by Jani Kay
Mia pressed her lips together and shook her head.
“Fuck,” I hissed.
“No, first tell him you love him. Then fuck him like you really meant it.”
I rolled my eyes and grimaced. “Not even a little bit funny.”
Mia’s expression turned serious. “Have you ever told anyone you love them?”
I searched my memory. It went all the way back to fifth grade. “Um, there was this cute boy named Henry and I’d sent him a letter telling him I loved him and asking if he loved me back.”
The ache that settled in my heart reminded me of the unpleasant feeling I associated with declarations of love. I rubbed at the space above my heart with my palm. Mia’s eyes dropped to my chest and slowly moved back to my eyes.
“What happened to little Lexi?”
“Henry sent the letter all over the class and the school and everyone made fun of me. That was the last time I told anyone I loved them. Including my family.”
Mia reached out and took my hand in hers, gently rubbing over my knuckles with her thumb, the way I’d seen her soothe her kids so many times before. “Henry is an asshole. Just because one person is a jerk, doesn’t mean that every guy is going to be the same. You’ve got to let go of that fear and trust that Razor loves you enough to take your words to heart.”
I blinked fast and averted my gaze. “You think Razor loves me? Really?”
Mia sucked in a breath and sat back in her chair. “Oh, baby girl, you have no idea do you? Razor worships the fucking ground you walk on. He’s so in love with you, I can’t believe you haven’t seen it.”
I knew Razor lusted for my body. I knew he wanted to control my mind.
But love?
“Love is a strong word. And he’s never said anything about loving me.”
“Hmmm, maybe there is something that Razor is afraid of after all. You. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I’m damn sure he’d give up his right arm for you . . . and both his balls. And you know how much a man loves those testicles of theirs.”
Embarrassed, I laughed. “Why would Razor be afraid of me? I’m just a girl. I’m no match for his strength—”
Mia shook her head. “It has nothing to do with physical strength. Love can bring a giant to his knees. Make a big man weak. Razor is afraid you’ll turn him down and break his heart. If he never tells you how much he loves you, he can’t get rejected.”
My hands rested on my hips. “That’s just stupid,” I huffed.
Mia’s right eyebrow lifted into a question mark. “Is it?”
I didn’t answer. For once I wasn’t sure about anything.
“You know I’m right, Lexi. I can’t tell you what to do—you’re a smart and very headstrong young woman. But if I were as blindly in love with a man as what you are, I’d do anything to make him mine.” The small smile at the corner of her eyes teased and challenged me.
“Blindly in love! Whoa, that’s a bit much—”
Mia pulled the sheets up to her neck. “Have it your way. Deny it all you want. I’m tired and I need to sleep. I’m sure you’ll figure it out in the end.”
Her eyelids drooped and she looked all washed out. I’d overstayed my welcome and I needed to leave. Mia’s words sat heavy in my chest. It wasn’t that I was being stubborn as much as what I was confused and at a loss what to do.
What if Mia is wrong?
How could I fix anything after all we’d been through? I was the girl who fucked things up, not fixed them.
“I’ll try. Hope you feel better soon and get back home. I’m sure the kids miss you.”
“I miss them too. I hope I’m out of here in three days for Bella’s birthday. She’d be crushed if I wasn’t there. Poor little bambino.”
“Don’t worry about a thing. It’ll all work out,” I soothed as an idea sprang into my head. At least there was something I could do for Mia and Bella, and I was hellbent on fixing some of the damage I’d done.
But Razor?
And then the thought struck me like lightning. All the breath left my lungs as I exhaled.
What if Mia is right?
23 — Lexi
I took a step back from the table and admired my handiwork. Who knew I had it in me to organize a kid’s party?
I’d moved back into my old room at the compound, this time because I wanted to.
