Drowning in Stars

by Debra Anastasia

  I hated him.

  Detective Sam finally got down to business. “I have a complaint here that there was an altercation?”

  “I have a lawyer.” Gaze’s face closed down completely.

  “That’s good news. Glad you have representation. Pixie, did you want to tell me what went on here?” Sam pointed at Bic with his pinkie and Gaze with his thumb.

  I looked from Gaze to Sam and then back again. “Gaze found out something that made him distrustful of this situation.”

  Sam looked down at his notepad and nodded. “That sounds about right.” He turned to Dreama. “You still want to file a complaint, miss?”

  “Well, of course. Look at him!” She pointed her long, fake fingernail in Bic’s direction.

  “You know what I know for sure? A few contractors have filed a few complaints regarding some dicey contracts Bic wrote up recently. Still doing the same old, same old, huh, Bic? Now don’t let that dissuade you from filing. I’m just gonna warn you that if we get Bic down to the station, it might be a long night. Just covering all our bases. Two birds and one stone, if you know what I mean.” Sam had a smile on his face, but no one could miss the threat in his words. Well, except for Dreama.

  “Fine. We’ll deal with all of that, no problem. Come on, Biccy. Do you need to visit the Urgent Care first? Get some documents on these injuries?” She baby walked over to him, small steps to exaggerate her hips.

  “I’m good. Actually, feeling better already.” Bic pulled one of the tampons out of his nose and it started bleeding freely.

  Dreama screamed and grabbed the tampon from him, jabbing it back up his nose.

  “That’s kind of what I thought might be the case. No worries. You heal up, Bic.” Sam leaned forward and went to close the door to the apartment.

  I held up my hand. “Can I grab a few things? I’m staying somewhere else now.”

  Sam nodded once and then folded his arms. “Take your time.”

  I pulled Gaze into the apartment with me and we went to my room.

  “Um? Did you pay off that cop or something?” He peeked out of my window.

  “Nah. That’s Sam. He’s kind of watched over me as best he could since your dad was arrested.” I pulled out two duffle bags and pointed to my clothes in the closet. “Can you start getting that stuff for me? I have a feeling Bic will never let me back in if there is no cop here.”

  I went to grab a few trash bags from the kitchen.

  Dreama’s shrill voice was persistent. “This is ridiculous. That kid could have killed you. Probably would’ve if I wasn’t here helping you. I don’t understand what’s going on.”

  Bic started harping, “She can’t leave. We need her here. She helps with the house.” His voice rose higher and higher.

  I slipped into the kitchen, ignoring Bic’s arguments. After peeling off three bags I padded back into my room. Gaze was zipping up my duffle bag.

  “How’s it going out there?” He lifted an eyebrow and indicated with his chin.

  “She’s trying to get him to press charges still, but he won’t. He’s shifty and shitty and Sam knows it.” I went to my dresser—the one that only had two working drawers—and filled up everything.

  Gaze went to my bed and put my stuffed animals in one trash bag and my school stuff in another. In the last duffle bag I put all the pictures I had of my mom and me together. This was how I would say goodbye to her. Packing with my newly reunited best friend in under ten minutes. On my way out, I grabbed my pillow. Gaze took some pictures down from the walls of my mom and me. I was grateful. They’d been there so long I’d forgotten they were removable. I snatched some pairs of shoes and that was it.

  Dreama was stomping her foot and sucking her teeth. I wasn’t sure what she’d get out of charges being filed against Gaze, but she always seemed to have an angle. Usually, it was more transparent.

  Sam stepped aside to let Gaze and me out. He even grabbed a bag to help us carry the stuff downstairs. Bic and Dreama did not follow us.

  “Okay, you’re moving out now? Where are you going again?” Sam was great at asking questions. While I was alone, he tried often to get me to tell him about my living situation. Shame kept me quiet. Threats from Bic made me mute. And I was scared. I was scared of people knowing, scared that telling would bring a whole host of public issues that I was fearful of. Part of me felt I deserved it. Part of me believed that the last time would be the last time. Sam told me more than once he didn’t like Bic. That he had a smarmy aura.

