Mutual Feelings

by Billy Taylor

  When I went to face Zac, she was already watching me. She had this look on her face, just a small smile. She didn’t take her eyes off me. And I looked into her eyes, and for a second, I knew she thought I was the best thing in the world. And for that brief moment, I felt whole. I felt like she loved me.

  March 22nd

  I woke up again this morning to find Zac lying on me the same way she had the day before: her head on my chest, and then the rest of her body almost matching the shape of mine. Once again, I have no idea how she didn’t wake me when she climbed onto me. I put my arms around her again and held her. But this time I fell back to sleep.

  I woke up to find Zac wafting a plate of toast in my face. Two slices, each with a bite taken out of them. I smirked and sat up, taking the plate from her.

  “Good morning,” she said.

  “Good morning,” I replied. “Thank you for my toast.”

  “You’re welcome,” she said. I could hear “It’s Now or Never” by Elvis Presley playing from the radio in the kitchen. “Your smoothie is here, too.” She reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a bottle and spread my legs and put it between them and then closed them so it wouldn’t fall over. It was very cold and sensitive against the skin.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “You’re welcome,” she replied with a sarcastic smirk. She then leant in and kissed me. “We’re having sex once you’ve finished that,” she said.

  I coughed on a piece of toast as her directness was unexpected and then I said, “Oh, ok then.”

  Sundiscussion Topic:

  Male and Female Celebrity Crushes

  “That’s not a discussion,” I said to Zac, the topic chooser.

  “I know, but I want to know who yours is,” she replied.

  “So I have to choose a male and female?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ok,” I said, removing my phone from my pocket.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, bringing her face next to mine and inspecting what I was doing.

  “I’m texting Ted. So we can find out what his and Autumn’s are. So I’ll text him ours first, and he can reply with theirs.”

  “Ok,” she said. “You first.”

  I peeked down at her nestling her chin on my shoulder. Her big blue eyes intrigued at my answer. She smiled her tight-lipped smile and said, “Come on!”

  I rested my head on the back of the sofa. “My female celebrity choice would be Jennifer Aniston. I don’t need to think that over. I don’t think beautiful will suffice to describe her. They should create a new word just to describe how beautiful she is.”

  “Ok,” Zac said. “And your guy celebrity?”

  I hummed. “It would have to be Ryan Gosling. He is an incredibly handsome man.”

  Zac sulked and nodded. “Interesting choices.”

  “So what are yours?” I asked.

  “Mine are Matthew McConaughey and Natalie Portman.”

  I nodded. “Natalie Portman would have been in my top five.”

  “Yep,” Zac said.

  “So you love Natalie Portman, but yet you’ve never seen Star Wars?”

  Zac shook her head. “I didn’t think she was in Star Wars.”

  I shot up. “Of course she is! She’s in the prequels!”

  “Oh really?”

  “We should watch them,” I said.

  Zac bit her lip. She didn’t want to watch Star Wars, but I could tell the idea of watching a Natalie Portman movie she’d never seen before enticed her. “Only if you watch How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days with me after.”

  “What’s that about?” I asked. Zac raised an eyebrow and gave me an unamused look. “Ok, no need to be all mean,” I said. “Who is in that film?”

  “Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson.”

  I pouted and considered the offer. “If you watch Star Wars with me first, I will watch your film after.”

  “Deal,” she said. I returned to my phone and began to text Ted.

  NEW MESSAGE FROM WILL EVANS

  Sundiscussion Topic:

  Male and Female Celebrity Crushes.

  Will: Ryan Gosling and Jennifer Aniston.

  Zac: Matthew McConaughey and Natalie Portman.

  Please send yours back at your earliest possible

  convenience – Will.

  “Ok. Best friend test,” Zac said, shuffling over and sitting on my lap.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Well, if you’re Ted’s best friend, you will know what his answers will be,” she replied.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Interesting proposition. Shall we place some stakes?”

