A Staten Island Love Letter- The Forgotten Borough

by Jahquel J.

  Free didn’t have an issue with Pook, but she didn’t like the idea of me waiting for him. Pook had connections at the federal detention center and whenever I would visit, they would allow us to fuck in a closet off to the side of the visitation room. I’m sure if he could have those connections in there, he could have them wherever they transferred him to. I told Free everything, except the fact that me and Pook were legally married. He asked me over the phone seven months ago and I agreed. We got married right there behind prison walls and I was excited. I was excited to be someone’s wife. The high died down when I went home and realized I couldn’t share the news with my mother or sisters. It was a secret I had been hiding that I wanted to shout to the world. Eventually I would have to tell everyone, but right now I wanted to enjoy the fact that I had a husband and we were going to be together forever.

  Pook was the man for me and he had never cheated on me. While Freedom was worried about Ghost cheating on her, I didn’t have to worry about any of that. It didn’t matter what Justice thought or heard, I already knew what it was between me and my man. Pook wasn’t a low-level dealer, he had money, cars and everything. If they didn’t seize all his properties, cars and money, I would have been living with him. The money didn’t matter to me. I knew once he got out, he would get back on top again. The Feds could only hold him for so long. Pook should have taken a plea deal, but he was convinced that his lawyer was going to get him out. Instead, now he was found guilty and I was now sitting at his sentencing. I watched the courtroom as everyone waited for him to be brought out. I sat there with my heart beating super-fast. I didn’t know if it was because I was so nervous or the fact that I had run up the hill to the court house. Either way, my heart was making its own beat inside my chest.

  “You nervous, Ki?” I heard a woman question another woman in the front pew. She sighed and looked at the woman. “Don’t lie to me, Kiara. I can tell you’re nervous,” the woman continued.

  “Mama, I need Patrick here with me. I’m a month out from delivering his son and he’s going to be sitting behind bars.” The woman wiped a tear that fell down her cheek.

  “Patrick O’Neil?” I butted myself into their conversation.

  Both women turned and stared at me. “Yeah, why?” the older woman popped her gums with so much attitude.

  “The name sounded familiar, that’s all,” I replied and sat back. This woman was carrying Pook’s baby and here I was sitting here like a fool. We were both pregnant at the same time. I planned on telling Pook at our last visit, but he brushed it off and said he had too much to think about. I wanted to scream to him that I was pregnant and excited. It would be hard trying to raise this baby alone, but I would do it because I knew we would eventually be a family together.

  “All rise,” the bailiff said, and everyone stood up. It was then that I noticed the woman’s swollen stomach. I looked at her ring and it was the exact ring that I wore on my finger. After we had gotten married, Pook had his cousin give me a ring. He told me he didn’t want his wife out here with a naked ring finger. The woman in front of me had the same exact ring that I was wearing.

  “They already found my husband guilty, the least they could do is hurry this up,” she complained as she sat back down.

  This woman was punching me in the face each time she spoke, and she didn’t even know. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here?” Free squeezed in next to me. Under normal circumstances I would have been pissed she followed me, but right now I needed her. I held her hand and squeezed it tightly. Free had managed to get the school in Atlanta to allow her to start late and transfer her credits. She was due to leave this weekend and I couldn’t imagine my life without my twin. We were fraternal twins and shared the womb together. Every step of my life she had been there for me and now she wasn’t going to be there anymore. I would have to visit or call her when I needed someone. Justice was too judgmental and always had to speak her opinion instead of just being there and listening to me vent.

  “I didn’t want you telling me how I shouldn’t go. I love him,” I admitted. I shouldn’t have loved a man that had a whole relationship behind my back. Was she visiting him on the days that I didn’t? Where did she come from? I was the one and only woman in Pook’s life. Not only was she wearing the same ring as me, but she was also pregnant with his baby. My heart was broken.

  “No matter how I feel, I’m here for you.” She kissed me on the cheek, and we watched as the judge came out of his chambers and took his seat. Pook was brought out and sat down right in front of us.

  “Baby, I love you,” the woman leaned up and said.

  Pook leaned back and quickly looked behind him. “I love you too, Kiara.” It was the final dagger that stabbed me in the heart.

  “Wait, what th—” I stopped Free from yelling out in the courtroom.

  “Stop. Please,” I begged, and she settled down. I was pissed that Pook would do me this way. I was supposed to be his forever, not her. He didn’t even look further back to see me, but the way he looked at her briefly told me that he loved her just as much as she loved him.

  While everyone spoke, I zoned out and paid no attention. When the judge got ready to announce how much time Pook would be getting, everyone sat up and paid attention. His sister and mother were on the other side praying and holding each other. Everyone who loved Pook was a ball of nerves – including me. The judge had this smug look on his face as he looked down on Pook. Although my heart hurt, I prayed that he didn’t get that much time and we could figure out what this situation he had with this girl. I didn’t want to give up on my family.

