by Nina Singh
Jordan wasn’t even going to ride back to Massachusetts with her. For all practical purposes, he was sending her away. Like an errant child.
Jess tried to clamp down on the wealth of disappointment and sheer hurt that flooded her chest.
He nodded solemnly, then rubbed a hand down his face. “Speaking of Sonya, I hope the events of the past couple of days won’t make you change your mind. About working with her.”
Had he really just asked her that? Jess had to find her voice before she could answer. “Of course not.”
Just the fact that he was asking such a thing made her realize just how little he really knew her, despite all they’d shared over the past two days. And all they’d shared last night. Despite their heartfelt conversation on the roof and the intimacy it had all led to. Perhaps it was even an indication of how little he thought of her. To think just a moment ago she’d believed she was actually beginning to know and understand him.
“Good. I’m glad to hear it.”
“Did you really think I might do that to her?”
He lifted his shoulders in a slight shrug. “I didn’t want to assume.”
“I wouldn’t let Sonya down that way.”
She decided to focus on the practical rather than the heaviness that had suddenly gripped her chest in the area of her heart. “I can get a car service, Jordan. You don’t have to have your personal driver waste a trip just for me.”
His gaze hardened on her face. “I insist.”
Of all the things she wanted to argue with him about at the moment, her ride back ranked pretty low in importance.
“I guess I’ll go pack, then.”
She’d never been one to overstay her welcome.
* * *
Jordan watched Jess walk out of the kitchen and toward her suite of rooms and resisted the urge to call her back. As soon as she shut the door behind her, he slammed his ceramic coffee mug hard enough against the Italian marble counter that a hairline crack appeared down its side.
What was there to say if he did call her back? He’d awoken this morning to a text message asking when he’d need the car to bring them back to Massachusetts. The message had served to remind him that reality was about to descend upon the sweet little fantasy he’d indulged in for the past forty-eight hours.
His life no longer consisted of regular charity auction balls or afternoons in Times Square. He had more responsibility on his shoulders now. He’d forgotten that last night. He could only hope to atone for it somehow. He could only hope to make Jess understand.
He’d never been one for one-night stands. And Jess was the last person in the world who deserved that from him. But there was no way for them to continue any type of relationship when they returned to their everyday lives. He’d lost sight of that reality last night.
That made him a unique sort of bastard.
He should have known better. He should have reminded himself that he was spread perilously thin already. There was no excuse for his lack of control—both physically and when he’d unburdened himself to her. Nothing but selfishness had motivated him. He couldn’t deny that if he tried. Regardless of how he was beginning to feel about Jess, he had nothing left to give.
That was the only reason he was sending her away. A damning little voice inside his head wanted to argue that point. The same voice that had pestered him all night as he’d lain awake, thinking of the woman in his arms and how suddenly and unexpectedly she’d become so important to him. The same voice that was telling him he was merely being a coward.
Maybe the voice was right. None of it mattered. He’d never get over it or forgive himself if anything else happened to damage Sonya any further.
He could only hope he hadn’t just done something to damage Jess.
* * *
Back to reality. Manhattan seems a lifetime ago rather than the week that had passed. Jess rummaged through the paperwork on her metal teacher’s desk and tried to focus on the budgetary numbers Clara wanted her to take some time this weekend to look over. But focus eluded her. It was hard not to think for the hundredth time this morning about the two days she’d spent in the city with Jordan. A true fantasy. None of it had been real. Not for Jordan anyway, as evidenced by the fact that he hadn’t so much as called or tried to contact her. She’d been to the mansion to visit Sonya twice already as they’d agreed. Jordan had been nowhere to be found. Maybe he was avoiding her. Maybe he’d even stayed in New York all this time, leaving Sonya in Elise’s good hands.
That possibility stung at her eyes and she had to sniffle back unwanted tears.
So she thought she’d imagined it when his voice sounded from the doorway. There was no reason for Jordan to be here on a Saturday.
“Can I come in?”
She blinked up at him in surprise. Of all the ways she’d expected to run into him again, having him stop by her classroom on a rare Saturday morning that she was there hadn’t been one of the possibilities that occurred to her.
Jess waved him in with her hand. To her further surprise, he shut the door behind him.
“Jordan?”
“Hey, do you have a minute? What are you doing here on a Saturday morning anyway?”
She gestured to the binders of figures in front of her. “Clara asked me to look at some of the center’s numbers. We have to make some budget cuts, unfortunately.”
He stepped farther into the room. “I’m sorry to hear that. That’s right, you mentioned you had a finance degree.”
She grunted a small laugh. “I do, indeed.” A degree she had pursued simply to prove she was different than her mother. Only to find that her artistic side was just as strong and needed to be nurtured. And that she didn’t have to become like her mother to do so.
