The Wandering Inn_Volume 1

by Pirateaba

“Are you sure? I have seen them for myself. Very small, yes? Hard to see.”

  “Really? That’s so disappointing…”

  “No—no, they get bigger. It’s a reproductive thing. Once the guy gets, um excited, it—”

  Erin broke off. Krshia was grinning and Selys shook her head.

  “We’ve seen it, believe me, Erin.”

  The Gnoll nodded.

  “Ah. They become larger? Then that explains much. The one I saw remained small. No matter what I did.”

  “I suppose the guy was just…nervous.”

  “Frightened.”

  “It is regrettable. But at least his tongue still worked.”

  Erin sucked in her lips as Selys suddenly found she was ready for another drink. Krshia smiled at her.

  “So how large to they become, Erin Solstice? Large enough to be useful, I hope?”

  Now she was on the spot. Erin turned red—well, redder. She was in a state of permanent blush, but she did her best and spread apart her hands.

  “Um. This big?”

  Selys and Krshia looked at Erin’s hands. Krshia shook her head.

  “…No. Have you not ever seen one?”

  Erin blushed.

  “Well, it’s not as if I could measure—is it bigger?”

  “Smaller, I hope.”

  Selys murmured. She showed Erin a much smaller span with her hands.

  “That’s normal. At least, it is among most Drakes. Not that I’m an expert.”

  “Mm. This is what I have seen.”

  Erin and Selys stared at Krshia’s hands. Half of the inn’s patrons – the male half – furtively peeked around their mugs.

  “Huh. So Gnolls…”

  “They have the biggest, yes.”

  “Size isn’t everything.”

  “Is that what humans say? Drakes don’t say that.”

  “Neither do Gnolls. Size is good, yes? Too much is bad. But not enough is not enough.”

  Krshia elbowed Erin.

  “You would agree with that, yes? A good size makes much difference.”

  “I uh—”

  Embarrassed, Erin took a long drink of her drink. Alcohol was good. It made all her embarrassment go away if she drank enough. But Krshia probably required a barrel, because she was still extolling the virtues of the proper penis.

  “Mm. A good one is thick. Hard, strong—”

  “Barbed.”

  Selys sighed happily. Krshia and Erin looked at her. Erin’s cup was firmly anchored to her mouth, but she had lost her thirst completely.

  “Barbed?”

  She looked at Krshia. The Gnoll made a face.

  “They are not spikes. But more like—ridges? Hard parts of flesh. It is not bad. Enjoyable, given time.”

  “Ah. I see.”

  Silence fell over the table for a few seconds. The Gnoll server took that moment to dart in, deliver the drinks and refills and run for it. Erin stared at her food. She’d eaten a bit of her plate, although she had no recollection of doing so.

  After a moment Selys learned forwards and lowered her voice.

  “That reminds me. I’ve been meaning to ask you this, Erin. I have a bet with a friend of mine. She says humans do it but I never believed her…”

  A thousand images flashed through Erin’s mind, a thousand clicked internet links she regretted (and a few she didn’t). She braced herself as Selys hesitated. At last the Drake asked the question.

  “Do humans really put it…in their mouths?”

  Erin stared at Selys. The Drake was deadly serious. Erin looked around. Half a dozen males lowered their heads instantly. The other half were too slow and pretended to be ordering a drink.

  “Um. Yes?”

  “No.”

  Krshia and Selys both looked at Erin in disbelief. The girl shrugged awkwardly.

  “What? Yeah, we—I mean humans do. Not me, but it happens.”

  “Erin. That’s really disgusting.”

  “Mm. It is unusual. But perhaps not so much?”

  Krshia looked at Selys thoughtfully.

  “What? But Krshia, just think about it. One of those? In your mouth?”

  “Yes, but I have heard it said that Drakes use their tongues very well. Is that not so?”

  Erin’s gaze was suddenly riveted to Selys’ mouth. Her long tongue flicked out as the Drake covered her mouth with her hand.

  “That’s different! And I certainly haven’t—but the mouth? Do you eat it?”

  Krshia made a face.