  They allowed Pook to speak and he spoke from his heart. I had to hold Free back when he mentioned his wife, Kiara and his son that she was carrying. It was like they both were getting some sick pleasure out of hurting me. He didn’t give a damn that I was sitting in this courthouse. He was too busy trying to hope the judge went easy on him so he could be with that bitch. Each time he spoke about his son and how he wanted to be a better man for him and his wife I wanted to take her head and slam it into the wooden bench. I wanted to scream and cry while letting the whole courtroom know that he had wronged me. I was his wife. I was carrying his baby in my stomach and here he was parading this bitch like she was the best kept thing in the world.

  Free was biting her lip so hard that I was sure she had to taste some blood. Kiara and her mama were up front holding hands and praying for the best. A few times she would swipe her hand across her stomach and blow a kiss at Pook’s back. It was as if she knew who I was and was trying to piss me off. I didn’t know what was going on, but my heart was hurt. How could he do me like this? Were we legally married? How was this woman his wife too? all these questions were swarming around in my head and I didn’t know what to think or do.

  “I promise you’re a fool if you don’t leave this nigga alone,” Free whispered into my ear and I sighed.

  “Not now,” was all I could reply because the judge was about to sentence him. This judge held the fate of my man’s life in his hands.

  “Patrick O’Neil, you’re sentenced to a hundred and twenty months in a federal institution in New York state.” He banged his gavel, and everyone gasped. My heart dropped and Kiara fell out and screamed and cried. “Order in the court.”

  “Baby, I love you. Wait for me, Ki. I promise I’m gonna do right by you.” He turned around and stared at her.

  For the first time since he turned around, we locked eyes. His facial expression told me everything I needed to know. All I could do is grab my purse, coat and sister and head out of the courtroom. With a gut filled with Pook’s baby and a broken heart, I had to push through and figure out how to live without him. I knew one thing for certain; I wasn’t waiting ten years for his cheating ass.

  I sat in the front seat of my sister’s car and stared out the window. It seemed like Free was taking forever to get home. I wanted to scream, cry and sleep, and she took the longest way to get home. I looked over at her and she seemed
to be in her own world. The fact that she was set to drive down to Georgia this weekend was probably on her mind. She was leaving everything she has always known for the unknown in Georgia. The selfish part of me wanted to tell her not to move and to stay here. Then, the other part of me wanted to go with her. I wanted to move and start over.

  “I’m pregnant, Free.”

  “I know,” she replied.

  “How?”

  “I heard you vomiting the other morning and you eat any and everything in sight.”

  “I’m greedy by nature,” I protested.

  “That is true.” She laughed. “I also saw that pregnancy test in your top draw when I was looking for my sweats.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Wasn’t my business. I knew you would tell me when you were ready.” She looked at me briefly before turning her attention back to the street. “What are you gonna do? You gonna wait? What?”

  “I’m not waiting for him. You saw how he damn near professed his love to that bitch in front of everyone. I’m stupid in love, but not that stupid. If she wants to wait ten years, she can have him.”

  “And about the baby?”

  “I don’t know, Free. I really don’t know,” I admitted.

  I wanted to keep my baby and do this alone, then on the other hand I didn’t want anything to do with Pook. I wanted him to sit in prison and think about how he fucked me over for the next bitch. I wanted no connection with him and that meant getting rid of the baby. Then, I thought about the baby and how it was innocent. It didn’t deserve to be killed because of the actions of the dumb ass father.

  There was so much going on in my head that sleep was the only thing that would probably quiet it. Free’s phone rang and I saw Ghost’s name come across her screen. She didn’t bother to pick up the phone or acknowledge that she had a call. After the other night, I knew she was done and ready to get out of Staten Island. The thing about home was that we all ran away from it, but eventually we found our way back here.

  Staten

  I woke up to my door being pounded on. Climbing out of bed, I grabbed a gun and walked quietly to the front door. My apartment wasn’t shit, but it was mine. I worked hard to get this crappy muthafucka and I would be damned if someone tried to take the shit from me. The only people that knew about this place was my brother and best friend.

  Looking through the peephole, the tension left my body when I noticed my best friend standing there sobbing. I opened the door, pulled her inside and quickly closed it back. Her clothes were soaking wet from the rain and her face was red from the tears she was crying. Pulling her coat off, I tossed it by the door and held onto her shoulders as I bent down to stare her in the eyes.

  Chanel was my heart and she could never do any wrong in my eyes. We had been best friends since I was a child, and no one could ever pull us apart. Trust, there had been plenty of girlfriends that tried to pull us apart and the shit never worked. I would walk away from my future wife if Chanel wanted me to. That was how much she meant to me.

  “Yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? It’s…” I paused to look at the cable box in my living room. “Three in the morning.”

  She sniffled and stared into my eyes as she continued to cry. “He broke up with me?”

  “Huh? Who?”

  “My boyfriend!” she raised her voice and pulled away from me. “We were about to have sex and I stopped him. My first time shouldn’t be in a staircase,” she sobbed.

  I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her body and kissed her on the cheek. “The fuck you crying for? You did the right thing by telling him no. Look, he showed you who he was from jump.”

  “You don’t understand, I loved him,” she continued on and I turned her around to face me.

  “You don’t love no nigga except me, Chanel.”

