With Abandon: With or Without, Book 4

by J. L. Langley

  Baseball? What the—? Matt stared at his brother. Their mom hated sports. “What’re you talking about? Baseball?”

  Logan groaned. “Code, Matthew. Work with me here. You know…first base, second base, third base, home run? It’s a euphemism.”

  Matt rolled his eyes and groaned. “You dork.”

  “Yeah well. It’s true, and you know it.”

  “I don’t think they’re mates.” Matt glanced down at Scott. He was asleep. “They got married because she was pregnant with…me.”

  “I came to that conclusion too.” Logan nodded but didn’t say anything for several seconds. His hand squeezed Matt’s shoulder, kneading it. “I hate her. I really do. I’m glad she’s gone.”

  In some ways Matt agreed, but she was his mom. “I kind of feel sorry for her. She was forced to get married.”

  “Oh bullshit. You don’t believe that, do you? And how the hell do you explain the rest of us? Nine kids doesn’t sound like force to me.”

  “Aubrey said the same thing.”

  “I like him already.”

  “I don’t know what to think. I guess I feel rejected.” Matt blinked back tears. In little ways his mother had always rejected him. Now Aubrey was rejecting him too.

  “Don’t take it personal, bro. We’re better off without her. Don’t compare your mate to her. By doing so you’re doing yourself and him a disservice. You can find similarities for anything if you look hard enough, but it doesn’t make it so.”

  Wow. That was profound, and it made sense. Was Matt looking too hard for similarities? Deep down he knew Aubrey was nothing like his mother, because Aubrey had a sense of responsibility that Matt’s mother had never had. Ironically, it was that responsibility that caused all their problems. “How’d you get so smart?”

  “I have a really cool older brother who has always encouraged me in whatever I do.” Logan gathered Scott in his arms and stood. “Let’s get these guys to bed. I’ll come back for Darren.”

  If there was one thing Matt was good at, it was being a big brother. Matt gently lowered Darren to the swing and hauled Eddie up with him. “Yeah, let’s get these rascals to bed.” He’d figure out what to do about his mate later.

  The clock on the nightstand between his and Logan’s bed read 12:46 a.m. He’d been staring at it since 11:55. Matt sighed. He should just get up. Obviously he wasn’t going to go back to sleep. Something moved around his feet, drawing his attention away from the clock.

  Eddie lay diagonal across the foot of the bed with one pajama-clad leg hanging off the edge. Matt grinned despite his mood. The kid slept like a wild man. It wasn’t unusual to put him in bed at night and find him on the floor the next morning. Matt had gotten used to sleeping with Aubrey who stayed perfectly still in sleep.

  Matt groaned. He didn’t want to think about Aubrey, but he couldn’t stop. His mind was all over the place. He’d finally decided his mom leaving was for the best, even if he was hurt by it, but he was no closer to figuring out what to do about Aubrey. He’d gone from hating him, to pitying him, to wanting to hit him, and now…well now he kind of missed him. Yeah right. There is no kind of about it. He glanced at his phone lying on the nightstand. Had Aubrey called again? Or maybe he left a text?

  Carefully extracting himself from bed, Matt swung his legs out of the covers. He sat on the edge of the mattress for a moment and ran his hands over his face. Why was it that when something went wrong everything seemed to pile together and bombard you?

  Shoving to his feet, he took a deep breath. He needed something to drink. After rescuing his baby brother from an imminent fall off the bed and putting him in the middle of it, Matt stood staring down at his phone. He shouldn’t care if Aubrey called again. Before he could talk himself out of it, he grabbed his phone and went downstairs.

  All the lights were off, and his father no longer decorated the couch in a drunken sprawl. Apparently Bambi had managed to usher him up to bed. Good. Bambi had been a lifesaver today. He’d been the first to get to Eddie. Matt was glad Bambi had finally moved back home.

  Bambi had been a fixture in Matt’s youth. He’d been around nearly as much as Dad. It had sucked when he’d moved to California four years ago. Matt had more or less taken Bambi’s place as his dad’s right-hand man, but today Bambi had taken that position back.

