Mutual Feelings

by Billy Taylor

  I took a big, big deep breath and slowly exhaled before ringing the door. I saw a light flick on in the hallway and then Zac’s mum opened the door. She was a very beautiful woman, and she had a kind face. Zac definitely has some of her features, apart from her eyes. Mrs. Williams had hazel eyes and long light brown hair.

  She poked her head around the door and smiled at me and said, “Are you going to try to sell me something?”

  I laughed. “No, I’m a friend of Zac’s. My name’s Will.”

  “Oh. Zac isn’t here at the moment. She hasn’t been here for a while.”

  “I know. She is staying with me at the moment. Well, Thursday to Sunday each week… I was just wondering if I could speak to you and Mr. Williams?”

  She opened the door and stood aside, allowing me entry. “Please, come in.”

  “Thank you. Zac told me that you like Ron’s Ice Cream strawberry flavour, so I brought you a tub. I work for them.”

  I passed her the tub and she grinned. “That’s very kind of you, thank you.”

  The staircase to the bedrooms was straight in front of you as you entered. But I followed Mrs. Williams into their living room through a door on the right. Their living room was quite nice actually. It was very modern and they had a huge TV. I was too busy looking around that I didn’t see Mr. Williams sitting in an armchair, watching the TV.

  Mrs. Williams muted the television and then introduced us. “Harry, this is Will, he’s a friend of Zac’s. He said he wanted to speak to us.”

  His eyes met mine and then he scanned me from head to toe. He got to his feet and shook my hand. He was a lot smaller than me. By at least half a foot. It was hard to see that he was a policeman. He just didn’t look like one. Maybe he worked in the offices or something. He had dark brown hair, but he was slowly balding. And he had rough skin and was very tan. But the main thing I noticed was the displeased look he had on his face. I don’t know if it was because of Zac being mentioned or if he greeted everyone like that.

  I sat beside Mrs. Williams on the sofa. “So why did you want to speak to us?” she asked.

  “When I got home from work today, Zac had been crying. And she told me that she had spoken to her dad. And it really upset her.”

  Before I could continue Mrs. Williams turned to Mr. Williams. “You called her?”

  He nodded. “Yes, I called her.”

  “Why? And why didn’t you tell me you had spoken to her?”

  “I told her to stop being a fool and come home,” he said. It didn’t seem that he felt bad about his actions or thought that he had made a mistake. Mrs. Williams shook her head and then turned to me.

  I faced Mr. Williams and said, “The approach you have taken is a bit vigorous. Shouting at Zac and telling her to stop it hasn’t helped and isn’t going to help. Eating disorders are very serious. I think if you apologised and tried to support her—”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I think if you apologise—”

  “No, I heard what you said. I’m finding it hard to believe that you said it.”

  “I’m trying to help—”

  “Who the hell are you anyway? Some random guy that she’s probably fucking and thinks he knows everything about her and her family.”

  “Harry!” Mrs. Williams yelled.

  “No! I won’t allow it! How dare you come into my house and tell me how to deal with my daughter? You little tramp. You have no idea what it’s like to go through this. You’ve never experienced anything like this before. You probably searched it online before you came. So don’t come to my house and tell me how to deal with my daughter.”

  Mrs. Williams didn’t say anything. Mr. Williams then told me to leave. I stood and buttoned up my suit. The anger rushing through me was indescribable. I could dismiss any insults or remarks he made towards me. But what I couldn’t dismiss was his assumption that I had no idea what it’s like to go through this. That I’ve never experienced anything like this before. And that I searched it online. I clenched my jaw as an attempt to retain my anger. I thought how easy it would be to snap my arm and drive my fist into his face. But that would get me arrested and not make things any better. And it definitely wouldn’t help Zac.

