by Amanda Kay
“Just come here.” I huffed at his order and stomped into his room.
“What?” I hissed, but he didn’t answer me. His eyes were fixated on his TV, and when I followed his stare, my heart thudded in my chest. I sank down onto the bed next to my brother. “What is he doing?” I whispered but my brother chuckled.
“He’s crazier than Mercer.” I punched his arm. “Ouch, Bry.”
“This isn’t funny. He could get hurt. Is it even legal for him to do this?”
“No, he’s not eighteen, and I’m guessing he doesn’t have a guardian with him.” I swallowed hard. “Bryson, did something happen between you two?”
I stared at the screen as Caiden stepped where they directed. “We decided to take a step back. We moved too fast.”
“Did something else happen?”
“I told Mom about the abuse.”
His hand wrapped around my shoulder and he squeezed me to him. “You did the right thing.”
I nodded, “But I crossed a line.”
“Maybe.” I sighed. “Is there something else?”
I swallowed. “Corbin visited me. I kissed him.”
“Caiden saw?” he questioned but his tone told me he knew the answer.
“You let him in?” I guessed.
“No, Mom did. I just saw him head out back.”
A voice from the TV drew my attention, “3 - 2 - 1!” My heart stopped as he jumped from the bridge.
“Please be okay,” I whispered.
“He’ll be fine, Bry.”
I nodded but I held my breath until I saw him standing back on the bridge, talking to a group of reporters. The whole incident was only a few minutes long, but it felt like hours.
“Thank God,” I exhaled.
I got up without another word to my brother. I didn’t have the words in my head to send to my mouth. Corbin did some crazy things, but until the race, I had never felt like he could be in danger. Today, I felt a real sense of dread, and I didn’t like it.
I sat on my bed and tried to sort through my thoughts. “He needed the money.” The voice I heard wasn’t Corbin’s.
“Why?” I questioned out loud, hoping I’d get an answer.
“He wants to free himself from Mark’s hold. Free his mom.”
“I was hoping that telling my mom had helped.”
“It will, my daughter just needs time.”
“Your daughter?”
“Yes, please promise me, you’ll take care of my grandson.”
“I want to. I’m trying. I’m just not sure if it’ll be enough,” I admitted to Caiden’s grandpa. I wanted to promise him I’d take care of Caiden, but I feared that Caiden felt as though he needed to take care of himself first.
Chapter 23
CAIDEN
As I waited at the bus stop for the bus; I checked my phone.
BRYSON: I know that vault.
Was entirely my fault.
CAIDEN: Don’t say that.
Just know I didn’t go splat.
I was hoping I could put him in the mood to joke around, but when my phone rang, I knew he wasn’t.
I answered it after taking a deep breath. “Hi.”
“Caiden...,” he sighed, “can you tell me why?”
“I need to save myself. I need to make myself stronger. I don’t want to be a burden.”
“A burden? Do you think you’re a burden on me?” His surprise nearly knocked me over. Did I misread things?
My answer was complicated, and it clouded my thoughts so much that I wasn’t sure how it would translate to words. “Yes and no. It’s really complex, Bry.”
“I want to know, Caiden.”
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t deny him the answer, but I didn’t have a complete answer myself.
“Okay,” I relented, “but not over the phone.”
“I’ll wait outside for you.”
“Okay.”
My heart raced; I hadn’t really seen Bryson in a few days. I had seen him, but I hadn’t seen him. I hung up my phone and worked to sort through the muddled mess of thoughts racing through my head.
BRYSON
I wasn’t sure how much time had gone by, but I was anxiously tapping my foot on the sidewalk when he started strolling up the street. I unconsciously stopped tapping my foot and stared straight ahead. I was afraid to make eye contact. Afraid of the feelings racing through me. Relief. Anger. Heartache. Desperation. All of it and more flooded my mind. I looked down as he skipped up my driveway. I could feel his euphoria with each step he took.
“Bryson, look!” he exclaimed as he shoved a wad of cash toward my downturned face. The anger won out in that moment.