  Gaze spoke up, “She’s gonna live with me. And she’s never gonna have to deal with Bic’s bitch ass again.”

  Sam looked from Gaze to me and back again.

  He sighed. “I appreciate that, but Bruce just got out of prison for beating you almost to death, so I have concerns.”

  Gaze made two fists and puffed up his chest. “My old man can’t touch her or me. Not without pain. And he’s a pussy.”

  “I don’t disagree with you there. And I’d lump Bic in the pussy pile, too. But I’m going to have to come to terms with it being okay for two seventeen year olds to move in together. I mean, from a legal perspective, Bic is the better choice.”

  I actually gasped out loud. Both Gaze and Sam looked at me.

  “Wait. I have an idea. You just need an adult, right? To watch out for us?” Gaze pulled his phone out of his pants.

  “Listen, bud, you know I have some complications with your foster dad. He seems awesome, but we have to follow the rule books.” Sam rocked back on his heels.

  I hadn’t spoken to Sam in over six months. And then tonight it seemed he knew everything about me. Maybe he had been paying closer attention to me than I thought.

  “Not Mike, but his son, Austin. He’s twenty-one and a great guy. What if he stayed with us?” Gaze talked and texted at the same time. “Just for a few months until Pixie and I are eighteen.”

  “That seems a little dubious.” Sam scratched his chin.

  Gaze tilted his head to the side. “You know what’s dubious? Me getting yanked out of a loving home from this amazing family that wanted to adopt me. But my fucked-up father wants to have a pissing contest for the ten minutes he’s sober and all you are acting like that’s the better choice for me.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand. Adopted? Loving family? I felt hurt for Gaze and jealous. The way he spoke about them was deep. He had found a home.

  “I’m so sorry,” I offered.

  “No. I didn’t see it before, but I know it now. I’m supposed to be here for you, Pixie. I don’t need to be adopted. All I need is you and for you to be safe from that fucking animal.” He jabbed a finger in the direction of my apartment.

  There was a tense silence while all that was known but unsaid floated at the surface.

  Pain. So much pain. I closed my eyes, wishing it away.

  I felt a gentle tap on the shoulder. Sam’s eyes were full of moisture. “What do you want, Pixie?”

  “I want to stay with him.” I pointed at Gaze. “He’s been gone so long, but being here with him is right.”

  “Then I will move heaven and earth to make it happen.” He turned to Gaze. “Call Austin. See if he is willing to move in…”

  Gaze held up his illuminated phone. “He’s already on his way.” Then Gaze held out his hand for me. I took it and melted into his side. My Gaze.

  “How many rooms does that place have?” Sam looked at the apartment that was parallel to mine.

  “Two bedrooms. Two bathrooms.” Gaze winced a little and I felt his muscles twitch. That would be four people in one small space.

  “How’s that gonna work?” Sam looked at his watch.

  “Pixie gets a bedroom. Austin and I share.” He shrugged like it was obvious.

  “And Bruce?” Sam squinted at us.

  “Bruce can live in a dumpster for all I care. He hasn’t paid a bill in years. I mean, if I have to have him with us, there’s a couch. But if he’s drinking, he’s not allowed, and I will physically e
nforce that rule.” Gaze cracked the knuckles in his left hand on his thigh as if he would have to throw another punch soon.

  Sam looked at me and puffed out his cheeks before exhaling. “Okay. Okay. This is a weird situation, but you’ve always been weird kids. I’ll stay with you until Austin arrives, and then I’ll pop by tomorrow and we can smooth out the hurdles to this.”

  Gaze nodded.

  “Hey, Pixie? Can you walk up ahead for a few? I want to have a discussion with Gaze real quick.”

  I didn’t know if that was a good idea, but Sam was being very cool about this whole situation. Gaze nodded to me that he was okay, so I walked. When we got to the apartment, Gaze dug into his pocket and pulled out a key.

  When we swung open the door, it was quiet and dark.

  Gaze padded around, slapping on lights. “He’s not here. Of course. He told me he was seeing a woman regularly, so I bet that’s where he is.”

  Sam told us he had to make some calls and stepped into the hall to do it, closing the door behind him. Gaze and I waddled my stuff into his room, because it was a habit, muscle memory to go to that place.

