by Amanda Kay
“Bryson is different.” As I watched them together, I knew that was true, but I also knew that Corbin was clearly important to him, and one doesn’t easily get over a loss like that. I had to get out of there. I didn’t want to go home, but I couldn’t stay here.
BRYSON
Waking up Saturday morning was not something I wanted to do. I was hopeful that I’d be allowed to drown my sorrows in bed all day, but that was not the case since, at nine, Bennett barreled through my door.
“Go away!” I shouted, burying my face into my pillow.
“Nope, come on. We’re going out.”
I cocked one eye open and stared at him from under the pillow. “You’re insane.”
“I am not, and I’m not letting you wallow in self-pity.”
“Bennett, I’m not in the mood,” I pleaded, hoping he’d understand.
“Yeah, yeah. I get that; now get up. We’re going to breakfast.”
That got my attention; breakfast, was he serious? “Go away,” I chanced again. I wasn’t in the mood for a big brother, little brother talk. Not today, maybe not ever again.
“No, up!” he hollered, tugging the covers off me. “You can’t sleep all day, man. It’s time to move on.”
“I don’t want to move on.” I thought back to the promise I had made Corbin. I wanted to trust him, but I didn’t see how it would ever be possible for me to love someone else.
He gripped my shoulders. “I know you don’t, Bry, and I get it, but you’ll kill yourself if you do this.”
“It’s only the first day,” I argued.
He shook his head. “Technically, it’s been two weeks.”
“The game was last night,” I protested.
“This isn’t about the game, though. It’s about Corbin. Don’t lie to yourself.”
I looked down. I couldn’t tell him he was wrong because he was very right. He tossed me some clothes and then left my room. Reluctantly, I got dressed. If Bennett wanted breakfast, then we’d go to breakfast, but he was paying.
“Okay, you got me up and out, now what?” He looked up from his menu.
“Nothing, Bry, just enjoy the meal.”
That surprised me. “You don’t want to talk?”
“Only if you do, bro.”
I sighed. “I need time.”
He nodded. “Fair enough.”
He returned to looking at his menu, and I glanced over mine. Bennett had a point, but I needed a day to process it all.
CAIDEN
He was shooting hoops in the driveway, which surprised me, since he was the baseball guy. After leaving the game, I looked him up, and he was all over local news. There was even a segment about him that aired before the game. The headlines were quick to cover his ninth inning mishap. The mishap I caused.
“Go talk to him.” I wanted to ignore the voice, but I was drawn to him for some reason.
I pulled my sleeves down to cover the bruises, and then I started to walk across the street, but then, stopped. “What if he doesn’t like me?” I’d never had a true friend, and I saw how Bryson was with Corbin. He was clearly a decent guy, but he was also grieving.
“He will, trust yourself.” I laughed, no one liked me. No one loved me, well no one except Grandpa, and my mom … before Mark. When grandpa was taken away, everything changed. I shook my head; it was my fault that he was dead, I was a killer.
“Go, Caiden.” I inhaled and then continued my walk.
“Hi,” I squeaked out.
His eyes focused on me, and I melted. “Hi.”
“I’m Caiden.” His eyes widened and his mouth hung open. I wasn’t sure what to make of his reaction. I knew this was a mistake, and I was about to leave when he surprised me.
“Bryson, want to shoot some hoops?”
I smiled. “I’d love to.”
He tossed me the ball, and we fell into a comfortable silence. I liked this. I had never had this type of companionship, but this just felt right. “So, I thought you were this huge baseball hero?”
His eyes snapped to me before he took the shot, successfully missing the basket. “I wasn’t the hero last night.”
“That’s not true. You were on fire.” I had been there the whole game. I only wished I had hung back further, but he had been on fire, and I wanted to see what was going to happen in that last at bat.
He laughed. “Until the last at bat.”
“That wasn’t your fault. It was mine,” I said as I took my shot. I missed, and he caught my rebound.
He sighed. “Caiden, I’m going to need some time.”