  “Ok,” Zac said. “If you get it wrong, we watch How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days first, Star Wars later.”

  My phone then buzzed. Zac snatched my phone away and gripped it in her hands. “Tell me your answers,” she commanded, pointing her finger at me.

  “Hm. I know he loves Jennifer Love-Hewitt. But I think he will say Carrie Fisher or Emmy Rossum. No, he will definitely say both. Carrie and Emmy.”

  “Ok. And what about his guy crush?”

  “He will say George Clooney.”

  “You seem pretty confident.”

  “That’s because he loves George Clooney.” She hummed and then scratched her nose. “Well, check the text and put me out of my misery,” I said.

  Zac smirked and opened my phone to read the text. A moment later she dropped the phone and started laughing. “I’m leaving!” she said, falling and resting her head on my shoulder. I leant over and grabbed my phone.

  NEW MESSAGE FROM TED MAGUIRE

  Ted: George Clooney and Carrie Fisher/Emmy Rossum (I couldn’t decide.)

  Autumn: Jude Law and Rachel Bilson.

  I started laughing after I had read it. “Did I get it right?” I jokingly asked Zac.

  “How did you know he would say all three?” she said, finding it hard to stop laughing.

  “I just did.” Our laughing calmed down after a minute or so, then we sat there calmly before Zac started kissing my neck. “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Well, you won, so…”

  “The reward was to watch Star Wars first…”

  Zac leant back and said, “So you’d rather watch Star Wars than have sex?” I puffed out my cheeks and thought it over. “I’m definitely leaving this time,” she said, about to get off my lap.

  “No, wait!” I said, putting my hands on her side.

  “Ok, I’m waiting,” she said, folding her arms.

  “We could do both,” I suggested.

  “I am not fulfilling some fantasy of yours from being a thirteen-year-old.”

  “I was fourteen actually.” I picked her up and kissed her, then tried to navigate my way to the bedroom without bumping into anything.

  We watched Star Wars for about thirty minutes before Zac got up and turned it off and put on her film. I’d sent Ted a photo of Zac and me watching Star Wars, and he was utterly amazed; he’d been trying to get Autumn to watch Star Wars since the day they met. So Zac and I snuggled up together. Yep, we did. She laid her head on my chest as we sat and watched the film. I don’t know what has gotten into her recently. I feel like we’re actually kind of a couple now. It’s weird. Now I’m the one thinking I must have landed in an alternate universe.

  I feel like I don’t need to explain the plot of How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. Halfway through the film Zac budged over to the other end of the sofa and stuck her feet in my face. She just kept tapping me with the bottom of her feet. “Rub them, please,” she whined. So I sat up and began to massage her smelly feet. My bet had really paid off.

  “It’s a bit unrealistic. Saying that, it’s no different from the start of Ted and Autumn’s relationship,” I said after the film had finished.

  “Exactly. And how can you call it unrealistic when you just made me watch Star Wars?!” she yelled.

  “You watched thirty minutes of it. I’m not having another argument with you because I’m tired of
always being right,” I said, folding my arms and looking away.

  We were silent for a minute or two before she climbed onto me. She tried to lie across my shoulder, but then slumped behind my back and fell onto the sofa behind me. “What are you doing?” I asked, turning to see her head squished between my ass and the back of the sofa.

  “What were you thinking when you first saw me?” she asked.

  “You’re so random,” I said, shuffling forward so she could sit up. She rested her head on my lap and put my hand on her head, implying she wanted me to massage her head.

  I slowly started to run my hands through her hair, and then she asked again, “What were you thinking when you first saw me?”

  I looked down into her beautiful blue eyes, and returned to when I was stood at the top of the stairs in the cinema, seeing her for the first time. “I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.”

  “Na, I don’t believe you,” she said with a cheesy grin.

  “Call Ted, he will back me up. Ask him what my first words were when I saw you.”

