Emotional Sandwiches

by Sarah Ashley Neal

  If you need help in doing that, then seek it out; you can only learn so much on your own. Sometimes, you can only ponder so much before confusing yourself and going round in circles, and the reality may be that you don’t get the answer you want. The answer you actually want probably isn’t going to help anymore or it isn’t the same as the ‘right’ answer. The great thing about dreams or our imagination is that we can make up the answer. We can make it as right as it needs to be or as creative as we want it to be; or, we can find an answer that satisfies us in order to move on in life. Whether that is actually the right answer sometimes doesn’t matter… because sometimes, if it works for you, it is right.

  Simply remain grounded, keep your own truth intact and feed it with the odd outside perspective so you don’t shrivel up and, voilà, there you have it: a good foundation in which to blossom following a cheeky period of hibernation, lying dormant to rest but always with the view to waking up refreshed and prepared to take on another day. OK, so refreshed is debatable but one has to aim for a fresh start as a new day dawns; do you agree?

  Sometimes the seed is sown but it seemingly takes ages for it to germinate and appear as something recognisable. Seeds don’t always grow into what you thought they would, could or should. It’s as if that thought or idea you planted, once out of sight for a while, decidedly shape shifted or became modified as a result of being abducted by aliens and replanted to somehow throw you off track. Sounding a tad extreme, I expect it will still be in its original tamper-proof packaging where you left it but maybe because you changed and also grew along the way, you could no longer recall what the finished product was meant to look like, further outgrowing your original ideas.

  Sometimes, your idea begins to grow and you know you must be doing something right. But then, one day it stops! Do you throw it away, abandon your hard work or nurture it, ‘wishing’ it to develop? I was going to say hope, but does that imply that whatever it is you are trying to achieve is outside of your control, fuelled by an element of desperation thrown in to complete your mission? Similarly, to pray for something to happen is often deemed acceptable and indicative of trusting and believing that something outside of you can bring about a result and appears an acceptable intervention.

  Being reliant alone on someone else to repair your broken car, carry out your heart bypass or fly you halfway around the world so you can complete that business deal… and arrive home in time to put the kids to bed, are interventions that require expertise. If you don’t have those skills, then it’s OK to find someone who does. Sometimes when you hope the car doesn’t cost too much, pray the heart pulls through and wish that you didn’t have to spend another few hours in the air, but trust that everyone knows what they are doing, it is possible to still take comfort in the belief that you are doing the right thing at the time. Remember, hindsight is something that has a habit of kicking in a little too late anyway!

  Remaining in control in order to manage a situation during the development of an idea, connecting the dots that make it both plausible and deliberate, ensures foundations are strong and the choice of direction is owned until the wind changes. Managing your reactions will steer you through storms, test your patience and bring a new meaning to the word humble. All this, with the support of inner wisdom, external expertise and knowledge, openness to learning, becoming adaptable to change, taking ownership and responsibility for getting from A to B, will surely be considered by any stretch of the imagination as doing your best. And your best will always be enough. Sometimes, it has to be enough.

  Sometimes if your intention is to help this original idea have another growth spurt, get its act together and show you a little more respect for all your hard work then maybe the time is ready – maybe you are ready. The time for both usually needs to be aligned.

  I am sure there has been a missed opportunity that I didn’t see or I sensed its presence but let it go because I wasn’t ready to take it on. Does the same opportunity come around again? I would like to think so if it was just down to a misunderstanding between self and the Universe. Any side effects from a sudden feeling of déjà vu would probably subside as the past memories fade as quickly as they snuck in. A second chance presents itself in a mature form that mirrors your own stage of maturity, thereby existing in symbiosis until the relationship moves on, having served its purpose.

  So whether you plant a similar seed and try again, or delve into your packet of mixed seeds and try a new one out this time, just lay the old one to rest; break it down and put it back into the land and say thanks. Then get on with a new adventure.

  An idea is not your master. It doesn’t own you; you own the idea. It doesn’t have to be nourished if you have changed your mind; it can wilt like a weed with no water. Don’t give it your trellis and it is unlikely to climb. Keep your feet moving and then it won’t tie you down. Simply find another garden to walk in, feel empowered to start again and feed your soul and not your head alone. If you let all the ‘ought to’s’ and ‘should do’s’ take a hold every time you try out a new idea, then you’ve already lost your power. The idea will be off having other ideas of how it wants to develop! How can something truly work for you, if you are making it fit another mould or someone else’s dream?

  Sometimes you have the right or good intention and you are all fired up, but you’ve simply planted your dream in the wrong place. So pick it up and move it. Your path caters for all kinds of ideas.

  Find the strength and you will find your own way.

  P*A*T*H

  Appearances

  Aren’t Everything!

  Start off by visualising a path and what immediately springs to mind? If I asked you to visualise your own path – the one you are on – would you draw a blank, wonder what planet I have fallen off or would you know exactly what I was talking about?

  If you are drawing a blank and the letters P-A-T-H have nothing in common with a winding stretch of rubble, and is only an acronym you use in a text when you’ve been insulted (Please Apologise That Hurt!), then I could lose you right here. Incidentally, how would that even appear in a text?

