Shattered

by Jennifer K Thomas

  Luke reaches up to brush my hair away from my face, his fingertips grazing my cheek. “Where do you want us to go from here?”

  I take a deep breath and let the shaky words exit my mouth. “I don’t want to be hurt again.”

  Luke grabs my hands and rubs his thumbs across my knuckles as I stare at them. “Jessica, I can’t change what’s happened, but I promise I would never do anything to knowingly hurt you. I’m a better man than I was yesterday, and I’ll be an even better one tomorrow.”

  The doorbell rings and Luke slowly releases my hands. “That’ll be Claire to pick up Finn. It’s her night, but she asked if I could watch him while she went on a date.”

  Luke walks to the front door and unsure of what to do I head into the kitchen to get a bottle of water and dry my eyes.

  A moment later they walk in the family room together.

  “Hi, Jessica. Nice to see you again.” She’s kind enough to ignore my red eyes and trembling hands.

  “Nice to see you, too.” I manage to say in an almost normal voice.

  She follows Luke down the hallway and a few minutes later they reappear, Claire carrying Finn in his infant seat with one arm, and the diaper bag in the other. “Thanks again for tonight.”

  “Anytime.” Luke grabs a blanket draped over the back of the couch. “Don’t forget this.”

  “Thanks. Goodnight, Jessica.”

  “Goodnight, Claire.”

  Luke walks them out and I take a seat on the couch.

  I drain the entire contents of the water bottle before he returns and sits next to me.

  “Not too awkward?” He places a hand on my knee.

  “Not at all. Finn is perfect, and I think Claire and I will get along just fine.” I angle my body toward his and he takes the cue.

  Luke reaches up and gently threads his hands through my hair, placing one on each side of my head. He pulls my face toward his as he leans in. When he places his tentative lips against mine, I sigh.

  He pulls back, his deep sapphire eyes fixed on mine. “I’ve loved you for half my life, ever since you entered it. Sometimes I’ve had to do it from a distance, but I always have, and I always will.”

  I kiss him once and pull back far enough to look in his eyes again. “Let’s figure out a way where you never have to do it from a distance.”

  Chapter 21

  “Another successful negotiation.” Luke beams from across his desk.

  “I can’t believe I agreed to your new expansion budget,” I mumble as I gather my things.

  I register out of the corner of my eye that Luke has left his chair and is walking behind me. “You did and there will be no renegotiating at dinner tonight.”

  “Don’t worry, I remember the rules.” After a discussion turned battle of the wills during dinner one night a few weeks ago, we agreed to make every attempt to keep our work life and personal life as separate as possible. Work is going well, but our personal life is going even better.

  Everyone has adjusted to Luke’s return quickly and enthusiastically. The first night Luke came over to the house Amelia insisted they pick up where they left off in their backgammon lessons. Apparently, he was teaching her how to play when they were spending time together after the miscarriage. My mom looked slightly nervous when I told her over coffee that we were getting back together. Her reaction lightened considerably when I also told her we decided to see a couple’s counselor to help us work through our remaining issues.

  Luke brushes my hair away from my neck, his fingertips causing a tingling sensation to travel through my body. “Luke…” I warn with a smile, knowing it’s already too late.

  He places a gentle kiss on the side of my neck and I close my eyes. “Do you really want me to stop?” he whispers against my skin.

  “No, but you’re breaking our other rule.” I tilt my head giving him even more access to the length of my neck.

  “I break all of my rules for you, you know that,” Luke says with a raspy voice, before placing his mouth back again my skin. He sucks gently, and a moan escapes my throat.

  “We’re at work, Luke.” At this point I don’t really want him to stop, so I only half-heartedly attempt to remind him that we’ve tried to remain professional at all times at the winery.

  “It’s late, everyone’s gone by now. Besides, I’ve shown a lot of restraint.” He moves his lips to my ear where I feel his warm breath tickle across it. “I haven’t taken you in my office once.” He pulls my earlobe in between his teeth and my breath hitches.

