With Abandon: With or Without, Book 4

by J. L. Langley

  Chay strolled over to the doors with a groan.

  This whole thing was surreal. “Should we do something?” Matt asked him, looking for guidance.

  “Nah. Let them fight it out. It’ll do them good. I don’t think they’re going to actually kill each other.” Chay frowned. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” Matt wasn’t, not really, but he didn’t want to discuss it.

  Chay nodded, seeming to understand. “If you need to talk—” Turning toward the stairs, he cocked his head. “What’s that?”

  “What?”

  “It sounds like a phone.”

  Oh shoot. “It’s my cell.” Matt glanced toward the stairs.

  “Go. I’ll keep an eye on them.” Chay turned his attention back to his mate and brother-in-law. “I’ll yell if I need help.”

  Matt took off running, praying he got to Aubrey’s room fast enough. Dang it. He’d been waiting all day to hear from his brother. What a time for Logan to call. His feet beat in time with his pulse as he pounded up the stairs. Why did this place have to be so big? He’d get the phone and come back down here in case Chay needed him.

  Skidding to a halt in front of Aubrey’s nightstand, Matt snatched his phone up. He didn’t even look at the caller ID before he answered. Panting for breath, he dropped one hand to his knee. “Hello?” A breeze came in from the still-open balcony. Matt turned toward it, waiting for someone to answer. “Hello?”

  “Matthew?”

  Matt frowned. “Eddie?”

  “Uh-huh.” His baby brother’s voice sounded shaky. The three-year-old gulped in a breath. “It’s me, Matt.”

  Dropping down on the edge of the bed, Matt tried to calm his racing heart. He’d been winded and all out of whack emotionally thanks to Aubrey, but now he had an overwhelming sense of dread. Eddie never called him. He talked to Eddie on the phone, sure, but someone else always did the calling. All his brothers knew which button speed-dialed his cell phone though. Matt softened his voice, hoping to take the worry from it. “What’s wrong, buddy? You okay?”

  “Uh-huh. I’m scared though.” Eddie sniffed and his little voice quivered. “I woke up and nobody’s here. Mommy’s car’s gone.”

  The air left his lungs in a painful gasp as Aubrey landed flat on his back. The panic of not being able to breathe hit at him. Oh damn, that hurt. The scrape of the cobblestones didn’t feel much better.

  Instead of charging him again, Keaton bent over, braced one hand on his knee and panted for air. With a grimace, he shook his other hand, the one he’d just smashed into Aubrey’s face. When had his brother learned to hit that hard? Sweat and blood dripped from his chin and splatted onto the ground by the fountain. He stood, hunched over next to Aubrey’s right knee, huffing and puffing like a smoker trying to do aerobics. He was way more winded than Aubrey.

  Aubrey debated getting up and going another round. He could take his younger brother if he wanted to. He outweighed Keaton, and he was certainly in better shape. Fuck it. He was too damned tired. What did fighting solve anyway? So what if Keaton considered it a victory.

  Screw that. No way was he letting Keaton win. Aubrey swept his leg to the side, intent on taking his brother’s legs out from under him.

  Surprisingly, Keaton jumped out of the way. He cleared Aubrey’s leg, but lost his balance anyway and landed on his ass with a bone-jarring thud that made his teeth clack together. He flopped onto his back and laughed, only he was so winded it sounded more like wheezing.

  Aubrey smiled and lowered his head back to the cobblestones. “Dude, you need to get your ass on the treadmill. Your stamina sucks.”

  “I took you down, didn’t I?”

  “Yeah, but you’re breathing a lot harder than I am.”

  Keaton groaned. “I don’t see you getting up.”

  “I could if I wanted to.”

  “Please say you don’t want to,” Keaton whined.

  They both chuckled. Aubrey felt better than he had in years. The fight had been a nice stress reliever, but it wasn’t enough now that everything was out on the table. Well…nearly everything. “Matt is my mate. And before you start yelling at me, let me finish. I’m gay, and I’ve known it since before you ever decided to come out.” Spilling his guts was like a weight being lifted off his shoulders. He hadn’t planned it, but it had all come tumbling out, just like when they were kids. They used to always fight like that and end up talking and making up. “You’re sworn to secrecy, by the way.”

