With Abandon: With or Without, Book 4

by J. L. Langley

  He was hard and wanting, but there was no urgency. He’d get to it. For now, he just wanted to hold his mate close. He couldn’t remember ever feeling like this, this contentment, this sense of rightness.

  “I love you,” Matt whispered.

  The statement was so soft it was only a breath. It zinged right into Aubrey. He waited, but the sense of panic never came. Instead, euphoria filled him. He hugged Matt tighter. He shouldn’t want Matt to love him, he should discourage it even, but he wanted that love. More than anything in the world, he wanted it.

  Opening his eyes, he smiled. He kissed Matt’s cheek and squeezed again. “I wish we could stay like this forever. Just the two of us. Here. No outside world, no school, no job, no one but us.” If only they could. If there weren’t responsibilities and others depending on him…

  Aubrey shook his head. He didn’t want to think about the inevitable. Now he was going to enjoy his mate to the fullest while he still had him.

  “Me too.” Matt’s eyes opened, and he raised a little, focusing on Aubrey.

  His gaze was doting and utterly peaceful. Aubrey swore his heart stuttered. Sliding from Matt, he kicked his jeans the rest of the way off and dug into the drawer for the lube he’d stolen the last time they were here.

  Matt rolled to his side, watching Aubrey. He ran his fingers down Aubrey’s stomach, over his cock to his balls. He caressed and tugged lightly. The typical panting, squirming Matt was absent, and in his place lay a man content to give pleasure as well as indulge in it.

  Unfortunately, Aubrey’s cock was no longer happy to let him snuggle. His stomach muscles tensed and begged for the pent-up pressure to be released. The scent of Matt’s lust intoxicated him, spurring him on. He slicked up his fingers and wasted no time moving up against Matt. It forced Matt to let go of his balls, but Aubrey got a long, hard body mashed against him in return. It wasn’t a bad trade-off. He traced his slick fingers down Matt’s crease as he slanted his mouth over Matt’s.

  Pushing back against Aubrey’s fingers, Matt returned the kiss. He stabbed his tongue into Aubrey’s mouth and moaned as Aubrey slid a finger in. Matt bent his knee, opening himself up. He realized that by moving toward the invasion he made a space between them because he slipped his hand down and grabbed Aubrey’s cock.

  Aubrey grunted and pulled his mouth free. “On your stomach, sugar.” He slipped in another finger.

  Not only did Matt comply, he arched, deepening the penetration. “Go me.”

  “Huh?”

  “I was patient.”

  Aubrey chuckled. “Yes, you were.” He grabbed the lube off the mattress behind him and squirted a good amount down Matt’s crease while scissoring his fingers. Matt’s back muscles jumped, and he shrugged his shoulders to his ears. “Cold.”

  “Sorry.” But not sorry enough to stop. Aubrey positioned his legs on the outside of Matt’s and pulled his fingers out of Matt’s hole. He tapped Matt’s hip. “Come up here, on your knees.”

  Matt maneuvered to his hands and knees.

  Damn, what a sight. His hole shined with gel, and his balls were already taut. His cock wasn’t visible, because it was so damned hard and close to his stomach. Aubrey needed a mirror in here so he could watch that pretty prick slap against Matt’s stomach as he fucked him. Aubrey groaned and squeezed the base of his cock. His fangs dropped so fast they pinched his bottom lip. Lining up his cock, he gripped Matt’s hip and worked his way steadily inside Matt.

  The muscles in Matt’s back and legs tensed and he gulped in a breath. “Wait.”

  Aubrey froze.

  Matt rocked back and forth with little movements.

  Sweat dripped down Aubrey’s forehead, but he remained motionless. It was pure torture to stay still.

  Matt continued until his butt rested against Aubrey’s hips. A long, drawn-out moan filled the room, and Matt dropped his chest to the bed. He pushed back hard. His body jerked, and a shiver racked him. He moaned again, and the scent of precome teased Aubrey’s nose.

  Aubrey could barely breathe. He was concentrating on being still. He’d meant to tug Matt up against his chest but could barely think with Matt doing that. “You okay?”

  Matt’s head bobbed, and he pressed back again, spearing himself on Aubrey’s cock.