  “Ten years ago my sister had a serious eating disorder. I was in school one day and my lesson was interrupted because my grandfather had come to take me to the hospital to see my sister because they didn’t think she was going to make it. I sat beside my sister in a hospital bed, ready to say good-bye because they thought she was going to die. But somehow, by some miracle, she recovered. And I was going to tell you that I took Zac to meet my sister and mum. And they have helped Zac. And I think she is making progress. We have smoothies in the morning and soup for lunch for dinner and tea. When we’re not together, we send each other a photo of our smoothie or soup. I care about your daughter more than anything in the world. I came here to try to help you sort out your relationship with your daughter, so you could support her in the right way instead of calling her stupid. If I were you, I would do everything I physically could to support her and make sure that she is happy.” I turned to Mrs. Williams and said, “I’m so sorry to have spoilt your evening, Mrs. Williams. Enjoy your ice cream.”

  And then I turned to Mr. Williams and said, “And you can go fuck yourself.”

  Forty minutes after I left to pick up some food, and a bunch of flowers, I walked through the apartment door. I placed the shopping into the fridge and freezer and then I returned to the bedroom. The bedroom was empty, so I checked the bathroom. Zac was still in the bath, surrounded by bubbles.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey,” she replied. “I had a call from my mum two minutes ago.”

  I sighed and dropped my head. “Zac, I cannot begin to explain how sorry—”

  “Will, you don’t need to apologise. I mean, I’m a little mad, but I’m madder at my dad. I think I should be thanking you. My mum told me to tell you that she apologises for his behaviour.”

  “Really?” I said. I let out a huge sigh of relief and my heart rate slowly began to return to its normal pace.

  “Yeah. Mum said you put Dad in his place. He hasn’t said a word since you left their house.”

  “I just wanted to try to make him understand that he wasn’t helping. And I tried to talk to him, but then he interrupted me and started saying things that made me incredibly angry. But I’m so sorry I went without talking to you and asking for your permission.”

  Zac lifted her hand out of the bath and wiped some bubbles onto my nose. “It’s fine, Will, relax.” I reclaimed my seat on the chair beside her. “Did you really tell my dad to go fuck himself though?”

  I grimaced. “Yes.”

  She grinned and giggled. “Brilliant.”

  “Brilliant?” I questioned.

  “Yeah. I wish I could have told my dad to go fuck himself at least once in my life.”

  “That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting, although it is understandable.” I lifted the flowers up so she could see them. “I bought you flowers.”

  She took them from me and held them above the water. “You bought me flowers.” She smiled and returned them to my possession.

  “I bought a vase, too. I’ll go and put these in it now.”

  “Ok,” Zac said. “Are you going to join me afterwards?”

  “Yeah. I’ll come and sit on the chair once I’ve sorted out your flowers.”

  “No, I mean, in the bath.”

  “Oh,” I said. “We’ve never done that before.”

  She raised an eyebrow at me. “It’s not like we haven’t seen each other naked, Will.”

  I smirked. “Ok. I’ll be back in two minutes.”

  March 20th

  Zac woke me up at 2:00 a.m. She was sat cross-legged beside me, the bedside lamp on.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “Do you know when you’re in the shower?” she said.

  I opened my eyes and woke up more due to the irrelevance that I co
uld sense to come from this conversation. “Yes, I do,” I said, sitting up slightly.

  “Do you ever stand under the water and hold out your arm so the water runs along it and off the edge of your fingers so it feels like you have superpowers?” Her beautiful blue eyes blinked, and she had a blank expression on her face that indicated she didn’t feel like waking me up at 2:00 a.m. to ask me such a random question was a bad idea.

  “I can’t say that I have,” I said.

  “I’ll show you some time,” she replied. She pouted her lips and her eyes began to wander around.

  “Is that all you woke me up for?” I asked.

  “I couldn’t sleep.” She shuffled around and sat back on the pillow so she was right next to me. I faced her and she faced me. And she had the “kiss me” look on her face. And she was slowly moving in closer to me.

  “I have work in the morning,” I said.