  “How do I know you and Ted haven’t planned for something like this and you’ve already told him what to say to me?”

  “Really?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

  A smug smile appeared on Zac’s face. “Fine.” She reached for her phone and called Ted, putting the phone on speaker.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, Ted, how’s the holiday so far?”

  “Autumn is walking around in a bikini, Zac. This holiday is even better than the one where I met Santa Claus.”

  “Tell her I said hello.”

  “I will. She is swimming at the moment. How are you guys?”

  “We’re good. I just wanted to ask you a quick question?”

  “Ok. What is it?”

  “What were Will’s first words when he saw me?”

  “Erm… He said something like wow or… Oh wait, he said oh my wow. I can’t believe I remember that. Why?”

  “Oh my wow?”

  “Yep. It didn’t make much sense at the time, but then he went straight over to you and it provided a little clarity.”

  “Ok thanks, Ted. Speak to you soon. Enjoy your holiday.”

  “Ok…thanks, bye.”

  “Bye.”

  Zac hung up her phone and placed it onto the table.

  “I told you,” I said.

  “You did,” she said. She checked her phone and then said, “Would it be ok if you took me home?”

  “Of course,” I said. “Is everything ok?”

  “Yeah. I just forgot to wash my uniform for tomorrow so I want to get it ready in time.”

  “Can’t you stay a little longer?”

  “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

  “Ok. Let me know when you’re ready to leave.”

  Zac wasn’t very talkative during the drive to her apartment. We chatted a little bit about Star Wars, and how she liked Natalie Portman in the short amount of time she saw her. We went shopping and picked up some more fruit and vegetables and soup for us both. And she was quiet as we did that, too.

  When we pulled up outside her apartment, I asked if she wanted me to walk her to her apartment, but she said no. “Are you sure everything is ok?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she replied, taking off her beanie and fiddling with her hair before putting on her beanie again.

  “Is this about earlier with the oh my wow thing when I first saw you?” She didn’t reply. “Ok, so it is,” I said. “What are your orders, Captain Panda?”

  She smirked and took a deep breath. “I’ll see you next Thursday, Horatio.”

  “Ok. Text me if you need me, Zac.”

  “I will. Bye.” She leant over and kissed my cheek, and got out of the car.

  “Bye,” I said as the car door closed. I watched her walk up to her apartment block and go inside before driving back home.

  March 26th

  Ted and Autumn’s flight landed at 4:23am so I went to bed early and got a couple of hours sleep before I had to wake up at 3:00am to drive to the airport.

  Ted was wearing an extremely colourful flowered shirt as they emerged from their gate. He looked very pleased with his choice of shirt, and was also very pleased to see me. He was so tan. His light hair appeared even lighter because of it. Autumn’s tan didn’t appear much different. She was already quite tan.

  Ted dropped his bag just before he approached me, and then he gave me a firm hug. “How are you?” he asked.

  “I’m good, man. How was the holiday?” I replied.

  “It was the best holiday, Will. Honestly I had such a good time.”

  “Good,” I said. “You can tell me about it on the way home.”

  Autumn then placed down her bags and hugged me. “Hello, Will,” she said.

  “Did he behave himself?” I asked.

  “Oh yes. He was a good boy.” I glanced over at Ted and he had a childish smile on his face. We walked out of the airport and found the car. I put their bags into the back of the car, and then got into the driver’s seat.

  “Are you tired, babe?” Ted asked Autumn.

  “No, I’m fine, darling. You put your head on me and get some sleep.” Ted did as she said and rested his head on her lap as he did when we went to drop them off at the airport.

  “How were things with Zac whilst we were away?” Autumn asked.

  “Really good. Really good. It actually felt like we were in a relationship. We’re cuddling now!” I glanced up at the rearview mirror and saw a smile on Autumn’s face.

  “I’m so glad to hear it.”

  “So tell me about Spain. How was it?” I asked.