I nodded, feeling the sting of disappointment. I didn’t know if he could tell what his words did to me, but soon, his hand was lightly squeezing my shoulder. “I want to get to know you. Let’s do that first, take things slow.”
I looked up at him, his eyes like long lost emeralds. I fell into them, knowing I was going to get lost forever in them. “I can do that.”
His hand caressed my cheek and it felt amazing, so, of course, the moment was interrupted, “Yo, Bry, Mom wants helps.”
He sighed, looking toward the door. “Coming, Ben.” His eyes came back my way. “I have to go but come by tonight after seven.”
I nodded as my heart sped up. I like the prospect of hanging out with him.
He jogged away and through the door, but the other guy held my gaze for a few more minutes. I could tell he was assessing me, but then, he disappeared inside as well, shutting the door behind him.
“Caiden, get your worthless ugly ass over here!” I cringed at his voice but obeyed instantly.
BRYSON
Reluctantly, I followed my brother inside. One thing weighing heavy on my mind. “He was wearing long sleeves.”
“It’s awfully hot,” Bennett added.
“Corbin said Caiden needed me,” I whispered.
“So that’s his name?” I nodded and Bennett sighed. “Then be his light. I know you likely don’t believe it, but you were Corbin’s.”
“I just wish I had done more.”
“You did all you could.” I shook my head. “Bry, you did. You weren’t meant to save Corbin’s life.”
“Am I meant to save Caiden’s?”
He shrugged. “I can’t answer that, Bryson. You’ll have to figure that one out on your own.”
I sighed. “What did Mom need?” I asked, needing to get off the subject of Caiden and Corbin. I knew Bennett would understand.
“Chores,” he grumbled.
I laughed. “Okay, let’s divide and conquer.”
He chuckled, and we played Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who got what. We had been doing that for as long as I could remember, and it felt good to have Bennett understand my need for this now.
“Hey, Ben?” I said, before we completely went our separate ways.
“Yeah, Bry?”
“What am I going to do when you go off to college?”
“Don’t worry about that now, Bry. It’ll work out.” He winked and left me alone.
“If you say so,” I muttered, knowing I was going to need my brother’s advice more than ever next school year, but he wouldn’t be there. He’d be in college, and I was pretty sure he was going across the country. “If you say so,” I muttered again as I begin my chores.
CAIDEN
I walked into the house to find him waiting for me. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, although I really hadn’t done anything wrong. All I did was shoot hoops with the kid across the street, but that didn’t matter to Mark. I was gay, so any contact with another guy my age was a sin to him.
“How dare you!” he spat.
I swallowed, knowing I was in for it. I didn’t ever understand his rage against me for this part of my life, but I had learned to accept it because it meant he kept his hands off my mom, and I’d protect her until I couldn’t.
“Where’s Mom?”
“Where she always is,” he sneered, which meant she was passed out from the alcohol and the pills. He had gotten her hooked on b
oth, which helped her to check out and turn a blind eye to who Mark was. His belt was already unbuckled. If I didn’t take this beating for the make-believe crime he had decided I had committed, then his anger would turn on Mom. I didn’t want that. Those days were over. If he was going to hit someone, it wasn’t going to be her. No, I had let that go on for too long.
“Are you going to take the belt, boy?”
I swallowed. “Yes sir.” I turned, lifted my shirt, and placed my hands against the door. I gritted my teeth as the first blow came. I winced at the second. I groaned with the third.
“Shut up!” he hissed as the fourth landed across my back.
The fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth came, each one harder than the last. By the tenth and final blow, I was numb. The tears threatened to fall, but I refused to give in. I couldn’t let him see what this did to me. Why my mom had married a monster I had no clue, but I was grateful I didn’t share any DNA with the man.
“May I be excused?” I asked, fighting back the tears.
“Get out of my sight.” He didn’t have to tell me twice. As I climbed the stairs to my room, I heard him mutter, “Worthless piece of shit.” I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer, but I didn’t disagree with him either.