  “What did Sam say to you?” I turned to face Gaze and he was blushing. “What?”

  “Nothing really. Just know that that cop loves the shit out of you.” He started pushing his clothes to the side in his closet. I turned to face my old apartment. In my window I saw Bic standing, tampons still in his nose. He smiled around the strings and then ran his thumb across his neck. My stomach crawled out of my body and I wanted to scream. Instead, I grabbed the curtain and pulled it across the window. I didn’t want to see him tonight. Or ever again. Or believe his threats.

  I was exhausted. Today had been a long, emotional nightmare. I crawled into Gaze’s bed with my pillow.

  “I can’t unpack. I’m wiped.” My eyelids were heavy.

  Gaze kneeled next to his bed and held out his hand. It was disarming and comforting at the same time seeing his face.

  “Sleep then. I have to hang out for Austin, but there’s nothing more you have to do today.” He gave me a tiny smile.

  I felt safe for the first time in a long while. Each blink took longer and longer, capturing a snapshot of Gaze watching me fall asleep, holding my hand.

  Chapter 46

  Gaze

  SHE WAS MY Pixie. Hidden in the grown-up she was becoming was the girl that stood under the hydrant rainbow. The girl I fell in love with. I had a heaping dose of guilt for not trying harder to find her. For harboring thoughts of her betrayal when she had to endure Bic all alone.

  The front door opened and Sam came back in. He looked as exhausted as Pixie had before she drifted off. I put my index finger to my lips and pointed at her. He nodded once and then hitched his thumb over his shoulder.

  As soon as Pixie’s hand was slack and her deep breathing was regular, I covered her with my blanket and snuck out to talk to Sam.

  “Is she good?” He was looking around the place, but talking to me.

  “Yeah. She’s okay. Austin said he’ll be here in thirty minutes. Mike’s driving him.” I looked at my phone again.

  “I meant what I said before.” Sam gave me a hard look.

  “Come on, man. You know Bic is an assbag. He’s just…” Again it was Pixie’s story. Not mine to tell. I bit my lip.

  “I know. My gut has hated him from day one. But you and your brother have to keep away from her. You can protect her, but she better be a goddamn pristine princess up in here.” He checked his phone.

  I ignored his warning. My life was Pixie’s from this point forward. Someone would have to kill me to get to her.

  I waited while Sam shot off another text.

  “Everything all right?” I was getting some worried vibes from him.

  “I’ve got to run. I wanted to hang around and meet your brother, but something’s come up.” He looked from me to the apartment to me again. “My wife’s in labor and I have to go. So I’m trusting you for tonight and I’ll send someone by in the morning to check, but make sure if Bruce comes home that it all goes smooth. Do not let her be involved in anything. Save all your grudges for later. Understand?” He looked at his phone again and frowned. “I gotta go.”

  “Hey, congrats. I think you’ll make a great dad.” I meant it. Sam was a good guy as far as I could tell. He’d threatened me like a father should when I was walking with him behind Pixie.

  Sam’s mouth pulled up at the corner. “Yeah. Thanks. Scary to think about.”

  I shook Sam’s hand to try to make him feel better about leaving Pixie at my place. I sat down in Bruce’s recliner and closed my eyes until my phone buzzed. I went downstairs to open the door for Austin. We hugged and man-slapped each other on the back hard. “Buttercup.”

  “Thank you so much for showing up, dude.” I held out a hand for his duffle bag.

  Austin looked like he was just jetting in from a foreign country. His hair was in a top knot, a white t-shirt was just ripped enough to look like it wasn’t on purpose—but I knew it was—jeans, and pink basketball shoes matched his flowing scarf.

  “Seriously, Mom and Dad could not be happier. They were so concerned.”

  We walked up the stairs and I had a bout of self-consciousness. My focus had been Pixie, but now I was realizing what I’d really asked of Austin.

  As I got to my door, I hesitated. “Sort of realizing that I’m asking my fairly well-off foster brother to live on the wrong side of town for an extended period of time with my alcoholic father and the slightly kidnapped love of my life.”

