HOLDING ON

by KIKI MALONE

  She’s cute and rambling a little. I can see the nervousness in her eyes and I wonder if she can see that she has the same effect on me.

  “Nice to meet you.” I reach out my hand to shake Angela’s. She’s almost as beautiful as Elizabeth and I wonder what Mikael would think if he ever met her. Maybe I should set them up.

  I stop myself, yet again. I can’t go there. Mikael and Angela hitting it off would mean me seeing more of Elizabeth and my dick would never forgive me for that unless he was getting to bury himself inside her.

  Fuck, there he goes again.

  “Do you need more time with my car?” I ask as I point out to the bay.

  “Oh, no,” Elizabeth replies. “She’s all done. I can’t believe those assholes didn’t catch the recall and put you and your girls at risk like that.”

  “Oh, I thought maybe because it was still in the air, that it wasn’t done.” I tell her honestly.

  “No, not at all. I just didn’t want it parked on the street, so I just left it in the bay. Let me grab your keys.”

  I turn around to leave and notice that Angela is no longer anywhere in sight. That’s weird. It’s like she just disappeared. I didn’t even hear her walk away.

  Elizabeth meets me back out by the car and hands me my keys.

  “I hope I didn’t chase your friend away,” I tell her. “I didn’t want to interrupt, but the girls are in daycare and I have to get back to the office.”

  Now I’m the one rambling.

  “I could’ve brought the car to you,” she shyly tells me. “You didn’t have to come here. I would’ve loved to see your girls one last time.”

  If I didn’t have an iron gate around my heart, I swear this woman may have just wormed her way into it.

  “I didn’t want you to go out of your way,” I tell her. “You’ve done so much for us already; I don’t think I could ever thank you enough. Here, take this.” I hand her an envelope with what I figure to be a little more than a fair rate for the work she’s done. I may have given more than a little, but in reality, I don’t think it will be enough.

  “No,” she tries to refuse the envelope, “I can’t accept that.”

  “Okay,” I say making her believe that she’ll get away with it.

  I get in my car to leave and slowly back out. As I’m leaving, I call out for her. When she approaches my window, I toss the money out and she catches it. I pull away without speaking. She can’t refuse it if I’m not there.

  When I get back to the office, I head straight for the daycare. I’m going to grab my girls and head home. They’ll be happy to be back home again, and truth be told, sharing them for as long as I did today is taking a toll on me.

  When I get to the daycare, I notice the girls sitting on the floor talking to someone. This woman is not someone I hired to be here, so I head over immediately to find out who she is. As I get closer to the girls, the hairs on my arms stand, my hackles are raised. I realize, not soon enough, that the woman sitting with my children is Maggie. How fucking dare she?

  I look around and notice Natalie sitting at her desk. I wave her over, and she jumps up immediately.

  “Who the fuck let her in here?” I question, very angrily.

  “Um, she said she was the girls’ mother, I didn’t think that was an issue,” she replies, and I just about blow a fuse.

  Everyone who was hired here was carefully vetted either by me or Mikael. Everyone should know that no one, and I mean no one, is allowed near the girls that doesn’t work here.

  “No, that’s not okay, Natalie,” I answer, my anger building. “You need to get the girls, right now, and bring them to Mikael’s office. Afterwards, I would appreciate you gathering your things because you will no longer be employed here. The rules have always been the same. Unless you work here, you are not allowed access to my children. I don’t care who they say they are. You should’ve called me or Mikael if there was a question, and this is something you definitely should’ve questioned. You’ve put my girls at risk, and that is immediate grounds for termination. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” she answers. I see tears form in her eyes, but don’t have it in me at the moment to sympathize with her.

  She walks up to the girls and instructs them to go with her. When they look up at her, they seem confused. She tells them again they need to go and reluctantly, they get up. Each of my girls hugs Maggie. I’m beyond angry now. Someone will pay for this! As soon as the girls leave, I point to the office behind Maggie and she follows me in.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I bellow. Yeah, I couldn’t ask calmly, there’s no calm anywhere in me right now.