BRYSON
It was nearing seven, and I was nervous. What if he didn’t show up? I shook my head, this was crazy. How was he already affecting me like this? I wasn’t sure if I could handle this.
“Because it’s meant to be.” Corbin’s faint whisper echoed through my ears.
I sighed and looked up, blowing a kiss to my ceiling. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too, Bry.” I took a deep breath and headed downstairs. I reached the bottom step right as my mom opened the front door.
“Hello, can I help you?”
“I’m...”
“Hi, Caiden,” I said, making them both look my way. “Caiden moved in across the street.”
My mom crossed her arms. “There’s an eleven o’clock curfew.”
“We were going to go hang out in the back yard.”
She nodded and allowed Caiden to enter.
Caiden looked shell shocked. “Hi,” he squeaked.
“Come on, man, this way.” I grabbed his wrist to lead him outside, and he sucked in a heavy breath. I let go, “Are you okay?”
He nodded but didn’t speak. I held his eyes with mine before he tore his gaze away.
“Come on,” I said gently.
He followed me wordlessly out of the house. “You have a trampoline?” he asked as soon as we were outside.
“Yeah, come on.” I smiled.
“You want to jump on a trampoline?” I laughed at his shocked tone and expression.
“Nope, we don’t jump on it anymore.”
He eyed me curiously, and I chuckled harder. “I’ll show you.”
We were laying side by side staring up the stars. A silence in the air. “Tell me about Corbin,” Caiden asked, his voice timid. Was I ready to talk about this?
I sighed but surprised myself when I started talking. “We met in sixth grade. He was sitting by himself at lunch. I had never seen him before; he looked lonely sitting there all by himself. Bennett was in eighth grade and was moving on to high school. I would be all alone unless...”
“I’m Bryson.” He looked up at me, sadness in his eyes. I didn’t wait for an invitation; I took a seat across from him.
He frowned. “I’m Corbin.”
“You’re new?” I questioned, shoving food in my mouth.
“What if I am?” he snapped.
I held my hands up in surrender. “Calm down. It was just an observation.” I kept my voice light.
He shook his head. “Sorry,” he muttered.
I shrugged. “No worries, Corbin.”
I smiled and he smiled back; from that moment on, we were friends. Best of friends.
“Were you two ever a couple?”
I shook my head. “No. Not until it was too late,” I whispered as the pain seared me again.
“Do you love him?”
Caiden’s question rocked my soul. I looked toward him, and his eyes were locked on me. Locked on me, waiting for an answer. I had to be honest with him. I owed him my honesty, because in the glow of the moonlight, his eyes held vulnerability, and I didn’t want to lie to him.
“I’ll always love him,” I whispered, watching the disappointment register on his face. “Caiden...” I sighed. I didn’t know what else to say. I wasn’t sure how I explained Corbin and me. I didn’t know how to express to him that I was still grieving, but I didn’t want to hurt him either.
He looked away from me. “That was a dumb thing to ask,” he mumbled.
I reached for his wrist. “No, it wasn’t.” I squeezed and he winced, pulling away from me and sitting up. “Are you okay?”
He kept his eyes down. “I should go.”
“No!” His eyes snapped up, “Not yet,” I said, lowering my voice. I didn’t know what I wanted from him, but in that moment, I knew I didn’t want him to go.
He swallowed. “I have to.” This time, I’m sure the disappointment registered on my face.
“Tomorrow?” I chanced, and I prayed he’d agree to hanging out.
He smiled. “Okay, tomorrow.” He stepped off the trampoline and disappeared into the darkness.
“Strike one, I suppose, Corbin,” I whispered, staring up at the stars.
“It’ll work out, Bry.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t sure if I believed that. I could see the anguish in his eyes. He needed something more than I felt I could give in this moment, but at that same time, I wanted to give him what he needed. Why was this so confusing?