Bella was obsessed with Disney’s Frozen and it had taken me two solid days to bake and decorate a special cake and make all the other cute cookies I’d seen in a recipe book. I’d built a castle and iced it in blues and pinks, then finished it off by placing little figurines from the fairy tale I’d bought at the store around the palace.
I wished I were a little girl again and that somebody had made me a birthday cake like that. Warmth flooded my body. At least I could make another little girl happy by fulfilling her dream. It felt good that I could do that for a special kid I adored.
“Today’s a really special day,” I told Jamie who’d insisted on being my kitchen helper. He’d licked out all the bowls and he was covered in icing, but I just smiled and let him enjoy himself even though I’d most likely regret it later when he got hyperactive from sugar overload.
“It’s Bella’s birthday and she’s three,” he lisped, holding up his three middle fingers with a wide grin.
“That’s right, big boy,” I said as I ruffled his hair. “And what else?”
He pushed out his chest. “Dad’s coming home and so is Mommy. We’re going to be a family again.” His eyes shone with joy and I couldn’t help the lump that formed in my throat. I swallowed back the pesky tears that threatened to overwhelm me.
What Cobra and his little family had been through was more than most families had to suffer in a lifetime. Finally, they’d all be united and hopefully thing would start working out better for them.
“Yeah. You’re a smart boy.” I said in a croaky voice. “Are you going to help me hang the banner we made yesterday?”
The kids and I had spent hours colouring in a big Welcome Home sign I’d made and strung together to hang at the entrance. Bella had made more of a mess than anything with the glitter, but it was precious because it was their own designs on the banner and I knew their parents would love it.
“I’m not tall enough,” Jamie said, “But I know how to fix it.”
Before I could figure out what he meant, he’d jumped off the counter where he’d been perched while helping me stick three candles into Bella’s cake. I watched him run off and assumed he’d had enough of decorating.
I hummed a tune while I unrolled the long strip of paper and bent over while carefully laying it on the floor. I’d need a ladder and another pair of hands to get the banner in place.
A wolf whistle behind me startled me. I stood up straight, pulling at the shorts that had crept up my ass. I hated when that happened.
“Hey, sexy. Wow, that’s a sight I never wanna forget. Your ass is peachy in those frayed denim shorts.” Logan’s voice was low and husky and my cheeks warmed as I met his gaze. Lust shone from them and I squirmed uncomfortably. His advances had become more and more overt by the day and soon I was going to have to put him in his place. For now I could handle it because it didn’t really mean anything to me, but I didn’t want him getting any ideas that there could actually be anything between the two of us other than flirting and harmless banter.
“You’re just in time,” I said, ignoring his comment and holding up the string for him to see. If I didn’t make a fuss, he’d surely get the message sooner or later. “Did somebody send you?”
Jamie might have told him or else it was just great timing, but I wouldn’t turn help down.
He pointed to the banner on the floor. “Need help with that, Gorgeous?”
I nodded and held the string toward him.
Within a few steps, Logan was in my personal space. He wore a devilish grin and his eyes gleamed. His hand covered mine and he looked down at me. “I’ll move mountains for a kiss from those lips,”
he murmured as he leaned in and covered my mouth with his. His tongue ran along the seam of my lips, but I didn’t open for him.
“Logan,” I groaned. It was time to have the talk. I pushed against his chest with both hands, but he was like a fucking brick wall that wasn’t going anywhere.
“Here it is, Razor. The banner we made for Dad and Mom.” Jamie’s excited voice sounded behind me and I froze. “Please help me put it up. I wanna sit on your shoulders so I’m tall enough.”
“Yeah, little guy. Seems Lexi’s already got it sorted.”
I spun around, my body still against Logan’s chest. Razor patted Jamie’s head reassuringly but his eyes were on the Aussie dude I was plastered against, hooded so that I couldn’t read them.
Razor held up both hands. His gaze shifted to mine, boring into my soul. “Hey, sorry to interrupt whatever the hell is going on here, but I already promised the kid I’d help.”