“Yet, here you are. Teaching art to first-graders and working on a community center’s budget.”
“Yes, well. Life is full of surprises, as they say. But I’m sure you’re not here to discuss my college major or my uncertainty regarding career choices,” she said, pushing the binder away. “How did you find me anyway?”
“You weren’t answering your phone. So I called Clara and asked if she knew where you were.”
“You—you were asking about me?”
He didn’t answer her question. Rather, he asked one of his own. One that didn’t really make any sense. “Have you been online yet this morning?”
She shook her head. “No, I came straight here after grabbing a cup of coffee at Marilou’s. Why?”
Jordan blew out a deep breath, looked away out the window. “That’s why I’m here.”
Okay. “You’re here because of something you saw online?”
“That’s right.”
Her confusion started to turn into mild annoyance. For him to seek her out and come to find her in the classroom on a Saturday morning after end of session, without so much as acknowledging her for days, made absolutely no sense. “Jordan, what’s this all about?”
He walked over to her side of the desk to stand next to her, then pulled her laptop closer and tapped a few keys. Jess wanted to hold her breath to keep from breathing in the distinctive scent of aftershave that had haunted her since that night in New York. Turned out she didn’t need to, for what he showed her onscreen knocked the breath out of her.
She was trending!
Or rather, she’d inspired the trending term: Same dress.
“Oh, my.”
Jess leaned in to look more carefully and scrolled through the various posts. Photos of her and Jordan were plastered all over the screen along with some very unflattering captions about her.
Out with one of New York State’s most eligible bachelors... Why the same dress both nights?
One of the richest men in this hemisphere...can his date afford...?
Mystery lady with Jordan Paydan can’t be bothered with another outfit...
Jess felt her pulse pounding through her veins. Great. Just great. The whole world was talking about her. Correction, they were making fun of her. Wait till the parents of her pupils got a load of all this. And her mother!
He should just go ahead and say it. That he’d tried to tell her. He’d tried to convince her to get a more suitable dress at the boutique in his building. And he literally owned the building. But her pride had made her stubborn that night and she’d said no.
To think she’d actually entertained the notion that she could fit into the life of someone like Jordan Paydan. How could she have forgotten who she was? How could she have lost sight of the fact that she didn’t belong in his world? The women who did belong there never wore the same outfit twice, let alone to two consecutive events. She’d been fooling herself to think she could be enough for someone like him. As if she needed any more proof given the way he’d been avoiding her since they’d been intimate.
“Jess, I’m really sorry.” Jordan spoke through her thoughts. “I should have seen this coming. I tend to get a bit of attention every time I’m seen with someone new.”
She bit back a harsh retort at that comment. So now she was simply someone new as far as he was concerned. Someone for the New York tabloids to make fun of at her expense in their quest to achieve a few clicks.
Just further salt in the wound.
“Why are you here, Jordan?” she asked again, not even bothering to hide her irritation. “Did you want to tell me that you told me so? That I should have listened to your advice and let you donate me a dress?”
He blinked at her in confusion. “What? Of course not. And donate is certainly the wrong word.”
“Is it?”
“Yes!” he said in a loud voice that echoed off the ceiling. He pointed to the screen. “And I’m only here because I wanted to show you this, to give you a heads-up that it’s happening.”
“You could have called me to warn me. Instead, you asked Clara where I was and made it a point to come find me. So you still haven’t answered my question.”
He rammed a frustrated hand through the hair at his crown. “Maybe I didn’t want you to have to face it alone when you first saw it? Is that such a mystery?”
She shrugged. “Maybe. One thing for certain—you definitely are a mystery.”
His eyes narrowed on her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I can’t figure you out.”
“What puzzle about me are you trying to unravel, Jess?”
Her jaw dropped at the question “Are you serious? You really need to ask me that? Since you’ve arrived in this town, you’ve kept yourself completely closed off. But when we spend any time together, you’re warm and giving, the most dynamic man I’ve ever been with. Then you seem to completely shut down again. I don’t see you for days.” She had to swallow past the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. “I guess I was just hoping...”
“What?”
“I was hoping that pattern would break after the night we spent together in your penthouse.”
A wealth of emotion clouded his eyes. But perhaps she had imagined it, for the very next moment they hardened with a glint of steel.
“You’re right.”
“I am?”
He nodded. “In that we needed to talk about what happened that night.”
Part of Jess wanted to kick herself for bringing on this conversation. There was no doubt she was going to hate what she was about to hear. Well, she’d never been one to shirk unpleasantness if it was necessary.
“So let’s talk, then,” she prompted, bracing herself for what was to come.
He drew in a deep breath, didn’t quite meet her eyes. Oh, yeah. This was going to be bad.
“I’ve never been one for serious relationships, Jess. And I certainly am in no place right now in my life to start.”
“I see.”
