaking her head, and I pulled her toward me and whispered into her ear.
"You have to, Leta," I said. "You have to!"
She started making whimpering sounds, and I covered her mouth quickly and decided to take drastic action. I concentrated and felt my eyes begin to smolder, and I peered straight into her eyes, into her thoughts, into her soul
. I watched her own eyes fade from brown to red, and in that moment her mind was hers no longer. It was mine.
"Kill me," I whispered, and guided her hand to the stake by my chest. "Plunge it into my heart, Leta…" I commanded. "It's the only way…"
"The only way…" she echoed, and I lay back down into the coffin, never letting my gaze drift from hers.
"With all your strength, Leta," I whispered. "Push it in!"
"All my strength…"
She placed both hands over the end of the stake and bent over me. I shut my eyes then and clenched my fists, and braced myself for the pain.
My head flew back, and I opened my mouth wide but did not scream as she plunged it in. My chest was on fire with pain, and I felt cold blood spilling out all over my chest, but I refused to scream for fear of putting her in danger. I struck the bottom of the sarcophagus several times to help me take the pain, and then she pushed it all the way in. And my body went rigid, I let out several short, loud gasps, and then everything was still. And black.
I heard stone being moved against stone again. I felt my body laid out as it usually was, rather than frozen in agony, as I thought it would be after I died. A cold, wet cloth was placed on my forehead, and my eyes shot open to see Agyar looming over me, his face expressionless. I opened my mouth to speak, but could think of nothing to say, and, besides, my throat was terribly dry.
Agyar reached down and lifted me into a sitting position, and I watched him, totally confused, as he held out a mugful of fresh, hot blood to me. I hesitated to take it, however.
"Drink," he said. "You lost a lot of blood today."
Silently I took the mug from him and drank it all in one gulp. He took the mug from me, and I returned to watching him in confusion.
"It seems your 'friend' was not such a friend after all," he announced. "She tried to end your life."
"Really," I said, swallowing once. "And… what exactly did she do?"
"Tried to kill you with wood," he said. "Tried to stab you in the heart with this," he added, holding up the bloody stake.
"But fortunately, I pulled it out," he said.
"Pulled it out?"
"Yes," he said. "I told you we can be killed by wood through the heart, as well. But only as long as it remains in place. Otherwise the wound shall heal, and—" he said, leaning over to kiss my cheek,"—we'll be as good as new."
The Vampire Memoirs Page 18