  Oh damn. Aubrey tightened his hold on his mate’s hips and thrust forward. He fucked Matt slow and easy at first, but Matt didn’t seem to want to go slow. He kept speeding up, so Aubrey began to pound into him.

  Sweat gathered and ran down Matt’s back toward his shoulders. The grunts and moans grew louder, and the smell of come more potent. The grip on Aubrey’s cock increased. He was close, but he knew Matt was too. Sliding his hands down, he pulled on Matt’s shoulders. “Raise up, sugar.”

  Matt lifted his body off the mattress, throwing his head back on Aubrey’s shoulder. The smell of sweat and sex teased him. The bed squeaked.

  Wrapping his arms around Matt’s waist, Aubrey drove up into him. Matt’s dick bobbed, leaking come. Sweat ran down his stomach, and his hole clamped down on Aubrey’s cock.

  “Ahh…” He gripped Matt’s shaft and stroked, wanting his mate to come first. It was awkward trying to time his hand to his hips. Good God, he lacked coordination today.

  “You’re ruining it.” With a chuckle in his voice, Matt batted his hand away.

  Smiling, Aubrey let go.

  Matt’s hand sped up and down, pulling come out with each upward movement. His hips snapped up and back, forcing Aubrey’s cock deeper.

  It was absolute heaven, but there was no way Aubrey could keep up this pace long. “Come for me, darlin’. I need you to—”

  Matt’s back arched, and his ass squeezed Aubrey tight. Semen spurted over Matt’s hand. He moaned long and loud, taking Aubrey right over the edge with him. His inner muscles milked Aubrey’s cock, and the sounds of his pleasure buffeted Aubrey’s ears.

  Hugging his mate tight, he rested his face against Matt’s shoulder. With short little jabs, he came. His whole body tensed and released with the pleasure. When it stopped, he was boneless, barely able to hold them both up.

  The way Matt’s weight rested on him was beginning to make his knees hurt, but he didn’t want to move. He finally just slid sideways, taking Matt with him. His cock slipped out of Matt’s body with a gush of semen, and they ended up spooned together in a sweaty heap.

  After a few moments, Matt turned and faced him, his eyes and teeth back to normal. Aubrey’s were too. He could make out the deep blue of Matt’s irises. Only a few inches away, Matt touched Aubrey’s cheek, and a sleepy smile oozed into place. He brushed a soft kiss across Aubrey’s lips.

  Aubrey rested his forehead against Matt, needing the contact, and closed his eyes. He drifted to that weightless not-quite-awake-but-not-yet-asleep place.

  “What in the hell are you doing?”

  Aubrey jerked into alertness at the shout. Springing to a sitting position, he tried to calm his racing heart and clear his swimming head.

  His brother and brother-in-law stood in the doorway.

  Keaton surged forward, anger etched in every line of his face, but before he made it to the bed he was jerked back.

  The look of surprise on Chay’s face as he held his struggling, frothing mate around the waist probably matched Aubrey’s. What were they doing here?

  Chapter Sixteen

  “What game are you playing? I asked you to watch after him. He’s not some goddamned sexual experiment. God, I can’t even believe you.” Keaton threw his arms up, let out a hoarse yell and stormed around the couch. Catching Matt’s gaze, he ran his fingers through his short platinum hair, making it stand on end.

  Matt averted his attention, looking down. His face and neck heated, and the butterflies in his stomach increased. They’d been down in the living room for fifteen minutes, and they were getting nowhere fast. He’d tried to blend into the background by being still and quiet, but apparently it hadn’t worked.

  Keaton whirled back aroun
d to Aubrey, who sat in one of the damask armchairs in front of the unlit fireplace. “Well? What the fuck do you have to say for yourself?”

  Aubrey flicked a glance to Matt and crossed his hands over his still-bare stomach. Unlike Matt, who was now fully dressed, Aubrey had only put on his jeans, nothing else.

  Matt had to admire Aubrey’s ability not to get ruffled. He felt exposed enough with the shield of clothes. He couldn’t imagine facing Keaton and Chay in nothing except his jeans. But why wasn’t Aubrey upset? At least just a little. That expressionless face was something Matt was growing wary of. Was Aubrey about to light into Keaton or did he not care what his brother thought? Matt tried to swallow the lump in his throat without much luck.

  Aubrey looked up at his glaring brother. “Butt out. It’s none of your damn business. What’re you doing here anyway?”