“Though I’m not going to apologize for what happened between us. I don’t regret it.”
Her mouth went dry. “You’d be insulting me if you did.”
“But I should have been more up-front about what to expect. I have no excuse. Except that I thought you knew. That you were aware enough about me.”
“What makes you think I didn’t know?”
That her questions surprised him was clear in his expression.
“Huh? But that next morning...”
“That was just me being honest with you, Jordan. I tend to be pretty open with my feelings. I’m sorry if that scared you.”
“I didn’t say I was scared.”
And there it was, the denial. He was probably even denying to himself. She wouldn’t point it out to him. There was really no reason to. “Fine. We won’t call it scared. We’ll call it not ready.”
“We’d be right to call it that.”
“So you’re essentially saying it’s the wrong place and the wrong time. For us.”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
She tapped her chin with her finger. “And just so I’m clear. You’re also saying that what happened between us in Manhattan was a fling. Meaningless.”
His jaw tightened. “Don’t put words in my mouth, Jess. That’s not what I said.”
“Which is it, then, Jordan? It sounds like you haven’t quite made up your mind.”
He spread his arms out wide in a clear motion of exasperation. “What do you want me to say? I can’t figure out what you want to hear. I only came down to make sure you were okay if you’d seen the tabloids about your dress.”
“This seems to be a waste of both our time.” She picked up her pen again. “If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do. Thank you for letting me know about the unflattering hashtag.”
But he made no move to go. Just stood there, staring at her with his mouth agape. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”
“What more is there to say? And why should I bother when you’re not going to really answer me?”
“What questions would those be? I seem to have missed them somehow.”
She gave a slow shake of her head. “You didn’t miss them. You chose to ignore them. Questions like why you care enough to worry about my reaction to unflattering posts about me but not enough to call me during the week after we spend forty-eight magical hours together. Or why you would go out of your way to make sure I had a weekend with you that I would never forget—between taking me to a Broadway show and later treating me to a rooftop view of the Manhattan night—only to turn around and pretend none of it meant anything to you.”
She wasn’t expecting the depth of disappointment that suddenly flooded his eyes. Damn it. What did any of it mean? Rubbing a hand down her face, she blew out a harsh breath. She was just so completely off her guard when it came to this man.
“Did it occur to you that I might not have the answers, Jess?”
“Oh, Jordan.” But he’d already turned to leave. He didn’t give her another look back as he shut the door softly behind him.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THAT HAD GONE WELL, Jordan thought with sarcasm as he pushed open the door that led out to the parking lot. What had he expected, though? That Jess would jump up into his arms and thank him for alerting her to the reports? Hell, he was the reason she was all over social media to begin with. He hadn’t even apologized for it. And now he may not get a chance. Something made him halt before walking out. He sensed her presence behind him down the hallway.
“Jordan, wait.”
He had to acknowledge the hefty feeling of relief that surged through him. It hadn’t felt right to leave things as they were between them.
“What do you want me to do?” she asked, walking slowly toward him until they were only a few feet apart.
What exactly was she asking him? There were myriad ways he could answer that question;
all sorts of things he could think of that he wanted her to do. Like wrap her arms around him. Let him take her mouth in a possessive kiss the way he’d been dreaming about since they’d returned to the island. Oh, yeah, all sorts of ways he could respond about exactly the things he wanted her to do.
“About the SM posts,” she clarified. “I realize I must have embarrassed you.” She swallowed down hard. “I’m sorry about that.”
What? Why in the world was she the one apologizing to him? Nothing made sense anymore.
“What are you talking about, Jess?” She squinted at him as if what she was referring to should be obvious. “What on earth do you have to apologize for?”
“The way your name is splattered all over the web. Because I don’t know how to dress for gala parties in Manhattan.”
He could only stare at her, his mouth agape. “You think this is somehow your fault? The fact that you’re being ridiculed and taunted by the New York tabloids?”
“Isn’t it? After all, you tried to get me to visit the boutique. And you certainly weren’t the one who wore the same dress two nights in a row,” she quipped with a hint of a smile. A smile so enticing, he lost his train of thought as images of taking her lips with his own flooded his brain and heated him through to his core. Even dressed as she was, in loose, baggy capri sweatpants and a thinning baseball jersey, Jess was so damn pretty. Her thick, luscious hair was piled high on top of her head. Just enough strands had escaped their hold that they framed her lovely face. She wore no makeup and didn’t appear to have showered just yet. That thought led to another unwelcome one as he imagined her stepping naked into a bath. He was there with her, helping her lather up and rubbing the soap all over her body.
Stop it!
When he finally spoke, he said the only words that came to his mind. “You fool. You silly, beautiful, guileless fool.”
Her eyes grew wide. But then she looked up at the ceiling with a resounding laugh. “I guess you and I tend to interpret things differently.”