A Mother to Love

by Gail Gaymer Martin

  He couldn’t resist. “You mean Birdie?”

  The comment turned on El’s laugh button. He guffawed and held his belly. Watching him, Rick broke into his own laughter, relieved that the silly comment had released the tension he’d felt since he’d initiated their dinner together. “You gave me things to think about, and you’re right. Carly needs to know what’s happening, and I want to see if her mother’s been open with her. Carly hasn’t said a word, so I’ve treaded lightly.”

  “Wise, but find out and then act.” El gave him a wink.

  “Good idea, El. I’ll do that.” He turned onto Lilac Circle and pulled into El’s driveway.

  El opened the door and paused. “Rick, we both know Angie has a good heart, and I’d like you to tell her something when you’re alone.”

  His stomach tightened. “Sure thing. What is it?”

  “We all know Birdie across the street there.” He gave a subtle swing of his hand, and Rick looked up, noticing a woman watching from the front window. “It’s not easy to like the neighborhood reporter, but Angie befriended Rema, as you probably know. I think she could get to know Birdie.”

  A sweet sensation rolled through Rick’s chest. “I agree. I’ve felt her good heart more than once.”

  El gave a faint nod. “I keep thinking that maybe Angie could gather some thoughts from the Good Book and find a way to bring out the positives in Birdie. I suspect the lonely woman doesn’t like herself very well.”

  “Really?” His gaze drifted toward the house, and when he spotted her again, he turned away. “I’ll let Angie know what you said, El. If anyone can be a friend, it’s Angie.”

  “She’s a rare woman.”

  Rick’s chest swelled.

  El gave a nod. “You’re a pretty good man, yourself. I like you.”

  “I like you, too. But then, who wouldn’t?”

  El shook his head before he stepped to the driveway and closed the door.

  Rick glanced down the street and saw Angie’s car pulling into the driveway. “Speaking of Angie, she’s back from dinner and toy shopping with Carly. That means I’d better get over there.”

  El patted the car window. “Thanks again for dinner.”

  He gave El a wave and backed onto the street, then headed to Angie’s while one thought and then another rolled through his mind.

  * * *

  Carly’s exuberant yell let Angie know Rick had returned. “Daddy, we bought toys and I had spaghetti and we had a great big strawberry shortcake this high.” Her hands spread a foot wide.

  “Not quite that high.” She gave Rick a wink. “But close.”

  Rick raised Carly into the air and gave her a hug. “Did you have a good time?”

  She nodded and ran on like a raging river detailing everything they’d done and seen, leaving out her comments about her mother’s trip. Angie wanted to let Rick know. She’d promised not to tell him Carly liked being at his house best, but she hadn’t been asked not to mention the trip. She muzzled the desire for now. Later, when they were alone, she would. She opened the trunk and set the packages on the garage floor.

  “Can I show Daddy our new games, Angie?” Carly darted to one of the shopping bags.

  “You sure can, but I get to show him one of them.” She gave Carly a wink, grasped one of the smaller bags and beckoned them to follow her outside. When they’d gathered around her, she pulled out the bigger ball from the plastic sack, grinning at Carly’s cute name for it.

  Rick grasped the ball and twirled it on his fingertip while Carly giggled and clapped her hands. “Now, this is what I call a real ball. Not that pitiful beach ball.”

  Angie laughed with them while Carly stood mesmerized watching her dad with the ball.

  “Can we play outside tomorrow? Can I invite Kimmy?”

  “Whoa!” Rick held up his hand. “Tomorrow’s Sunday and we have church, and did you ever think that Angie might have plans of her own?”

  Carly faced her, her expression filled with eagerness to hear her response. Angie’s heart melted. “I don’t have one thing to do tomorrow, and I think I would miss seeing you.”

  Carly’s face shone with joy as she bounced around beside them.

  “You can play with the ball for a while if you want.” She gave the child a hug. “Your daddy and I will sit on the porch so we can talk a little. Okay?”

  Her firm nod answered the question. Rick tossed her the ball, and she dropped it on the ground and kicked it across the grass, checking to make sure they were watching.

  She and Rick ambled to the small back porch, where she’d placed two canvas chairs the day the children had played there. She settled on one and Rick on the other. His eyes searched hers. She suspected he knew she wanted to talk.

  “How did you make out with El? I’ve been thinking about that and hoping it gave you some ideas.”

  “The talk was enlightening. He said things I should have thought of myself, but I was too wrapped up in the problem to see clearly. Now I do. First, I need to know if Carly has any idea about her mother’s trip. I’ll have to call Glenda.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  His head jerked up and his eyes bored through her. “What do you mean?”

  “She told me today and she looked sad.”

  He didn’t speak a moment as if weighing what she’d said. “She didn’t mention it to me. That bothers me. I—”

  “Don’t take it personally, Rick. I don’t know how much she knows except when we were talking about something else and it just led in that direction. She looked rather sad about it.”

  “But maybe the sadness has to do with her mother going a—”

  “That’s what I thought, but she told me her mother wants her to go, too. That’s when she looked the most upset.”

  “If I bring it up, she’ll know you told me.”

