A Staten Island Love Letter- The Forgotten Borough

by Jahquel J.

  “Whatever.” I turned over and pulled the covers over my head.

  My eyes opened widely when I felt Todd grab a chunk full of hair and pull my face up so I could stare him in the eyes. “Don’t ever fucking dismiss me. When you bring someone in our home, you fucking ask me… You hear?”

  “I hear you,” I replied, and he released his grip from my hair. Even after he released my hair, I couldn’t lay back down. Todd didn’t leave shit alone. I could be sleeping, and he would jump on me about something that we argued about a week ago. It was a never-ending cycle with him. Sometimes I asked myself why I even bothered anymore. Why did I choose to subject myself to his abusive and manipulating ways?

  “I gotta get back to the firehouse, I’ll talk to you later,” he had the nerve to reach down and place a kiss on my forehead. You never knew who or what you would get when it came to Todd. Imagine walking on egg shells in your own house. That was my reality and sadly, I put up with it for so long that I didn’t know how to detach myself from the vicious cycle that he spun me in.

  When I heard the door close, I got up to lock it behind him. Kiss opened the guest bedroom door and stared at me. “Sorry if you woke you up. Hungry?”

  “I sure can eat,” she rubbed her swollen stomach. How did I miss her stomach? She hadn’t been in my class long, however I had seen her in the hall previous to her being transferred to my class.

  She sat at the kitchen table and I pulled everything out to make us a big breakfast. Before going to bed I had consumed three glasses a wine. My stomach was growling, and I was starving. Kiss sat there with her phone pecking away while I hummed and made my way around the kitchen to prepare us a good breakfast. It was nice having company here in the morning. Usually, it was just me on Sundays since Todd worked that day.

  “It actually felt nice not sleeping with a hoodie on last night. It’s the first time since I started showing,” she revealed.

  “Why do you sleep with a hoodie on? I have to be nearly naked to get a good night’s sleep.”

  “I never wanted Ro to walk in my room and get a glimpse of my stomach while I was asleep. I’m the same way. It’s been hard trying to sleep with a huge Staten Island Academy sweat shirt on,” she laughed.

  “I can imagine. Have you spoke to your uncle yet?”

  “Have I? He’s been texting me since we got here last night. I know he didn’t get sleep because of what I revealed to him and because I wasn’t under the same roof as him. It felt nice, you know?”

  “I’m glad you were able to get a restful sleep here last night.”

  “Ms. McGurry?”

  “Yes?” I replied as I poured the eggs into the sizzling skillet.

  “You’re too pretty, smart and successful to allow that man to talk to you that way,” she blurted. “I know I should stay in a child’s place, but your walls are thin, and I could hear everything. Ro told me a man should never speak to a woman like that.”

  “I agree. I can say that same about your little situation with your baby father.” I couldn’t lie and say I wasn’t embarrassed because I was. Here sitting in my kitchen was a seventeen-year-old girl telling me that I deserved better.

  “It was a hook-up gone wrong. I just want my baby to have a stable life. I’m still a teen and have a bunch of mistakes to make. Who says I’ll be with him when I’m older? You’re older and deserve better. My uncle is single.”

  I laughed. “While I appreciate your matchmaking skills, I think I can handle my own life. Okay?”

  “Okay. I’m sorry for getting in your business. You really helped me yesterday and I just want to return the gesture

  “Oh Kiss, I didn’t help you because I wanted you to help me in return. When I look into your eyes, I see a young woman who is smart, but scared and confused.”

  “I am. I wish my mama was here. She would know what to do.”

  “If your mama was here you wouldn’t have ended up pregnant. I can bet on that. I remember your mama from Arlington, she played no games when it came to you girls and your uncle,” I laughed.

  “It’s like I can remember small bits and pieces of her. None of my memories last long either. I get frustrated trying to remember what she smelled like, or how she smiled. I can’t remember none of it.”

  I scrambled the eggs and then turned to stare at her. “You were really young when she passed. Try looking at old photos and even ask your uncle what her favorite music is. You’ll feel connected by listening to songs that she loved.”