I sucked in a breath and looked up. “So, money was more important than your life?” I hissed, clenching my teeth.
“What?” he said, stumbling back a step.
“You jumped off a damn bridge! For what; a few hundred bucks?”
“Two grand,” he whispered.
“Two grand!”
“Look, I can’t explain it, but I needed the money.”
“You’re underage, Caiden. You could’ve gotten hurt, or worse.”
“But I didn’t. Next time, I’m─”
“Next time?” I bellowed, shaking my head. “Next time?” No, there couldn’t be a next time. I couldn’t do this again.
Whispered words from a voice I was not in the mood for pierced my ears. “Don’t let the past repeat itself.”
“Look, I don’t get my grandfather’s trust money until I’m eighteen. Mom won’t let me work. I know, deep down, she wants to escape, but she needs a push. Mark has her brainwashed, and I won’t survive another two years under his roof.” The pleading look he gave me begged me to understand where he was coming from.
I grabbed his wrist and pulled him into a hug. “Don’t do this, though. Let me help you.”
He squeezed me tight. “I need to help myself. I can’t be a burden.”
“You’re not, Caiden,” I said, pulling back to look him in the eyes.
“Friends. Can we be friends?”
“Of course, we’re friends. I want more too.” His eyes widened. “Not now; when we’re both ready, but damn it, Caiden, you need to start relying on someone, and I want that to be me.” I took a steadying breath, “I know I screwed up with Corbin, but seeing him helped me realize that you were right. We had moved too fast. I’m still grieving Corbin and I don’t have a timetable for when that ends. Maybe it will never end, but it doesn’t mean I won’t find a way to move forward with my life. I’m stuck in the past right now, and I swear to you, I’m working on finding my way back to the present.”
“I get it, Bryson. I do, but I need to make sure I put my life first. The life of my mom first. I trust you, but I have to make my own way.” It hurt to hear those words and I searched for a solution.
“We need to get to know each other. I understand, Caiden, but don’t shut me out, and promise me you won’t be reckless with your life anymore.”
“I can’t.” I looked down at his words. Come on, think, Bryson. Think. There had to be an answer. Mom.
“What if Mom gave you a job? She could help you open up an account that’s just yours.”
“I doubt Mom will go for it,” he answered sadly. I knew something that Caiden didn’t. When I came home Thursday, Mrs. Rogers was leaving. She had been at the house talking with my mom.
“Mom can talk with her. I think she made progress with her; it’s just going to take time. This can work, Caiden.”
He closed his eyes, and then looked down, and then he began to nod. “Okay, Bryson, no more recklessness.”
I smiled triumphantly and squeezed him back into my arms. We weren’t a couple. We were only friends, but now, I felt like we had a solid foundation under us to build up from, and that felt like a huge win.
CAIDEN
Bryson had convinced me to allow his mom to open an account for me and deposit my two thousand dollars safely into it so that Mark wouldn’t find it. He had left Sunday o
n a weeklong business trip and I was relieved. By the end of the week, Bryson’s offer of working for his mom was something I desperately wanted, but I hadn’t had the courage to ask Mom. Taping a note to his locker, I went on to my class before the bell rang.
I want the job.
But I know there will be a mob.
It didn’t make a lot of sense, but I was hopeful Bryson would understand. When I returned to my locker before lunch, my note had been returned.
You worry too much.
Come find me at lunch.
I laughed and headed toward the cafeteria. Our talks had grown, and our rhymes allowed us to leave veiled references to each other that were ours and ours alone.
“Hey.” I smiled as I walked up to him. His back was to me as he talked with one of his teammates.
He turned his head and smiled. “Hey.”
“I’ll leave you two alone. Glad you’ll be back on the field this afternoon.”
Bryson nodded and stretched his hand out to the guy. Rain had moved the workout for this week to today, but I knew Bryson didn’t care as long as he got to be out on the field.
“Catching giving you fits, Ace?” he laughed, and Ace laughed too.