  Matt grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and headed to the back door. As he unlocked the sliding glass door it struck him how different things were when no one else was awake. He left the door cracked open so he could hear if anyone got up, and made his way to the swing. It was funny how things changed. He used to love to be able to sit on the swing when everyone was asleep. It was the only time he could think here at home.

  He took a swig of water and set his phone on the seat beside him. Did he want to check the messages? If Aubrey called to apologize, would it matter? And what if he didn’t? The nervous flutter in his stomach was back. Shoving off and getting the swing moving, Matt pulled his feet onto the bench. Resting his arm over the back of the swing, he laid his head on it and stared out at the backyard. Goose bumps broke out on his body and he wasn’t even cold.

  He closed his eyes and listened to the creak of the swing as it moved on its chains. The wind blew across his bare chest and feet, making him shiver, but he didn’t want to go in yet. He was at a crossroads. He suspected Logan was right about Aubrey and his intentions, or rather lack of intention about marriage. Matt was pretty sure Aubrey cared for him. But Howard’s words about not letting Aubrey walk all over him kept coming back to Matt. How did he make up with his mate and not give in to him? Should he just let Aubrey come to him?

  A twig snapped to his left, jarring Matt out of his repose. “Hello?” He sat up, squinting toward the bushes next to the porch, and set his water bottle on the ground below the swing. The wind was blowing the opposite direction, but out of habit he sniffed the air. A faint but familiar scent teased his nose. Was that? No, it couldn’t be. Why would he be here? Man, Aubrey had Matt so out of whack his senses weren’t even working right. He shook his head to clear it and inhaled again. Nothing was there.

  He settled back into the swing, this time lying down and hanging his feet over the arm.

  Something cold and hard touched his forehead. “Hello, Matt.”

  Oh my God, it was him… Matt snapped his eyes open, but the barrel of a revolver was all he saw.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Aubrey parked Chay’s truck in front of the big two-story gray brick house and cut the engine. All day he’d prepared for this moment. He’d left his brother in charge, booked a private flight, packed a bag and rushed to the airport. On the runway, he’d managed to call Jake Romero, Matt’s Alpha, and John Carter, the other local Alpha, out of respect to let them know he’d be in the area. After the taxi dropped Aubrey off in front of his brother’s house, he’d used the keys Chay had handed him, gotten in Chay’s truck and gone straight to the address Keaton had programmed into his phone. Now, he stared up at the house with a sense of anticipation and relief. He was finally here.

  Maybe he should’ve stayed at his brother and brother-in-law’s place tonight and come here in the morning. He glanced at the dashboard clock. 1:40 a.m. Matt was probably asleep.

  Had he let his need to see Matt overshadow his good sense? Maybe, but that jittery, uneasy feeling he’d developed after discovering Matt’s absence lingered, even though there was no longer a threat from Boskie.

  Damn. In his rush to reclaim his mate, he’d forgotten to question Boskie about those pictures. Oh well, it could wait until he and Matt got home. Aubrey ran his hands down his face and let out a deep breath, trying to slow his racing pulse.

  Light illuminated the downstairs window on the far right. That didn’t mean anything though. Lots of people left lights on when they went to bed. The knot in Aubrey’s stomach tightened. Should he go knock on the door?

  A shadow moved across the front window.

  That was all the goading he needed.
He jumped out of the truck and jogged to the door. After brushing a hand through his hair, he knocked. There was no turning back now.

  He breathed a little easier when the locks on the door clicked. The door opened, and a tall, nice-looking man with rumpled short black hair and big brown eyes studied Aubrey with a frown on his face. He wore a pair of gray sweats and a wrinkled navy T-shirt. He was a wolf but way too old to be one of Matt’s teenaged brothers. It must be Matt’s dad. Studying Aubrey from head to toe, the man wrinkled his nose a little in confusion. “You’re Keaton’s brother?”

  Nodding, Aubrey held out his hand. “Yes, sir. Aubrey Reynolds.”

  The man yawned, pushed the door open and shook Aubrey’s hand. “Mark Pesata. I take it you’re here because of Matthew. Come in.” He closed the door behind Aubrey. “Matthew’s asleep, along with everyone else, but I assume you knew that being as late as it is.” Crossing his arms over his massive chest, he cocked an eyebrow at Aubrey. “I’m only up to get a glass of water.”