  “We came to watch the place while everyone is on vacation. And it damned sure is my business. I’m the one who was stupid enough to place him in your care.” Turning toward Chay, Keaton frowned. “You could help, you know.”

  Chay, who sat on the couch next to Matt, shrugged. “Matt’s old enough to know what he’s doing.”

  Matt gave Chay a slight nod in appreciation, but what he wanted was for his friends to go away.

  Chay patted his leg. “How are you? You fitting in okay? You like school?”

  Oh thank you, Chay. Grabbing the opening like a lifeline, Matt took a deep breath. His stomach was still in knots, and his neck ached from the tension, but he was thankful for the diversion. “Yeah, I love it here. I’ve made friends at—”

  Turning on Matt, Keaton scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I’m surprised at you. I really am. I would’ve thought you knew better. You have to know you’re just a diversion, right? He’s not going to commit to you, Matt. He’s not even gay, for crying out loud. He has a fiancée.” His voice was soft, concerned in its censure.

  Matt sank back into the couch cushions, resisting the urge to expose Aubrey and Tara’s true relationship. Shame washed over him at being thought of as a sexual experiment. He knew he wasn’t, but he couldn’t say so without outing Aubrey. Darn it, this sucked. It was hard not to resent Aubrey at the moment, which made Matt feel even worse. Tears prickled the back of Matt’s eyes, but he blinked them away. He would not pressure his mate. He wanted to though. He wanted to demand that Aubrey tell them everything. Did that make him selfish?

  “Leave him alone, Keaton.” Aubrey’s voice was stern and the closest he’d come to sounding angry. “If you want to be pissed, be pissed at me, but I will not allow you to talk to Matt like that.”

  “Won’t allow me?” Turning back toward his brother, Keaton put his hands on his hips. “I want some answers, damn it. And I want them right fucking now. What in the hell were you thinkin’? Do you hate me that much? That’s it, isn’t it? You knew Chay and I were coming out to watch the place for Mom and Dad, and you did this on purpose. So I’d catch you. It’s some sick, twisted way for you to get back at me.”

  “Oh yeah. I hate you. What about the whole ordeal with Jonathon?” Aubrey snorted. “I hate you so damn much I saved your mate”—he glanced at Chay—“and you by killing your psycho ex-boyfriend. Yeah that sounds like the actions of someone who despises you, dumbass.”

  Matt looked from his mate to Keaton and back again.

  Aubrey glared at Keaton. “Why’re you making this about you? This doesn’t have anything to do with you, and if you don’t stop yelling at me, I’m going to kick your ass.” Aubrey, unlike his brother—whose ever-present accent became worse with anger—didn’t have even a hint of his Southern inflection. Matt didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Aubrey’s lack of accent meant he was very much in control. It was hard to imagine the man Matt loved in this unimpassioned person.

  “Oh yeah?” Keaton’s voice actually got louder. It echoed through the den.

  “Oh shit.” Chay groaned and leaned forward on the couch, readying himself to intervene.

  Matt couldn’t move. His instincts screamed at him to run to his mate’s defense, but Aubrey wouldn’t want him to do so.

  As Keaton launched himself at Aubrey, his hands shifted into claws.

  Aubrey flew out of the chair before his younger brother reached him, with equally lethal-looking claws cocked back ready for the attack.

  It never came.

  With a gasp, Keaton stopped so swiftly he stumbled.

  “Holy shit.” Chay shot off the couch, wrapped an arm around his much-smaller mate and jerked him back.

  Matt sat there in a daze, fully aware of the tension in the room. Heck, he was strung so tight he felt ready to break in two. Aubrey could do a partial shift without shifting his eyes and teeth? How was that even possible? Keaton could do it because he had three forms. Matt stared at his mate without actually seeing him. Ohmigod, Aubrey has three forms.

  “How? When?” Keaton asked quietly.

  “How and when, what?” Aubrey shouted.

  With his arm still protectively encircling Keaton, Chay pointed at Aubrey’s hands. “When did you gain the ability to do that? What else can you do?”

  A furrow creased Aubrey’s forehead, and he looked down. “Fuck.” He shook his hands as if to remove something from them. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” When he stopped moving, his hands were human. He turned his back and walked to the French doors with his shoulders slumped. “It doesn’t matter now anyway.”