  “Thank you, Ms. McGurry.”

  “Call me Justice,” I smiled.

  The door knob jiggled and then the front door opened. I blew a sigh of relief when my cousin Myla came strutting into the kitchen. “Good mortinggg!” he sang, dressed in a pair of sweats, thigh high boots and a leather jacket. Her weave was touching the bottom of her ass and she wore dark shades.

  “Didn’t I tell you that the key is for emergencies only?” I sighed.

  Myla was my first cousin and so damn extra. She was a beautician and everybody in Staten Island and the surrounding boroughs were dying to get to sit in her chair. Her salon was located in St. George and her books were always filled. When she wasn’t doing common folks hair, she did a few celebrities’ hair as well. Myla was a transsexual and identified with being a woman. We had known since she was sixteen that she wanted to be a woman. Our aunt, Betty was heavy into the church and didn’t support that. To this day she hasn’t spoken a word to Myla.

  “It’s an emergencyyyyyy,” she sang, twirled and then sat at the kitchen table. “Oh? Hello. Who is this beauty?”

  “Her name is Kiss, she’s a student of mine.”

  “And a very pregnant student too,” she just had to acknowledge that Kiss was pregnant. Kiss looked down and Myla used her index finger to lift her face up. “Baby girl don’t feel ashamed. You don’t know me from a hole in the wall. Don’t ever give someone that kind of power, especially if you don’t even know them,” she winked.

  “Thank you.”

  I placed Kiss’s food in front of her and then sat down at the kitchen table. “What is the emergencyyyy?” I mocked.

  “Well, there’s a party Friday. Matter fact, it’s the party of the century and I need my girls to be there with me.”

  “You know Liberty isn’t going to go. She hates clubs.”

  “Yeah, well, two out of three isn’t bad.”

  “Free has been pretty busy since she got back, you think she’ll go?”

  She smiled. “Already spoke to her and she said she’s going. We’re hitting up Saks in the city to grab something to wear.”

  “Wait a second. How ya’ll going to go and leave me?”

  “Bitch, why the fuck you think I’m here? I need to do something with that hair. Like sis, I love you, but this natural shit reminds me of a damn old ass woman. I’m putting a weave up in that shit this morning!” she exclaimed and snapped her fingers.

  “Who’s party is this important? Because you over here shading me on my hair and shit.”

  “My boo, Reese is throwing a birthday bash. You know I gotta show up and do it,” she stood up and rolled her hips.

  “Okay, well I got some stuff to handle with Kiss today. Just pick me up something cute, I’ll give you my Amex card. When is it?”

  “Got you boo. It’s Friday. Free said she had too much stuff scheduled this week, so today is the only day she can come and shop with me.”

  It had been a while since I had the chance to go out and shake my ass. Todd worked on the weekends, so we never did anything. I was excited to get out, get drunk and chill with my sister and cousin. It didn’t matter that I had to tackle an entire work week to get to Friday, I was just happy that I was going out and getting dressed up.

  “My uncle told me he got an appointment for Tuesday. Oh, and he’s picking me up in an hour. Thank you so much, Justice.”

  “Of course. Go shower so you can be ready when he arrives.” She put her plate into the sink and then went to the guest room to
gather her stuff for a shower.

  “You’re too good, you know that,” Myla said as she stared at me. “You’re such a good person.”

  “I try.”

  “That’s why it’s so hard to understand why you’re even with Todd. Like, he’s not even half of a good person, Justice.”

  “Not today, My. I’m not in the mood to deal with hearing your lecture today.”

  “I’m only going to lay off because you agreed to go out with me tonight.”

  “Thank you,” I smiled. “Go get the hair out of your car so you can hook me up.”

  “Oh yeah. I’m bout to have you out here slaying, baby.”

  “It’s been a while since I wore some heels and a freak em dress.”

  “You may just land you a fish tonight.”

  “Myla!”

  “Wait, before I go… Have you heard from my mama lately?” Even though Aunt Betty had wrote Myla off soon as she came out the closet, she still cared about her mother.