  “Oh relax, Carter,” Maggie answers with a coolness that has my blood boiling even more. “I came to see my children. I need them to get to know me. You know, it’s time for me to have my children back.”

  “Over my dead body,” I reply. “What fucking makes you think you have any rights to my children? You signed away your rights to them years ago. You have no right to even be here.”

  “Well, I may have signed some papers, but you know it was against my will.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about, against your will?”

  “Oh, you remember, you forced me to sign those papers.”

  Is she fucking serious? I made her sign those papers? I think not. She didn’t want our children, she said so many times.

  “I don’t think so, Maggie.” She’s fucking even crazier now than she was back then. “You wanted money, that’s all you wanted. I had to fucking beg you to even have my children. You are fucking delusional if you think I made you do anything.”

  “Well, take this as your warning, Carter,” she starts. “I’m asking the court for custody of my children. I will prove to them how much you abused us then and continue to abuse them now. I will have my girls and you are the one who will never see them again.”

  “Get out,” I answer with all the strength I can muster. “Get out and never come near me or my girls again.”

  I don’t know where she got the gall to accuse me of such things, but I know if she doesn’t leave right now, I may do something that I’ll not only regret but that will cost me my girls.

  Right at the perfect time, Mikael walks into the daycare with three of his security officers in tow.

  “Maggie,” Mikael says, “you need to leave. If you don’t leave right now, my officers will happily escort you from the premises.”

  “Fine,” she mutters. “But this isn’t over. Not by a long shot. You’ll pay, Carter. That I promise you.”

  With that final statement, she picks her purse up off the floor and leaves the daycare. Mikael waves to his officers and they follow her to ensure she leaves the building.

  “What the fuck was that?” Mikael asks.

  “Not now,” I reply. “Where are the girls? I have to get them home.”

  I don’t have time to explain to Mikael what happened, but I’m sure once he secures the building he’ll be at my house. He knows not to fuck around when it comes to the girls. He gets on his radio and not two minutes later my girls come running into the room and straight into my arms.

  “She said she was our mommy,” Isabella says and starts crying.

  “Don’t cry baby,” I gently croon. “Daddy will make sure that lady doesn’t come near you again.”

  With that last statement, I grab all three girls and head home.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CARTER

  I’LL DO ANYTHING TO KEEP MY GIRLS SAFE

  ONCE I GET HOME with the girls, I head straight to their playroom. I need time with them after that monster was near them. They need my reassurance that everything is going to be okay, or maybe it was me that needed the reassurance.

  I sit right in the middle of the floor and the girls join me. This is our special place and where we spent our special time. Plus, this is where I’ve taught the girls they can share anything that is on their minds and they would never get in trouble. I aimed to give
them a special spot, so they knew they could always speak their minds. It’s my hope that as they get older and more mature, that they will carry this forward in life and always know they can come to me without judgement.

  “Hey girls,” I start. Even though we’ve been together for the last hour, I have always started our time in this spot like this.

  “Hi, Daddy,” all three reply at once. They were always so in sync whenever they’d answer me. It was like it was rehearsed. Well, I guess it kind of was since we did this weekly.

  “So,” I continue, “I know you have questions about that lady you saw today, and since this is our safe place, you can tell me anything. If you feel something, I can help you. Who wants to go first?” I try to remain as calm as possible, though there is a strong battle raging within me.

  “Is she really our mom?” This comes from Isabella. She doesn’t look me in the eye like she normally does, though. She’s looking at the floor.

  “She is the woman who gave birth to you, yes,” I answer honestly.

  “Is she going to take us away from you, Daddy?” This is Felicia and she nearly breaks my heart when she asks that. I want to reach for her, but know it isn’t the time yet. We aren’t done with honest time and I have to wait until everyone gets their feelings out of the way.

  “No, Daddy will never let her take you away from me.” It was an honest answer for sure. There’s no way I’d ever let her near my girls, again.

