Drowning in Stars

by Debra Anastasia

  I raised my hand.

  “Yes, dollface, you have the floor.” He gave me a little bow. I was liking him more by the second.

  “What about you? Are you supposed to be somewhere?” He looked about our age, a little more worldly, but still.

  “Oh, baby. I have a sliding scope of responsibilities. Right now, I want to make sure that Gaze and you are getting what you’re supposed to get.” He walked out of the room.

  “I guess we’re going to school?” I looked at Gaze.

  “If you want to. The rules are we never do anything you don’t want to.” He gave me a determined look.

  “Yeah. We’re going to have to face people.” I held out my hand and he took it with his more lively looking hand.

  “We. The key word there. Fuck the rest of the world. We’re going to be here for each other, like we always were.” He gave my hand a squeeze and pushed off of the bed. “Let me get us something to eat while you get ready. You need the shower?”

  The shower. I totally forgot to get my shit from the bathroom. I didn’t even have to say it out loud. Gaze nodded. “Okay, I’ve got soap and shampoo. What else do you need?”

  “Conditioner? A razor? I don’t know. I don’t even have money to hand you.” I tossed up my hands.

  “I’ve got it. Things are a little different now. We can get what we need.”

  I stood up and wrapped his blanket around my shoulders. I walked over to his desk and found paper and highlighter. I had a flash of the night his dad had beat him again and paused.

  “It’s still fresh?” He stood next to me. “That night?”

  “Sometimes.” I shrugged. At least he knew it had been horrible. It had been unavoidable.

  I jotted down the things I could think of. “Thanks. I’ll pay you back.”

  “No, you won’t. We’re in this together. And we have Austin, who is a little bit of magic.” He tucked my note into the pocket of his bicycle shorts. “I’ll be back in like ten.”

  “I’ll try to make sense of my stuff. At least find something to wear today.”

  In the time Gaze was gone, I found myself having difficulty focusing. Austin rapped his knuckles on the doorframe. “Hey, dollface. Can I have a minute?”

  I noticed that he stayed in the hallway, but leaned on the doorjamb, leaving space if I wanted to get out. It was a respect I appreciated.

  I pulled my hair back away from my face. “Yeah.”

  “Gaze is crazy about you. Just so you know. He really talked about you a lot the whole time he was with us.” Austin stuck his hands into his pockets.

  “Thanks. We’ve had a connection for a long time. I’m happy he’s back.” I wondered if Austin was trying to say something else.

  “I’m here to just help. If you need something, or need me out, let me know. We’re just getting to know each other, but I’d like to fast-track that so that you feel safe and comfortable here. In an apartment that I think we may both be in illegally.” He made his fingertips wriggle.

  “You’re sort of right about that. I’m just grateful that I didn’t have to go home last night. And I’d like that to continue for as long as possible.” That was all I had at the moment. Everything had changed so quickly. Life was what it was until it was something new entirely.

  “Okay, I’m going to jump in the shower while Gaze is shopping. I’ll be out quick, though.” He turned and went back into the living room.

  At this point all I could do was organize. I made piles of my clothes and some of my stuff. I was able to get an outfit together for school and found a stray hair tie in a side pocket of my duffle bag. Gaze arrived home just as Austin cut the water for his shower, which sent a horrendous squeak through the place.

  “The hot water sounds like a nightmare, but it stays hot the whole time now.” Gaze set the plastic bags on the bed. “I think I got it all. Let me know.”

  I peeked into the bags. “Perfect. This’ll work. Thanks.”

  “No problem. Austin, was there a towel in there?” Austin came out in new jeans, bare chested with a towel wrapped around his head.

  “I’m wearing it.” He pointed to his head. He must have cleaned off the rest of his eyeliner in the shower. He had two tattoos on his chest—one large butterfly and a classic mom in a heart.

  “All right.” Gaze opened a closet and grabbed a fresh towel that looked like it had been folded by someone who was sleepwalking. “Here you go. Take the time you need. We’re already late. Possibly getting there for lunch.”