  Her lips parted and they were now inches away from mine. “Ok,” she said. She placed her hand on the side of my face and then kissed me. “Good night,” she said afterwards, turning off the bedside lamp and rolling over to her side of the bed. I budged over a little and began to play with her hair and scratch her head with my left hand.

  “What are you doing?” she muttered.

  “I thought this would help you sleep,” I replied. “Technically this isn’t cuddling.”

  She shuffled around in her position so I thought that meant to stop, so I took my hand away.

  “What are you doing?” she muttered again.

  “I thought you wanted me to stop.” She remained silent. I grinned in the darkness, and then reached my left hand over again and continued to play with her hair and scratch her head.

  I could hear music playing from my bedroom as I entered the apartment from work. I opened my bedroom door to find Zac sat on my bed, nodding her head, her beanie pulled down over her eyes.

  “Hey. How was your day?” I asked, slumping onto the bed beside her.

  She lifted the beanie from over her eyes. “It was ok. How was yours?”

  “Mine was ok. Gets a little boring in the office without having anyone to talk to.” Zac smiled and then she rolled on top of me and kissed me. “What was that for?” I asked.

  “Well, we have the apartment to ourselves so I thought…”

  “Ah,” I said. “Can we change the music first?”

  “What’s wrong with Alex Farrell?”

  “Oh, is that who this is? I knew I’d heard it before.”

  “Are you a fan of his?”

  “No. I’m more of a Palmer Hobbs fan.”

  “Oh. I hate her. She’s so stuck up.”

  “She isn’t!”

  “Yes, she is.”

  “Erm, no, she isn’t.”

  “She is, but ok.”

  “Seriously, though. Can we turn off this music?” She groaned and started to kiss my neck. “Alex Farrell isn’t the right kind of music for sex,” I said.

  Zac sat up and frowned. “But Wham! is?”

  I grinned. “Yeah it is!”

  “Whatever feeds your panda.” She sighed and then grabbed the remote to turn off the stereo. “I have an idea,” she then said.

  “Do you now? What is this idea?” I asked.

  “Can you remember the conversation we had last night?”

  “About me scratching your head?”

  “No, about being in the shower.”

  “Oh, yes. The one you so kindly woke me up to talk about.”

  She went a little shy. “Yes.”

  “What about it?”

  “I could show you now.” I pulled a funny face and watched her. “What?” she said, punching me.

  “So how do you plan we do this?” I asked.

  “We go and get in the shower?” she said with a questionable frown on her face.

  “Ok,” I said, pushing her off me and hopping off the bed. I got undressed and got into the shower. It’s convenient that the shower is one of those rainfall showers otherwise it would be an awful idea. Zac joined me a couple of minutes later and caught me completely off guard even though we’d planned to do this. I didn’t know where to look. I know we’ve seen each other naked many times, but I didn’t know whether to look or not to look. So I just stared upwards and told myself not to look at her boobs. To distract myself I thought it would be a good idea to count the tiles on the ceiling. It turns out they are thirty-seven, maybe thirty-six and a half; there is one tile that isn’t a full tile because of the corner it is on so it completely messed everything up.

  “Will,” Zac said.

  “Yes,” I said, trying to figure out exactly what percentage of a tile it was. She put her hands on the back of my neck and then pulled me in and kissed me. She then pushed me back and told me to watch her. She positioned herself underneath the shower water so her shoulder was in the middle of it. She then held out her arm and extended her hand out towards the glass. Then the tiniest, and I mean tiniest, trickle of water began to flow off the edge of her fingers. I was going to laugh and tell her how ridiculous this was, but then she looked over her shoulder to see me, and she seemed so pleased with herself. So I smiled and told her how brilliant this was. We then spent the next fifteen minutes flicking shampoo on the glass or wall of the shower and then washing it off with our superhero shower powers.

