Emotional Sandwiches

by Sarah Ashley Neal

  What else can I tell you about Emotional Sandwiches that won’t jeopardise your chances of reacting naturally, over the page? Well, it does have a beginning, middle and end, and I’d like to introduce you to each section in order as you read it for the first time (you’re already well past the starting line). This can help you to get the best out of each sandwich and promises to move you along at a comfortable pace. It will inspire you to go to that place where self-awareness inhabits and increases with each stretch of the imagination. You may also find it useful to dip in and out of the book, at a later date, when you feel drawn to one sandwich in particular.

  I may throw in a cheeky idea that encapsulates multidimensional concepts and, who knows, they may even be delivered by alien intelligence along the way. A different language can sound nonsense until it is understood; you should have seen the sandwiches before they were decorated with punctuation! The wonderful thing is that Nonsense makes sense to someone. Once you have formed a close relationship with the emotional characters that await you, then Sense may reach out to you in ways you had never considered. Perspectives are personal and we don’t all like the same seasonings, for one reason or another.

  During this exploration of words, you may notice your own quirky facial expressions taking a hold as they accompany you along the way. So, look out for any rise taking place either side of the mouth, commonly known as a smile or smirk, and a further twisting of the mouth back and forth as the nose follows without complaint. A possible distension of the bottom lip can be indicative of thoughts being processed, yet to be digested along with an eye squint to make it complete. Any nodding up and down is a particularly good sign. A tilt to one side is just a pause for reflection and on occasions a side-to-side movement may suggest a mild intolerance to that particular sandwich; it is unlikely to prevent you from continuing. A little chat to yourself about the fact that these are just ideas will likely do the trick. Go on, give it a go and tell me I’m right…

  No, the Emotional Sandwiches didn’t start off their adventure as planned. The selection of words had plucked up the courage to attend a one-to-one interview and wanted to prove to me that they were worthy of being assigned a character in a book. By the end of their interview I had to decide which ones were most likely to involve you emotionally or had the potential to evoke an emotional response.

  Unbeknown to them, however, on arrival they had all walked into a filming studio by mistake. Somehow, they’d taken a short cut – in the wrong direction (it’s amazing what we do when we follow the lead). Anyhow, this blunder had them dangerously close to being screen-tested to play a romantic part alongside a French detective in a TV series, aptly named, I Will Hold You to Each Word, My Darling. That storyline is neither here nor there… Thankfully, they all managed to back out of the group audition with dignity as it looked set to become an orgy of words, as opposed to a solitary affair that I had envisioned for them.

  While it would take a passionate wordsmith to arrange for all these words to meet in the same place at exactly the same time, the Emotional Sandwiches also exude a passion of their own, on a par with enthusiasm throughout each course. Who knows, maybe in the future they’ll get to go on stage after all, reuniting to discuss their personal shortcomings once they’ve had an opportunity to go under the spotlight, separately, and be paid attention.

  I finally took them under my wing, giving each of them the opportunity to tell me their stories. Any concerns that you may have about focusing on one word (thinking this could lack excitement) can be eliminated as they each prove to be quite capable of listening to their own voice whilst telling you a story – themed or otherwise.

  So, moving on from that bit of housekeeping, I would like to invite you to read on and have the opportunity to find out for yourself rather than be unduly influenced, by me. So as my guest, firstly, let me introduce you to the star of the show which appears in every filling, shape shifting to its heart’s content while taking on a character of its own. Sandwiched between layers of emotions, it is the very powerful and versatile… W*O*R*D.

  Drum roll please!

  The Essential Ingredient

  How a word is exercised can be exciting and intriguing. It can take you on adventures way past your comfort zone, leading you into unknown territory where challenging debates and areas of conflict can have a habit of momentarily halting you in your tracks. What started out as a mere stroll in the park on a sunny day suddenly became a mountain climb over rocky terrain. The word you’re exploring appeared simple and self-explanatory on the surface, but has now taken on a new meaning – to you!

  Words you have been using within everyday conversation suddenly seem more meaningful. Read in a new light, their scope for interpretation expands and the exploration begins. The mind’s computer switches on. The option now to determine your current position on a word is going to be set in motion as you draw on past experiences and assimilate new concepts. How you connect with a word can change over time. Consider how words can affect you differently and in different ways at different times. Not only are they each awarded a definition to support their own existence which permits us to use them in context, it is the context in which they are used that often needs the permission.

  Of course, a word is harmless until it is applied and used in context, whether it is read or spoken. Only then, when subjected to interpretation, can it be accused of causing harm and is often sentenced before being proved innocent! Words that are strung together with conviction and sincerity can soon lose their appeal when they are woven into a new script. Using the same words in a completely different order gives rise to new meanings and new audiences.