  I took my bundle of clothes and the sacks of products in with me. After I showered, I left my new toiletries in the bathroom and folded up my dirty clothes and put them in one of the bags.

  When I stepped out into the living room, the guys were sitting on the couch. I used the towel to scrunch my hair dry.

  “Dollface, you and I have the same damn hair. What do you do to it?” Austin stood and came close to me. “Can I touch it?”

  I gave him a perplexed look but nodded once. He lifted a lock and rubbed it between his fingers.

  “I just let it dry? I mean, today I’ll put it in a pony.” I held up my wrist that had the material wrapped around it.

  “Can I play with it for a minute?” He tilted his head and looked in my eyes.

  “Sure.” Austin seemed so comfortable, it was actually something to admire.

  He went to the bathroom and came back quickly. “Flip over and shake it out.”

  I did as he asked.

  There was a wet fart noise that made Gaze crack up. “Shut it. We are not ten years old, Gaze Patrick.”

  I started to laugh as well while hanging upside down.

  “Oh crap. Not you, too.” Austin proceeded to blow raspberries while he worked the gel through my hair from root to tip. “Yes. This is giving me life. Wait until you see your curls when this dries. Okay, flip up and fluff.”

  I put my hands in my hair and fluffed. “This smells amazing.”

  “Oh yes. We have to leave something lovely in the air behind us. Except Gaze, of course.” Austin turned to give him a smile.

  Gaze gave him the middle finger but laughed.

  “You precious babies are ready to go be learners now. Let’s do it.” Austin had a messenger bag he slipped over his aqua shirt.

  “You don’t have to come with us.” Gaze stood as well, grabbing his backpack.

  “I’ll come to make sure it’s all okay, and plus, you guys can show me the lay of the land. What time does school get out?”

  “Well, we have to see if Gaze is doing in-school suspension or what for throwing the punch yesterday.” I wondered out loud. “Did you get an email or a phone call from the school?”

  “Not yet, but the coach wanted to see me before practice today, so I think I have to find out what I’m getting there.” Gaze opened the door and waited.

  I got my book bag from Gaze’s room and followed Austin into the hall.

  “What about it, dollface? Are you staying to watch practice or having anything else?” He trotted down the stairs in front of us.

  “No. Nothing. I was kind of more of an outside girl than an after-school situation.” I walked through the door Austin held open for me. “So like two-forty-five p.m.”

  “Okay, I’ll be there to walk home with you.”

  Gaze passed his keys to Austin. “Here, in case you need to get inside.”

  “You don’t have to walk me home. I know the way.”

  Austin grasped the keys and shook his head. “I’m going to sign you guys in just to be on the safe side with Sam. Plus, I’ll make us some extra keys.” He gestured up the stairs to the apartment.

  He walked next to me and offered his elbow. “Dollface, the way those bitches were with you? I don’t want them to escalate. So I’m gonna be here for you when Gaze is in practice.”

  “Okay. That sounds good.” And it did. Austin was just welcoming. And I knew I would look forward to hanging around him.

  Our walk to school was easy. We didn’t run i
nto anyone that wanted to talk. When we got to school, Gaze held the door for Austin and me.

  “And I might be right back out here. I’m not sure what their plan is for me.”

  We had to be buzzed into the front office, and then Austin signed us in. Though to get us in the door, he was really doing it for show because he didn’t have to sign anything.

  He pulled us both into light headlocks and kissed the tops of our heads. Gaze allowed it but patted Austin’s stomach hard. “My chickens. Do well. Be well. I love you.”

  The secretary stopped us. “You both need to go straight to the counselor’s office. The assistant principal will be with you as soon as she has a moment, but Mrs. Wales is ready for you.”

  She handed us a pass. When we were in the hallway, Gaze held out his hand. I took it.

  “We’ll make it.” He glanced at me with a smile that reminded me of years ago.

  “I’m starting to think that.”

  In the counselor’s office we were separated. The counselor dealt with me first, but I could also see out of her office window. Gaze was so tall that I could see the top of his head in the room across the hall.

  Mrs. Point, the assistant principal, arrived, talking into a walkie-talkie as she opened her door.