  “You can find a way to draw it out without saying anything about me. You’ll figure it out.”

  “Angie, I need your motherly talents.”

  His eyes searched hers and sent a prickle of longing through her. If they were married she would act the way a mother should act, but now she could be stepping on toes, toes of the ones she loved. She couldn’t hurt Carly by letting her know she’d told her secret.

  She jerked herself back to his comment. “It’s instinct, remember? I’m not sure I have a talent.”

  “I think you do.” Rick slipped his hand over hers.

  She rolled her hand upward and wove her fingers through his.

  “And, by the way, El thinks you have talent, too.”

  Angie listened while he told her what he speculated about Birdie, and her pulse skipped. She couldn’t believe El wanted her to become a friend of the woman. It was like asking her to spend the evening with a snake in her bedroom. As soon as the thought arose, she regretted it. “I don’t know, Rick. That’ll take a lot of work. I can’t think of a way—”

  “El suggested you find the way in the Bible.”

  The Bible? “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

  “Google.”

  His response triggered her laughter. “I guess you can find the answer to anything there.”

  He nodded. “What would you say if I invited you to church tomorrow?” He leaned forward as if to kiss her.

  But she drew back. On top of her dilemma and confusion, she drew back. “Let me give it some thought.”

  Disappointment weighted his expression and tore at her heart. She’d hurt him because of her own fear and worry. If Rick meant as much as she believed, her behavior told a different story. She gazed at him, wanting to spill out her sinful past and have him take her in his arms.

  Did forgiveness happen that way? Her chest ached with sorrow.

  Chapter Ten

  Angie
settled on her sofa, her laptop balanced on her knees, and hit her browser. She hesitated, hearing the children’s voices from the backyard. After church, Rick had arrived as if nothing had happened. She’d feared she’d looked dumbfounded, but she’d managed to smile. Carly hadn’t been able to wait a moment to invite Kimmy to play with the new ring-toss game. Rick had set up the game, and while he’d explained the rules and monitored their play, she’d sneaked inside to look for scripture to help her deal with Birdie. But she needed to look up verses to help her with her guilt and forgiveness.

  El’s request hung on her mind. He trusted her to be Birdie’s neighborhood friend and perhaps make a difference in her life. The sweet man had no idea what he was asking, and she found herself praying for help. The awareness struck her. Years had passed since she had prayed for anything. Even when Cal had been killed riding his motorcycle, she had shown anger toward God. Prayer had been impossible. Why would God let her live with him like man and wife, and then take him away before she could salve her guilt? Whether a strong Christian or not, she had morals and values. Her body shuddered with memory. Even before Cal’s death, she’d sensed their relationship had been going awry. She’d allowed herself to do things she knew were against her own values, but she caved in to Cal’s pressure of joining in. Instead of anger at God, she should have blamed Cal and herself for being weak and—

  An agonizing sense of guilt crept through her like spider legs walking down her spine. She closed her eyes, knowing the Lord forgave but wondering how deeply she might have dug a pit so that He could no longer see her.

  The computer tilted. She balanced it again and typed, “What does the Bible say about helping people who slander or bear tales?” She clicked the search button, and when links popped up, she chose one, having no idea what she would find. Her chest tightened as she scanned the verses. Phrases jumped out at her—love your enemies, love your neighbor as yourself, do to others as you would have them do to you, soft words turn away wrath, willing to forgive whether they ask... The options swirled in her mind, tangling and spreading into a collage of blurring colors.

  She dragged her gaze from the screen and wiped moisture from her eyes. How could she do even one of those phrases? Love Birdie? Forgive? Speak softly? She bit her lip to keep from releasing the words boiling in her mind. Doing good was easy for God. But not for her. Birdie was acid to a wound.

  Then she remembered what El had said. Birdie doesn’t like herself. Birdie needs a friend. If anyone could do it, Angie could.

  She shook her head to stop the voice. Maybe she could, but how?

  Her skin prickled, and she raised her head. “How long have you been standing there?”

  Rick ambled through the doorway, concern darkening his face. “Only a minute. Are you thinking about Birdie or Carly?”

  Her pulse skipped. “This time Birdie. El has asked me to do something that is too difficult, Rick. I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint him.” She closed the lid on her laptop and slid it to the floor.

  Rick reached for her hand and eased her from the sofa. She looked into his eyes, hearing her pulse thud in her temple. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” He brushed his finger down her cheek and pushed away a straggling lock of hair. “Tuck it into your mind. Ideas may come, and you may feel differently.”

  “I don’t know how. No one likes Birdie.”

  “El sees her sorrow and vulnerability. You’re perceptive. Think of it that way.”

  His determination caused a faint grin to curve her lips. “You’re one of the kindest men I know.”

  His eyes probed hers. “Is that all?”

  “No. But I don’t want your head to get too big for your hat.”

  “I don’t wear hats, so you’re safe.”

  He moved as if to smile and instead she sensed his motion had more serious plans. His lips sought hers, a hungry kiss that opened doors and windows to her heart. Why couldn’t she accept the happiness Rick and Carly had brought to her life? She slipped her hand along his back to the nape of his neck, feeling the softness of his hair, and she cupped his head, encouraging him to prolong the kiss.