  “Why didn’t you come to me years ago? I always wondered. But you threw me for a loop the way you acted when I told you I was gay.” Keaton rolled his head to the side, looking right at Aubrey. They were only about a foot apart, and the shimmer of unshed tears in Keaton’s eyes was obvious. “Do you know how bad it hurt to think that you didn’t care anymore?”

  “I’m sorry. I—” Shame washed over Aubrey. He’d let his jealousy get in the way and rob him of his brother…his best friend. Yeah, he had Tee and Matt now, but it wasn’t the same. He’d missed Keaton. Keaton was the one person who could truly understand him because his brother had shared his life. He may not have had the familial pressure Aubrey had, but Keaton understood the stress. Or he had until Aubrey ran him off. Over the past few years they’d somewhat repaired their relationship, but it was nothing like it used to be. There was still an underlying strain between them.

  Aubrey’s eyes got misty. God, he was an idiot. He’d convinced himself that he’d picked that fight all those years ago for Keaton’s sake. And in part, he had. He’d wanted the pack to realize how powerful his brother was so they wouldn’t pick on him. But part of Aubrey had liked taking out his aggression. It was that part that had kept him from apologizing and trying to explain his actions afterward. “I was jealous of you.”

  Keaton rolled his head back toward the sky. “Doesn’t matter now. I forgive you. I know how hard it is to tell family.”

  “Ouch.” Aubrey winced. He’d felt that jab, just as Keaton had intended. Aubrey, who should’ve been sympathetic, had not made Keaton’s coming out easy. “I don’t deserve forgiveness.”

  “Yeah, you do. It must suck having to be what everybody else wants you to be. I used to be jealous that you were the one who will inherit this place, but when I thought about all the other crap that comes with it…” He squeezed Aubrey’s arm. When he spoke again it was soft and heartfelt. “I’ve missed you.”

  He’d missed Keaton too, but he couldn’t say it. If he said it he’d cry, and damn it he was not crying. He closed his eyes and nodded, knowing his brother would see his regret.

  “Besides, I’m going to give you hell about it whenever you piss me off until the day you die. I love guilt trips.”

  Aubrey laughed. This was more like they used to be when they were younger. Could they rebuild what they’d had as kids? Aubrey hoped so. “I’m never going to hear the end of it, am I?”

  “Nope.”

  “I can live with that.” Opening his eyes, Aubrey rolled his head to the side to look at Keaton. “Every Christmas I have to hear about the go-kart I wrecked when we were little.”

  Keaton smiled. “You dick. I didn’t even get to drive it. The tag clearly said to Aubrey and Keaton from Santa. But did I get to drive? Oh no.” He changed the pitch of his voice. “Just one more time around and you can drive. Stop being a baby and wait your turn.” He sighed, and a huge grin curved his lips. “I still say you wrecked it just so I couldn’t drive.”

  “I have never sounded like that, and you drove like shit. Remember the dirt bike we got a couple Christmases before the go-kart?”

  “I was five, you asshole.” Keaton chuckled and used the hand he had on Aubrey’s arm to pinch him. “You did wreck it to keep me from driving it.”

  Laughing even harder, Aubrey shook his head and jerked his arm away. “No I didn’t.”

  They lay there quiet for a few moments, and Keaton turned his head again. “I don’t advocate hiding your sexuality.”

  “I’m very wel
l aware of your feelings. Hell, that’s one of the reasons I’ve never told you, but you better than anyone know my reasoning. We can’t all go marching in pride parades.”

  Keaton snorted. “I’d never march in a pride parade.”

  Aubrey raised a brow and bit back the word liar.

  With a smirk, Keaton closed his eyes. “Well, it depends on how long the parade route was. You know how lazy I am.”

  That was true. Keaton loathed anything that remotely resembled exercise. Aubrey shoved his shoulder. “You know what I meant. And I’m going to talk to Chay about getting you to work out. You’re out of shape.”

  “Don’t even go there. I’m allergic to exercise, and even if I wasn’t, Chay thinks the butt crack of dawn is workout time. You know damn well I don’t do mornings. So don’t even think about getting Chay started back on the constant hounding for me to work out. I’ll kill both of you and tell Mom the two of you died.” He groaned and looked back at Aubrey. His expression softened. “I do understand why you don’t want to let everyone know about Matt, but I’m never going to agree. And I’m going to annoy the shit out of you about it.”