  “I spoke to her about two weeks ago. You know Quint keeps her busy.”

  “Yeah, I wished she would accept my calls. Raising a kid with down syndrome isn’t easy, especially with her health.” I sighed because he was speaking the truth. Aunt Betty had diabetes, high blood pressure and Lupus.

  “My, you just need to gi—”

  “I don’t want to hear about time. It’s been years since I’ve even laid eyes on my mother. I’m sick of everyone telling me that I need to give it time. I’m going to get the hair out my car and smoke a cigarette.”

  “Okay. Love you.”

  “Love you too,” she replied and left out of the door. I hated that she hurt because she didn’t have a relationship with her mother. It pained me that they couldn’t sit down and have a conversation. I’ve tried to warm Betty up to the idea and she chose to shoot it down each time. She claimed until Myla could approach her as Martin, the little boy she birthed, she didn’t want anything to do with him. I was glad that my mother was there for her, if not, she wouldn’t have anyone.

  6

  Priest

  Tonight, was my nigga Reese’s birthday bash. The whole Staten Island was coming through to be a part of his day. He had rented a house in the hills in the same neighborhood as Ghost and from what I had been hearing around the hood, it was gonna be an event to remember.

  After the week I had, I needed something to take my mind off the fact that Kiss was pregnant and having a baby. That shit came out of left field and I wasn’t expecting it. Was I so blinded and consumed with my own life that I hadn’t noticed that my niece was pregnant? She wasn’t pregnant like a few months either, Kiss was seven months pregnant and having a little boy. We went to the doctors and got everything checked out. I couldn’t believe she went seven months without any medical care for her or the baby. I never thought my life would include sitting next to my niece while they ran a machine across her stomach to hear her baby’s heartbeat. We were supposed to be picking out colleges, dorms or apartments for whichever college she decided on. I was so angry and disappointed with Kiss, but I couldn’t show it. At least, I tried not to show it. We had a plan and she fucked that up by getting pregnant. We hadn’t even discussed the father of the baby because honestly if I knew I would probably have that little nigga handled.

  It seemed like just when I found myself floating and getting ahead of things, I was being pulled back under and shit was being tossed on top of me. I had two younger ones that I had to set an example for. As much as the girls bickered, Love and Kiki loved the shit out of their older sister. I didn’t want them to idolize her being pregnant and then go out and do the same shit. Since I found out last week, I hadn’t been able to sleep a full night’s sleep without going to peek into her room. I kept asking myself how the fuck did I miss this? It was hurting me more than it was hurting her, and my mind was all over the place. I didn’t know how to go on and approach the situation. Kiki and Love were excited to be aunts, but I wasn’t excited to be an great uncle. I felt bad for holding so much resentment for the baby that grew in her stomach, yet I couldn’t help it.

  “You good?” Staten tapped me and handed me the blunt. We were sitting in the back of Ghost’s Mercedes Sprinter as we drove to the party. Ghost was smoking a blunt while Shakira sat in his lap. I didn’t understand why the nigga had to have someone drive us in the sprinter, but I wasn’t about to turn down a free ride.

  “I don’t know if I’m coming or going…” I revealed. The guys knew nothing about Kiss being pregnant. It seemed like if I hid it inside the walls of my home, then it wasn’t real. I took a pull from the blunt. “Kiss is pregnant,” I finally revealed, and everyone stopped and looked my way.

  “See I know some shit was wrong with him. The way he pulling his blunt tells it all. Only a nigga going through shit takes a pull from a blunt like that,” Staten joked. “Nah, on the real. How you feel?”

  “Shopping! I have to go shopping and get her some stuff… what is she having? When is she due? Oh my god! Can I throw her a baby shower?” Shakira butted herself into my conversation. I didn’t see why the fuck she didn’t ride with her friends.

  “Babe, chill. Mind your business.” Ghost stepped in before I did. Usually I held respect for Shakira out of respect for Ghost. Tonight, anything fucking goes with the way I was feeling.