Chapter 11
CAIDEN
Walking away from him was the hardest thing I had to do, but he had just admitted to loving another guy. The voice I’d been hearing was wrong.
“Why are you giving up so easily?”
“He loves him. He’ll always love him.”
“Caiden, you can’t rush this.”
I bit my lip, wanting to scream. Time wasn’t a luxury I had. I couldn’t wait around to find out if Bryson could save me from hell.
“I have to save myself,” I whispered, entering the house. His car was gone, which was a good thing. I didn’t want him around anymore, but Mom couldn’t let him go.
“Mom?” I questioned quietly as I opened the door to her room.
“Caiden?” her voice cracked.
I stepped further into the room. “Yes, Mom.”
“Caiden, untie me!” she shrieked.
My heart stopped as I fumbled for the light switch, knowing that I was going to be terrified at the sight I was about to see.
“Oh God,” I gasped, racing toward her. The ropes on her fingers were turning them colors from the tightness. I undid the knots on both of her hands and massaged life back into them.
I didn’t see the slap across my face, but I felt the sting right to my heart. “Where were you?” she shouted, the venom dripping from every word she spoke. He had her so brainwashed that she didn’t care if he hit me so long as he didn’t turn the abuse on her anymore. He had convinced her that, if he beat her, it was because I hadn’t allowed him to beat me, so anytime he harmed her, she lashed out at me. I knew she didn’t want to, but she didn’t know how to be any other way now.
“I went across the street. There’s a kid my age there. We talked.”
“A boy?” I nodded, afraid to admit that because it was that reason my stepfather demonized me. “Are you insane?”
Her bitterness cut me to the core. “Mom, let me enroll in homeschool. Let me work. We can get away from him.” I had been asking the same thing all year, but now that I was officially sixteen, I could get a job. I could support us. We wouldn’t need him anymore, but as I looked into her eyes, I knew the answer.
“No,” she whispered, tearing her eyes from me. This was her way of telling me to leave. I wasn’t welcome anymore.
I reached the door and flipped the light. “I love you, Mom,” I whispered, and I did. I loved her so much, but he had changed her. He had sucked every part of her vibrancy from her, but I wasn’t going to ever let her forget how much I loved her, even if it didn’t register for her. As I left the room, I prayed, “Grandpa, we need help. How can I fix things?”
“Bryson.” My eyes widened at his name.
“Grandpa?” Suddenly, things made sense, and I realized he had been the one talking to me. His voice clearing, leaving me shell shocked.
“I haven’t left you, my boy.” The tears stung my eyes, “Go talk to him.”
“What do I tell him?”
“Whatever you’re ready to.” I nodded and wiped my eyes, already heading toward the door, when he opened it.
“Find your mom, boy?” I swallowed hard.
“Yes, sir.”
“Did you help her?” I nodded, unable to speak the words. “Thought so, go outside. Sleep out there.” He shoved me out the door and secured the latch.
I didn’t knock. There was no reason to. I sat on the front step and leaned against the door, knowing my mom would suffer under his hands tonight. “I should fight back.” I didn’t want him to hurt her.
“No, you shouldn’t. He’ll hurt you,” Grandpa protested.
“He already hurts me.” I closed my eyes. I had to find a way to make money. On Monday, I’d start another school. There was only a month left in this school year, but I still had two years of school left. Two more years before I got the money Grandpa had left for me, and then, I could leave them both, but deep down, I knew I didn’t want to leave her.
BRYSON
I was staring out my window, and what I saw nearly killed me. “Why is he outside?”
“He needs you, Bry. He needs you more than I ever did.” I closed my eyes at Corbin’s voice.
“This would be so much easier if you were here,” I admitted.
“If I were there, you wouldn’t be allowed near him.” I laughed at his response.
“Jealous much man?”
“You have no idea.” His voice a whisper in my ears.
I sighed. “Corbin...” All he had to do was say the word, and I would crush the spark I thought I was feeling around Caiden. If Corbin wanted me to, I’d walk away.