  Aubrey sighed. “I figured as much.” In a way, it was nice to know his baby brother hadn’t changed all that much.

  “Um, hey, guys?” Chay stood on the back veranda looking down at them.

  Lifting his head, Aubrey glanced up at his brother-in-law and nudged his brother with his foot. “What does your mate want?”

  “Whaaat?” Keaton yelled from his sprawl without rising up.

  “I’m glad you guys are getting along and all, but I can’t find Matt,” Chay replied. “He went upstairs—”

  “What?” For the first time he realized he hadn’t seen Matt on the porch with Chay the whole time he and Keaton were fighting. How long had they been out here? Twenty minutes? Thirty? Oh gawd. That look in Matt’s eyes when he’d compared Aubrey to his mother had nearly killed Aubrey. He sat up so quickly his head spun. Whoa. He grabbed his head and steadied himself with the ledge of the fountain, already pushing to his feet. With his head still swimming, Aubrey raced to the house. “Where is he?”

  “No clue.” Chay shrugged. “His phone rang after you and Bit started fighting. I told him I’d watch the two of you and to go get it.”

  Aubrey sniffed the air, trying to locate his mate. Matt’s scent was faint, almost nonexistent. A knot formed in the pit of his stomach. Where are you, Matt?

  “Is he outside?” Keaton asked, sniffing audibly.

  Aubrey shook his head and hurried past Chay into the house. He’d driven Matt away, and now another of his secrets had put Matt in danger without his knowing. Fuck! He took the stairs two at a time. He should’ve told Matt about the pictures and Boskie’s disappearance.

  The bedroom looked just as it had when he and Matt had left it to go downstairs and talk with their uninvited guests. The bed was rumpled, and the balcony doors stood open with the sheers floating into the room with the breeze. Matt was nowhere in sight.

  “What’s wrong?” Keaton was right behind him. “What aren’t you telling me? I’m thinking he went for a walk or something, but you obviously don’t. What’s going on?”

  “I think one of our pack members has lost his mind and may hurt Matt.”

  “What? Why?”

  Aubrey raced back downstairs with his brother on his heels.

  Chay met them at the foot of the stairs and followed them to the office. “He was upset with you, but I didn’t think he was upset enough to leave without telling anyone.”

  Keaton grabbed Aubrey’s arm to stop him. “Damn it, Aubrey, talk to us. Why do you think another wolf is going to hurt him?”

  Glancing at his brother’s split lip and the bruise on his left cheek, Aubrey frowned. He’d hurt two of the people he cared about most today. He freed himself from Keaton and grabbed his glasses off the desk. He told them about Boskie and how Matt had rescued Carson as he began flipping through the video cameras.

  Matt wasn’t on any of the screens.

  Aubrey’s pulse was racing, and his hands shook. It made rewinding the DVR and pushing the right keys more difficult than it should’ve been. He needed to see which direction Matt went. If only he’d told Matt everything to begin with. A strange tingling sensation akin to ice water trickling through his veins left Aubrey breathless. His chest burned with regret. “Come on, Matt, where are you?”

  When the cameras showed Matt racing backward up the drive on foot, Aubrey hit play.

  On the recorder, Matt jogged down the drive with his phone in hand and his bag over his shoulder.

  The cameras had captured Matt outside the gate looking back and forth down the street like he was waiting for someone.

  Keaton leaned over his shoulder, squinting at the monitor. “Who’s he waiting for?”

  “Don’t know.”

  A taxi pulled up and Matt jumped in. As the car pulled away, Aubrey’s anxiety lessened marginally. Matt was okay. He’d left of his own free will. “He left me.” A cheery text message bloop sounded. Aubrey located his forgotten phone where he’d flung it on the desk earlier and read the message. It was twenty minutes old, and it was from Matt. Gone to NM.

  Aubrey sat back in his chair, staring at the text message in shock. Matt had left him. He’d known it was going to happen, but he’d thought he’d have years to deal with it. He now knew Matt hadn’t been attacked or kidnapped or any other horrible thing, but the pain in Aubrey’s heart didn’t ease any with the realization.

  “What’re you going to do about it?” Chay nudged his shoulder.