  He releases it and spins my chair around until I’m facing him. He steadies himself against the hand rests and leans down. I raise my mouth slightly toward him and he accepts the invitation. His tongue pushes at my lips and I gladly let him in. Our tongues swirl around each other and our mouths grow greedier. I don’t protest when his hands leave their spot on the armrests and land on the buttons on my blouse. He makes quick work of the top two, then stops.

  “We’re going to break every rule we can think of.” Luke’s mouth claims mine again leaving no room for the last feeble attempt at resisting I was planning to make.

  Luke pulls me up from the chair and leads me to the couch on the other side of the room. “I didn’t think I needed this couch in here until this moment,” Luke says as he finishes unbuttoning my blouse. He slides it off my arms and watches me remove my skirt.

  “Leave them,” he says in a low voice when I reach for my shoes.

  I stop and smirk at him.

  “God, I’m a lucky man,” he says, watching as I remove the little remaining clothing I’m wearing.

  With my clothes completely removed, I make quick work of his belt and zipper. His dress pants pool at his feet and he laughs. “I’m going to have to take my shoes off first.”

  I shoot him a seductive grin and slowly bend down, taking his underwear with me as I go. When I take him in my mouth, he gasps and steadies his feet, trying not to fall over.

  I slide my mouth up and down, while massaging him with my hand at the same time. His moans and occasional profanity laden mumblings clear indicators he’s enjoying himself. I pick up my pace and grab his ass, holding him in the exact location I want him. This prompts a deep groan and an “Oh, fuck,” from him.

  I have every intention of finishing him off in this fashion, but my plans are thwarted when he grabs me by the arms and lifts me up. I open my mouth to protest, but his words beat mine.

  “On the couch,” he says with authority, as he kicks off his shoes and violently shrugs his pants from his ankles. “I’m too worked up to take care of you properly, so I’m going to fuck you hard now and later…”

  I lay back on the couch as he quickly undoes his tie and strips his work shirt off. I watch as he walks naked across the room to his desk and retrieves a condom from his wallet. His muscles take turns tightening and relaxing as he does, and I enjoy the view. “And later?” I ask, a playful smile on my lips.

  “And later, I’m going to enjoy finding out how many orgasms you’re capable of having in one night.” Luke looks at me through hooded eyes as he rolls the condom down his length. “Sound like a plan?”

  I nod and Luke smiles. He lays on top of me and kisses me deeply, one hand tangles in my hair, the other reaches down between us. It doesn’t take long before I’m wet enough for him to slide in.

  He pushes into me quickly and forcefully, causing me to gasp and fight for a full breath of air.

  “You are perfect,” he says as he pushes into me again.

  “Luke…” I breathe out as he pounds into me. “You feel so good.”

  This seems to encourage him even more and he picks up the pace. Luke takes both my wrists and lifts my arms above my head as he thrusts into me relentlessly. “You are so beautiful.” His eyes move from my chest up to my face and he leans down and gives me a quick but passionate kiss.

&
nbsp; He rises up and grips my hips, slamming our bodies together at an increasingly rapid rate. He stares at me as I start to unravel and grins wickedly.

  “Luke.” I cry out his name and watch as his handsome face contorts, giving away how I affect him. With a series of powerful thrusts he finds his climax, riding it out until he slumps on top of me.

  He stays that way, breathing heavily for a few minutes. “Can we skip dinner?” he asks against my shoulder.

  “No.” I chuckle. “We don’t get to see Aaron and Andi very often.”

  “Fine, but nobody better order dessert.” Luke stays laying against me. “I want to get you home early.”

  “I can’t believe you’re going to Mexico for two weeks. I’m so jealous.” I take a sip of my wine.

  “We’ve both been working too much, we need a break before we burn out.” Andi glances at Aaron before continuing. “I told him it was either this or spend a week back east with my family. Needless to say, Mexico won.”