  “It was lovely, Will. So lovely. Monday we arrived at our hotel and had some dinner and we went straight to bed because we were exhausted from travelling. And then Tuesday I was picked up from the hotel and taken to the museum. Tuesday to Friday I was at the museum from ten until one. An exhibit from our museum was there and I spent a lot of time learning about it when I first started at the museum so I was the best person for the job anyway really. The Spanish museum was having a gala on Saturday, so each day I went in and helped set up our part of the museum display. And each day I’d return to our hotel and find Ted around the pool. It was so lovely and warm. It didn’t rain once. The hotel was so quiet. There was hardly anyone staying there. We just had such a good time.”

  I smiled and flicked my eyes up at the rearview mirror again. She was smiling down at a sleeping Ted and stroking his head. “He told me he loved me,” she whispered.

  My smile extended. “Did he? Was it a casual wake up in the morning and he said it or did he make a big deal out of it? I’m guessing it didn’t freak you out and you love him, too?”

  “Of course I do,” she said. “It was Saturday, before the gala, and I was super nervous because I had never done something like this. And Ted organised for us to have dinner before we left in this nice restaurant in the hotel that you had to pay extra for. We went down, dressed in our outfits ready to go to the gala. He looked so handsome in his bow tie, and put some product in his hair for once. And we sat down, and they brought us over a bottle of champagne. I thought it was part of the meal, but then he told me he bought it because he had something to tell me. And he took my hand and he kissed it, and it was so sweet, and he told me he loved me, and he wanted to tell me before we came. And then I said I hated him because he was going to spoil my makeup and ruin my mascara.”

  I sniggered and said, “This is the happiest he’s ever been, Autumn. Apart from the time he won one hundred pounds on a scratch card. He didn’t shut up about it for the next six months. I don’t think it was the money he was happiest about. It was just because he won. He’d not won anything before that.”

  She laughed and then placed a hand over her mouth so she didn’t wake Ted. “Anyway the gala went perfectly, and then the rest of the holiday we spent beside the pool in the sun, drinking cocktails. I’m so pleased he came with me. It was perfect.”
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br />   “Thank you for taking him, and giving me a break from him for the first time in god knows how long. And I’m glad everything at the museum went ok. Do you think it will help with museum life back here? Like, will you get some kind or promotion or something?”

  Autumn hummed. “I haven’t thought about that. I guess that would all depend on if the Spanish museum provides any feedback about me or our museum’s display. I guess we will have to wait and see.”

  We all went to our bedrooms when we got back to the apartment. I only got a couple hours more sleep before I had to be up for work. Ted was returning to work Monday as he arranged to have Friday off, too. Autumn had the same arrangement. They went over to Autumn’s parents after the woke up. So I had a long day at work half asleep, and then afterwards drove over to Zac’s apartment to pick her up. We came back to the apartment. And I laid on the sofa and took a nap.

  When I opened my eyes, Zac and her beanie were laid in front of me, her nose almost touching mine, her beautiful blue eyes looking into mine. She stuck out her tongue and licked the tip of my nose. It’s strange, I know. And then her tongue vanished and she grinned and then shut her eyes and snuggled up to me.

  It was right then that I realised I loved her.

  My pulse started to rise and I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I took a deep breath as I watched her lie in front of me peacefully. I’d never been in love, and now I suddenly felt paralysed. I knew I had strong feelings for Zac, but I didn’t know I loved her. And now I knew I had to be with her. Because I couldn’t imagine life without her. All it took for me to realise was to have her look into my eyes, lick the tip of my nose, and smile. Sometimes it is the simplest things that make you realise you’re in love.

  Now what I had to consider was how to tell her. If I did tell her, that is. I don’t want to scare her and lose her. But in that moment, I did the only thing I thought I could. I brought my head forward, her nose resting next to mine now. I could feel her breath blowing against my cheek. And then I kissed her. And she kissed me back. She opened her eyes afterwards, and we smiled at one another.