  Numb, Aubrey glanced up at his brother-in-law. “It was going to have to end eventually anyway. Maybe it’s better this way.”

  “Jesus, pessimism runs in this family.” Chay rolled his eyes. “Listen and listen carefully.” He sat on the edge of the desk and pulled Keaton in front of him. Wrapping his arms around Keaton’s waist, Chay rested his chin on his mate’s shoulder and made eye contact with Aubrey. “This is it, man. You get one shot at this, and you’re about to fuck it up.”

  Leaning back on his mate, Keaton nodded. “Chay’s right.”

  Chay kissed Keaton’s cheek.

  They looked so perfect together a spike of envy slashed into Aubrey. He wanted that, damn it. It wasn’t fair… But who had ever told him life was fair? Aubrey groaned. Sometimes wisdom sucked. It was better this way though. Matt would get over him eventually and be happy. And Aubrey… Well, he’d get on with his life, but he doubted he’d ever get over Matt. Jesus, he didn’t know what to do. His heart agreed with Keaton and Chay, but his head told him this was for the best. No, he had to go after Matt. He had to protect Matt and let him know about Boskie’s threat. He lifted his cell phone and dialed Matt’s number.

  “Hi, this is Matt. I can’t take your call right now. Leave a message.”

  “Damn it.” Aubrey waited for the beep. “Matt, call me when you get this. Please.” He hit end and tossed his phone onto the desk. Exiting out of the security camera recordings, he pulled up the website for Savannah/Hilton Head International and looked up all flights into New Mexico. There was one that left in forty-five minutes and another that left tonight at nine o’clock. He closed the browser, pulled up the security cameras and stood. If he left in the next ten minutes, he could catch Matt. He needed to get a shirt and shoes on and grab his keys. “Can you two take care of things here? And let me know if you hear anything about Boskie?”

  Chay smiled at him. “Sure thing. Go get him.”

  “Who’s that?” Squinting at the monitor, Keaton stepped from his mate’s embrace and moved so close to the laptop he blocked Aubrey’s view.

  Chay popped Keaton on the butt. “Stop it, Bit. That’s not good for your eyes. Go get your glasses.”

  Still leaning on the desk, Keaton turned, grabbed Aubrey’s glasses right off his face and put them on. “Geez, your eyes are worse than mine.” His eyes crossed for a few seconds then he turned back to the monitor. “There’s a car at t
he gate.”

  “Who is it?” Aubrey wasn’t expecting anyone. Was it Matt coming back?

  “That’s bad for your eyes too.” Chay snatched the glasses right off Keaton’s face and handed them back to Aubrey.

  While Keaton grumbled about Chay being bossy, Aubrey looked at the screen. It was a couple of pack members he’d asked to patrol the area around Reynolds Hall. “They’re pack.” Could it be word on Boskie?

  “Why don’t they just use the pack key code and come in?”

  “I changed the pack code last night because of Boskie and haven’t given the new code out yet.” Aubrey hit the button on the inside of his desk to buzz them in.

  Keaton and Chay followed him to the front door.

  Chay slapped him on the back. “We got this. You go get dressed and go after Matt.”

  “Thanks.” Aubrey hurried up the stairs and into his room. It was so quiet without Matt here. His absence felt strange…wrong. Aubrey still didn’t know what to do once he found Matt, but he had to try. If he were honest it wasn’t just because of the danger Matt could be in. Hell, he didn’t think Boskie would fly all the way to New Mexico over a bruised ego, but he wasn’t taking any chances with his mate’s safety.

  With no time to waste, he threw on a shirt and some shoes. As he picked up his keys from the dresser, a metallic scent drifted in through the open doors, getting stronger and stronger. Blood. Oh no. His senses didn’t reel from it, which meant it wasn’t Matt’s blood, but… “Keaton? Chay?”

  Voices rose from the foyer. Aubrey recognized his two pack members’ scents and another that smelled vaguely familiar. It was a wolf scent, but he couldn’t put his finger on who it belonged to.

  Keaton met him at the bottom of the staircase. “They found this guy. Said he’d been attacked and dumped on the edge of our property just outside marked pack land.”

  Chay, Stan Zewbroski and Harry Croft knelt by the man, but due to their position Aubrey could see only his legs.