“I . . . um, sure,” I said clumsily. Since when was I at a loss for words whenever Razor was close by? Maybe since he wore a constant frown and avoided me as much as possible. He’d gone from being in my face to shutting me out. Both were equally infuriating and I wanted to scream.
Screaming wasn’t all I wanted to do.
I wanted to jump Razor and force him to take notice of me.
I wanted his hands and lips all over me. His cock inside me.
Fuck. What the hell was wrong with me? All the time I’d had him eating out of my hand I didn’t want him and now he was cool toward me I was going crazy for the man.
Stepping away from Logan, I crossed the room, flustered. “I think we should hang it from here to there,” I said, pointing to the sides of the entrance to the room while I tried to get my crazy hormones under control.
Razor shrugged, a sly smile twisting his lips. “You’re the boss.”
My head jerked up and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. You should know that by now, Lexi. Whatever you want, babe.”
What the hell was he trying to tell me and why was it so hard for me to decipher the meaning? Maybe I read too much into his words and was close to making a fool of myself.
Since Razor had arrived, Logan apparently had a change of mind. “Hey, I’m thirsty. I’m getting a drink.” He took a few steps in the direction of the bar. “Anyone else want one?”
“Nah, let’s get this done first,” Razor said as he tickled Jamie so that the boy cackled with glee before he lifted him onto his broad shoulders.
“This is fun. I’m tall enough to reach now,” Jamie announced, holding out both hands eagerly.
Razor’s deep voice jerked me from my thoughts. “Well, aren’t you going to give him the string to hang the banner?”
“Yeah, of course.” I crossed the room to where they stood waiting, both with enormous grins on their faces. My heart did a 360-degree flip and my hand trembled slightly as I reached up beside Razor to hand the end of the string to Jamie.
“You smell nice,” Razor whispered close to my ear.
I dropped the string and the paper triangles fluttered to the floor. Flustered, I bent over to pick it up, aware that my damn shorts were crawling up my ass again.
“Jesus, Lexi, are you trying to kill me?”
A small smile crept over my lips. He noticed. Suddenly I wasn’t so annoyed at the shorts any longer and decided to milk it for all it was worth. I ‘accidentally’ stumbled backward and crashed against Razor’s bare arm, giving him a good feel of my ass against the back of his hand.
He groaned but didn’t move his hand away.
Mia was right. He still wants me. I think.
Funny how such a small thing could make all the difference. It was all I needed.
Pressing my tits against his ribs, I reached up to hand the end of the string to Jamie. He grinned and wound it around his hand to secure it.
But it was Razor’s reaction I was most interested in. He groaned and leaned his body in to mine for a few seconds before pulling away with a rough jerk. He turned on his heels and walked to the opposite side of the room, as far from me as he could get.
Doubt filled my mind. What if I was reading the signals all wrong?
There was only one way to find out for sure. I had to keep on flirting until he either fell for it or pushed me away. That was the day I was going all out even though I didn’t have a clue how it would turn out.
I followed Razor—with Jamie still riding on his shoulders—to the other side of the room.
“What do you think, Jamie, should we hang one side of the banner here?” Razor spoke to the kid as if I wasn’t even there.
I folded my arms across my chest and just stood watching them. Razor held the boy steady by his hips as he reached up and wound the string around a curtain rail. He then moved to the opposite side and repeated the process.
Razor took a step back and read out loud: “Welcome Home.”
I couldn’t help wondering what that meant to him that his brother was coming home from hospital. Would Cobra insist on being president despite Mia’s wishes? How would that affect Razor?
“Do you like it?” Jamie beamed from ear to ear.
“Yeah, buddy. You did a darn good job. You and your sister. Your parents are gonna love it.”
What about me? I get no credit?
Of course not.
Something about the biker had changed that night at the club. Not only had he become more distant toward me, but his whole demeanour was somehow different. More mature. Less volatile. Definitely not as self-assured as what he usually was. The frown between his dark brows had kinda become a permanent fixture whenever he was around me.