  “Nothing against your family, but two weeks in the sun sounded more appealing than a week being snowed in and playing cards with Uncle Tony.”

  Andi laughs and grips Aaron’s forearm. “That was one time.”

  “And I still haven’t recovered.” Aaron shakes his head.

  “My family can be a little competitive when it comes to cards,” Andi explains to Luke and me.

  “A little?” Aaron raises an eyebrow.

  “So, it runs in the family?” Luke cocks his head at Andi. Luke has always been competitive, but I’ve heard stories about him meeting his match with her.

  “You’re one to talk.” Andi points at him and smiles. “You let me know when you’re ready for that Monopoly rematch.”

  “Nope.” Aaron interjects. “You two are never allowed to play that game again. Trust me, Jessica, that’s not something you ever want to witness.”

  “Fine, we’ll think of another way to have a rematch.” Andi sips her wine. “What are you two doing for the holidays? I imagine the winery’s busy during this time of year.”

  “We’re spending Christmas Eve with my mom, then both kids will spend Christmas Day with their other parent. I assume we’ll spend a quiet day at home?” I look at Luke. Once we figured out our schedule with the kids, we didn’t talk much about what we would do after they left.

  “Actually, I was going to see if you want to get away for a couple of days. Noah and Kendall were supposed to be using the cabin the week after Christmas but had to cancel. We could head up on Christmas and relax for a few days.” Luke’s dad left his cabin in Lake Tahoe to Luke and his aunt. He included instructions that the property must remain in the family and if sold all proceeds must be donated to charity. Luke said it was his dad’s attempt to fix the broken family dynamic he created and even though the stipulation probably wasn’t legally enforceable he planned on honoring it.

  “I don’t know. There’s a lot going on at the winery right now.” I grab a piece of bread from the basket.

  “And there always will be. We have to find time to get away.” Luke places his hand on my leg under the table.

  “True.” I’ll probably come back to a pile of work, but I could use a break. Plus, the thought of spending some quiet time with Luke is something I don’t take for granted. “Let’s do it.”

  “I’m not sure my mom’s going to let us leave with him.” I wrap my arms around Luke as he reaches for another cookie on the counter. My mom has been holding Finn while she watches Amelia open her gifts.

  Luke places his hand on mine and squeezes. “Thank you for including us today.”

  The last few weeks with Luke have felt surprisingly easy. So comfortable, I almost feel silly for thinking it would be any different. Amelia isn’t Luke’s daughter and Finn isn’t my son, but when we’re all together it does feel like we’re a family.

  “Thank you, Luke!” Amelia bounces over to kitchen holding up a chess set.

  “Thought you may be interested in learning how to play?” Luke smiles at her and she throws her arms around him.

  “I am. Thank you.”

  Luke squeezes her. “Great. We’ll start when you get back from skiing.”

  “I wish you guys were going, too.” Amelia looks at me when she says it, but she’s still hugging Luke.

  “It’s good to have a special thing to do with your dad. He’s probably a much better skier than your mom and me.”

  Amelia releases him and nods. “He’s really good.”

  I smile at my amazing little girl. “That’s the cool thing about our situation, Amelia, you have lots of adults who love you who are all good at different things. Dad can teach you how to ski, Luke can teach you chess, Grandma can teach you how to bake…”

  “And you can teach me how to be the best mom.”

  “Yes, she can,” Luke answers, before I have the chance to disagree. Amelia runs back to her remaining pile of presents and Luke pulls me to him. “You’re the best mom I know.”

  Luke is singing along with the radio as I look out the window admiring the mountain landscape we’re speeding by.

  “You’re quiet,” he says in between songs.

  “Just tired. That six o’clock wake up from Amelia was a little early. You must be exhausted.” Luke had to drive Finn back to Claire’s before coming back to my house after leaving my mom’s house last night. I peered at the clock when he climbed into bed after midnight.