  A word will have a relationship with you. It can have an attraction and a powerful energy, cropping up frequently in your own vocabulary or in those around you, and up to now the repetition has either gone unnoticed, or has been quietly observed from the sidelines as requiring attention. Yet, what that attention should entail often remains in question. Even when it doesn’t seem to pose any threat it can still be deserving of that intellectual contemplation all the same. Taking time out to explore some of these relationships with words can be private and personal yet useful to all of us.

  Take a simple example and think about your least favourite food. Imagine you pick up a sandwich on the buffet table at your best friend’s wedding, having no idea it contains any unfavourable ingredients. You utter the word ‘disgusting’, having taken a bite, and suddenly projectile vomit into the nearest napkin. What is the impact of this mortifying moment? In this case, I’d hope that the words ‘marriage’ and ‘disgust’ didn’t form a lasting relationship for you. Some word associations can play havoc on your own mental wellbeing, reminding you of a situation until the link is broken. But in your own life, you are likely to be familiar with the words that deserve your time and attention, and recognise the impact they have on your behaviours or feelings in any given situation, good or bad.

  It isn’t easy to be honest about how you feel, about how particular words make you feel. In their presence, you can suddenly become beholden or intimidated but, likewise, liberated when you learn to manage your reactions in their presence and own the space their letters leave behind instead of allowing that vacant space to become an unhealthy shadow.

  What about when we use a word loosely to describe that something which seems at the time indescribable? It is often chosen as the ‘one-size-fits-all’ attempt to explain that something that needs elaboration. Yet, the thought of having to explain further that it wasn’t the most ideal of choices just leaves you exhausted. You find yourself ending the sentence with, “Well, that isn’t the word I wanted to use but you know what I mean?!” Err, no!

  On the other hand, you can sense when a word has been used to avoid that unknown territory situation referred to at the start. Any alternative, whilst being more relevant and quite possibly honest, would just leave you feeling less empowered in its company. This is because it
can take you to places you dare not go but sincerely want to explore, if only to understand the viewpoints and opinions held on them. It can lead you into cultural dilemmas, untimely confrontations and unexpected challenges that take you into shades of grey, and ignorance is not always a ‘get-out-of-jail-free’ card.

  At one time or another, you will have learned that some words simply become obsolete and are far too provocative to use anymore. What was once OK is now ‘not OK’. And it can take time to get up to speed on why that is and re-educate your brain to think twice before using it. However, some words haven’t been officially barred, yet still appear to be worth changing. For example, organisations often redefine everyday words, sanitising our language, pre-empting a word with an intended use instead of allowing its meaning to shine through innocently without an automated caveat of apologetic drivel trailing behind. This happens because we have either lost our ability to distinguish between right and wrong, or mollycoddled to the extent that we are off the hook if we have misunderstood. A concluding sentence, informally apologising, ultimately ensures that anything lost in translation cannot be recovered unlawfully! On occasions, walking into work, for some of us, feels more like crossing over into a parallel universe that offers you corporate immunity, where popularity wins over originality.

  I’ve been wondering, for at least ten minutes, if there is another word I could use to refer to the ‘star of the show’ and avoid repetition, without renaming ‘word’ altogether. There isn’t. It oozes authority and means what it means; a dictionary will define the noun succinctly and the part it plays in sentence formation. I’ve no plans to compete, leaving such exquisite compositions to the experts. But having explored ‘word’ with a little context, using fragments of my imagination to bring it alive, we can go on to call it all the names under the sun – for fun.

  So, let me welcome you to a world of perspectives that sits within a fairground of rollercoasters and candyfloss. You will go up and you’ll go down as you journey through a labyrinth of ifs and buts, becoming entangled in a sticky cobweb of sugary delight that equally melts away as quickly as that all-important thought passing through your mind, consuming you momentarily yet soon to be forgotten. Only a trail of agitation lingers as a short reminder that you cannot control everything all the time. Even your own memory divorces you on occasions and hides the replay button, keeping the words on the tip of your tongue until you give in and move on!

  Emotional Sandwiches is a playground for the devil’s advocates and the literary artists who throw you the angles and torment you with alternatives, only to rub them away to create space on their blackboards for more of the same, once the chalk dust settles. As with any artists’ impressions starting out their lives as label free, neither right nor wrong, good nor bad, perspectives soon develop as a result of an experience having left its mark or from a creative imagination that doesn’t hold any prisoners.

  Perspectives can be interesting and funny, dark and mysterious, positive and negative, yet open to suggestion. But when do we notice we have these points of view? It’s when we pick up the paint brush and make something out of nothing; when we read between lines and see only the ramblings of madness staring back instead of the sanity that is asking to be understood; when we twist words around and sense their confusion only to leave ourselves utterly confused in the process, about what it is we actually believe (or want to believe)! We greet our perspectives with uncertainty or seek refuge in their certainty and what seems unquestionable at the time. Then another suggestion pops up and we wrestle with them, all over again.