  Well hell, Aubrey hadn’t anticipated hostility. Who was this guy? He smiled, trying to look disarming. “I figured, but he left so quickly and—”

  “If you really care for him, leave him alone. Go back to Georgia and forget about him. There’s no reason he can’t come home and go to school here.”

  Aubrey snapped his gaping mouth closed. “Excuse me?” He felt like a teen picking up his prom date, only he’d never run into this kind of opposition when he’d dated girls. Their parents were always too impressed by his pedigree. This guy wasn’t even Matt’s dad. Irritation prickled up Aubrey’s spine, but putting this man in his place wasn’t going to get him in to see Matt so he held his tongue.

  “I know who you are…who you are to Matthew. Why else would you be here like this? I knew as soon as he got here this afternoon it wasn’t just because Becky ran off. He was running from something. I’ve known Matthew his whole life, and he’s easy to read. He may not have told anyone about you, but that right there tells me what I need to know. So, again I’m telling you, if you care at all, leave him be.”

  A door at the top of the stairs opened and a man wearing only a pair of green pajama bottoms started down the stairs. “Bambi, let the boy in and quit being an ass. The fact that he’s here says all I need to know.”

  Aubrey blinked back his surprise and studied the first man again. This was the man who Matt, Keaton and Chay referred to as Bambi? With a name like Bambi, Aubrey expected small, docile and friendly. This man was none of those things, and he wasn’t going to give an inch. He was suspicious of Aubrey’s presence and it showed.

  Something else occurred to him. The man had said Becky left. Becky was Matt’s mom’s name. Oh damn. Aubrey’s heart sank even lower. This had to be killing Matt. If only he had handled things differently, he might have been there for Matt when he found out. His guilt returned full force. The past day was dragging his emotions through the wringer. First his brother, now this. It was another misstep he’d made with Matt.

  “Welcome, son.” The shirtless man stepped off the bottom step and motioned to Aubrey. Just from a glance Aubrey knew this was Matt’s dad. There was a resemblance, though the man looked more Apache than Matt. “Don’t mind Bambi. He’s always been way overprotective of Matthew.” He stepped around Bambi and extended his hand. “Eric Mahihkan. Please call me Gadget, everyone does.”

  Aubrey shook his hand. “Aubrey Reynolds. Pleasure to meet you, sir.”

  “Come sit down, Aubrey.” Gadget turned and walked away, then said over his shoulder to Bambi, “Shut the door.”

  As the door clicked shut behind him, Aubrey glanced around the house and followed Matt’s dad into the living room. It was spacious with high ceilings and plenty of room for nine kids. This was where Matt grew up. No wonder he liked Reynolds Hall so much. This house had a similar lived-in feel to it. It smelled like wolf, children and food…like a home.

  “What brings you all the way here in the middle of the night?” Gadget sat and swept his arm toward the other end of the couch, inviting Aubrey to sit.

  Aubrey took a seat. “I came to check on Matt. He left without letting me, Keaton or Chay know.”

  Bambi sat in the recliner adjacent to the couch. “Perhaps he had good reason.” He cocked a brow, daring Aubrey to deny it.

  Grr… Aubrey wanted to smack the guy.

  “Knock it off,” Gadget gritted out.

  Bambi ignored him. “I know damned well you’re Matthew’s mate. I overheard him and Logan talking out on the back porch tonight. I also gathered from the conversation that you aren’t out to your friends and family. Matthew will never be happy in a relationship like that. Hiding his nature will make him miserable. He deserves better. He needs a mate who will love him for who he is and not be afraid people will find out. That is no way to live. So if you can’t be honest with everyone, you should cut him loose.”

  If it hadn’t been for the genuine concern and love in Bambi’s voice, Aubrey would’ve told the man to mind his own business, but the hurt and empathy in his expression made Aubrey ashamed. He never should’ve hidden his mating as long as he had. He’d planned on telling Matt first, but something about Bambi’s pleas hit him and he found himself confessing. “I love Matt and I have no intention of hiding him.”

  The tension around Bambi’s mouth eased a little, but the sadness in his eyes increased. “Is love enough?”