  “That would be disgusting, yes? Surely—”

  Both Drake and Gnoll stopped at the look on Erin’s face. She stared fixedly at one wall and said nothing. After a moment Selys cleared her throat and changed the topic.

  “I just don’t understand it. It’s weird.”

  “Oh come on. You’re saying Gnolls and Drakes don’t do that at all?”

  “No.”

  “No.”

  Erin looked from Krshia to Selys.

  “Why? I mean, I’m not saying it’s great but—”

  “I think it would be hard to convince males to put anything in a female Gnoll’s mouth they did not wish to lose. It would be risky, even at best.”

  Krshia bared her teeth and Erin saw her point. Erin had canines. Four, to be exact. Krshia’s mouth was all canine and very sharp to boot. She had very pronounced canine teeth, which made Erin think of a dog. Which hyenas were, if she remembered her biology right. Half dog, half cat or something.

  Selys had pointed teeth too, and Erin wondered how sharp they were. She’d seen Selys bite through their meal of beef without any effort. Where Erin had to grind away at the occasional gristle, Krshia and Selys had easy chewed their way through the food.

  “I see your point. Um. I guess it’s just a human thing. It goes the other way, too, you know.”

  “Other way? Oh, you mean guys using their tongues. That happens with us.”

  Krshia nodded.

  “They do that all the time. It is an important first part.”

  “Duh.”

  “Long tongues. Very good.”

  Erin shivered. She had goose bumps and the conversation was getting even more awkward.

  “I uh, okay. That’s a lot of information. So—so there are big differences.”

  “Not so big. All the parts are generally the same. It’s just the details that change.”

  “Indeed. But if you were to have sex, I am sure you would enjoy it very much in any case.”

  Suddenly the conversation was back to her sex life. Not a topic Erin was too keen on. She raised her hands defensively.

  “Look. I appreciate the concern, but I don’t really know anyone in the city. I mean, okay, I know some people, but it’s not like I’m desperate or anything. I mean, who would I even…?”

  Erin paused.

  “Are you saying I should um, date someone I know? Like Relc?”

  Krshia shrugged, but Selys shook her head vehemently.

  “What? Of course not. I mean, not unless you wanted to. And you could do a lot better than Relc. I mean, just look at him.”

  “What’s wrong with him?”

  Selys looked at Krshia, but the Gnoll looked blank. She sighed and tried to explain.

  “Relc? Oh, he’s a soldier, Erin. He still is, even if he’s retired. He might be good for one night, but then he’ll be chasing someone else’s tail. Besides, he’s, you know…”

  Selys’ tail lashed and she looked around before lowering her voice.

  “Sort of ugly, you know?”

  “He is?”

  “Haven’t you seen his face? His jaw and the way the face looks just don’t match. And his scales…”

  Selys glanced at her audience and realized she’d lost them.

  “Well, trust me, he’s not a looker. Now, if you were talking about Olesm, I might see your point. He’s quite nice to look at.”

  “He is? I mean, he is. So you’re saying…”

  “Well, maybe. But there’s a lot of co
mpetition around him.”

  “There is?”

  Selys nodded seriously.

  “He’s a [Tactician], smart, and he’s a got good prospects for a better job in the future. A lot of people I know are interested in him.”

  “Hrr. He is acceptable, I suppose. If Erin was interested in him. Is that the case?”

  “I hadn’t thought about it. Ever.”

  “Well, is there anyone you are interested in?”

  Erin had to think. She only knew a few other males.

  “Um, well, there’s Pawn.”

  Both Gnoll and Drake stared at her. They exchanged knowing looks.

  “Oh.”

  “I see.”

  “I didn’t mean that! I just meant he’s another guy. I’m not interested in him. At all.”

  “That is good. I do not know anyone who would ever mate with an Antinium.”

  “I’m not sure if they even have a way to have sex, to be honest. They seem pretty…smooth down there.”

  “Right. And they’re bugs.”

  “Yes.”

  “Of course.”

  “And I’m not into bugs.”

  “Oh, I knew that.”

  “Obviously.”