  March 21st

  I woke up this morning to find Zac lying on me. Her head was resting on my chest, and then the rest of her body almost matched the shape of mine.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered. I couldn’t see if she was awake or not. Her head lifted a moment later and she rested her chin on my chest. Her beautiful blue eyes made a wonderful start to my morning.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Why are you lying on me? No cuddling, remember?”

  “You’re too comfy. I wish I’d discovered this sooner.”

  “So is cuddling allowed now?”

  “We’ll see. It’s too early to think about that now.”

  Instead of making a sly remark or joke or moving her off me, I just put my arms around her and gave her a little squeeze. And then I shut my eyes. I didn’t go back to sleep, but it was nice to simply lie there and hold her in my arms. I’ve waited to do that for a long time. The main thing I started to think about was how she got there without waking me. Surely I would have noticed a person lying on top of me during the night.

  We got up a couple of hours later and she made our breakfast smoothies. I watched her for a moment as she stood on her tiptoes in her Star Wars pyjamas and turned on the blender. Her hair was very wild and full of volume, but she looked incredibly hot.

  “So what do you want to do today?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. Did you have any ideas?” she replied.

  “I thought we could go for a walk.”

  “A walk?”

  “Yes.”

  “Where?”

  “There is a lake about thirty minutes away from here. You can walk around it. I thought it would be nice to go outside and do something for once instead of sitting and watching TV all day.”

  She passed me my smoothie as she sipped on hers. “Ok,” she said with a nod.

  “I was thinking we could make our soups before we go and heat them up and put them in some flasks, so we can drink them when we’re there.”

  She smiled her tight-lipped smile and said, “That’s a very nice plan, Will.”

  “Thank you, Zac.”

  We got dressed, and Zac blended our soups and heated them, then I carefully poured them into some flasks. I placed the flasks into a backpack. I also put in a scarf and a big thick blanket for two reasons. The first was that they would wedge the flasks together so they won’t rattle around and bump into each other and spill in the backpack. And the second was that Zac would no doubt get cold during this walk because it is very windy there, and even though I told her several times, I still didn’t think she put on enough layers of clothing. She had a jumper and a coat and her beanie.
I offered her some gloves of mine, but she said she would leave her hands in her pockets. The gloves were too big, but at least they would keep her hands warm. I placed them into the backpack anyway in case she needed them.

  As I said, the lake was very windy when we got there. There are lots of trees along the edge to provide cover as you walk so we would be ok. The lake was calm even though the wind was strong. The odd ripple would brush across the surface every now and then. The lake water was a very deep dark blue. Which made sense because the sky was clear, only a couple of clouds were floating by. The sun was out too, and it was fairly warm, but you couldn’t appreciate it as seconds later a gust of wind would interrupt.

  We walked through the forest, I guess you could call it, along a footpath. The birds would often chirp as we strolled. Since Zac takes the smallest strides we were walking at a slow pace. I almost had to dawdle on the spot to keep at the slow pace because I’m used to walking faster and taking bigger strides. But we were in no rush anyway.

  It was nice to actually do something together for once. Couples would pass us and they’d say good afternoon and I would say it in return because Zac was too shy to do it herself. I encouraged her to reply at least once so she said ok. And she ended up saying “Good hello” and then we both started laughing uncontrollably. I almost fell to the ground it was so funny.

  She went so shy afterwards. And started to jog away. She stopped after a few seconds. I can’t imagine jogging in Timberland boots is the most comfortable thing. She turned to me and hunched up, pulling her coat up so only her eyes were visible. I calmed my laughter as I walked up to her, and then I gave her a hug.

  “No hugging,” she said, but I ignored her.

  Five minutes later we reached the halfway point, so we found a bench to sit on and watch the lake. Zac was already shivering as we sat down. I got out our flasks and placed them between us. Then I reached into the bag and pulled out the scarf and put it around her neck. Then I got the gloves and placed them onto her lap. Then I tugged out the blanket and placed it over her shoulders and tucked it underneath her so it wouldn’t fly away. I zipped up the bag and placed it underneath my feet so that wouldn’t fly away, too.