  Mrs. Wales, the counselor, cleared her throat to get my attention.

  “Hey, Pixie. I wanted to talk to you about what went on yesterday. With the fire drill.”

  “I’d rather forget that incident if it’s all the same.” I put my hands in my lap and threaded my fingers together.

  “Is that the healthiest thing? I mean, that was a traumatizing event, I’m guessing.” Mrs. Wales made a duck face I was betting she thought was therapeutic.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. I wasn’t sure there was a game plan when you’d been pretty much naked in front of the whole school.

  “Well, I’ve done some investigating, and it seems there are a few rumors as to who might have done that to you. Of course, there are no cameras in the locker rooms, but a few girls were in the vicinity before the alarm was pulled. We’re still looking into it and getting a few statements.”

  I noticed my nails and saw how ragged they were. I’d been biting them since Gaze left. I tried to hear what Mrs. Point was saying to Gaze, but Mrs. Wales kept talking to me.

  “Have you had any issues with anyone here in school?” She typed information on her computer keyboard.

  “Nope.” I wasn’t getting involved in calling out Ashlin and her shit stirrers. They would just make things worse for me.

  “Nothing happened between you and Ashlin regarding the new boy in school? The one you just walked in with?” She took off her reading glasses and chewed on one of the arms.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. And Gaze isn’t new. He lived here a few years ago. I was friends with him long before Ashlin.” I clamped my mouth shut.

  “So no animosity at all between you then?” She forced a grin, and it didn’t seem like she meant it—more like she was proud of herself for seeing through me.

  “Am I in trouble?” I wanted to get out of here. Gaze walked by, smiling, and Mrs. Point was laughing, so I assumed his meeting went well. As soon as he was out of sight, I felt my cell phone vibrate.

  “Not if you weren’t a part of the whole pulling the fire alarm debacle.” She slid her reading glasses back on and typed some more.

  “It was just unfortunate timing and forgetfulness. It could’ve happened to anyone.” I knew I was starting to sweat. Luckily, I used Gaze’s deodorant because it was yet another thing I had forgotten at home.

  “Okay. If that’s your story and you’re sticking to it, I’m going to give you a pass to your next class. The bell will ring in about ten minutes.” She handed me the pink paper with her flawless signature on it. I pushed out of my chair and thanked her out of habit, though I didn’t think she was doing me any favors.

  On the way out of the counselor’s office, I saw Mrs. Point sitting in a waiting room chair noting things on her clipboard. I slipped out quickly, not wanting to call attention to myself. I had had enough of the third degree from Mrs. Wales, and Gaze and I hadn’t even really gotten our stories straight. So much had happened in such little time, we were unprepared. I remembered a text and pulled out my phone as I made my way down the shiny tile walkway.

  Got in-school suspension. No game. See you at dismissal. They are taking lunch from me.

  I exhaled and looked at the ceiling. The thought of going to the cafeteria without Gaze sucked. I decided right then to buy some snacks from the vending machine and then go to the library to read. I didn’t need to see my own picture standing outside of the school on every screen in the place. It was a nightmare enough.

  I decided to duck into the bathroom and give myself a few minutes to get my head on straight. I hated confrontation like I’d just had with Mrs. Wales and didn’t do great lying at the drop of a hat. And I wasn’t sure protecting Ashlin and her douchebag friends was the right move.

  The bathroom door squeaked open and the one voice I didn’t want to hear echoed off the tile walls. “And then I said to her if she wanted to start that shit with me…”

  Around the corner, Ashlin, Megan, and Beccy stopped in their tracks.

  “Holy crap. Look who had the balls to come back to school after her strip show yesterday!” Megan got a spring in her step as she advanced on me.

  Ashlin took out her phone and flipped it in my direction. I quickly glanced and, of course, it was a screenshot of me holding my chest with a side boob popping out.

  “I’m actually surprised how big your tits are. I mean, do you strap them down or something? All told, you have a nice body. I bet Gaze had fun going to town on you last night. You learn a lot from your stepfather? Hard for those old guys to get it up, so you have to really put in the work.”