  “Will she come live with us and be our mommy again?” Sofia’s turn to ask a question makes me angrier than I thought I’d be.

  “No, pretty girl, she will not.”

  “Why not? Doesn’t she loves us like other mommies love their children?”

  “Daddy loves you more than anything. I can’t answer for that woman, or how she feels, but aren’t you happy here with just Daddy?” My girls have no idea how much this is gutting me. I thought I had my heart broken before, when Maggie spewed her evil, but this was a hundred times worse.

  “But,” Sofia cries, “why can’t we have a mommy like the other kids?” She’s starting to shake she’s crying so hard. It takes everything in me to not snatch her up. Even Isabella and Felicia are starting to cry now.

  Fuck it, I grab all three and hold them close to me, thank goodness I have long arms that I can wrap them all up at once. This is breaking their hearts. Something I never wanted for them. My girls are so sensitive and so smart beyond their years. I can’t handle this.

  All four of us just sit here and cry. Well, the girls cry. I’ll cry later when they aren’t around. My girls can’t see how much them hurting is breaking my heart too.

  “Knock, knock,” comes from the door. It’s Mikael.

  I knew he’d follow us here as soon as he secured the building. I’m sure his security team received some harsh scrutiny from him. He was just as hard as I was when it came to these girls.

  “Can Uncle Mik get a hug from my girls?” he asks. Looking at all three of them crying in my arms, I’m sure his heart is breaking as much as mine.

  “Okay,” Sofia tells him as she slowly wedges herself out of my arms.

  Isabella and Felicia just hold onto me tighter. They aren’t ready to let go. That is fine with me. If I had my way, I’d hold all of them in my arms and shield them from pain forever.

  “Come on to Uncle Mik,” Mikael says as he reaches down and picks Sofia up into his arms.

  With her in his arms, he walks over to where we are sitting and sits down beside us.

  “Did I miss honest time?” he asks looking at the two holding tightly to me with their faces buried in each side of my neck.

  “No,” I hear Isabella mumble. Seems she is coming out of her sobbing fit now. Sniffling and wiping her nose on her sleeve. I guess raising them as I had been doing wasn’t teaching them to be ladies, after all.

  “No?” Mikael asks. “Okay, so here’s my honest then. Uncle Mik will never let anyone hurt you again. I’m going to make sure you won’t get scared again by any strange ladies.”

  “She was our mom,” Felicia states as she climbs out of my arms and sits back down next to me.

  “No,” I reply, “she’s not your mom.”

  “But, Daddy, you said she was?” Sofia asks.

  “No, sweetheart,” I reply and motion for Sofia to sit on the floor. If we were going back into honest time, she needs to be seated on the floor and not in her uncle’s lap. She looks at Mikael like he is going to contradict me then reluctantly sit back down on the floor.

  “She did give birth to you, yes,” I continue, “but your mom she is not. She gave up that right when you guys were babies. She wasn’t ready to be a mother and decided to allow me to raise you on my own. You can’t call a woman like that Mom.”

  “But, why didn’t she want to be with us?” Isabella asks.

  “That’s not an answer I can give you right now. Right now you're way too young to understand. My hope was that you wouldn’t ever have to deal with what happened when you three were just wee babies. When you are older, you are more than welcome to ask again. But for now, know that Daddy isn’t going to tell you everything.”

  Mikael looks at me, sorrow in his eyes.

  “Know that your daddy has done everything to make sure you girls are always safe and happy,” Mikael tells them. “As have I. I failed you today and that wasn’t okay. You guys trust Uncle Mik, right?”

  All three nod at his question.

  “Then trust me and your daddy when we tell you what happened isn’t something you ever want to know. Trust that we would only do what’s best for you. Know that we don’t ever want to see you cry or hurt.”

  With that, all three girls look around at us, then each other and nod their heads.

  “Can we play now?” Sofia asks.

  “Yes,” I answer. “Do you want Uncle Mik and me to play with you too?”

  “We can play dollies,” Isabella yells excitedly.