“Yeah, well, I’m just Alex, you’re the Ace.”
“Maybe.” Bryson shrugged. Alex shook Bryson’s hand and then left without a word my direction.
“Can I come watch you this afternoon?” Bryson’s attention came my way.
“If you want. It’ll be boring.”
“Watching you play baseball could never be boring. I’ve seen you in action,” I winked, and he laughed, slapping my shoulder. My eyes went to where his hand had been, and I heard him gulp.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry, Caiden.” The worry in his voice was cute but he had misread me. I looked that way because, never had I felt a slap that felt so loving and playful.
“It’s okay,” I assured.
“I didn’t think. I was just playing around.”
“I. Know,” I stressed. “I’m okay.”
He sighed, “Okay.”
“So, can I come?”
“I’d love that,” he answered, and I felt some relief radiate off him.
Chapter 24
BRYSON
His presence didn’t go unnoticed, but since it was my first workout back with the team, I wanted to make sure I was hitting my marks. Even if the season was over, these workouts helped to keep us unified and prepped for the next school year. “Trevino,” Coach snapped.
“Yes, sir,” I answered.
“Suit up. Kel, get on the mound.”
I swallowed but obeyed; this was the moment I had been waiting for. I needed to see how Kel would react to me behind the plate. Before taking my place, I walked toward the mound, ready to put at ease all Kel’s nerves.
“I heard you and Caiden broke up.” His eyes flicked over my shoulder and I knew he was looking Caiden’s way.
“Yes, but no.” His eyes came back to me. “We decided that we moved too fast, but he’s who I want. Kel, just because I’m gay, doesn’t mean I’m attracted to every guy walking the face of the earth.”
He laughed. “You saying, I’m ugly?”
I laughed. “Butt ugly.” He laughed harder and I handed him the ball. As I trotted toward home plate, Coach Lewis winked my way. I found Caiden in the bleachers and smiled. I had done it. Kel respected my position as the catcher on the team, and now, he respected my choice in partner and understood, more importantly, that just because I was gay didn’t mean I would be lusting after him. I was still just a guy on the team. Nothing in how I viewed Kel had changed.
CAIDEN
I was keyed up after watching Bryson practice a sport he loved so much. My excitement was fielded even more by the fact that the pitcher who had been nervous and giving him a hard time seemed to relax around him today. They had even stood on the mound laughing. When he exited the locker room, I stood rooted in place. He had showered and changed into clothes that he must have had stashed in his bag because that wasn’t the outfit he was wearing earlier when I saw him. “Later, Trevino,” I heard someone call.
Bryson looked over his shoulder and hollered back, “Later, Ace.” He glanced back my way and smiled.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey,” I choked.
He walked toward me silently, stopping in front of me. Taking my hand in his. I expelled a breath. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head, and then nodded. “I don’t know,” I finally admitted.
“Come on, let’s head home and we can talk.” I nodded in silent agreement and we walked to his car.
After we left the school parking lot, I found my voice, “I haven’t been able to ask my mom about the job.”
“Is Mark still away?” he asked, his eyes staying laser focused on the road.
“Yes, until Sunday.”
“Do you want me to come with you to talk with your mom?”
I sliced my eyes his way. “You’d do that?”
He chuckled. “Of course, I would.” His eyes sliced my direction briefly, “Why does that surprise you?”
I shrugged, “I know I haven’t been the greatest of friends.”
The car pulled into his drive and I grew disappointed that the ride was over, but Bryson didn’t make a move to get out. His eyes stayed forward, and his hands rested on the steering wheel. His next words were terrifying me, and he hadn’t even spoken.
“Caiden...,” he sighed, “I’d like to think we’re more than friends.”
I swallowed, “But we agreed...” I wasn’t ready. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him kissing Corbin. A clear sign that Bryson wasn’t ready to move on just yet.