  Like a shock wave, Aubrey’s power radiated through the room, making Matt’s breath catch.

  Chay and Keaton gasped in unison as it hit them.

  Whoa, not only had Aubrey not said anything, he’d been purposely hiding how powerful he was. And how could he do that? Matt panted for breath, flabbergasted at the revelation. He wasn’t the only one Aubrey had hid it from. That should make him feel better, but it didn’t.

  “You said no more secrets.” Matt was across the room before he even realized what he was doing. He couldn’t help it though. Aubrey had promised only truth between them back when he’d told—no not told, Matt had accidentally found out Aubrey was gay.

  Aubrey turned, staring right at Matt. His shoulders drooped, and he heaved a sigh.

  “How long?” Keaton sounded confused and hurt. “Why? I don’t understand. Why would you let all of us think you didn’t possess the same abilities Dad and I have?”

  “About a week after you realized you had three forms.” Aubrey turned his gaze from Matt to focus on his brother. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the golden child?” Aubrey’s voice was soft, a little sad. “I hoped in this one thing you’d have to take the responsibility. I wanted you to have to shoulder some of the burden.” He made a rusty sound that should’ve been a chuckle, but there was nothing amusing in it. “Didn’t work though. You refused to take over the pack.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I’ve owned up to my obligations, and there’s no reason to hide it now.”

  “The fight—when I was sixteen. It was to force me to show my power so I’d be named the next Alpha?” Keaton radiated anger. His hands fisted and unfisted.

  “Didn’t work, huh?” Aubrey shrugged again. “At least it kept everyone from picking on you because you’re gay.”

  “Fuck you. You let me think you hated me all this time? You could’ve talked to me, damn it. I would’ve understood. I might’ve even stayed to help you with Reynolds Inc. and the pack. Fuck you, Aubrey.”

  Matt stood frozen in place. His mate was apparently very good at keeping secrets. “What else are you hiding?” he whispered, afraid to learn the answer.

  “Did he tell you he’s getting married in January?” Keaton scoffed.

  “Damn it, would you stop?” Aubrey pointed at his brother. “I’m not getting married in January. Why’re you so hell-bent on making trouble?”

  “Try again, asshole. Mom said you’re marrying Tara next year.”

  “I never told mom I was marrying Tara. I told her I’d start looking for a wife to give her a grand
child and maybe she could start planning the wedding by the beginning of the year.”

  Bile rose up Matt’s throat and the sensation of icy needles stabbed his face and chest. His breath hitched and stuttered out. Aubrey had never intended to give them a fair chance. All along he’d planned on marrying and keeping Matt as what? A lover on the sly? Everything Keaton had accused Aubrey of was true. Lightheaded, Matt grabbed the back of a chair to steady himself.

  Aubrey met Matt’s gaze. He hesitated for a few seconds and stepped closer, holding his hand out. “Matt…”

  Pulling his hands into himself before Aubrey could touch him, Matt shook his head. His heart beat so hard his chest hurt. A surge of anger overpowered his despair. “No. You lied. Avoidance is lying, Aubrey. Just like last time. Only this time you didn’t need Carson to slip up and accidentally tell on you. You did it yourself. You deliberately misled me. You couldn’t even trust in me enough to tell me you had three forms.” He shouldn’t be saying this in front of Keaton and Chay, but it just kept spilling out. “My mother is a liar too, and you’re just like her. Were you planning on marrying and visiting me on weekends? Or maybe your lunch hour?”

  “Matt.” Aubrey advanced, reaching for him again.

  Matt dodged backward. The tears he’d been holding back spilled over and ran down his cheeks. Dang it.

  “You sorry bastard. Don’t touch him.” Growling, Keaton lunged at his brother. He hit Aubrey square in the chest, and they went tumbling out the French doors onto the veranda from the momentum.

  Shock held Matt’s feet firmly rooted to the living-room floor. Heck, he wanted to do the same thing Keaton did. But there was also that strong prickling along his spine—his hackle rising in wolf form—shouting at him to protect his mate. Stupid bond. Matt didn’t need it or want it at the moment. He and Aubrey were through. Dashing away the tears, he watched as Aubrey and Keaton rolled around the back porch, grappling with each other. No claws were extended.