  And I saw red. The shame from yesterday jumbled into her words right then and made my personality change. Or reset. I stepped up to her and reached for her phone. She hid it behind her back, squealing and laughing.

  “Oh, fuck you.” I hauled off and smacked her hard across the face.

  It was three versus one, but I was done hearing things come out of Ashlin’s mouth. I just wanted her to shut up. She turned back at me, holding her face. “How dare y—”

  I punched her this time, right in the nose. I heard what sounded like someone stepping on a box of toothpicks and Ashlin’s eyes rolled up into her head.

  “Oh my God. You killed her!” Megan pushed past me as blood seeped around Ashlin’s fingers as she held her face.

  I waited for a moment to see if either of the other girls was going to take up the fight, but they didn’t.

  I flung my backpack over my shoulder and headed straight back to the counselor’s office. Mrs. Point looked up from the waiting chair that she’d turned into a makeshift mobile desk and smiled at me. She had no idea.

  “Yeah. You might want to call the nurse to the bathroom down the hall. And I’m pretty sure I’m either going to be arrested or get ISS.” I sat two chairs down from Mrs. Point as she keyed her walkie-talkie and asked for an emergency visit to the bathroom.

  “So I won’t have to go looking for the guilty party?” She stood up from her chair.

  “She said it for the last time. I’m not looking for a fight, but Ashlin will have another one if I have to listen to her again.”

  Mrs. Wales stepped into the hall. “Did I just hear that we have a student injured in the bathroom?”

  Mrs. Point disappeared out of the office door, taking off quickly despite her high heels, in Ashlin’s direction.

  I turned to Mrs. Wales. “Yeah. Remember what I said about it not being a problem? I was wrong. I just decked that evil bitch not two minutes ago.” I pointed my thumb in the direction of the bathroom.

  Mrs. Wales’ eyes went wide and she rushed off as well. I stayed sitting in the waiting room because they were going to need me today. I couldn’t imagine it going dow
n any other way.

  Chapter 48

  Gaze

  I DIDN’T EXPECT to see Pixie in the ISS classroom holding an ice pack on her right hand.

  “What the hell?” I stood and walked over to her despite the teacher’s complaining.

  “She said a few things.” She shrugged and walked over to the seat next to mine.

  “Ashlin?” I guessed correctly.

  “Yup. I clocked her in the face. Not even sorry. Maybe the guilt will come later.”

  “Couldn’t happen to a nicer person. Honestly. Is your hand okay? You need that shit.” I lifted her hand so I could see it better. It was already bruising.

  “Did you knock her out, because I hope there is a bruise ten times worse on her face right now.”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t see much after I got out of there as soon as I had a window to get by them. I swear this school is cursed right now.”

  “You all have work.” The ISS teacher slapped a ruler on his desk.

  Pixie was just put in here, so she didn’t have work sent yet from her teachers. Plus, she had to ice her hand. She was happy to just sit and stare out of the window. Every once in a while she would exhale loudly and tip her head back to look at the ceiling.

  I was starting to see glimpses of my Pixie coming through this one. The Pixie Rae I knew would’ve definitely punched a girl in the face from being a bully to someone. I’m glad she’d decided she deserved the same protection as everyone else she cared about when we were growing up. Including me.

  We were allowed to get up and stretch and have lunch—but without talking. By the afternoon, Pixie’s teachers had sent work in with other students who scanned the room like we were dangerous criminals and then left. She stuck to the reading portions of her work, obviously to give her hand a rest.

  By dismissal time, we were good and ready to get the hell out of the small classroom.

  Pixie picked up her books and put them in her backpack, slung it over her shoulder, and waited for me. Just the sight of her made something in me okay.

  I held out my hand and she looked at it, puzzled. I dipped my chin down and lifted my eyebrow until she slid her bag off her shoulder. I took it from her and threw it over mine. Then I held out my hand again. She slipped hers in mine and I walked out of the building with her. There would be talk. It would get back to Ashlin that Pixie and I were holding hands, at least I hoped.