  “I’m fine.” Luke’s smiling. “I enjoyed her excitement.”

  “Was it hard not having Finn there?”

  “I don’t know.” Luke scrunches his eyebrows together. “I guess I don’t know any different. I’ll always have to share the holidays with Claire, so it’s not like something’s changed, this will always be our normal.”

  “He seemed to really like his new toys last night.” We sat and watched Amelia introduce Finn to his new playthings last night. They were really cute together, she explained things to him as he gazed up as her smiling.

  “He did.” Luke removes one of his hands from the steering wheel and places it on my thigh.

  Luke falls silent again, so I resume admiring the scenery.

  “My mom was a fragile woman,” Luke says out of nowhere.

  “How so?” I turn to look at him. He stares straight ahead, focusing.

  “She battled depression for years.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “She tried to kill herself when I was twelve.”

  “What?” Even though I know I heard him correctly, I’m having a hard time absorbing this new information.

  “I’ve never told anyone. My dad told me we shouldn’t talk about it.” Luke grips the steering wheel a little tighter.

  “It’s okay to talk about it, Luke.” I hold my breath. I don’t know what hurts more, thinking of Luke going through that with his mom or not being able to talk about it all these years.

  “I’m the one that found her.” Luke still won’t look at me. The fact that he seems embarrassed makes my heart ache for him.

  “What happened?” I ask softly.

  “I was supposed to be heading out of town with my best friend and his family, but I forgot my lucky hat so I rode my bike back home. She didn’t answer the door when I rang the bell, so I went around back and climbed through the dog door. I grabbed my hat and was headed back downstairs, but something in me made me stop…I don’t know what.” Luke glances as me briefly. “I went to her room and found her passed out. At first, I thought she was sleeping, but I wanted to say goodbye again. I couldn’t wake her up, so I called 911. I found out later she had taken a whole bottle of pills.”

  “Luke, that’s awful.” I try to imagine a twelve-year-old Luke having to make that phone call.

  “When I visited her in the hospital she cried and told me how sorry she was. She told me I was the best thing in her life and that I saved
her.” Luke takes another deep breath. “I just went home to get my hat.”

  Luke won’t want sympathy, so I try not to say too much. I don’t want him to bottle it up again. “It wasn’t your job to save her, but I’m sure you were both glad you forgot that hat.”

  Luke nods, but keeps his attention on the road. “After that, I was afraid to leave her alone for a long time. When my dad found out I skipped a couple days of school and baseball practice, they got in a huge fight. He told her if she went off her medication again, he would divorce her and take me with him.”

  I conceal my gasp. “Luke, that’s a very scary experience for a kid.”

  He nods again but doesn’t say anything else.

  We spend the rest of the drive holding hands, letting the simple contact work to heal the invisible wounds, wounds I now know he’s been afraid to tend to for years.

  This is not what I pictured when Luke used to tell me they were going to his family cabin for vacation. From the gourmet kitchen to the high beamed ceilings, this place isn’t the rustic little place I had imagined. In fact, it’s larger than my house and includes breathtaking views of the lake from almost every room.

  “I had maintenance and cleaning people come in and do a refresh, new linens, new dishes and kitchenware, but otherwise it’s exactly like it was the last time I was here,” Luke says as his eyes roam the space. I follow him upstairs, where he sets our bags in what I would assume is the master bedroom, not merely because of its size, but also because it has a luxurious bathroom attached. My eyes go back and forth between the large windows offering more views of the lake and pines and the two-sided fireplace separating the bedroom and the large claw-foot tub in the bathroom.

  “I may never leave.”

  Luke smiles. “It’s nice here, quiet. We can bring the kids to the snow in the winter and boating in the summer. I can teach Finn to snow ski and both kids to water ski.”

  “You told Amelia you don’t snow ski.” I narrow my amused eyes at him.

  “I never said I don’t ski.” Luke corrects. “I don’t want to infringe on his thing with her.”