  “I’m allowed to love other people, Shaliq. You love your other hoes,” she tossed into my face like I cared.

  “I fuck hoes, not love them. You don’t love no nigga except me, because ain’t no nigga ever going to put you before anyone like I do.”

  “What happens when I meet the perfect man and he wants to marry me?”

  “Then I’ll be the judge of that. Stop wasting your tears on a bum ass nigga like him. He’s not worth you or your tears, ight?”

  “Okay,” she leaned her head on my chest and I hugged her. That nigga’s days were numbered. The fact that I gave him the talk before they started fucking around and he still pulled some fuck shit, oh that nigga had to pay.

  Chanel was like a rose to me and I only trusted very few with her. Our friendship didn’t make sense to some, but it made perfect sense to us. I didn’t need everybody to understand what we had going on. As long as we both knew what the fuck it was, that was all that mattered to me.

  “Can you make me something to eat?”

  “You already know. I got some Chinese I didn’t finish.” I went into the fridge and pulled out some cartons to heat up for us.

  “My parents are on my nerves; can I stay here for a few days?”

  “You already know the answer to that, but I don’t want your moms hitting my phone up asking where you are.”

  Chanel loved to go ghost on her parents. They wanted the best for her, so she was raised having the best in everything. It didn’t matter that they lived in a house a block away from the hood, they carried themselves like they lived in Beverly Hills or some shit. While they were busy acting like they were better than everybody, their daughter stumbled upon the hood and loved fucking with hood niggas. As much as they tried to shield her from that life, she found it and was obsessed with it.

  “She just been on my ass about nursing school,” she sighed.

  “And what’s wrong with that?”

  “She’s only pushing me into being one because she’s a nurse. Why can’t I pick my own career?” she sighed. “I just want to be happy in anything that I choose, is that so wrong?”

  “Nah, but since we’ve met you have always talked about being a nurse. Why you want to change now?”

  She shrugged her shoulders and accepted the heated plate of Chinese food. “I’m just trying to make sense of my life.”

  “I get we’re twenty and trying to figure it all out, but you don’t have to figure it all out today. Just make decisions based on you. I think you’re trying to piss your mother off by trying to steer away from nursing school.”

  “Shut up,” she rolled her eyes and chewed a piece of broccoli. “She just feels like she can rub my entire life and she can’t. What I choose to do with my life is my own.”

  “Chanel, your parents have always been like that. The fuck? You just now realizing that shit?”

  “Obviously. It’s just so annoying now because I want to have a life outside of what she wants me to do.”

  “She loves and wants the best for you. You gotta stop seeing that shit as something bad. Half those hood bitches you run with don’t have a mother that’s gonna do the same for them.”

  “Why do you have to be the voice of reason? Just once can you stay on my side?”

  I walked around the counter and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m always on your side. I gotta get up in a few hours to drive to Boston, so shut the lights off when you’re done.”

  “Okay,” she replied. I climbed back into bed and laid down to get some rest before later. Ghost had me driving with him to Boston to meet with this connect. If I was late picking his ass up, I would have to hear his mouth the whole ride there.

  I felt the bed move and Chanel climb into bed beside me. My apartment was a one-bedroom, so besides the living room, there was nowhere else for her to sleep. When she spent the night, she slept right beside me, or if I wasn’t here, she would sleep here without me. She tossed and turned before she finally got settled in the position, she was comfortable with.

  “Shaliq?”

  “You moving mad much and now you want to talk? Damn, Chanel.” I turned over where I was facing her.
/>   “Can you promise me something?”

  “Depends on what I’m promising.”

  She sighed and then stared me in the eyes. “In a few years… If you’re not with anyone and I’m not with anyone, will you give me a baby?”

  “What? You wilding,” I laughed. “You was drinking tonight too?”

  “A little, but I’m not drunk. I’m being serious.” I turned over and pulled the cover over my head. “Liq, promise.”

  “Ight, I promise.”

  “Say the whole thing.”

  “I promise if we’re not involved with anyone, I’ll give you a baby,” I promised her.

  “Okay.”

  “Good night.”

  “Love you, Shaliq. You’re my first love.”

  “Love you too, Chanel.” I replied and closed my eyes.

  If in a few years if she wasn’t involved with anyone, I would give her a baby. Chanel knew she had me wrapped around her finger. Whatever she wanted, I would give her without asking any questions. If she wanted my seed, I would gladly give it to her without a doubt. Chanel was my world and anything she wanted, I would give her.

  1

  10 years later…

  Ghost

  The sun came crashing into my bedroom as I used my remote to open the blinds. I hit the off button on my alarm and climbed out of my king size bed. I walked over to the balcony door and opened it. Every morning I took a stretch on the balcony as I stared out onto the property I owned. God and hard work blessed me with this fifteen thousand square foot home that I lived in. The golf community in Todt Hill had accepted me and my family, business was doing good and everything was grand. I stared out at the frozen manicured lawn and covered pool in my backyard. It was a cold January morning. The brisk cold New York air didn’t bother me in the least as I stood out here and said my thanks for all my blessings. I had brought the New Year in with my family and made it another year to see the beautiful life I had worked so hard to build.