  “Shoot me for wanting to help him out.”

  “I don’t need your fucking help, ight?” I barked.

  “Chill, Priest,” Ghost warned.

  “Well, I’ll just take an invitation to the baby shower,” Shakira still had to get the last word. After all we had just said, she still had to add something about a fucking baby shower.

  “He’s not giving her a fucking baby shower, Shakira!” Ghost barked. “She’s fucking seventeen, why the fuck is he going to celebrate by throwing her a baby shower? He should be preparing for a graduation party, not a fucking baby!” Ghost continued to yell in her face.

  Shakira’s face turned a bright red and I could tell she was embarrassed. Her ass shouldn’t have continued pushing the issue that wasn’t her business. “You promised.”

  “Yeah, well we all break promises,” he replied.

  I leaned back and continued to take this blunt to the face. Staten handed me another to keep me faded. It seemed like the more high I got, the less problems I had to worry about. “On the real, if you or Kiss need babysitting, I got you,” Staten said as he smoked his blunt.

  Ghost and Shakira were bickering about something that neither of us cared about. “Nigga, I wouldn’t trust you to watch my dog.”

  “Fuck you. I watched one of my shorty’s kids. She ran to the grocery store and asked me to watch them.”

  “Word?”

  “Yeah, and I ain’t never called that bitch again. There’s kids and then there are animals, her damn kids are animals. One of them fuckers bit the fuck out of me.”

  I leaned up from the chair laughing and choking off my smoke. “You fucking stupid.”

  “Nah, he telling the truth. He called me and asked what the number to animal control was,” Ghost chimed in.

  “Animal control? Don’t you mean child protective services?”

  “Shittttt! With the way they were acting, they needed to be in a fucking cage.” Staten put his blunt out and stood up.

  “When you gonna settle down and have some kids of your own?” Shakira inserted herself into a conversation that wasn’t hers.

  “When you stop getting Botox.”

  “Oh hush,” she giggled. Shakira always thought when we said smart shit like this we were joking. Nah, we were deadass, and she would be so tickled thinking we were joking.

  “Half the bitches you fuck probably have Botox.”

  “Nah. I’ll let you and your girls have that. Y’all out here looking like stiff potatoes and shit. Ya’ll can have that,” he said just as the Sprinter door opened. Staten was the first to jump off the back and head right into the party. That nigga was heading right to a drink and then to fin
d a woman to take home with him.

  “I’ll get up with you… I’m gonna holla at Priest real quick,” Ghost told Shakira and she switched her plastic ass right into the party.

  “On the real, are you good?”

  “I’m maintaining. I’m trying to take it one day at a time,” I honestly replied.

  Why lie and say I was good when I wasn’t? No, I wasn’t fine, and I didn’t think I knew when I would ever get over it. Knowing me, I would probably be at her baby’s first birthday still hurt by the decision she chose to make. She’s seventeen. That wasn’t an decision for her to make on her own. We should have been having this discussion on what was best for.

  “You know, if you need me that I’m here for you. The girls are like my little nieces too.” He patted me on the shoulder.

  “Appreciate it, G.”

  “You already know. Put that out and let’s enjoy this party. Reese done went broke trying to act like he in the big league,” he joked.

  “I mean, shit… You only turn twenty-one once, right?”

  “Word.”

  We finally made it into the party and this nigga went over the top. “It look like a fucking crime scene with all this fucking red,” Staten said when he made his way over to us.

  “I told him about that set tripping shit over and over again. He think those niggas gonna ride for him and their not,” Ghost replied.

  “They don’t listen until they need you,” I replied.

  Reese had this shit set up like a club. There weren’t too many clubs in Staten Island. Every time one got opened, it was shut down that next week because someone had got shot in it. I knew he must have paid a grip to rent this crib out because it was huge. The women were dancing and shaking their asses, while the guys stood there with their drink and two-step. The bottle girls walked around in red shirts and panties with bottles and drinks. The atmosphere was on point and everybody just wanted to have a good night.