  Erin narrowed her eyes at the other two. Selys cleared her throat.

  “Well, who else is there?”

  “…Pisces?”

  “No!”

  Krshia and Selys looked relieved.

  “Well, if there is no one you know that you wish to mate with, it may be good to find one, yes? And we may help. We can tell you those who would be good at sex rather than those who are deficient.”

  Selys nodded.

  “I don’t want to judge, but that is pretty important. My friends all say it matters to how happy they are. I’ve heard some of their tail mates are—well, I don’t want to name names, but some of them hardly last any time at all.”

  Krshia nodded, frowning seriously.

  “I have had the same experience. Many night unsatisfied because he was unable to last. It is a frustrating thing.”

  “Really? How long—or short is it for you, Krshia?”

  The Gnoll considered the question.

  “Hm. A short time would be…fifteen minutes? Good sex is usually half an hour or longer, yes? Usually closer to an hour, but there is not always enough time so…”

  She glanced up and saw Erin and Selys staring at her.

  “What? Much of the time takes place with the end, yes?”

  “The end?”

  “The knot.”

  “The what?”

  Erin thought she remembered hearing how dogs had sex. But if Gnolls—her eyes swiveled to Selys and the two shared a moment of shared interest and horror. Selys looked at Erin.

  “Half an hour. Do humans…?”

  “I don’t think so. Um. Probably not. The longest video I watched was—”

  Erin tried to suck the words back out of the air, but then she realized her audience.

  “…No. I think the average is around five minutes?”

  “Five?”

  “I mean, they can go longer. Why?”

  “I usually—I mean, Drakes usually go for around ten minutes. At least.”

  “Ten minutes. Wow. That’s pretty impressive.”

  “It’s nice. I wish they spent more time afterwards, but you know males. Once they’re done, they’re done.”

  “Mm. It is good to hold each other afterwards, yes?”

  Erin could see that. Or rather, she could see Krshia and some Gnoll doing cuddly dog things, or even embracing like humans. But when she looked at Selys and thought of two Drakes…the closest she could get to intimacy was rubbing each other with their scales. It didn’t sound pleasant. Sort of like sandpaper grinding against each other?

  “Well, I can see you two get out a lot.”

  “Not that much. I’m not—we’re just saying. It’s once a month.”

  “Or once a week.”

  “I haven’t found anyone good recently so it’s been sort of quiet.”

  “I had sex yesterday. It was enjoyable, yes?”

  Erin and Selys stared at Krshia. The Gnoll shrugged.

  “You’re very…open about all that, Krshia.”

  Krshia grinned.

  “My people, we have very good noses, yes? There is no use hiding such things so we have no need for modesty. And besides, smelling is good. It tells us many things.”

  “Oh? Like what?”

  “Like when we are in estrus. Ah—that means when we are in our mating period. Then males come to us. And we also know when we are pregnant. It is a good thing to know.”

  “Right. Oh, right! Pregnancy! How do you deal with that?”

  “What do you mean, Erin?”

  “Well, um, you’re having sex, right? What if you get pregnant?”

  There were certainly no condoms lying around here, and Erin was pretty sure that not a lot of mages would be specialized in birth control. Unless there was an [Gynecolomancer] class or something.

  Krshia cocked her head at Erin.

  “It is a simple matter. There is a tea we may brew that stops such things.”

  “Oh.”

  Erin felt silly. Krshia nodded sagely.

  “Mm. It is a good tea. Tasty. I gave you some to drink when you visited my home, do you not recall? You seemed to enjoy it.”

  “I did? I did. Of course I did. And I drank it. Which is totally fine.”

  “Yes, it is good. I will give you some herbs to brew your own. Not that you would worry with a Gnoll.”

  “That is good. I uh, wouldn’t want to have a litter. Or lay an egg.”

  “We don’t lay eggs! Again, that’s lizards you’re thinking of!”

  “You don’t lay eggs? Really?”

  Erin stared at Selys. The Drake squawked angrily at her.

  “No! We’re Drakes, not lizards!”

  That meant they were mammals, if Erin remembered her biology class right.