  “Goddammit, would you stop already?” Shaking his head, Gadget took a deep, steadying breath and turned toward Aubrey. “You have my blessing. If you love him and he loves you, everything else will work itself out. But you need to be telling him all this, not us.”

  “Fuck you, Gadget. You don’t know shit.” Despite the strong language, there was no heat in Bambi’s outburst. In a whisper, he added, “You don’t know what it’s like.”

  Aubrey’s heart went out to the man. He obviously spoke from personal experience. It was humbling to see this big man filled with so much pain and heartache. Aubrey wanted to know his story, but at the same time he didn’t. It hit too close to home. Was this what Matt had felt this past month? It pained Aubrey to even consider it. “I promise you. I will not hurt Matt. If he’ll forgive me, I’ll do my damnedest to make him happy.”

  Letting out a loud sigh, Bambi stood. “All right, Aubrey. I won’t stand in the way. Do you want me to go wake him?”

  “He can talk to Matthew tomorrow. The boy is dead on his feet. Take him upstairs to Matthew and Logan’s room, and let him get some sleep. I think Eddie is in bed with Matthew, but there should be room for Aubrey too.”

  Aubrey didn’t even think of objecting. He was tired, but more than that he wanted to see Matt. To hold him, even if Matt didn’t know he was there. He stood and followed Bambi.

  “Night, Aubrey, and welcome to the family,” Gadget called after them.

  That simple statement from his mate’s father actually made Aubrey’s eyes watery. Here the man was dealing with his wife’s abandonment, and he was welcoming Aubrey into his family so graciously. It gave Aubrey hope for the future. He could deal with the complication of outing himself as long as he had support. He didn’t know what to say in the face of that sincerity, so he simply said, “Thank you,” and hurried after Bambi.

  They reached the upstairs, and Bambi stopped at the first door.

  “This is it.” Bambi paused with his hand on the doorknob. “Listen, Aubrey. I want us to get along. I just—”

  “Care about Matt.” Aubrey nodded. “And because of that we will get along. Thank you for looking out for him. I promise you, I’ll do right by him.”

  “You better. I suspect he’ll appreciate having you here. His mom leaving bothers him more than he’s letting on. You know him. He’s trying to be strong and supportive for his brothers. I’m not sure it’s hit him yet.” He opened the door and stepped out of the way. Before he walked off he patted Aubrey on the back. “Night.”

  “Night.” Aubrey stood in the doorway for several seconds letting
his eyes adjust to the light. A tiny boy lay fast asleep in the middle of a bed across from the door, but he was by himself. Aubrey took a sniff. Matt’s scent lingered, but it wasn’t strong. There were two other people, both wolves, in the bed by the opposite wall, but no Matt. A frisson of unease washed over Aubrey. “Bambi?” Aubrey turned from the door and inhaled deeply. Again Matt’s scent was faint. He wasn’t in the house.

  Bambi frowned and scented the air. He squeezed through the door, past Aubrey. He stood there for a few seconds and came back out, before going to another door and throwing it open. “Matthew?”

  Aubrey started down the stairs, meeting Gadget on his way up.

  “What’s wrong?” Gadget asked.

  “Matt’s not here.” He followed his nose, trying to trace his mate’s scent.

  “What do you mean Matthew’s not here? Did you check the bathroom? Or he might be outside. He sits on the swing to think sometimes.”

  Aubrey followed Matt’s faint scent to the open back door. “Matt’s not close. I’d know. I would’ve sensed him. Was this open the whole time we were down here?” Aubrey’s throat and chest tightened. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t gotten that sense of Matt when he’d entered the house.

  Gadget stopped beside him. “It had to be. I didn’t open it.” He pushed it open as the sound of feet pounded down the stairs behind them. “You didn’t have to fight your eyes not to shift when you arrived?”

  “No.”

  “Shit.” The acrid smell of Gadget’s fear mingled with Aubrey’s own.

  Bambi came up behind them. “I checked and none of the vehicles are gone. I don’t like this. It’s not like Matthew to leave without telling someone where he is.”

  “Did you open the back door?” Gadget asked Bambi.

  Bambi shook his head. “No.”

  Hurrying out onto the porch, Aubrey lifted his nose in the air. A ball of butterflies raced around his stomach, and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end.