  She drew away breathless as her eyes sought his. “What are we going to do, Rick?”

  “Throw caution to the wind as a bird would who found freedom at last.”

  “Daddy?” They jumped apart and spun around to face the archway. Carly stood staring at them, her jaw sagging with a stretched smile on her lips. “Did you kiss?”

  Disbelief caught Angie by surprise as it must have Rick. They burst into laughter at the same time as Rick opened his arms to Carly. She ran to him and jumped into his waiting embrace.

  “Do it again.” She looked from one to the other. “It looks pretty.”

  “Pretty.” Angie fought to keep the titter from her voice. “That’s a sweet way to say it, Carly.” Her mind spun with panic, wanting to change the subject. What if Carly mentioned the kiss to Glenda? “Are you having fun outside? We were just going outside.”

  “We want to play with the ball now.” She wiggled and Rick set her down. “Can we?”

  Angie gave her a wink. “You mean the bigger ball, right?”

  She nodded. “Not the beach ball.” She wrinkled her nose.

  “I think we’ve retired the beach ball now that you have the new one.” Rick gave Angie a furtive glance, letting her know he was thinking what she had. “Let’s go out and get the ball.”

  Rick and Carly charged through the archway to the kitchen while she stood a moment to get her bearings. If Carly told her mother about the kiss, Rick’s chance to win in court could end in loss. To get her way, Glenda might blow the incident out of proportion. Glenda liked to win. This time Angie didn’t stop herself from prayer.

  * * *

  While Carly got ready for bed, Rick paced the living room, struggling with the amazing kiss that had become an issue now that his daughter had spotted them. The next subject on his mind was how much Carly knew about her mother’s trip. The two situations wrangled in his mind. His brain had knotted into a lump of concern and confusion. It tethered his common sense, something El said he needed to use.

  He blew out a stream of air and sank onto the sofa. If he asked Carly not to say anything about the kiss, he feared the request would make it even more exciting to share with her mother. If he ignored it, she might blurt out the information without thinking. Her glowing face filled with curiosity and pleasure gripped his mind. Carly wanted Angie and him to be a couple. He recognized her desire without her saying it. Her natural admiration and love for Angie showed more than words.

  He felt the same. He admired Angie more than he could say and wanted her as his wife, but did Angie really want him? At times he was certain. Her kisses were as eager as his and her feelings for Carly were evident, but then she sometimes drew back as she had the day he’d asked her to go to church. A cold chill ran through him. Could it be Carly she loved, and he was only the add-on that came with his daughter? Something was holding her back, and his fear grew. To be part of Carly’s life meant he came along for the ride. Would she take him on for that reason? He froze with the speculation. Could it be something else? Angie had steered away from offering details of her past. Which was it? Was she afraid to talk about her past or was it loving Carly more than him? He stared through the window into a night as dark and brooding as his spirit.

  The thump of footsteps alerted him, and he planted a pleasant look on his face and watched the doorway. Carly come bouncing in and flopped beside him on the sofa. “I had fun today. I don’t know any kids around here, but Angie has Kimmy.” She flashed him a grin. “It’s fun to play outside, and Kimmy’s nice. I like her.”

  “I’m glad you have fun. You have fun at home with your mom. You have friends there, too.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Robbie lives next door, but he’s in first grad
e and he doesn’t like girls.” She lifted a shoulder. “And Dulcie moved.”

  “Then what do you do when you’re with your mom?” She had more time there than with him. His chest tightened with longing.

  She shrugged. “I’m at day care most of the time, so I have kids to play with there, and Miss Sally is nice.” She wiggled around to tuck her feet beneath her. “When Mom picks me up, we have dinner, and then she tells me to read my books or play with puzzles.” She lowered her head before tilting it up to look at him. “Do you know what that means, Daddy?”

  “I’m not sure what you’re asking me, sweetheart.” He sorted through her words. “You mean do I know what read your books and play with puzzles means?” The question made no sense.

  She gave him an exasperated look. “It means to be quiet.”

  Her look and explanation struck his funny bone, and he laughed.

  Though she gave him an odd look, her eyes brightened and she laughed, too. “That’s funny.”

  “You’re funny. You make me laugh, and I love it.”

  “Me, too, Daddy.” She snuggled against him. “Did Mom tell you about her trip?”

  His stomach hit his lungs and hitched his breath. “She mentioned it.” He bit his lip, wanting to ask questions, but he controlled his need to learn more.

  “She wants me to go, too.”

  “She said something about it.”

  “I asked her why, ’cause she’s going there to work. What will I do?”

  He swallowed, overwhelmed by his frustration. He wanted to be honest and tell her he didn’t want her to go. Yet he didn’t want to sway her thinking. “Ask your mom, sweetheart. I don’t know for sure. She’ll probably find a day care for you while she’s working.”

  “I have a day care.” Her volume rose on the word as she tilted her head. Her eyes searched his. “I know the kids at my day care, and they speak like me, Daddy. In other countries, I don’t know how to say their words.”

  “I don’t either, but in most big cities people can speak different languages. That’s what Europe is like. Many people speak English.”