  “Oh, sorry Selys. It’s just you know, I thought Drakes were like Dragons and…”

  “We don’t lay eggs. We’re descendants of Dragons, but only in some ways. We don’t lay eggs or hibernate. We. Are. Not. Lizards.”

  Selys’ tail lashed the ground angrily and she flicked her tongue out as she glared at Erin and Krshia. The other two exchanged silent glances, but said nothing. Selys took a long, soothing drink from her cup to steady her nerves.

  “So, when would you like to have sex?”

  Erin sprayed most of her drink on the floor, but she still covered Selys with quite a bit.

  “Oh, gross. Erin!”

  “Selys!”

  “It’s just a question. And it’s not like you have to grab the first guy you see. But we could introduce you to someone, nice, you know?”

  “No. I don’t know. And I’m not going to—I’m far too busy to—”

  “It would take just a moment, yes? We could leave and you meet several young ones I know. I am sure they would be eager to learn your scent.”

  Erin stood up, agitated.

  “Look it was fu—it was very nice talking to both of y—I’ve gotta go.”

  She turned, and fled. Selys and Krshia watched Erin rush out of the tavern. The Drake picked up a napkin and started wiping her face.

  “I think it was the idea of smelling that got to her. Humans don’t usually sniff each other.”

  “Mm. They should more often. It is good to know what your partner smells like.”

  “Well Erin’s not going to be smelling anything anytime soon if that’s how she reacts to meeting new guys.”

  “This is true.”

  The two paused, and looked at each other over the table. After a moment, Selys spoke.

  “Fifteen copper pieces says she takes a Drake first.”

  “Hrm. It is agreed. But you will lose the bet. I have a good young one in mind for Erin.”

  “And I know a guy. Several guys, actually.”

  “Well, we shall see
who she picks.”

  More silence. Selys picked at her plate. She wasn’t really hungry, anymore. Being covered in spit tends to do that to even the hungriest diner.

  “…So. Half an hour? Really?”

  Krshia grinned at Selys and snapped the bone on her plate with her paw. She began to lick at the marrow.

  “Would you like to find out?”

  —-

  The first suitor Erin met knocked on her door the next day. She opened the door and found a Gnoll grinning toothily at her, holding a bouquet of strange, smelly orange flowers. She recognized him. He was Tkrn, one of the city guardsmen.

  She was tempted to close the door in his face. But instead, Erin put on a smile.

  “Um, hi. It’s Tkrn, right? What can I uh, do for you?”

  Tkrn, the friendly Gnoll guardsman who Erin wished was a little less friendly at the moment, smiled widely at Erin.

  “I am here to give you a gift, Erin Solstice.”

  He held out the bouquet. Erin recoiled as Tkrn shoved the noxious weeds in her face. Erin coughed.

  “What’s—that?”

  Tkrn looked puzzled. He waved the flowers and Erin tried not to pass out.

  “These are flowers. Humans like flowers, yes? I have chosen some that are especially smelly for you.”

  “And why do you want me to have them?”

  “I have been told you are seeking a mate. I am here to court you. For this, I must have flowers. That is how it is done between humans, no?”

  It wasn’t her [Dangersense] that went off, but Erin’s natural instincts that started clanging in her head at this point. She stared at Tkrn and wondered whether she could just shut the door. No. That would probably be impolite.

  She was tempted anyways, though. Erin glanced at the flowers.

  They stank. Erin was reminded of dogwood, the trees that stank of rotting fish in every spring around her neighborhood. She pushed Tkrn’s offering aside and coughed twice.

  “No thanks. I don’t want—I mean, humans don’t give each other flowers that much. Not anymore. I think. Flowers are nice. These are…smelly. But what would I do with them?”

  “Eat them?”

  “Humans don’t eat flowers.”

  “You don’t?”

  Tkrn stared at the flowers and scratched his head. Then he tossed them to one side.

  “Well, I have more gifts! Here!”

  He dug at a pack at his side and handed Erin a ring. She stared at it.

  “That’s a ring.”

  “Yes! It is what humans have before they can mate, yes?”