  Felicia gets up off the floor and runs to the doll bin. She grabs the bin and wobbles back over to us. Once she gets to where everyone is sitting, she dumps the entire bin on the floor. I hold back a chuckle, wink at Mikael and both of us grab a doll and begin to play with the girls.

  MIKAEL and I played with the girls for a few hours before they started to get tired. I ordered a couple of pizzas and we sat on the playroom floor to eat. While the girls were eating, I noticed their eyes getting droopy. I picked up Isabella and Sofia to wash them up and get them ready for bed. Mikael grabbed Felicia and followed along, getting her ready too. The girls went out quickly as the day was more emotional than they’d ever had, and they tired faster than they would normally have.

  Mikael follows me as I walk into the kitchen. I reach on top of the sink and reach for the good stuff. I know I can’t drink like I want to because of the girls, so I at least need top shelf to enjoy.

  I pour Mikael and myself each three fingers of the bourbon and sit down at the island. Mikael doesn’t say anything. He just sits down at the opposite side and takes a sip of his whiskey. He, too, needs to gather his thoughts, so we both sit in silence.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I start. “She can’t take my girls. Robert made sure the contract was ironclad. What does she have up her sleeve that she’s come around after all this time?”

  “I already got my tech looking into where she’s been all these years,” Mikael answers. I knew he’d be on this before I even asked.

  “She’s up to something,” I say to Mikael, looking him straight in the eye. “She wouldn’t just come around out of nowhere. Not unless she needs money and is up to something.”

  “I know,” he answers. “But why now? I thought she’d come around after you locked her out of that apartment, but she didn’t. I don’t know anything, I’m sorry. I failed you, Carter. My job is to keep you and those girls safe and I failed you, again.”

  “No, you didn’t. Stop that shit, man. This isn’t on you. It was never your fault. Not even close. I don’t blame you at all.�
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  “But I blame myself!” he yells and stands up. “I watched her for over a year after she left. I know you don’t know that, but I didn’t want her coming back fucking up your head again. When I was sure she was done playing games with you, I stopped! But, she wasn’t fucking done, now was she?”

  Mikael can’t blame himself for this shitshow. This is all on me for getting involved with that woman in the first place. I know I should be upset he never told me he was following her, but I’m not. I’m actually a bit relieved that he thought to protect us when I didn’t.

  “Not on you, man,” I tell him. “Not on you at all. I never imagined she would come back here, ever. What we need to do now is figure out how to stop her, again.”

  “I wish I had the answers,” he says and looks at his phone. He must’ve put it on silent because I didn’t hear it ring.

  “Yeah,” he says as he answers. “No, fuck, yeah, thanks. Follow them. No, don’t let them out of your fucking sight, do you hear me? If you lose them, you’ll lose your fucking job, hear me? Yeah, okay. Keep me updated. No, wake me from my fucking sleep if something happens. No, I said fucking wake me. I don’t care what time it is. Yeah, okay. Gotta go.”

  I couldn’t hear the other side of that conversation, but it doesn’t sound like it was a good one. Fuck, I don’t want to hear what he has to say. Instead of talking to me when he hangs up the phone, he walks out of the kitchen. Grabbing the bourbon and our glasses, I follow. He is sitting on the couch when I find him, running his hands through his hair. He clearly walked away to take a minute to himself.

  I put his glass down in front of him and top it off. I’d have more, but I can’t take the chance and am just going to finish what was in my glass.

  “She’s married, man,” he says then takes a gulp from his glass. “She’s fucking married. I think that’s why suddenly she thinks she has a right to the girls. I know she signed those papers, but if she’s saying you forced her, the courts will want to investigate the circumstances. We didn’t keep anything she did after she was gone for a few years. I didn’t think it was necessary anymore. We thought we were free and clear of her. Her being married will show the courts she has some stability. She can use that to her advantage. The courts will probably side with you because of her giving up her parental rights, but she’s got to have something else up her sleeve if she came after you. I don’t know what it is yet, but the boys are looking into it. The courts may order temporary visitation until they make a final decision.”