  His eyes crinkled when he smiled at me. “We’re brothers, not foster brothers. And Burathons never leave a man behind.”

  He squeezed my shoulder as I swung open the door. “And this place is fine. Nothing a little creative juices can’t fix.”

  Austin walked into the living room.

  “Please don’t splash too many of your juices around.” I set his duffle bag down.

  “Show me around, Buttercup. I need to know where to start.” He licked his finger and held it in the air like he was checking to see where the wind was going.

  After a short tour, leaving out my bedroom for now, Austin pulled out a sleeping bag and pointed to the couch. “That cool for me?”

  “For now. Bruce and I will come to an understanding that you and I and Pixie are in charge. And we’ll put you in your own room. Maybe share. We will see what Pixie wants.” I looked toward my door.

  “I can’t wait to meet her. She feels like a celebrity for me or something. I’ve heard so much about her.” Austin kicked off his shoes and dropped his jeans. He was wearing bike shorts underneath and slid into his sleeping bag on the couch.

  I grabbed a chair from the kitchen and jammed it under the front door’s knob. “I’ll hear him if he tries to get in and I’ll deal with him.”

  “I’ve got your back. No worries.” Austin pulled out his phone and texted, then told me, “Mom and Dad love you.”

  “Tell them I love them back. And thank you so much for being my adult.” I held out my hand and Austin and I did our handshake, which involved some slaps and a cheesy finger gun.

  “Good night. I’m going to sleep near Pixie because she looked a little spooked before she drifted off.” I hit the lights and Austin’s face was illuminated by his cell phone’s screen.

  “Night, Buttercup.”

  Chapter 47

  Pixie

  WHEN I WOKE up, it was with a start because I was holding a disembodied dead feeling hand. I gasped and sat up, letting go of it.

  Gaze bolted upright and looked at the window and the door. “You good? Oh, shit. My arm. My fucking arm is dead.” It flopped off the bed and Gaze flung it around like an empty shirtsleeve.

  I started laughing as he rubbed his arm. “The pins and the needles!”

  There was a light knock on the door and a guy poked his head in. “You guys okay?”

  “Yeah, fine. My arm fell asleep like a little bitch. Austin, this is Pixie. Pixie,
this is Austin.”

  No one should ever be as dapper looking as Austin did rolling right out of bed. He had a scarf around his head and flung the door open completely. “Enchanté, Lamb.” He reached out for my hand and turned it and kissed the back of it. “Ah, she blushes so lovely.”

  “Nice to meet you. You’re Gaze’s foster brother?” I pulled Gaze’s blanket up around my chest and fixed my pillow so I could sit up and chat. I patted the mattress and Gaze shifted from the floor to next to me with his good arm.

  Austin spun the desk chair around so he could straddle it. I gave Gaze a side-eye. “Is he always this cool?”

  “Cooler.” Gaze smirked at Austin but had a sparkle of love in his eyes.

  “Okay, bunnies. Let’s get an action plan together. Tell me what factors I can help with.” Austin draped his hands over the chair and tilted his head. I noticed he had on smudges of eyeliner and remnants of black polish on his nails.

  Gaze sighed and touched my fingers. “That’s up to you, Pix. You share what you’re comfortable with.”

  I looked at my feet under the blankets. I felt like my hard armor was cracked now. The shield I thought I had was just my imagination.

  After taking in Austin’s open, non-judgmental looking face, I took a chance. “My stepfather is a bad person. And my mom died, so I’m sort of out of places to be.”

  And that was as much as I could get out before my throat closed.

  “Okay. No stepfather. That makes sense.” He looked at Gaze. “So how bad is it here?” He pointed at the floor.

  “Bruce is not drinking as far as I know, or he isn’t fully into it yet. He will be. He may act up about us being here, but he hasn’t paid a bill in years. He’s welcome to kick his own ass out.” Gaze mussed his hair up more than it already was.

  “Okay. Got it. You guys have to get to school?” He looked at his phone and flipped us to show the time.

  “We’re already late,” I noted.

  “Well, unless you’re injured, you gotta go to the building. I don’t want them to have any reason to tell us this setup sucks.” Austin stood up and spun the chair back to where it had started.