  So really, when do we begin a relationship with our own perspectives and with those that belong to other people? Surely, it’s as soon as we are born. What do you reckon? Isn’t that when we begin the discovery and exploration of ourselves in relation to the world we live in? We search in different ways to find a balance and manage our expectations, striving to understand and respect nature’s gifts in order to keep us grounded whilst greeting the limitations and acceptance part of the trip with kindness. No wonder that, at times, learning how to cope with our challenges in life and developing our coping strategies stirs up a few emotions!

  So, there we have it! The five main courses captured in one paragraph, exemplifying a word-search puzzle for beginners that isn’t too taxing on the imagination, although the next step asks you to focus a little more. From time to time reflect along the passageways that lay ahead as they lead you around corners, across bridges and down garden paths where only you will know if you’ve trespassed! They will stretch your imagination as you pass through waterfalls, climb out of avalanches and jump out of aeroplanes, and have you feeling like a superhero in no time – and that’s before you go on an adventure! As you brush up against royalty and socialise with science, you’ll soon feel rejuvenated as you make new friends along the way.

  Play with the words that greet you on your journey and ask yourself, “What is my relationship to them now and during various stages of my life?” Notice how they may have evolved and why. Thank yourself for making the time to still question, challenge and reflect on life, being open to change in an ever-changing world and dare to be you while no one is watching.

  Go on then. Get stuck into your first course – you must be hungry.

  Course 1

  Fillings Containing

  Mixed Seeds

  Discovery and Exploration

  ‘Sometimes we follow a path, make a choice and hope it turns out OK.’

  Uncertainty goes hand in hand with discovery and exploration. The more you explore the more certain you can be that your discoveries will be full of surprises. The challenge is to accept them for what they are – good, bad or indifferent – and managing your reactions will be the fun part. No one said that was going to be easy!

  Choices await you every step of the way as an army of opportunities marches towards you, each one waving a list of expectations to accompany its mission, brushing up against you, eagerly fighting for attention as though already in battle with no grounds to surrender until you make that decision. Through exhaustion they take a break only to re-enlist further down your path, hoping to change your mind.

  As unpredictable as a handful of mixed seeds, the fillings in this section offer no stability yet promise to make regular appearances in your life, offering variety and entertainment along the way. What you ‘put out there’ and what you ‘get back’ may involve a little action, romance, suspense or pure comedy. In what order and for how long will be dependent on what seeds you have in your hand at the time and the path you choose.

  Words find their way into your ‘ideas’, onto your ‘landscape’ and flourish under your ‘direction’. I’d like to explore these areas with you first and hope that’s OK. The main characters will soon join you, raising the bar, in a philosophical venture to inspire self-discovery.

  S*O*M*E*T*I*M*E*S

  Taking Ownership

  Sometimes we say to ourselves, “If only I did that then” or “I wish I knew that then” or “I knew I should have done this sooner” or “I should have stopped before I did that”. The fact is you didn’t, you haven’t and you stopped when you stopped. Then we consider the word why (perish the thought) and give it permission to muscle in on either a bout of self-pity or a simple matter of fact. As it gently pushes its subordinates further down the line, allowing each word to jiggle around until they reform to make sense, a judgement call is made. Why is now on a mission to turn the tired clichés into questions. “Why didn’t I…?”

  Whatever it is you think could have been achieved differently back then – because you have since racked your brains for a compelling reason and discovered a new idea that had you known before would surely have painted a rosier picture – is still speculative and you don’t know that to be the case. If it helps you to tie up those emotional loose ends on the basis that you are never really going to know what would have happened had you made a different call,
then no one can challenge that and claim to know the answer any more than you do.

  Sometimes the hindsight cliché can save the day. It can take the heat out of the coals of events soaked in a reality that over time becomes rather hot, and any residual embers continue to fuel the mind chatter that can drive you mad until you throw that refreshing bucket of water over them, giving them an excuse to stop smouldering. Aha; you are indeed off the hook now because you could argue it wasn’t your fault anyway. After all, you only acted on the information and knowledge you had at the time – didn’t you? What a game changer already and only three paragraphs in!

  Now what are your options? Well, you can either get on with exploring new beginnings now, or you can waste a bit more time wondering what took you so long. And I tend to think this: ‘Time is never wasted unless you use it unwisely to wonder why too much!’ Actually, wondering why is OK to do if only to consolidate and close doors that need to be closed, buying you extra time to carry you through the transitional stage. The ‘transitional stage’ in this case implies that a period of transition now offers you a kind opportunity to move yourself on from somewhere you were to that somewhere you would rather be. If that feels more like a trek through No Man’s Land without the lights on, as opposed to a yellow brick road that at least endeavours to add a splash of colour, perhaps something is niggling you about the past that needs attention. In which case, it may be wise to get it sorted. Be prepared to deal with it so you can sow some new seeds and harvest your own crops, getting more out of life or at the very least more out of yourself.