His eyes shifted my way and stopped me in my tracks. “I know what we agreed, and I’m grateful for it. We had moved too fast likely since we had forces pushing us toward each other. My feelings, however, haven’t diminished. I still like you way more than a friend. I want to help you, because I know my heart couldn’t take watching another stunt like the bungee jumping.” He paused and licked lips.
“Corbin was crazy, but until the race, I never feared for his life. And truth be told, if I hadn’t had that vision of the crash, I likely wouldn’t have insisted that he not race. I would’ve let Corbin be Corbin. In theory, I did, because even though I had the vision, he assured me it would be okay, and I let him go.” He paused again, but I couldn’t speak. I could see, in his eyes, that he was finding the words he wanted to say. “We hadn’t talked in a couple days, except through our odd poetry. I didn’t like that you were avoiding me. It hurt, and when Bennett called me into his room, and I saw what was going on, my heart stopped. When you jumped, I swear I didn’t breathe again until you were standing back on that bridge. For all the conflicting feelings I had for Corbin, one thing has been clear since you walked into my life. The feelings I instantly felt for you weren’t conflicted.”
“But all that talk of loving Corbin.” I looked down and whispered, “The kiss on the trampoline.”
His hand came to my chin and he lifted my face back to him. “I do love Corbin. I always have in some way, but until his death, what we shared was a brotherly love. When he died, the feelings I had been fighting myself over became crystal clear to me, and losing him, knowing I had missed my chance, hurt worse than I could ever really explain.”
He brushed his lips against mine briefly, “I swore to myself that I would never put myself through that again. I promised myself that I would listen to my heart. Labels are too soon, I’ve said that before, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for you. I’m still grieving, I’m still trying to make heads and tails of Corbin’s death, but that doesn’t stop my feelings for you. In fact, they’ve only increased since we’ve decided to take a break.” He looked down and shook his head. “I’m not sure how else to really put it, Caiden, but I don’t want you to put your life in danger.”
“I’m in danger every damn day, though.”
He sighed. “I know, and I will d
o whatever I can to help you out of that situation. To help you and your mom out of that situation, but please don’t be reckless, not anymore.”
I couldn’t help but give him a smile. Bryson was a rock. He was becoming my rock. He was right; we didn’t need to walk around with a label to build our relationship, and I was starting to understand his feelings for Corbin a lot more. I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed him. He returned my embrace and then there was a knock on the driver side window.
BRYSON
“Oh shit,” Caiden whispered, his eyes lifting slightly to the window behind me. I searched his eyes, waiting for him to explain his reaction to the knock I had heard as well. “My mom.” I turned my head and found his mom standing just a step or two away from my car. Her expression unreadable.
“Come on, man,” I said to him as I climbed out. “Hello, Mrs. Rogers,” I greeted, extending my hand to her, but she didn’t take it. Instead, she pulled me into a hug, surprising me and Caiden since I heard him gasp at her action.
“Thank you,” she sobbed.
I was unaware of what I was being thanked for, but I decided I would get my answers when it was time, so I politely responded, “You’re welcome.”
She pulled away and wiped her eyes. I shot my eyes Caiden’s way as he approached. “Is everything okay, Mom?” He swallowed and I knew he was fearful of her response.
“This boy loves you,” she said, a smile forming beyond her tears.
Caiden looked my way for guidance. “I care a great deal for your son, Mrs. Rogers. It’s too soon for us to toss around the word love. I’m going through some things and so is Caiden. Right now, we are content just being us and getting to know each other.” Caiden reached for my hand and I let him take it. He gave it a thank you squeeze then let me go.
“What are you doing here, Mom?” Caiden asked, a bit accusatory. I looked his way and shook my head. “I’m sorry, Mom,” he quickly apologized.
“No, my sweet Caiden,” she rested her hand against his cheek, and he winced. Had she hit him too? Her eyes looked down briefly, and I caught the sadness and guilt in them. “I’m not ever going to hurt you again. Let’s go in; we have a meeting with Charlotte.”
My eyes widened, and Caiden’s did as well. “We do?” he choked.