  “Hey! P-A-T-H… lol”

  “P-A-T-H! :(!”

  And I suppose that would be it. Not so impressive, after all, and still miles away from resembling some sort of track.

  So, it’s a word that has more than one meaning and is certainly open to interpretation. It can be fluffed up with hot air, until you forget it could mean something tangible, sitting beneath your feet. I plan to keep us grounded! Although I wonder, can I introduce this ‘Path’ concept without taking my own feet off the ground? Thinking about it… this sounds highly unlikely. It wouldn’t be my style if I didn’t include a couple of those ascending ideas but they are just that: ideas squeezed into balloons that float sky high when you let them go.

  I prefer to think of path as a non-offensive word that rolls off the tongue as easily as it rolls around the countryside, minding its own business. Indicative of ‘taking you somewhere’, a path isn’t a conveyor belt which promises to move you along without participation. That said, travelators exist at airports. These are moving sidewalks that can take you from one point to another but you are expected to get on and off one by yourself… and carry your own baggage. Your own path will certainly accommodate some of the latter – until you choose to let it go.

  By the way, do you have any memories of funfair rides that took you – or rather jolted you forwards – through a pair of deceptively small arched doors where you were immediately plunged into darkness? Sporadic illuminations appeared from nowhere as you began to lose sense of any direction in which you were being taken. You were being carried along, bombarded with noises and other distractions that confused your senses.

  Finally, you left a world of madness behind as you were shunted back into the light, back into your own world of entertainment; a reality which still presented you with a set of distractions – only this time
, the playground stretched far beyond a blacked-out dome that had only existed to amuse you temporarily (and swallow up your pocket money). Rarely closing its doors to visitors, your path is potentially a big tourist attraction where your imagination can truly interact with your ideas and bring them alive; also, it can sometimes get you into trouble!

  Behaving, at first, like children who’ve been given the freedom to run loose in a chocolate factory, words, too, enjoy the unlimited opportunities to run wild. Hopping in and out of conversations, because they can, doesn’t make them invincible, either. They can only be carried so far by linguistic travelators into a sea of context, until they are stopped in mid-sentence to have their boarding passes checked. Sometimes it is simply better for an unhelpful word to leave the conversation and allow the words which are proving to be most valuable to remain on board for the ride. Although, you could argue that those which are open to interpretation do punctuate the conversation with reflective moments. Likewise, others simply need to buckle up and endure the emotional rollercoaster to experience a reflective moment of their own; that is after checking their phone for messages… “P-A-T-H! :(!”

  So, back to business; what did you end up visualising? Did you conjure up images of tawny-coloured earth-trodden tracks that either neatly edge the landscape or cut awkwardly through, following the contours of a scenic mass abounding with signposts suggesting there is always more than one way to get to that somewhere you think you want to be?

  And breathe…

  Alas, what do you decide to do when that piece of scenic mass and its undulating landscape is yours for the taking? With little more than untidy edges and inconsistencies sprawled out as far as the eye can see, a direction is something you could end up ‘in’, rather than intentionally follow.

  When there are no tangible, pretty signposts to blame for feeling totally lost and you have little more to hand than your instinct to save you, what is there left to do? You make a path! (Now, don’t go rolling your eyes!) You make your own path; you take responsibility; you shape it – even when the ground beneath is bumpy – fill in the holes and build a few bridges. You can’t control the weather along the way, but you can pack an umbrella… Choose your direction and take your ideas forward.

  Introducing that little beauty called Instinct into the equation is never too early from my own perspective. Let it remain a thread for now that gently weaves its way through each filling without taking the stage before the production has got into full swing. The word instinct is unlikely to play a low-key role along your path, as it is provocative by nature and will keep you on your toes. As for the scientists among us or the equally acclaimed critics who thrive on evidence-based reasoning, it would seem lame for me to use it by default, yet hunches and instincts fuel the hardiest of us to take a leap of faith at times!

  We are all different and we are not all lost in our lives all of the time – otherwise we would be wandering around collectively, looking like something that closely resembles a community of alien-possessed mannequins, that have no idea where they are going but always seem to appear uptight. I suppose, when you are lost or confused and don’t know where you are, even if you have your marbles intact, it is easy to see why you may appear uptight, from another person’s perspective.

  Many of us are quite happy ambling along a path. When the path appears to be going in the right direction and you are feeling in a good place in your life, it may be as simple as following the road ahead, going where it takes you and keeping up the good work. Or, maybe you have begun to master the art of not actually showing anyone you are lost and look cool, calm and collected on the outside. You could be planning your next manoeuvre and don’t need to advertise the fact you are thinking things through, showing off a wrinkled forehead for the world to see. You could have just had Botox and quickly discovered that no one has a clue what you are thinking about anyway. If ever you didn’t want to look like an alien-possessed mannequin, it would be now. Of course, not everyone will take on this appearance.

  We have established so far that metaphorically speaking you are on a path. We have also indicated that you could be lost and may choose to keep that secret to yourself (if you can) or you may not be lost and content with life.