Frustration built up inside me. If only Razor would talk to me. Even if he screamed and shouted at me, it would be better than the silent treatment.
There was one thing I’d learned about men; they usually closed like clams in some situations where women would react completely the opposite and talk their heads off.
“Cool isn’t it?” I said, admiring our creation.
“Yeah!” Jamie agreed. “I like all the bright colors.”
No reaction from his uncle. Not even a smug smile or cocky comment.
Just nothing. As if he didn’t care.
It drove me insane that not a thing I said or did got a rise out of Razor. I had to come up with something to shake things up.
I just wanted the man back that I’d fallen for. Or was I too late?
24 — Razor
Keeping cool around Lexi wasn’t the easiest thing I’d ever done, but I was getting better at it the more time passed.
I was happy that Cobra had recovered enough to come home to the club for his daughter’s birthday. Impressed that Lexi had taken it on herself to organise a party for Bella and gone to as much trouble as she had stirred something deep inside me, and I had to avoid looking at her to remain composed and not lose my shit around her.
As soon as Cobra settled back into club life I was going to have a talk with him and convince him that Lexi should be allowed to leave the compound and go back home.
I just want her to be happy. Free and happy.
Since I worked out that her happiness wasn’t going to be with me, I at least wanted her to have her freedom. Keeping someone like my Spitfire in a cage was cruel and it stole her spirit. If I couldn’t be the man for her, I could at least give her back her independence.
It didn’t matter that it would cost me what I wanted providing she was content. And she could do a lot fucking worse that than the Aussie kid who was clearly fucking crazy about her.
Talk of the devil.
“Hey, sexy Lexi, that’s so cool,” Logan said as he walked back into the clubroom with a cola in his hand and a grin on his pretty boy face. The second he spotted me he froze for a few seconds, then sauntered over to where Lexi stood with her back to me.
Sexy Lexi? What the fuck?
I couldn’t stop the growl that rumbled from my chest. Since when did he call her that? I could
have knocked his fucking head off.
“Well at least somebody appreciates my idea,” Lexi said coolly.
Although that comment was aimed at me, I didn’t bite.
“I think you’re amazing,” Logan said, both hands planted on Lexi’s shoulders. This was new. He’d never dared to lay a finger on her in my presence before. It had to mean that he thought he had a chance with her, otherwise he wouldn’t be risking his fucking balls getting cut.
His cocky attitude ground on my last nerve. I gripped both Jamie’s feet to keep my fists from balling and rearranging Pretty Boy’s face for him. It was way too fucking perfect. Itching to smack into that straight nose of his to add some character to his looks, I stretched my fingers. I bet that would get a few laughs from the kid and a smirk from Lexi.
That’s all I ever get from her. Sass and attitude.
I’d had enough of this shit. Tired of being less than a hero in her eyes. It was time I showed her who she fucking belonged to. Who was boss. She’d be mine before the night was over, and she’d never forget it as long as she lived.
“Hey kid, I think your mother called for you,” I said with snark. “And I’m not talking to Jamie.”
The Aussie swung around, confused. “Mum’s in Australia.”
“Exactly. She thinks it’s time you come home.”
Lexi giggled behind her hand. At least she appreciated my wicked sense of humor.
“I need help setting up the balloons.” She caught my gaze and kept it. “Any volunteers?”
I’d be the first one to admit that if she’d asked me a few weeks ago, I would’ve told her that was women’s business and I had better things to do. Now I knew better. Fighting off a young stud who was trying to get into my woman’s pants was more important than anything else.
What if Lexi liked his fucking cock more than mine?
Warmth flooded my belly and I swiped at the back of my neck. “I’m here.”
“I’m taller than the biker. I won’t even need a ladder.”
Jamie grinned at Lexi. “Me and Razor is taller than you if I sit on his shoulders again.”