  What if you are not lost, but in the back of your mind you wonder how long you can keep going along this path before boredom settles in, or you wander aimlessly for so long that you could veer off in the wrong direction because your autopilot switch, at some point in time, turned itself on permanently. Whilst you didn’t recall being ‘unhappy’, there were likely to have been a number of opportunities sited along your path when you could have stopped and chosen an alternative route, if only to experience a change of scenery. You could have missed out on something exciting but you won’t know that now because you didn’t go and find out. Maybe that bothers you sometimes and maybe it doesn’t. Yet, there is nothing wrong with sticking to what you know. It has its advantages and is safe – maybe boring at times, but safe. Why put yourself in a situation that could make your life harder but then again, who said a little hard work now won’t make it easier, in the long run? It is another conundrum.

  I have found a path that I have aspired to travel along, all of my life, and all the paths I have taken have led me here. The challenges and choices went hand in hand. The challenges gave rise to choices and the choices gave rise to challenges. At times, I made my life harder than it needed to be and my own handful of mixed seeds didn’t exactly sprout into magical staircases promising to lead me on the path towards contentment. Several flights later I was often back on the ground floor as quickly as a firefighter slides down their pole in an emergency (do they still do that nowadays?).

  How do you know when you’ve fallen off your path? Unless you felt passionate enough in the first place that you were on a particular path, what then informs you that something has changed? The emotions, thoughts and feelings that are churned up when you know you are not quite going in the right direction surely arise because you are making a comparison. Did you plan to change direction or experience an involuntary deviation? Did something happen along your path that subtly pulled you into another direction or blatantly stopped you in your tracks and changed it for you!

  Unfortunately, without a psychic in tow, you are not going to foresee any waterfalls that lay ahead especially if you didn’t see a warning sign in your peripheral vision. I don’t think the umbrella would save you on this occasion, when you fall off your path, unless you are Mary Poppins. If you had an inkling that the waterfall was there would you have chosen differently before you got caught up in the rapids, or would you have taken a risk, clinging onto Hope during the descent?

  If you fell off a path during a fall down the rapids and broke your leg, and this meant you couldn’t run for a long time, you may feel you are not on your path anymore because you were training for a marathon and will miss the event. If that was all part of the bigger plan then you are very much still on your path because this experience is the learning curve, the undulating landscape, and once your leg is healed you are going to train for next year’s marathon. You took a break from running; you broke your leg, that’s all (that’s all she says!) but did you really fall off your path? This is definitely a subtle nudge from the Universe prompting you to explore new territory.

  If the accident resulted in a leg amputation and you couldn’t run again – you couldn’t run in next year’s marathon without a prosthetic leg – you may have to let go of your dream to become a professional athlete – unless you dream big and are aiming for the Paralympics. Now, have you fallen off your path? Is it the same path that just happens to have Mount Everest slap bang in the middle, as your undulating landscape – a larger hurdle to get over? No matter how this idea is sold – as a ‘destined’ path to the person who has just lost their leg – the likelihood is that he/she feels they are now on a different path. I would agree that no subtle intervention was at work this time and a bl
atant diversion comes to mind.

  It is not unusual to fall off your path without a dramatic exit needing to be written in to your schedule. Sometimes you can get so wrapped up in everyday life that the bigger picture and its vibrant colours simply begin to fade around the edges, as you focus on the day-to-day jobs that allow you to make ends meet. I suppose, if you can keep one eye on the dream then you could convince yourself that the voluntary detours are necessary and take priority, at that time. Sometimes this is just an excuse. You may be prone to taking detours because you lack confidence to stay on your current path or you don’t know if the path ahead is where you really want to venture. There will be many reasons why you stray from the path you thought you wanted to walk and, funnily enough, find yourself back on it when the time is right.

  You will no doubt recall a time when you were tempted into taking a side track, partly for the sheer enjoyment of exploring somewhere new and not sticking to the main road or planned route. One day you said, “I can’t go along this path anymore, I want to have a look at what’s over there”. Sometimes it will be worthwhile or it could turn out to be a complete waste of time. When you get a feeling that something is wrong, your sixth sense can kick in and beg you to find your way back to the path you were on! Backtracking isn’t always easy and can involve backing out of a situation with a degree of humility and sometimes there will be no going back! Maybe just going forward, ahead of where you stumbled, coming at it from another angle, will allow you to stop and catch your breath. You changed direction and whether you like the new view or not, you made a choice… got the picture?

  To give yourself the permission to take a chance, at the risk of having an adventure, is maybe all that is required, unless you are waiting for someone else to approve what you should be doing with your own life. I appreciate that thinking about you, alone, may seem a luxury that modern life and family circles may not afford, but we all make choices. Even if you are caught up with running the house, looking after the children, going to work and all of the other things that do not involve these activities – yet still keep you busy – there may still be a part of you that wants to change direction. You may just want to change something about what you are doing, or the way you are doing it, and a small shift in behaviour ends up being enough to put you onto another path – in an emotional sense. Path doesn’t have to be something you physically walk along; you are unlikely to change your path and leave your beloved children behind – you may leave your husband or wife behind, but that is your business.